The Games We Play
by Bipolar Tangerine
Summary: Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in 7th grade. She stopped talking in 8th grade, and no one knows why. Now, in 11th grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her... Kagome’s POV
1. Meet Me

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. Shestopped talking in eigth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
April 4th, 2006  
April 5th, 2006

**Everything is made in the style of Kagome writing in her diary about the day's events. I don't usually like this format, but I will try to make it as interesting as possible.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry One: _Meet… Me_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day One:_

Wow. It sounds like I'm counting out days of captivity or enslavement. I guess I kind of am…

I hate my life so much. Things used to be so _happy _and _chipper_. That's not the story of my life now. It just got harder and harder.

Before I get into that, I suppose I should introduce myself. How silly of me. Introducing myself to my own diary… Not like you even know that I'm writing here… I don't even know if I'll put you to good use…

Whatever. My name is Kagome Higurashi, and I hate everything. Mainly myself and my horrible, scarred past. So many things have happened and I'm only sixteen. Scratch that. I'm seventeen. My birthday was last week.

Surprise surprise. No one even remembered. Not even my mother…

My father died when I was little. I remember being angry with him over something so trivial. I had yelled at him because he had failed to get me a toy I so desperately wanted. He had tried to calm me down and tell me that we didn't have any money.

I was around nine, I think. Perhaps that's too old to be considered little. Back to what I was saying. My dad and I were on the way home. I wouldn't talk to him. He was trying to explain it to me still, but I kept telling him that I hated him.

Then he turned to me and tried to console me out of my anger. He didn't notice the red light ahead of us. We plowed through the intersection. We hit five cars.

I still remember getting out of the car and trying to call for my dad. I called for him over and over. I wasn't angry at him, I was scared. I wanted him to comfort me. No matter how much I cried for him, my voice was too quiet to be heard over all the commotion.

I walked to the driver's door to try to get him out. I thought that he was just playing with me. I didn't understand the concept of death. I had nofear at that age.

I remember the blood. I remember it very vividly. My dad had been cut up. I found out later what happened. He had unbuckled his seatbelt, most likely in an attempt to protect me. He couldn't get to me. The crunched up metal tore through his body like it was tissue paper. It tore him up as if he didn't have any flesh to protect him...

I couldn't eat for days. I broke my arm and leg in the accident. The toy I wanted… I never wanted anything that remotely reminded me of the object. It was a beautiful, pure white, toy horse. It wasn't tall, but it was so pretty.

I can't even look at horses or at white animals without feeling horrible. Anything that is by the company _Breyer_, I can't even touch. It reminds me so much of my father. I miss him. I know it's my fault that he's dead.

My mother and I never got along after that. She always wanted to pry into my little brain and figure out what I was thinking. I wouldn't let her. I didn't let anyone but my younger brother know what I had thought.

Then he ran away. My mother had spent so much time prying into my mind that she neglected him. I know where he is, but I won't tell her. She'll just torture him the same way she tortures me. She'll pick at him until he lets her know what goes on inside his brain.

After he ran away, my mother lost it. She began walking around and talking to herself. Sometimes she would see me and talk to me a bit. But, most of the time, she didn't. My grandfather took care of her and I. He was my dad's father.

Grandpa will, one day, die. I am teaching myself to fend on my own. Because of our meager situation, we don't have much money. I'm forced to steal from people. I don't want to, but I have to eat, too. If I begged for food on the streets, I'd end up with another misfortune.

I don't even remember what I had started writing. I guess, when you first create a diary, it's safe to babble all you want. I don't have to worry about cramps, with you. I am just creating a diary on my computer. Another page for each entry…

My school. That must be the next item to discuss on the list. I go to a magnet school. Brainiacs galore. And, because I go to a magnet school, everyone is strange in their own way. Everyone has something about them that they think is unique.

I'm unique, but for reasons I don't want to be. Perhaps writing a diary on my computer would be another reason.

I'm unique because I've had so many bad experiences. I haven't even told you all of them yet… Some will have to go without being said. Others I can tell you.

I had to go from one country to another. I knew English before, everyone in Japan was advised to know English so we could help out the pathetic tourists. Now I'm surrounded by people who know English. Every single one of these people speak the language that I didn't use very much.

Yes. I moved from Japan to America. I don't appreciate it very much. But, they offered my grandfather a job in protecting some old tree. So, he took up the offer. Since he has to take care of my mother and I, we had to come along as well.

I guess the move was positive. I didn't have friends back in Japan. I have a few here. They're not ones that know my past, but they're friends. I guess that's better than nothing.

No matter how close of friends or how many of them I have, I will never be able to share things with them. My dirty past. The horrible things that I was forced into. The pain that overwhelms me each time I see an American trying to speak Japanese.

People here are just evil. I have never been so defiled back home. Back home, I was home schooled. I wasn't even around the rest of the world. Perhaps they would have done the same…

I shouldn't even be saying that I was defiled. I already promised myself that I would never tell anyone about it. Not even a non-living object such as my computer. I can imagine the terror that people will undergo when the read my diary. They'll find out about what happened.

Then they'll see me for the filth I am. For the worthless being that I am. I'm so dirty. I can't even stand it. I can't even stand the idea of what had happened. I can't even type it out...

I suppose this is the perfect place to insert a change of subject. I think I'll start talking about my friends.

The first one is Sango. I just met her in freshman year. Two years of great friendship. It's amazing that we have stayed friends, through my quietness. Sango is very talkative, but I enjoy it. When people are talkative, then it requires less of my voice. Of course, they don't get that, but...

Sango was brought into the group that I eat with at lunch. Our friend, Inuyasha, introduced us. He had taken a liking to her because they had a lot in common. But Sango made it loud and clear that she wanted nothing romantic to come out of it. She had her heart set on someone else.

I don't think Inuyasha even has feelings for her...

Sango likes Miroku, and she never fails to let it show. She will flirt with him casually. She isn't one of those girls who flirts so boldly that you feel like they should be having sex in the hall. If she were one of those girls, I think I would kill over and die.

Miroku joined our group because he knows sign language. No one else does, and he's the only one who can actually translate what I'm saying with the least amount of confusion.

I think that I've failed to reveal this one piece of information. I don't talk. I haven't talked since the eigth grade. No one knows why. Nobody but me understands. I won't let anyone else know.

That is why I stopped talking. My mother had patronized me for the last time. I could not handle the temptation of telling people what had happened. So, I removed the only way for me to tell them. I removed the factor of my voice.

My mother worried over me. But, because I could not tell her anything, she requested my grandfather to pry me for information. He asked if I was willing to tell him what happened, and I shook my head. So, he dropped it. I love my grandfather for the fact that he will not push me into anything. He respects me.

That is something my mother seriously needs to start doing.

My grandfather took me to the doctor, just in case I had undergone some physical changes that would make me lose my voice. The doctor also had a degree in therapy. Made for quite the interesting visit.

My grandfather was informed that I just refused to talk. That I could if I intended to. Then my grandfather was forced to leave the room. The doctor used his psycology degree to try to force anything from my mind. After getting sick of everything he was trying to get me to say, I flipped him off.

I have never been to that doctor again. Vicotry for me.

It has been five years since anyone has heard my voice. I will only speak when I know that no one could possibly hear me. When the house is empty, I will turn on my radio as loud as it will get. I will sing to it, and no one will hear me. That is all I will do.

Of course, the house has only been empty twice in the four years we have lived in America. It is rather hard to take my mother out in public. She dosen't recognize that there is a world outside of her mumbling. She often bumps into people and doesn't apologize, which makes them deem her as rude.

Even though I hate my mother for what she had done to me, I defend her. People have wanted to beat her up before, and I have defended her. These times that I have taken an ass-kicking for her, she has come into reality. She will care for me for a few days. Then, when I am healthy again, she slips back into her own world.

I'm digressing again, aren't I? Please forgive me. I tend to go off on a tangent when I think of my family matters. Why am I apologizing to a diary? Damn. I thought that referring to it like it was human was bad enough...

Back to talking about my friends. Wow. I **really** digressed a lot, didn't I?

Miroku is a slight pervert. He has eyes for Sango, only, though. Before Sango was so open about flirting with Miroku, he had asked me about how to win her attention. I told him to check out other women and try the jealousy card. It worked. Sango flirted with him increasingly over time. But, he's a pervert still. He groped other women to get Sango jealous. He never got out of the habit...

I think he might ask her to go out soon. I think she'd accept, too. But, what do I know? I can't talk to people and get their insight on things.

Being silent is agonizing a lot of times. I get picked on quite often because I'm quiet. Everyone in high school thinks that I'm just mute. My close friends believe that, but at least they don't pick on me for it.

No one went to my middle school. You see, after eigth grade, my grandfather got the job offer to work at the shrine. Before that, he had been working at some museum... He loved it, but the shine deal offered more money; which he needed to take care of my mother and I. It also offered more of a chance for him to get closer to the visitors.

He loves this much more, though. Working at the shrine means that he is gone most of the day. It doesn't really bother my mother, and I'm at school when he's working... My mother is locked in the room with anything that isn't considered harmless. We have a nurse come and help her eat her meals when we're not there.

The nurse knows me. She speaks to me occasionally. But, because I don't talk, the conversations don't last more than her attention span. She has the attention span of a goldfish, I swear. She can start the sentence and be talking about my mother. Within the time it takes me to blink an eye, she has started talking about food and how much she hates Spaghetti.

I need something else to talk about, that way I don't have to explain it in later diary entries. Who knows what will happen each day. The most meaningful diary entry I can possibly produce would say. _I talked_. But you and I know that won't happen.

Let's see. I'll talk more about Inuyasha. I haven't described him at all. Inuyasha is a normal human, like everyone else at school. The only difference is his hair. My good God. His hair...

It's a bit longer than mine; and mine goes to my waist! It's pure white, and he didn't even dye it that color. That makes me happier because it means that he's hot naturally. If he had black hair like Miroku, then I think he would be a lot less hot.

You didn't just hear that from me. I really hope no one finds out the name of this folder. I would hate for someone to know that I like my friend. Miroku has noticed that I sign language hints of liking Inuyasha. He asked me, and I replied that I didn't know what he was talking about. So, he said that he wouldn't tell Inuyasha that I liked him.

I don't know how he figured it out. Perhaps me playing clueless was a clue... I don't care, though. I don't have a desire of asking Miroku the question. If I do, the it will reveal that I do like him, which Miroku isn't supposed to know for certain.

Ahh! I didn't finish telling you about how Inuyasha got white hair! I'm such a loser! I have the attention span of a horse...

Did I just call myself a horse? No, I didn't... Okay, back on topic here.

Inuyasha's father had signed up to be open to an experiment. The chemical (or whatever it was) turned his hair white. Then, when he had his two kids, they both has silver hair... Of course, despite their different mothers, they look near identical.

If Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha's half-brother, started showing emotion and loving food more loudly, then I would mistake Sesshoumaru for Inuyasha. But, Sesshoumaru is very conservative. He hardly ever shows emotion. A lot of the girls at the high school like him. He's like royalty. He gets to school and people start taking pictures of Sesshoumaru's mood.

It's kind of funny, sometimes. I saw some girls going over pictures of Sesshoumaru. He is the Lord of Ice. He won't show emotion even if you cut off his left arm. Girls will start flipping through his pictures and the only thing that changes is his attire. They will say _'He was really angry when I got a close up.' _or _'He was so happy that I nearly fainted!'_

Girls at high school seem to be machines that giggle and swoon. I am so glad that not all the girls in our school are like that. Of course, they are only that way because the boys in our high school are all jocks and compete for attention. It reminds me of watching the animal planet.

The men fight to impress the women. The women who are impressed will then mate with the men. Then they have families. Then, when the little ones are old enough, the women will choose a different mate...

Exactly like the animal planet. In fact, with just a little bit more detail, I might be able to name the species of animal people are imitating!

**O o O o O o O o O oO**

_If you knew that everything was a lie, then you would know the worst of it all. Because I can't tell you, you have to get it on your own. Because my pain is the perfect delight used for my demise…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Figure out the underlining message in the sentence above. If you can give it to me, then I will list your name. People who get it will get nothing, other than the extra knowledge earlier in the story and knowing more about me…

Keep looking. The message is in there, and I already gave you a hint in finding it…

I know I'm posting two stories at once. I generally don't like doing that. But, About to Break has all the chapters pre-written. This one will be done free-form. That means that I'm just going with any idea that randomly comes to mind and I'm posting the chapters as soon as I'm done and I have the reviews...

Next Chapter: _Taunting_  
Reviews Needed: **10**

**- Lonely Bird**


	2. Taunting

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eight grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

**Wow. I got way more than ten reviews and I haven't even gotten started with this chapter. I feel so ashamed. I will try to update quickly. Oh, _italics_ are things that happened during the day or in the past...**

Dates Written:  
April 7th, 2006  
April 9th, 2006

**Yeah, I was being a lazy ass and taking my time in typing them up. Sorry about that... I was also having problems with my mom and my health. Greaaaat... What a wonderful Spring Break that is coming up.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Two: _Taunting_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Two:_

Okay, now it just sounds like I'm counting down days until something occurs. Perhaps I am. Maybe I'm counting the days until something absolutely amazing happens...

I am insane... Or indecisive. You can choose which.

I have never believed in fate. Ever. I believe that, if fate is real, that it shouldn't be. I have gone through shit, and I would have to thank fate for it all. Gee.

_Thanks, fate. I don't know what I would have done if it weren't for you to help me become defiled! I always wanted to have this happen to me! I am SO grateful that you helped me out in the process. The job that my grandfather had at the museum was the best thing that ever happened to me!_

I don't think that I will ever thank fate. It has literally taunted me until I gave in.

There's a song. I don't know what it's called, but it says something along the lines of _everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break!_ Well, fate was doing that to me. Only, fate didn't hear the song and didn't understand that there was a problem.

So, fate pushed me over the edge with the taunting.

I was in seventh grade. It happened in eighth grade.

Then, people kept pestering me. I stopped caring about what my hair looked like or what grades I got in my classes. I just gave up. Everyone noticed that I wasn't the same. Everyone started asking questions.

I would tell them that I wasn't going to talk about it. Every day, I repeated to them that I wasn't going to tell them anything. That their questions were worthless. They were wasting air in asking me what happened.

I even stopped showing so much. My skin had been rubbed raw. I showered so much after it happened that I took off a lot of my skin. It became so sensitive, that I flinched whenever someone touched me. Then, after my skin replaced itself, I continued to flinch.

I didn't want to be touched. A friendly hug was my nightmare. I didn't want anyone coming too close to me, for fear of them touching me. I became paranoid...

_"Kagome, dear... Don't you want to take a shower?" My mother had asked me._

_"No." I coldly responded._

_"Why not? You haven't taken one in days..." She reached to touch my shoulder. I screamed and threw my body away from her._

_"Don't touch me! Stop!" I cried out. I looked up at my confused mother and realized what I had done. I had screwed up. I bit my lip and, with teary eyes, went to take a shower._

I can't believe it. Everyone was able to see that I wasn't comfortable to be touched. Yet, that only spurred them to do it more. They only saw that as a reason to touch me more. To lay their hands on me.

But that's going into a different story. I have to go to school tomorrow. I don't look forward to that. I'm fairly new to the school. I just moved into this one at the end of last year. I don't remember a lot of people. I don't know how many of them are still there.

My first two years of high school were spent in a school made for smart people. I don't care about my grades at all. I did the first year average. B's are a bad thing to them. The second year, I was thrown out just before the end because I had a C. I don't know why they expect so much of me.

I have already had things stripped away from me. Do they want to take my feeling of stability, too?

At my last school, no one knew my voice. At this school, only a few people have had a chance to even see me speaking sign language. I don't use it much, since it would defeat my purpose for not even talking. If I told them what happened through sign language, then they would spread it through word of mouth.

I hate high school. With a burning passion. I want to be home schooled again. If it weren't for Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sango, I would do it right away. But, they're the only friends that I've managed to make and hold onto.

I don't know why, though. I haven't been able to talk to them and tell them how horrible I am. I'm sure that Inuyasha or Miroku has to know. Men always seem to know that something is wrong more than women.

That's a bad way of putting it. When guys want to care, they are the most sincere people in the world. When they don't want to be sincere or are just being asses, then girls are your best bet to turn to for sympathy. Of course, who wants sympathy from a girl? Whenever we get sad, we just relate it to some stupid story in our life.

That was negative. I'm trying to type up positive things. That way, if anyone ever has the guts to come in here and read my stupid computer entries, they'll think I'm a happy person!

Happy my ass.

Damn. I must have a part of me that is really negative. Oh well. I think I'm negative. Maybe it's just the true me showing through all the phony ideas...

There was a time when I was positive. There was a time when I would smile and sing in front of my entire class. There was a time when I was comfortable with telling everyone what was on my mind.

That was years ago, though. Things have changed. Events have happened, and those sparked a million and seven changes...

Hey, I just got an email from my brother! He's doing well. He moved to Arizona... Is that in the United States? I think it is. I remember reading about it briefly. Anyway, he moved to Arizona with a friend. I can visit him whenever I want.

He's not doing drugs. That was my only worry. I was scared that he would do drugs to escape the history that he shared with me. He says that he wants to help people who were in my situation. He wants to help prevent what happened to me.

Mybig brother is the most noble man I know. If I weren't related to him, I would marry him (he's a year older than I am). He wants to protect me. In fact, he nearly killed someone for my sake. I feel like he's the only person I can _truly_ depend on.

I want to depend on my friends more. But... I just have a problem with believing that they won't run away on me. I mean, it's such a dirty thing... I'm officially contaminated. No chance that someone won't be disgusted by me. They'll know _it_ and then throw up.

I have to wonder why it happened to me. My mother, before she slipped away from the world, used to tell me that good comes out of everything bad. Well, what _good_ can come out of something this fucking _bad_!

I shouldn't cuss if people might be reading this. Heaven forbid that someone might wonder why Kagome Higurashi doesn't talk. Heaven forbid that they may read this and realize that something is terribly wrong.

Heaven should truly forbid anyone to read this, though... If they're smart enough to figure out that something is wrong with me, then they'll be smart enough to figure out what happened to me.

Well, there has to be a purpose to this diary entry, too. I guess I should get to it. Since only one thing happened today, I figured I should write about that…

I had to go see my therapist today. My grandpa insists that I go once a month just so I have the opportunity of telling someone what happened. So, I had to go earlier today.

The therapist taunted me. She looked at me in the eyes and patronized me. I remember every belittling word she said.

"_Kagome, are you okay?" What was I? A five-year old? I was in her eyes. I didn't speak. I can't speak._

"_Kagome, sweetie pie, you should really stop this nonsense. Lots of people want to hear your voice." First off, don't call me _sweetie pie_, and second off, no one wants to hear me talk. No one even remembers that I **can** talk._

"_Why don't you talk, sweetie pie? What happened? Was someone weally, weally mean to you?" She asked. Oh my God. She used baby talk. That was it. I couldn't take the taunting. I couldn't take her constant misunderstanding._

_I flipped her off. Just like that, I flipped my therapist off. She screamed and started yelling that a demon was in her room. The security guards came in and took me outside._

Even though I did something bad, I managed to get out early. Of course, today I had to clean each one of the shrine steps by hand. That was grandpa's punishment for treating her that way.

Since grandpa knows a little bit of sign language, I was able to tell him that I had a reason. I made sure that he knew that I didn't do it for nothing, that she preformed an action that needed a crude reaction.

Then, I got online. My fingers were so numb I could barely even type. We have a lot of stairs for the shrine. Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that we live at the shrine. I live in the house just beside the famous God Tree. I don't see what's so famous about it, though. It's old and big… Nothing else seems to be special.

Where was I?

Oh yes, I got on the computer. My messenger automatically signed on, and Sango instant messaged me. I told her, briefly, about my flipping the woman off. Sango started laughing and saying that she should try that.

Then I had to tell her of how much pain my fingers were in. Sango stopped talking to me, and I think she was assuming I didn't want to type. Well, since I couldn't talk to her, I started surfing the internet.

Of course, more emails from _The Dark Side_. They have been permanently named that. Miroku has heard about _The Dark Side_, but he has never been able to get me to tell him who they are or what they do.

That's the beauty of not talking! Since Miroku knows sign language, I talk to him through my hands. When he starts going towards something I don't want to talk about, I hold my wrists as if they're in pain.

Works all the time. He stops talking, and I will continue doing whatever I was doing.

Of course, there are a lot of disadvantages to not talking, too. People pick on me, and I can't do a thing about it. The only gesture I can make that they'll understand would only piss them off further.

I have come close to talking several times. Mainly when people are talking to me and saying that it's really sad how my laryngitis kept me from talking permanently. Laryngitis? I never told anyone that I had that. Hell, I don't even know what it is! But everyone is under the impression that it damaged my voice box and kept me from talking for the rest of my life.

I want to correct people so much. I want to tell people that I can talk, and to have them know that something is wrong. Of course, I won't do anything that would let them know something is wrong. If they found out that everything was not okay, then they would get my past from me.

And I stopped talking just to keep my past a secret. I can't start talking now to get people to leave me alone. That will only interest them more. I can't stay silent much longer, because people are picking on me. It's only a matter of time until I get a black eye or something.

When that happens, grandpa will home school me again. When I'm home schooled, I will have to help at the shrine, which requires talking. I can't talk. I refuse to talk for _anyone_.

I will not talk. That is my new year's resolution every damn year. I can not talk. I can not let people know what things I have gone through. I can not let anyone else know the secrets that I know.

I can't. It would kill me if someone were to actually pry these thoughts out of my head.

I've read fiction stories about people who can read minds. Those scare me. I am deathly afraid of having someone on this planet who can read minds.

If that happened, I think I'd be stupid enough to just kill myself. What better way to shut up than to go through eternal sleep? Okay, that was bad. I forgot that I'm trying to lay off the cynicism.

Here's the closing entry for my diary. This is the 'Food for Thought' if anyone manages to read this.

"_Hey, Kimi!" That voice was me. Young, happy, and full of innocence. That phase of my life never lasted as long as it was supposed to._

"_Hey, Kaggie! I am so surprised to see you here!" Kimi replied. Kimi was the typical Japanese girl. Then she got tired of blending in and dyed her hair bright red. I mean as crimson as you can get. Kimi flipped her short hair then gave me a grin._

"_I didn't think that you were the party type." I plainly told her. Boy, I was way too innocent. I couldn't see KIMI as a party girl? Hmm. I must have been stupid._

"_You serious? I come here all the time. Hey, I want you to meet my boyfriend. His name is—"_

"_Andrew. I'm from America." He butted in. I smiled at him as he hugged Kimi's body against his own._

"_Wow, Kimi. It's not often that you get a boyfriend from America…Most of them are only visiting." I said. I guess I had forgotten that Andrew was even there._

"_Yeah, I know… He moved here because of some stuff that happened back in America. I don't know what, and he's always reluctant to talk about it." Kimi said. I nodded my head then looked at Andrew._

"_Well, would you tell me why you moved here?" I questioned politely. He gave it thought, and I knew he was going to say no. After all, if he wouldn't tell his girlfriend, why would he tell her best friend?_

"_Sure." He said._

I remember being shocked as he told the story in front of Kimi. I remember the anger that began to build up in her eyes. She took a step away from Andrew and stood beside me. Best friends would stick together, and I was glad she trusted me more than him.

After all, who would want to trust _Andrew_? He was the American, and we were the innocent Japanese girls. We had fallen into his hands, because he was different than the other boys that we had seen.

Like I said, he was American. At that point, when we were living in Japan still, I thought American were the worst breed of humanity. I couldn't stand the idea of America at all. Because, this guy seemed to be the model of all Americans.

He was famous. He was famous among the _Americans_ for the reason he had given us. I couldn't stand it, and Kimi was crying about it.

I hated Americans until I was forced to become one. I hated them as long as I possibly could.

Then I got sick of hating and gave up on everything. Including my voice.

And that is where I shall leave my diary to be lost… Yes, my diary with human characteristics. I know they had a name for that in English class… personification! Wow. Long word. Yes, anyone who manages to find this and read it will know how pathetic my vocabulary is…

Why am I so paranoid about people reading this, anyway?

**O o O o O o O o O oO**

_If you knew that everything was a lie, then you would know the worst of it all. Because I can't tell you, you have to get it on your own. Because my pain is the perfect delight used for my demise…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

You know what? A lot of people figured out the message. I'm just going to leave it there because it looks cool. I gave up on trying to list everyone's name.

**Rina Bebii- **I'm sorry. I didn't intend to make you depressed.  
**Chidarake No Bara- **You're very close, but just a bit off.  
**Rikaku-** I am so glad you reviewed! You're one of my favorite reviewers (no offense to everyone else), becuase you write me insanely long emails! That's really sad that it's the only way I can remember that's who you are...

Next Chapter:_ Back to School  
_Reviews Needed:** 20**

**- Lonely Bird **


	3. Back to School

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

**Okay, everyone. Even though I finish the chapters, sometimes it takes me a while to put it up. I'm grounded from the computer, ya know. And even though I have ten reviews doesn't mean that I am even done with the chapter… You guys review fast!**

Dates Written:  
April 9th, 2006

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Three:_ Back to School_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Three:_

Why do I keep doing that? It sounds like I was put in prison!

I love school, and yet I hate it at the same time. Today was my second day of school. I'm sorry that I didn't put in an entry for the first day, but I was kinda unable to… I'll explain later.

Today I was able to keep up with most of the American school life. Miroku, Sango, and Inuyasha all sat at the same table. Of course, I was allowed to sit with them. I did sit with them, is what I should have said.

Miroku was talking on and on about how his summer went. Inuyasha was rolling his eyes and pointing out that Miroku's stories were all lies. And Sango was working on some stuff; I assumed it was homework.

Miroku finally ran out of things to say and sighed. He leaned his head against me and hugged my waist. The conversation went something like this:

"_Oh, Kagome. I miss having a woman by me all the time!" I tensed my body slightly, but I also blushed. Miroku was being somewhat… intimate with me. Inuyasha started growling like a dog._

"_Can it, Miroku. You haven't had a girl in over a year. Why should it matter now?" Inuyasha asked. Sango looked up and I saw the pain in her eyes. I tried to give her a look that told her nothing was going on between us. She looked more relieved, but not all the way at ease._

"_Oh, Kagome. Won't you…" I covered his mouth and slowly pushed him away from me. Miroku looked at me, then across the table to Sango where I was looking._

"_I see." He said quietly. I nodded my head and began to pay attention to my absence of lunch. I forgot to go shopping and, therefore, didn't have the supplies to make my own lunch today._

_A piece of food slid in front of me and I looked to see Sango smiling. She was always nice, even if I couldn't understand her. Miroku and Inuyasha weren't paying attention, though._

_I mouthed the words _thank you_ to her and began to eat what she had given me._

"_Say, Kagome…" Miroku began._

"_Miroku! Don't you even start!" Inuyasha roared. The entire cafeteria grew quiet at the intensity of Inuyasha's voice. Then, seeing that it was him, they all returned to their conversations._

"_Be quiet, Inuyasha. I can ask this. Kagome doesn't mind." Miroku looked at me._

"_Miroku, I'm going to hit you if you offend her." Inuyasha warned. I was too curious to get the idea._

"_Kagome. Would a beauty like yourself still be untouched?" He asked. I blinked. What?_

"_See, Miroku? She doesn't get it! Now shut up and pay attention to something else." Inuyasha's face had turned red by now. Sango had started staring at Miroku and I. Slight panic was laced in her expression._

"_Let me rephrase it then," Miroku turned and looked at me. "Kagome, would a beautiful woman like yourself be a virgin?" He asked. Sango's food came out all over the papers she had been writing on, Inuyasha started growling, and I felt my stomach turn._

_My lunch wasn't going to stay in. I looked at Miroku and tried to fight off showing him the obvious. I finally got the control to sign him without the middle finger._

_I told him that I wasn't feeling good. I left towards the bathroom. Then my stomach churned again. I stopped short at a trash can and threw up in it. Tears made their way down my face as I emptied all of the food from my stomach._

_I heard Sango coming, but I walked away. She kept calling my name and trying to get my attention, but I wouldn't turn around. I knew that I looked bad, and I didn't want her to see me._

_Then some kid, one of the ones that picked on me last year, tripped me. I hit the cement with a dull thud and could fee my wrist – which I fell on – crack._

That was my dramatic lunch today. Damn, my stomach is gurgling. I wish I could eat, but grandpa said not to as soon as he found out about what happened. When he's done with this tour, he's taking me to the doctor to make sure that I didn't break my wrist.

I'm pretty sure I did.

I don't want to see the doctor, either. He had given me a very thorough physical yesterday. As for why a man was my doctor, I don't know. I would have felt better with a woman… I can't change that, though.

Anyway, about why I couldn't have an entry yesterday. The doctor had given me, like I said, a very thorough physical. He had made sure that I was free of STDs. In fact, he even spent a long time making sure that I don't have anything down there. What a perverted and _kind_ doctor.

Not.

Then he talked to me about how to have safe sex. He also asked me a question and I kicked him for asking it. He knows that I won't talk. So, when I kick him, he has learned to shut up… Most of the time.

So, now I have to tell you about what happened on the first day of school. Most of my teachers weren't able to tell that I was mute on their own. They had no idea that I lacked the ability to tell them my name.

Here, I'll replay what happened throughout every single class. I'm sure you, Mr. Diary, will find it interesting. (Why did I just name my diary?)

_Period One:  
"Okay, class… Settle down! I'm going to call your name. I don't want some crude joke to let me know you're here. Just say here or present, okay?" The teacher asked us to do. Everyone went in front of me, then my name had to be called.  
"Kagome Higgerashee?" He asked. Oh, my, God. Not only did he not pronounce the "E" in my name (I guess he assumed it was silent), but he fucked up my last name!  
"Kagome Higgerashee? Is this person here?" Please tell me that he at least knew I was a girl! I started flailing my arms about. He came over to me and asked me to tell him my problem. I tried desperately to let him know that I couldn't speak and that I was Kagome Higurashi. But, it was no use. He didn't know.  
"Uhh… Mr. Dude," What an odd name for a teacher, don't you think? "She can't talk. She came here at the end of school last year and she can't speak. I think she's mute or something." Great. I got a druggie speaking on my behalf.  
The teacher looked at me with that _look_. You know the one. They give it to you to size you up, see if you're telling the truth, see if you understand things, and to see if you did the homework last night. All in that one, flipping, look. I smiled innocently and nodded my head.  
As if this would help, he hit the back of my head. I jumped and glared at him. I guess me not cussing him out, which I desperately wanted to do, proved that I couldn't talk.  
And he left, calling off names of everyone else in class._

_Period Two:  
"Okay. I'm going to put all the girls on this side of the room. All the boys go on the other side of the room…" The teacher told us. Everyone groaned… Well, everyone except the gay people groaned. They got perverted looks on their face.  
The teacher split everyone off to the side and I sat right next to Sango. I waited patiently as she walked down every row and called out names to make sure people were here.  
"Is little Kagome here?" At least she realized that my name was Japanese, and, therefore, needed the "E" to be pronounced.  
I gave Sango a pleading look. I couldn't talk. I couldn't raise my hand, or she might hit me like the last teacher had done. Sango raised her head and the teacher looked at her.  
"Yes?" She questioned.  
"Kagome is right next to me. She can't talk, though." Sango explained. The teacher looked at me, then looked at the boy sitting on the other side of Sango.  
"I thought that Kagome was a girl." She said. Sango coughed and I stared at the teacher. She was paid HOW MUCH to educate us? And with WHAT brain was she using for her job?  
Sango finally got her to understand, and she apologized. Then she got all into a huff when I didn't tell her that I forgave her. What did she expect? Did she expect _Little Kagome_ to speak just for her? Fuck no._

_Period Three:  
This was the best because our teacher didn't even call my name. I'm not even in his class, as far as he is concerned. Damn. Teachers are so damn stupid…_

_Period Four:   
This one is right after lunch. My teacher, a portly, round, and pissy old man, spilled some type of sauce all over the attendance. So, he wrote it down on the chalk board. Who uses chalk boards, still?  
He couldn't get my name from me. I couldn't talk to tell him. I started to get up to write it down for him, and he started cussing at me. I sat down and wrote it on my own paper. He said that he couldn't read it. Gee, really? I sit in the back and I expect you to read it? COME HERE, FATTY! I NEED TO TELL YOU MY NAME!  
He sent me to the principle's office for being 'unruly'. I left with a smile on my face. As I was leaving, I took another piece of chalk and quickly wrote down that I was mute and I left. Some students were giggling._

_Period Five:  
A boy, named Gomez, began me for the day. Our old teacher was somewhat blind. He couldn't tell the difference between our names. As he was walking by, he called Gomez's name and told him to sit in my seat. Then he corrected himself and Gomez became Kagome for the rest of the class.  
Sadly said, I became Gomez for the rest of the day. I couldn't say anything, obviously. Gomez didn't seem to really notice that his name was being taken by a girl and that he had become the girl who was taking it._

_Period Six:  
My teacher got to my name in the role book and just fell asleep. She kept asking 'Is Kaaaaagooooomeeee Higeeeeeeeraaaaashiiiiii heeeeere?' After a while, she used up all her energy. If she had looked at me, I was waving my hands about. In fact, the last few times, I was holding a banner over my head.  
The banner had an arrow to point down to me. It said "I AM KAGOME HIGURASHI AND I AM MUTE."  
But, she fell asleep too soon._

That was my exhausting and confusing first day of school. That is what I should have put in the beginning. Oh well. I'm too lazy to copy and paste.

In two weeks, I am going to see Souta. He doesn't know that I'm still not talking. I haven't bothered to let him know that. He thinks that I'm talking and he's even under the impression that I have a boyfriend.

Of course, he only knows half of what is wrong. He doesn't know the whole truth to it. If he did, then he would know that there is no chance I can have a boyfriend. There is no chance that I can ever fall in love.

So, I read romance books. Well, I used to read romance books. Then I stopped reading them. You know why?

They have love scenes in them. Naturally, I wouldn't care. But because of circumstances, that you don't know, I can't stand those things. I can't stand the idea of two people managing to love each other so much that they lose their virginity to each other.

That amount of love in incomprehensible for me. I refuse to believe that it can even exist. The only form of love that I have ever known has another name. It is called lust. Lust is the only imitation of love that someone may give themselves to another for.

Why would you possibly want to do something physical if you have an emotional connection? That doesn't make sense to me. Perhaps the rest of humanity understands. I don't. That is why I cannot love.

I want to, believe me. But every time I even think about liking someone, I get scared. What if they were to try to hug me? What if they made a big deal about being secretive over something trivial? I wouldn't be able to handle it.

My paranoia would destroy everything. That's why I won't let myself even try to change my mind about loving someone. If there's a chance I'll screw it up, then it's impossible.

Hmm… Crap, I forgot to tell you about what happened between Sango and Miroku after school today! Even after Miroku's embarrassing question to me (which I have yet to slap him for), he still loves Sango.

After school, we were all sitting around in a bench in the quad. None of us were in a big hurry to get home. Inuyasha wanted to wait half an hour, and I wasn't comfortable walking home while everyone else was there.

Miroku asked Sango out. At first she hesitated, and I glared at her. Then, after getting my look of doom (she named it), she agreed to go out with him. You should have seen the smile on Miroku's face. I bet it's still there.

I am so happy that they're finally going out. I can't love, and I never will… But at least my best friends can have a chance for it. Perhaps if they love each other, I can pay more attention to them than crappy love stories.

I mean, they are much more real and authentic. You don't read about love stories between people who have REAL flaws. The people are always perfect in mind and body.

Sango and Miroku aren't. It makes me so extremely happy that I can witness imperfect love… Well, between two friends. I don't really care for whether or not it happens to me. Like I said, I prefer to avoid love because I'll destroy it if I try to experience it.

Let's see… I have to leave you with something to think about. I think I'll start doing that, along with counting down my days of the diary. Of course, I make them sound like days of captivity.

Let's think. What is good enough to scare Mr. Diary? Got it! Okay, here you go.

"_Kagome, don't you want to show off to everyone?" My mother asked me. I stared at her with somewhat depressed eyes. I was still talking at the time, but I avoided any conversation I could._

"_No. I don't see what there is to show off." I told her dryly. My mother looked at my like I had just turned into a man._

"_How could you say that, Kagome dear? You have one of the prettiest faces I have ever seen? Why would you say that there is nothing to show off?" My mother asked. I stared at her turn turned around. _

"_It's not pretty, it's hideous. Don't start saying that my body is pretty either. It's even worse." I dryly told her. My mother must have been devastated, but I was feeling much worse than she could even fathom._

That was one of the last conversations I ever had. A few days after that, I quit talking. Those few days were some of the hardest of my life. I nearly spoke of my tragedy to several people. That was when I fell silent. That was when I decided that talking wasn't important.

After all, if I wasn't talking, I wouldn't have even gotten in the mess I am still in. If I wasn't talking, I wouldn't have thought of screaming to the high heavens. I wouldn't have tarnished myself. I wouldn't have ruined my life from then on.

Talking will only make your life worse, I thought. Now that I have more friends, I want to talk to make them happy. I know why I talked before. I wanted to make people happy, and talking to them did just that. But, now, I have to make them happy in some other way. I can no longer use my words and voice to let them know how much I appreciate them…

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_If you knew that everything was a lie, then you would know the worst of it all. Because I can't tell you, you have to get it on your own. Because my pain is the perfect delight used for my demise…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

**Rikaku:** What in the world is an _answer document_? I wouldn't even call someone that. It sounds like you're a machine that belongs in my school when you're called that. And you're my favorite reviewer because you keep telling me that I'm doing something right!

**LesMiserables: **To answer all your questions… Yes, both. I wrote this off of my own experiences and because I'm feeling very dark recently (you don't want to piss me off, trust me). I don't know if Inuyasha will find out about Kagome's crush on him. I haven't gotten that far (I just started working on Chapter four when you reviewed!) And thank you for your review on how much you like it.

Next Chapter:_ Cats VS Dogs  
_Reviews Needed:** 30**

**- Lonely Bird **


	4. Cats VS Dogs

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

**Wow. I finished one chapter in a day (that's a first). Now I'm starting the next one. **

Dates Written:  
April 9th, 2006

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Four: _Cats VS Dogs_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Four:_

It's entry four, and I am somehow keeping up with this whole diary thing…

I made quite the surprising discovery today. But, before I talk about that, I must talk about school. I'm trying to learn to go in chronological order. Oh my God. My English class DOES teach me something (it's certainly not English).

What was I writing?

Oh yeah. I remember now. I swear I have short term memory loss or ADD… Whatever. Back to what I was attempting to say.

Today, in science class, we watched something really… terrifying. Apparently we have to go through family life all over again. I got permission to skip it in ninth grade. This time, we just went into it. No permission slips or anything.

We saw the male and female reproductive systems. Then my science teacher thought that we needed to see a real one. So, he dropped his pants and boxers and showed us.

I'm still having problems seeing. My science teacher was the portly, round, and harsh man I wrote about yesterday. After he showed us, I felt my stomach turn violently.

_I barely made it to the trash can in time. I threw up several times and then collapsed on the floor. I remember everyone panicking, and there were some people who were being scolded for not looking away. Then I wasn't able to pay attention anymore._

_I woke up in the nurse's office five minutes later. Someone was touching my head. I felt tears roll down my face as I tried to squirm away from the touch. To my relief, I was able to. The hand didn't return to touch me again._

_I opened my eyes, and the nurse was looking at me with a relieved look. She reached a hand forward to touch my forehead, and I jerked it back from instinct._

"_Are you hurt? What happened? Can you talk?" She kept asking me those questions over and over. I held up my hands and she understood my plea for her to stop._

"_Another student told me a little about what happened. He said that you threw up and that you're mute…" She began. I nodded._

"_How many times did you throw up? Do you know?" I held up six fingers. She gasped._

"_Did you have breakfast?" She asked. I shrugged. I didn't think so, and if I did, it wasn't in my stomach after that._

"_What did he show you?" She proceeded to ask. I pointed down towards the man's 'reproductive organ' and she nearly screamed her way into a new scale of decibels. I immediately winced and covered my ears._

After that, she kept saying how the teacher was going to be fired. I know he won't be, though. There's a major shortage of teachers and even losing one will be bad. They need someone to teach the material, even if he does expose himself to the class.

During lunch, which I had a small appetite for, a few more things happened. The reason for my small appetite should be obvious. If you had been me, you would understand _exactly_ what was so horrible about it!

Back to what happened during lunch (That's it, I swear it's ADD). I was sitting with Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku. Normally, I sit next to Miroku, Inuyasha sits across from me, and Sango sits across from Miroku.

Well, that all changed today. Miroku wanted to be next to Sango, since they're going out now. I had to sit next to Inuyasha, which was REALLY weird. Here, let me tell you, Mr. Diary, exactly what happened. Oh God. I keep calling you names! What is wrong with me! I'm treating you like a human being!

Sorry. ADD attack.

_Inuyasha was to my right, and he was kinda touching me. With Miroku, I don't mind. He is ignoring me whenever it happens. And the touching happens because a lot of people like the table that we sit in. Because there are so many people who like it, we usually have cramped space._

_Back to where I was. Inuyasha's leg was pressing against mine. I was trying to act like I didn't care. I was trying so hard to keep him from knowing that I was blushing. I finished the miniature lunch I had and began to work on homework. Inuyasha – for NO REASON – suddenly pushed me off the edge of the seat._

_I fell down and glared at him. He gave me an apologetic look, but I didn't think he was sorry. So, I signed to him that it was uncalled for, along with the pressing of the flesh. Miroku interpreted my signals, and Inuyasha began to get angry._

"_Pressing of the flesh! It wasn't **my** fault that you were grinding against me," Miroku started laughing, "It was **your** fault for sitting on the edge and having no stability!" He snapped. I growled at him and stood up. I opened my mouth and tried to shout at him. Forget my no-talking rule. Cussing him out was needed._

_But, nothing came out. My voice wasn't there. It had always been there before, but I had never used it. I grasped my throat and Inuyasha started laughing._

"_What, Kagome? Did you just remember that you can't talk? Or did you have an operation that could have changed that and it failed?" Inuyasha taunted me. Tears began to fill my eyes as I shook my head._

_Sango opened her mouth to speak, but I wouldn't let her. I raised my hand and brought it down swiftly across his cheek. Inuyasha was stunned, Sango was smiling, and Miroku was shaking his head. After a few moments, Inuyasha managed to get himself together._

_He looked at me with anger and pain in his eyes. I couldn't stop the tears anymore. He opened his mouth and I was prepared to deflect any words that came out._

"_What in the hell—"_

"_Inuyasha, shut up. You deserved it. You have no right to speak to Kagome like that!" Miroku snapped. Inuyasha turned to look at him. I took my chance and fled._

I still can't believe he did that. After a while, he came to me and apologized. He reached forward to wipe a tear from my eye, and I let him. I was too shocked by the idea of him apologizing to even think about moving.

So, I had to go to Sango's house. Miroku came too, since that was the date they had planned. Sango wanted me there in case his perverted nature came out. Inuyasha didn't want to be the only one that wasn't going to Sango's house, so he came too.

_I sat down on Sango's couch and watched the TV's many colors. Inuyasha was flipping channels too fast for me to see what was on. I couldn't understand how he could, though. The screen was changing so fast, it was black nonstop._

_After a while, I heard Inuyasha hiss. I looked over at him and saw dog ears on his head. No joke. There were two little, white ears on his head. And the ones that belonged on the side of his head? Those were gone. They somehow vanished into oblivion._

_I nearly started talking, but my voice wouldn't come out again. I stared at him until he grew uncomfortable and looked at me._

"_What?" He asked me sharply. I pointed to his ears and he paused. The channel had started showing something, so Miroku and Sango looked back to see why Inuyasha had stopped._

"_She didn't know about this?" He asked curiously. I shook my head slowly, wondering what in the world I could be getting high off of. People don't sprout dog ears and drop human ears every day. Even if they did, they wouldn't act this casual about it._

"_Oh… Kagome… Inuyasha is a half demon." I stared at Miroku like he had sprouted dog ears too._

"_Okay, you know about demons, right?" Sango began. I nodded my head._

"_Demon schools are separated from human schools to keep down the killings. Inuyasha is a half demon. He can't go to either school. So, if he behaves, he's allowed to be in our school. He just has to wear a concealment spell every day." Miroku finished._

_I signed a few things, and Miroku knew to translate. I love him so much for knowing sign language… Okay, not literally love him, but… Oh shit. You know what I mean._

"_Kagome says that she didn't see that coming. She assumed you were human because you couldn't use your demon powers… And that it's a good concealment spell. She couldn't sense it." Miroku added. He gave a questioning look to me and I smiled._

"_What?" Inuyasha asked. He looked at me too, and I began to feel self-conscious. "How can you sense barriers? No one can." He told me. Duh._

"_Oh, I see! Kagome has the holy powers! You know, the ones that hardly anyone have!" Sango nearly screamed. I nodded my head then looked at Inuyasha. He was still staring, damn it!_

"_Why couldn't I sense it?" He questioned curiously._

"_You aren't the only one who can muster up a good concealment spell." Miroku told him plainly. I smiled then relaxed against the couch. As soon as I had relaxed, Inuyasha saw another opportunity to fight with me._

"_Kagome, why don't you talk? It'd be a lot easier for us to know these simple things about you." He said. I shot him a glare, but he seemed oblivious to it. So, I began signing and Miroku began translating._

"_She says that she has reasons that you don't need to know. They're also reasons to explain her… non-existent concealment spell…" Miroku seemed confused. Inuyasha sat up._

"_So tell us already! It can't be too bad." He rebutted. I nodded my head rapidly to let him know that it, indeed, **could** be that bad._

"_Whatever. If you can't talk, then fine. Probably too conceited to talk to us. What are we, **low lives** compared to your priestess powers? Do you even have priestess powers?" Inuyasha began to wonder. I glared at him and Sango just about pounced on him._

"_Inuyasha! Don't say that to Kagome! She has priestess powers. You can't lie about something like that! Aside from that, you have no right to refer to Miroku and I as low lives!" Sango screamed. Inuyasha opened his mouth then sighed._

"_Sorry… I keep saying things like that, don't I?" He asked. He looked at me for sympathy, but I wouldn't give him any._

I didn't realize that Inuyasha was part demon. Later on, they had started talking about his heritage. Thankfully, Sango seemed to know everything I wanted to know. She would ask it in my place.

I found out that Inuyasha's father had a full demon mate before Inuyasha was even born. They had a child, Sesshoumaru. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru hate each other, and he said that he doesn't even know why. Sesshoumaru probably doesn't either.

Anyway, after that, Sesshoumaru's mother died (Inuyasha thinks so at least). Then Inuyasha's father met his human mother. And they had him. Then she died from some disease that I've never heard of. Inuyasha said that his father had a disease that demons could handle. Humans couldn't. He accidentally gave it to Inuyasha's mother, and she died quickly. Overnight, I think.

He doesn't seem too phased by it, honestly. He said that she died when he was really little. He could hardly even remember what her face looked like until they put pictures of her up around the house.

Then Sango started talking. She said that her mother died shortly after giving birth to her little brother. Her little brother was born almost a month late. Her mother died in labor, and her brother became very weak after that. Then, one day he was playing on the trampoline and he wasn't supposed to be. He hit the stretchy cloth too hard and it killed him.

Miroku didn't have any major losses. He said that his mother was a prostitute. His father took really good care of her when she was pregnant. Then, as soon as she pushed him out, she was gone. Miroku was joking that it was where his perverted gene came from.

I actually laughed at that. It has been so long since I laughed, that I almost wondered what laughter was. Then I started to wonder how in the world I could be happy. I haven't been happy enough to laugh in ages.

When my father died, I found it hard to laugh. When everything else happened in America, I found it hard to even smile for the longest time. Then I switched high schools and that changed. I was actually able to find the strength to smile.

But, that was only because Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku had helped. It was mainly Miroku's perverted antics that got me smiling. Sango's reactions got me smiling even wider. Inuyasha's appetite had me gaping. My mouth was open so much that flies nested there.

Ew. Not literally, okay? Could you imagine how _disgusting_ it would be if a fly came into your mouth and stayed there? Then it would have left it's little babies inside you…

I can't believe I just typed that. That is so fucking gross… Shit. Mr. Diary just heard me cuss… Fuck! I'm calling this stupid computer thing a name! It's not real, Kagome!

I am so retarded. I can't believe I'm naming my pixel-ated diary and talking about flies in the mouth…

Okay. Here's the memory for thought. I think I'm going to run out of memories pretty son…

"_Kagome. Why won't you talk? What happened? Why have you been home late from school recently? Why are you ignoring me, Kagome?" My mother was sounding more and more frantic with each absence of reply._

"_Kagome, what happened? Ever since your father died, you haven't been happy, no matter what I do for you! Then you stopped talking to me in your second year of American school! What happened!" My mother was sounding very frantic and angry. I was expecting her to hit me._

_I kept working on my homework. I was unable to reply. I couldn't let her know, even if I wanted to. She would disown me permanently. I would be an orphan that everyone looked down upon. Telling her was dangerous for me. It was dangerous for her because she would be ashamed of her only daughter. Then she would deny even having a daughter._

"_Are you the reason that your brother ran away? Did you make him run away from me? What are you trying to do to me, Kagome? What is it that you're doing? It seems that you're purposely trying to harm me! Why would you do that to your own mother? PLEASE ANSWER ME!" The pain and desperation was drenching every word she cried out. Still, even though I wanted to answer her, I couldn't._

_I couldn't let anyone else know what I was thinking again. That was what had gotten me into this mess. That was what had destroyed me physically and mentally. My open-ness and trusting of everyone was what did me in._

That's why I don't talk. I did myself in by using words. I ruined everything that I had left by speaking and trusting people. I was social. That was bad enough. I was trusting. I believed that there were no bad people in the world.

I believed that so strongly that I laughed at things that weren't funny. I laughed at things that needed to worry me. Things that needed to warn me away from people or places. But I didn't get the hint. I laughed. I thought it was a joke. I thought that it was supposed to be funny and I didn't want to be the only one who didn't laugh at it.

But I was the only one who didn't see it coming. I was the only one who was laughing. I was the only one who didn't get it, which is exactly what I feared. And that was only the first time around.

The second time around, I was just in denial. No, it couldn't have happened the first time. It was a really bad dream. There was nothing to fear. But there was. What did I do? I ignored it…

Why do I always end my diary entries even more spiteful towards myself than I was when I started? I don't know, but I should try ending things on a happy note…

Never mind. That sounds like another plan that is bound to fail. Just like my plan to end my cynicism. It won't work, but yet I try anyway. Sounds familiar…

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_If you knew that everything was a lie, then you would know the worst of it all. Because I can't tell you, you have to get it on your own. Because my pain is the perfect delight used for my demise…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

I am going to do the best I can to make sure that I can make something funny happen in each chapter… How have I been doing so far?

OKAY! A lot of people have guessed the meaning behind this. If you even guessed, then most likely you got it right. There were only a few people who didn't get it, but whatever. So, you guys can stop guessing! There are already too many names for me to put up there, so that's why I haven't.

Next Chapter:_ Hell to the King…  
_Reviews Needed:** 40**

**- Lonely Bird **


	5. Hell to the King

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

**I wrote two chapters today alone! Aren't you proud of me? Probably not. Those chapters were probably crap… **

Dates Written:  
April 9th, 2006  
April 10th, 2006  
April 11th, 2006

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Five: _Hell to the King…_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Five: Thursday_

Damn. I need a new way of counting. Even though I've been doing this for a while, counting like this really does sound like some wannabe gothic thing…

Well, today wasn't so much of a wreck. Miroku was at home, sick… Or so he claims. I think he just wanted permission to ditch school or something. But that's not the point.

Today it was just Inuyasha and I eating lunch. Sango went to retake some test that she failed. Inuyasha was quiet, surprisingly. I didn't eat lunch. The main reason was because I didn't have a lunch. I didn't buy a lunch because I was so nervous.

I was all alone with the boy that I had a crush on. I was really scared and my body froze up. Thankfully he wouldn't expect me to talk. That was the biggest relief… Well, sort of.

"_So, Kagome… Mind if I ask you a million questions?" Inuyasha asked. I looked up at him and shrugged._

"_Okay… Do you really have holy powers or were you lying? I was curious if I could see them…" Inuyasha trailed off. He reminded me of a puppy or something with the curiosity and slight timid-ness on his face._

_I held out my hand and it glowed a mixture of white and blue. I picked up a part of Inuyasha's lunch with the powers, then I set it back down carefully. His mouth was wide open and I blushed. My hand went back to my lap as Inuyasha straitened himself up._

"_Wow… That was cool. I've never seen someone who had trained those powers before. Most people can't figure out how to control them." He said. I reached into my backpack and pulled out a pencil and paper._

_I've had help with the training. My grandpa is into all that kind of stuff… I told him on paper._

"_Really? What about your dad and mom? What are they into?" Inuyasha asked. I smiled faintly then looked down at the paper._

_My dad is into the ground, and my mother is into insanity… I wrote. Inuyasha read it, looked at me, then sighed._

"_I'm sorry. I didn't realize that… I shouldn't have asked…" He sighed and I pulled the paper closer to me._

"_My mom died from a demon disease, but you know that… My father vanished years ago and left his servants and his fortune to raise us." Inuyasha said. I nodded my head then offered him a smile. It worked. He started smiling too._

And that was my lunch. I know that it wasn't too interesting, but I really enjoyed the chance I had to talk to him. It's not very often that Inuyasha will just share his heart with someone. Least of all, me. I can't talk, so he often mistakes me for stuck-up.

Hardly anyo—

Crap. Someone just instant messaged me. That really messed up that sentence, didn't it? Let's see who it is… _HumanPuppy_? Who is that?

Oh, wait. I think that's Inuyasha. He said that he would instant message me tonight… He said that after I gave him my IM address…

It's not just Inuyasha, it's Sango and Miroku as well. Here, I'll copy the conversation down. I don't know what else there could possibly be to talk about for today… Just keep in mind that _HumanPuppy _is Inuyasha, _DamnHand_ is Miroku, and _SpiderBack_ is Sango… Oh, I'm _HolyDemon_. Don't ask about the name… Like you could.

**HumanPuppy: **_Hey, you guys! Glad that you could come online too!_

**DamnHand:** _You know that I would never miss a chance to come online and avoid the real world!_

**SpiderBack: **_I thought you were sick today, Miroku… ?_

**DamnHand:** _About that… I ditched lunch and all the classes after it. I just told Inuyasha that I wasn't feeling well last night. I can't believe you bought that!_

**HumanPuppy:** _Watch it…_

**SpiderBack:** _Wow. Inuyasha, could you get anymore dense than that?_

**HolyDemon:** _I don't know. I think he's pretty smart…_

**SpiderBack: **_Kagome! You typed!_

**DamnHand:** _And complimented Inuyasha!_

**HolyDemon:** _Just because I don't talk doesn't mean I can't type, you guys…_

**HumanPuppy:** _Yeah. What did you think she was? Mute?_

**SpiderBack:** _Yeah_

**DamnHand:** _Pretty much._

**HolyDemon:**_I am not mute! I was able to talk…_

**SpiderBack:** _How come you stopped talking?_

**HolyDemon:** _For reasons… I'm not telling either of the guys, though! (_

**SpiderBack:** _Will you tell me if I IM you in another window?_

**HolyDemon:** . . . . . . . . . . . If I have to.

Wait… New window…

**SpiderBack:** _So, what happened?_

**HolyDemon:** _Do I really have to tell you?_

**SpiderBack:** _Yeah._

**HolyDemon:** _thisispointlessbabbleusedtodivertyourattentioniwasrapedandletmeknowifitworked_

**SpiderBack:** _No, it didn't work, Kagome. I got the message._

**HolyDemon:** _Fuck_

**SpiderBack:** _Since when do you curse?_

**HolyDemon:** _I_ _would cuss more if only I could talk… I'm not a goody-two-shoes._

**SpiderBack:** _Okay… Well, I won't tell either of the guys, but I expect a lengthy email from you with details on what happened._

**HolyDemon:** _Yes ma'am…_

Back to the first window…

**HumanPuppy:** _Yo, Sango! What did she say?_

**SpiderBack:** _Like I'd tell you_

**DamnHand:** _Please? My fair Sango, I only wish to—_

**SpiderBack:** _If you finish that sentence Miroku, I'm going to hurt you and any hopes you have of ever having kids._

**DamnHand:** _Shutting up._

**HumanPuppy:** _Wow. Wish I could train him to shut up that fast._

**HolyDemon:** _It's a woman's touch, Inuyasha. Men can't threaten other men. Just like women can't threaten other women. It's just not terrifying that way._

**HumanPuppy:** _Wow. My Kagome is a psychologist on threats…_

**SpiderBack:** _Your Kagome?_

**DamnHand:** _Kagome is yours… ?_

**HolyDemon:** _Yes, please explain, Inuyasha!_

**HumanPuppy has left the conference.**

What a pussy (pardon me). He said that I was his, then he signs off and doesn't bother to explain it!

I can't believe I told Sango what happened to me. I didn't think that she would be able to read my message through all the extra letters I threw in there… I feel so horrible right now.

Someone else knows I'm worthless. Someone else knows the horrible that that happened to me. I can't help but feel worried that Sango will tell the guys. Even if she doesn't tell them, I'm worried. What if she stops being my friend?

After all, I am dirty. I'm filthy for what happened. It's my fault that it happened… Even worse, it happened more than once. The first time you are deeply hurt and your life is shattered. The second time it happened, I could hardly even move because the pain was so intense.

The third time I ended up in the hospital because my body couldn't handle it anymore. I wasn't eating well, and having that done to me just sent me over the edge.

Three times in one year. Three times when I was still young and innocent. When I was still happy, the most precious thing in life was taken away from me. I can't love because of it. I can't speak because of it. I can't do anything, because this has happened to me.

Even if I could love, the other would be devastated. I had lost something that he expected me to have. I no longer had it, and I was supposed to. I can imagine on honey-moon night that he would not touch me. Why? The special part of me that he was supposed to take was gone.

He was supposed to have the honor of taking it, but he didn't. He was supposed to help suppress my screams of pain, but he wouldn't be able to.

That is just another reason why I can't love. I am tainted. I am stained with someone else, and I'll never be the same…

The second time, I had to get an abortion. I had began to get pregnant in the seventh grade. I didn't want anyone to know that something so precious from me had been taken. Carrying a child would show them what happened.

So, I went to a clinic and explained my situation. I was raped, and I had no intention of having the child. I wanted to try to act like it didn't happen. They carried through with it, and I didn't have to pay them. Then they offered me counseling. I turned it down instantly.

Therapists will never know the pain that comes when you are taken in such a violent way. There is no single word that can describe the horrible feeling. There aren't even multiple words that can describe the shame and embarrassment of it.

But I'll try to explain anyway. It's humiliating. It's degrading. It's painful. It is everything that you never want to experience.

Being raped is like giving a speech. Everything seems to be going good. Everyone is paying attention and showing enthusiasm in what you are speaking for. Then you realize the problem. You're not dressed or you're advertising for the wrong side of the debate. You're advertising to encourage smoking, not to put it down.

It's horrible. It's like waking up in the morning and going to school. Once you get there, you think that there is no school because no one is out. Then you are truant for not being there on the biggest assembly of your life. The one that you were supposed to speak for.

Being raped is worse than that, though. It's so hard to describe. The pain from doing it will always be there… Every time someone touches me, especially men, I flinch. I tense up when someone tries to hug me. When someone touches the back of my head, I can't stand it.

I am unable to be touched. I don't trust people not to harm me anymore. I expect them to harm me. So, I keep my guard up. I make sure that they have the hardest time possible in trying to get to know me and trying to do it again.

Remember when I said that I hated America a few entries ago? This is why. I was defiled so horribly here. I had to undergo the worst breed of humiliation. I saw levels of shame that shouldn't have even existed.

Back in Japan, I doubt I would have been so defiled. I doubt that THIS would have happened. I didn't expect people to stoop so low. I expected that from Americans, but I didn't think that they would do it to me. After all, I wasn't born in America…

Okay, I didn't intend to make this diary entry just about how horrible my experience was. I intended to explain more of my past to you. I suppose that, now that my diary knows what happened to me, that I might as well just give in and say everything about it.

It still pains my heart just to think about it… I'll probably write more about it tomorrow, just because it's getting late.

The American I had met when I was in Japan. The American that Kimi was dating. All this started with him. He had told us, casually, that he was hoping one of us would come back to help him with his gang. Kimi had given him a curious look, and he said that his gang raped women.

He was not afraid to admit this to us at all. He told us this as if it belonged in a conversation in everyday life.

Well, I moved to America after I had met him. He left Japan a year after he had told Kimi and I that. When I moved to America, he had a note on my door for me. He said that he was excited that I took him up on his offer and moved to America.

I didn't understand what he meant by excited. I assumed that it was just a happy excited. No, it was a different type of excited altogether. It was based on hopes of carnal pleasure.

He kept writing me letters. My mother would comment on how glad she was that I was making friends. I smiled and pretended that she was right. Yes, I had a friend. I constantly told myself that he was just joking when he told us about his rapist gang in Japan. I forced myself into denial for that shred of comfort.

He asked to meet me. I had convinced myself by this time that there was nothing wrong with him. He was like every other American that I had ever seen in my schools. Only he was a few years older.

So, I met him. He said that he wanted to take me to a really beautiful sight. We drove past some parts, which looked nice compared to the rest of the stone gray city.

Then he drove me to a house. He took me inside and showed me his room. I remember looking at the pictures on his wall in horror. This was not beautiful scenery at all. I looked at him, and he was grinning.

"Just looking at these pictures gets me _excited_. Does it do that to you, Kagome?" He asked me. I looked at him for a long time then returned my gaze to the porn magazine cut outs. They were hideous. The women's bodies looked deformed under the men's. In some pictures, it was just women.

The images are still burned into my brain. It hurts to even see the things that were depicted in those pictures. Torture. There was a lot of torture on women, and none of them seemed to mind.

Then he pulled Kimi out of a closet. She had a gag around her mouth, and tears in her eyes. He removed the gag then pushed me against the wall. He gave me a deep-voiced and intimidating threat. I didn't even attempt to run, for Kimi's sake. He left and locked us in.

"How… Why are you here?" I asked. I had been in America for a few months now, and I hadn't expected to see Kimi.

"I was going to surprise visit you. But he found me and took me here. I couldn't fight him, because he said he had a weapon on him…" She cried on me. I hugged her tightly then she sighed.

"He thinks that we're still dating. I tried to tell him that, after what he said back home, that we broke up. But he didn't believe me. He just laughed and said that I was in denial…" She cried into me some more. I forced my gaze to remain on her and not on those painful pictures.

I soon understood that the women in the pictures were only posing. The real things were painful. They would have been just as painful if he had intended to be gentle with me. If he had intended to leave my body unscarred. But he didn't care. He used my body in the most painful of ways.

He had hurt Kimi badly. He beat her head against the bed frame. He hit me a few times, but Kimi took most of the pain. She was, after all, his girlfriend. She was, according to him, supposed to like the pain that he gave her.

Kimi ended up in the hospital. My mom couldn't understand a lot of things. She couldn't understand how Kimi got here and got in the hospital for something to brutal. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't let anyone touch the back of my head. She couldn't understand why I wanted a mattress on the ground instead of a luxurious bed.

My brother knew that someone had hurt me. He saw the bruises behind my make up. He knew that someone had harmed me. He didn't know how much, though. I told him a little, and he always swore to never tell anyone.

One night I told him that I wasn't going to talk anymore. He nodded his head and cried for me.

"_I can only imagine what pain you're in, Kagome. I saw the bruises on you after Kimi was put in the hospital. I know that someone hurt you. I wish I could have protected you, but I didn't even know something was wrong. It has something to do with the letters mom keeps finding, I know that… But I'm really sorry that I can't help you."_

Souta kept apologizing to me over and over. Then he spent the night in my room, next to my mattress. He told me, right before he went to sleep, that he felt guilty for not taking care of me. For not being able to stand up for his little sister…

Mother started patronizing me and babying me. She started trying to get me to talk. I wouldn't, so she went to Souta and started intruding on his life. He was older, and more independent than I was at the time. So, he couldn't handle it. He came to me, told me everything I needed to know, and was gone the next morning.

And I have never shared this information with anyone or anything. I have always kept it locked up inside of my heart. I have always made sure that this information would not be known.

Now you, Mr. Diary, are the only one who knows. Don't tell anyone, because they might hate me too. They might want to hurt me for what I've done.

Before I forget. Kimi died. She had undergone a lot of surgeries, and her family stayed here for a while. But, after a four-month struggle for her life, she gave up. That's when I gave up on the rest of me. That's the time when I told myself that a lot of things just can't happen in my life…

I became the King of Pain, I told myself. Not the queen, because queens are pretty and flawless. No, I was a King of Pain.

_Everyone, give **HELL** to the king._

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_If you knew that everything was a lie, then you would know the worst of it all. Because I can't tell you, you have to get it on your own. Because my pain is the perfect delight used for my demise…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

DAMN, YOU PEOPLE NEED TO REVIEW SO I CAN UPDATE FASTER! Updating slow drives me absolutely insane, I'm sorry.

Okay, you guys all owe me. I gave you a chapter, even though I was two reviews short. That means you have two extra reviews to give me if you want even more. So... PLEASE REVIEW ALREADY!

Next Chapter:_ History Lessons  
_Reviews Needed:** 50**

**- Lonely Bird**


	6. History Lesson

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

**I changed the phrase at the bottom. There's no hidden message. I'll change it every five chapters, so you can read new things. These sayings at the bottom are just things that Kagome thinks need to be pointed out.**

Dates Written:  
April 11th, 2006  
April 12th, 2006  
April 13th, 2006

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Six: _History Lesson_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Six: Friday_

Day six of the King of Pain's records. Or day six of my downfall… I like the second one more.

Alright, I promised a full explanation of what happened to me in this entry. I will give you one, but I must tell you of some of the things that went on at school today. After all, it's the first time I've told someone my secret.

Miroku was joking around in perverted ways. He was asking very embarrassing questions, and I was rolling my eyes. Poor Inuyasha, because he had to answer most of them.

Miroku turned to me and opened his mouth to say something. I braced myself. I didn't want to cry like I did last time. I didn't want to throw up, even though I was pretty sure I would. I wanted to just sit there and not talk.

Miroku started to ask me the series of questions that Inuyasha went through. Before I could even get up and walk away, Sango growled at him. I mean, she _growled_ at him.

"Miroku, shut up! No one wants to know the past on Kagome's sex life, save for you!" She snapped. Miroku nodded his head meekly and began to eat his food. I leaned over to the side and wrote Sango a small thank you for it. She smiled and asked what were friends good for.

Okay. I spent minimal time explaining my day, just so I could go into depth about my history. I may have to finish this tomorrow, just because it's a long and painful part of my life. I'll probably stop writing a lot, so please forgive me.

I'll give you my entire history, since everyone is denied that. I told you that, when I was young, my father and I got in a car accident. He died, and I lived. That changed me dramatically. I found it hard to smile all the time like I used to.

Over time, I healed slowly. I could not hear anything about a father, or else I would burst into tears. Kimi was my best friend at this time. She kept telling me how she had a boyfriend from America, and she was so happy about it. I smiled and told her that I was happy for her.

One day, my mother came home and said that she had been out of work. They were taking the company's business to another country where it was cheaper to work. My grandpa was making so much, he didn't mind taking care of us. He lived with us, too.

Then my grandfather came home when I was at the end of sixth grade. He told me that we were moving to America because he got a job offer for one of the best museums. I don't know the name of it, still.

So, that summer we packed up and moved across seas to America. I was so frightened, with what Andrew had told us at the party. He was the leader of a gang that raped women. And he liked me. That was horrifying, just to think about. But I told myself that I was safe. That the police in America would take care of me if something happened.

I didn't know that they wouldn't care.

Letters arrived every day for me. My mother never asked why I already had friends in America, she just gave the letters to me. It was Andrew, Kimi's ex-rapist boyfriend. I was horrified when I read some of the things he said. Then he started talking really nice to me. I was glad to hear him speak like this.

Then I told myself that he was just joking at the party. That he wasn't really that way. And that someone else was sending me those scary letters, not Andrew. He was nice in most of his letters.

When he asked me to meet him, I barely even hesitated. I had forced myself into a lie that everything was okay and that I would be fine. So, I went. This was in the beginning of seventh grade that I had done this. I met him on a Friday night.

We hung out and ate some food together. He acted just like I thought he would. There wasn't even a sign that he was serious about raping women. When he asked to show me something that was awesome, I agreed.

A part of me, the smarter part, told me not to go. I didn't listen, though. I just pushed it away and thought of how nice Andrew had been. There was no reason to be so concerned over a joke he pulled in Japan.

I didn't watch where he took me. But I was soon led into a room with pictures torn out of porn magazines. Women were being hurt by men in some of the most gruesome ways. They were being degraded in some ways that I had never known existed.

There were even pictures of women torturing women. I was horrified. This wasn't normal. I looked over at Andrew, and he looked proud of what he had done.

He said he had to leave for a moment. He pulled Kimi out of a closet then slammed me against a wall. He told me everything he would do to me if I even tried escaping. Then he pulled Kimi's gag out of her mouth and left.

Kimi and I talked for a while, and she cried into me. Andrew had picked her up at the airport and threatened to hurt her with a weapon if she didn't act casual around him. Kimi was coming to visit me, since they were out of school in Japan.

When Andrew came back, he had a few things in his hands. One was a small knife, I think it's called a dagger. He also had some supplies that looked like they were used to jumpstart a car.

He cut Kimi and I up. He used the wires on us and we both screeched in pain. He grasped Kimi's hair and slammed her head against the bedpost several times. He did that to me, but not as hard. Kimi got the worse of it since she was supposed to be his girlfriend.

He dropped us off at a park, fully clothed. I called for help immediately. But the ambulance didn't come for another half hour. I had my friend in front of me, bleeding all over my lap. I cried and asked her to hang on.

After the first ten minutes, she passed out. I would tap on different parts of her body to force her to stay as awake as she could. The ambulance came and took her from me. I had to yell at them in order to come with her.

Her parents flew here from Japan because of Kimi's condition. I skipped school for a long time and just sat there at Kimi's bedside, apologizing. I felt so horrible that I had done this to my best friend.

Kimi died after four months. She was strong, though. She had lost a lot of blood and should have died that first night. But she stuck in there for four months to prove that she was strong. Then she couldn't take it anymore and her body withered away.

I cried hard. I became less aware of the world around me. A week after Kimi died, I was so oblivious to everything, that Andrew had come again. This time, he had friends. I was trashed again, and left in the park. I returned home, to my mother's patronizing.

I returned home to that every day of school. Then Souta and I talked one night. I told him that I would stop talking. He said that he understood, but that he hoped things would be okay in my heart. He knew that there was a lot of uneasiness in me. He has the Holy Powers like I do. He knows stuff that no one else can figure out.

Then Souta told me he was running away. He gave me a phone number, email address, house address. He gave me everything that I would need to get in touch with him. That night, he slept on my floor and told me that he knew something happened.

I was surprised. He never hinted towards knowing both time I had come back from being raped. He had just told me that he knew something happened, and that he would try to be a better brother to me.

Then he left a day later. My mother started walking around, talking to herself. She would jump up in surprise when someone talked to her. She wasn't aware that there was a world anymore.

But, when she was needed, she would slip out of her world and come back into reality. She would do it only when there was no one else to do it for her. Then, as soon as the person was taken care of, she was gone again.

I suppose that it is my fault. I stopped talking, which made her baby-talk directed at Souta. He ran away because of that. Then she stopped living in this world and started taking up residence in another dimension.

My past is a mess, as you can tell. I've never even hinted towards the pain in my heart all these years. I've never let anyone know all the guilt that has plagued my heart after my father's death. Kimi's death, mother's insanity, and her brother's running away.

I don't know why I'm even telling you this. Sure, you're just a diary, but it feels all wrong to tell people what happened.

It's like after years of not talking, I finally admit my love for someone. It's just awkward and confusing to me. It might even be confusing to anyone else who knows that I'm writing a diary.

I guess I should get back on track. I told you that I had been raped three times, and I have to explain how I was defensless enough for the other two to come along.

Naturally, you would think that I would have been on high alert after having been raped. But, because of Kimi's death, I wasn't. I could hardly even lift my head to look at someone. Because of my depression, I was unable to stay alert.

They got me again. Not only did they rape me the same way as last time, I was forced to swallow things that I didn't even want around me. I cried hard, and I even tried to bite the man as he violated my mouth. He got mad, and I was given even more pain.

I was dumped in an alley way, cut up and beaten. I stayed there for a few days, starving and trying to get my energy to return. After a while, I managed to stand without falling right away. I practically dragged myself home.

No one was home at the time, and I was able to take care of my appearance so they wouldn't know right away what happened. Then we moved, during summer vacation. At the end of the vacation, I wasn't talking at all…

That's beside the point. The third time was after Souta had left. He had been gone for a week, maybe even two weeks when it happened. I had been walking to school to help out with a festival on Saturday. I still wasn't talking.

The men got me. I was so set on not talking, that I didn't scream. That time, as they used my body for their pleasure, I didn't do anything. I just laid there and cried. I wanted so much to reverse what turn my life had taken.

I cried so hard when they defiled me in another way. I cried until tears refused to come out of my eyes. I learned that my tears weren't helping me. They weren't making these men want to stop. They were encouraging them.

The men, including Andrew, thrived on my pain. They survived on it. If I acted like their actions weren't bothering me, then they would have left me alone much sooner. When I was unable to cry, I just stopped moving. I let them do whatever. I made it hard for them, too.

I wouldn't hold my body up. I would be limp and someone would have to support me. If I had done that the first time, even the second time, they would have stopped. Because I was becoming more of a hassle than my body could make up for, I was left alone.

I was completely cast off by their gang. They would look down at me with disgust, as if they had any right to call me dirty. I would go to school, still unable to talk and let people know of my suffering. Everyone would look down their noses at me.

It felt like everyone knew how dirty I was. It felt so painful to think that everyone knew what happened to me. So, I stopped trying to smile, even. Before, I tried to be friendly, but that changed as everyone acted like I was less than them.

And I was. That was why I couldn't take it. They knew I was a tainted person, and I wasn't going to act like they were being deceived. I was tainted, and I made no attempt to prove otherwise.

I blamed myself constantly.

In the middle of my first year, I made friends. Miroku saw the pain in my eyes, as did Sango. At the time, neither of them were friends. They both agreed to sit with me at lunch, even if I didn't want them to.

Sure enough, they did. Every single day, they sat with me at lunch. Then Miroku brought his friend, Inuyasha. Soon, all three of them were eating every day with me. On days when one was missing, I noticed.

I began to consider them as my friends. I was almost afraid to consider them as such, though. Perhaps this was just a trick to get me even lower. After all, they may have looked down their noses at me. How as I going to know that they truly cared and wanted to be my friend?

In Sophomore year, I received a harsh note from Andrew. I checked the mail on the way to school, and it had been with me. I cried so hard all over again. When they met with me in front of school, Sango saw my tears. She read the first few sentences in the letter then hugged me.

She promised to be there, and so did Miroku. Inuyasha grunted, blushed, and then said that he would be there for me, just as long as I didn't piss him off on purpose. I grinned then threw my arms around him.

I liked him just a little bit at the time. When I had hugged him that day, I felt like I liked him even more. I would not allow myself to say I loved him. That would be forgetting everything that I had gone through and trying to be naïve all over again. I knew that being ignorant is what caused my pain three times in one year.

After the hug, I instantly missed the warmth of him. I yelled at myself for three weeks to get over the feelings. I told myself over and over again that there would be no chance of him loving me back.

I tried to push my feelings away. I tried to make them go to someone else or just vanish into thin air. They only grew stronger each day I had lunch with him. Of course, on the days we fought, I would like him more.

I don't know how I started talking about rape to my feelings for Inuyasha. I told you, I have ADD. But…

Would it be so terribly wrong to try trusting people again? I haven't trusted anyone for around four years now. Perhaps it's almost five years. I don't know for sure. But I'm so afraid.

What if I try to trust someone and they trample all over me? What if they do the same things to me that Andrew and his gang did? I don't want to be disgraced a fourth time. I don't need it.

I've been made dirty enough. I don't need to be made more dirty.

So, that's settled. I cannot fall in love. It will only cause me more pain. I cannot trust people. That causes me more pain as well.

The day I start talking is the day that I will trust people. Didn't you know, Mr. Diary? I stopped talking for two reasons. You know one of them.

Reason One: To eliminate all temptation to tell people of what happened to me.

Reason Two: To keep myself as far away from people. I don't even trust myself, what makes me think that other people are trustworthy?

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_The pain is worse than you think. People often misunderstand the pain that comes with being trashed. Not just once, but three times. People often fail to realize that there are emotions behind the humiliating actions…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

:yawn: I'm tired. Spring break is so damn boring, you guys. Please save me! Oh, sorry that this chapter took so long to make. I was kinda being a lazy ass. Even though I'm bored, I've been doing other pointless things…

Next Chapter:_ Self-Defense  
_Reviews Needed:** 60**

**- Lonely Bird**


	7. Self Defense

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
April 13th, 2006  
April 24th, 2006

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Seven: _Self-Defense_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Seven: Saturday_

On day seven, God saw everything and said that it was good. On day eight, everything turned shitty and all that. But hey, day seven was good!

I spent all day going through a lesson with Inuyasha. He sent me a text message last night. I didn't even know that he had my cell phone number. Anyway.

He said that he really wanted to teach me self defense. I told him that I didn't want to do anything today, and he kept text messaging me until I agreed. Talk about persistence, huh?

So, this morning, we met at Starbucks. He insisted that I would need the caffeine boost. I just stared at him as he got me the most caffeine-loaded drink that they offered. He gave it to me as soon as it was done, then he took me outside.

He told me that he would be driving. It would save the chance of me getting lost. And, if I got lost, I couldn't exactly call him to tell him. Hmm. Perhaps he is smarter than he leads people to think.

So, Inuyasha opened the door for me, trying to be the gentleman. I guess I kind of blushed, though. Even if I am a cynic towards guys for doing what they've done to me, I guess I have a hard time hating Inuyasha. Hey, even Miroku is hard to hate (even though he is a pervert).

I guess that has partly to do with the genetic code of being a woman. No matter how much we hate men, we manage to find one to like, and they are the exception… Well, lesbians might be the only ones who don't have that problem.

I think I'll turn lesbian just to be able to hate men entirely. Nah. I couldn't imagine trying to love a girl in that way…

Back to what happened with Inuyasha. He drove me to his house, which I was petrified of going to. He kept telling me to calm down, that everything would be fine. I shot him a glare, and he stopped trying to comfort me. In fact, the lack of comfort was more comforting than him attempting to make me feel _at home_.

So, he introduced me to his mother. She started asking a million questions, and Inuyasha had to cover his ears. I watched her in astonishment. Then she got quiet and waited for me to talk. She gave me this stare. It was intimidating. I actually backed up and stood behind Inuyasha.

Then Inuyasha remembered my lack of speech. He filled in, saying that I couldn't talk due to some cancer that destroyed my vocal cords. Wow. For a lie, he did very well. He didn't say it was just some temporary thing. He just said, flatly, that I would never talk again.

Did I mention how much of a gentleman Inuyasha can be? Even if I don't want to like him, I have the weakness of thinking he's kind. Fuck. I need to start hating him.

But, it was so hard to hate him when he was doing things for me. He got a few drinks and brought them to a large room…

Whoops. Forgot to tell you about his house. I swear I have ADD sometimes. His house is **HUGE**. The thing is like two or three mansions combined. I stared at it with a wide-jaw. Then Inuyasha leaned over and closed my mouth for me. I blushed, again.

Don't let me forget. I have to tell you how many times I blushed. I actually kept count (it happened that many times).

Inuyasha's mega-mansion (what I have officially named it), was really cozy, despite it's bulky size. I was really surprised that his mother (I assume she does the decorating) was able to make it so warm. It was a house that you could walk into and never want to leave. It didn't feel at all like they were just buying large homes to show off fortune.

So, back to what I was previously saying. See, like I said, the ADD rests in my mind. Whoops. Almost forgot that I was going to talk about the lessons. My mistake.

So, Inuyasha took me into this really large room. It looked like a place where you would have a Pokemon gym battle. Yes, I'm sorry to say that I have seen that show before. It was cool at the time, but the show _never ended!_ That got annoying, and I stopped watching it.

Back to talking about the lessons. So sorry. I have such issues. Inuyasha took off his shirt when we got in there. I blushed AGAIN. Sometimes I think that my face should just be dyed red. I blush so damn much…

So, Inuyasha took off his shirt and took off his shirt. He rested it on the bleachers that were there. Why they have bleachers in the sparring room (he told me that's what it was), I am clueless. I just have to wonder what in the world his family can be thinking.

Inuyasha gave me some stuff, saying that I was to wear it. At first, I was confused. Then he said that I would have to get dressed in that room, and that he would turn his back to not see anything. There was, according to him, something rotting in the bathrooms. I didn't ask because I didn't want to know and because I couldn't.

So, with great uneasiness, I began to pull my clothes off. I was so frightened that he would turn around and see me like this. I had worn a sports bra, which… How shall I say this? My boobs were very squished, and I knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to show a guy that.

Hey, after being raped three times (oh, what fun that was!), I decided not to indicate to _anyone_ that I have a body. I just act as if I'm fat. I wear baggy sweaters (when I can), oversized uniforms, things of the sort. So, as far as the rest of the world is concerned, I haven't even started forming breasts.

Fuck, there's the ADD again. Back on subject (I'll try to work on the ADD thing, I swear!). So, I was wearing a sports bra that was just a little too small (If you wonder why I wear it, it's because it hides my breasts better). I pulled off my shirt slowly, cringing at the thought of the guy I like seeing me like this. I quickly pulled on the shirt he asked me to wear then sighed.

I looked down and realized that it was like a karate shirt. It looked like a robe-shirt-thing, but it wasn't. It was sewn shut. There was a slight v-neck, which scared me. It showed a bit of cleavage (of course, I notice this because I never show any), and that made me nervous.

I slowly pulled down my pants, gritting my teeth with fear. Once they were off, I quickly pulled on the white clothes that Inuyasha had given me. I put my normal clothes down next to his shirt and made a pathetic cough.

Inuyasha turned around, and I could tell that he was shocked. Without my oversized clothes, he could see my body much easier. I winced under his hard stare, but he eventually got the idea that I wanted him to stop staring.

Inuyasha came over to me and held my fist in his hands. I stared at him for a while, then he released my hand. He said that it was the proper way to ball up your fist for maximum efficiency and pain. I didn't quite get it, but I nodded my head anyway.

Inuyasha balled his fist up in the same manner. I noticed how he did it carefully. With his demon claws, I could imagine how hard it would be to hold his hand in the position without cutting his hand up.

Inuyasha slowly thrust his fist in front of him. He asked me to copy, and I tried. But, something wasn't quite right, and he began to correct me. He showed me that, when you punch with a fist, you have to let the opposite leg be in front. I did as he told me, and it seemed to make punching easier.

Inuyasha then showed me that I need to swing my hips. I stared at him, hoping my thoughts were visible. They were something along the lines of _what the hell did you just ask me to do?_

Times like that, it's a good thing I can't talk.

So, Inuyasha got me to learn to punch. Then he showed me how to punch with one hand, then the other without moving my feet. I didn't get it at first, but he was able to help me get that much.

Needless to say, I was happy. He was helping teach me something that I needed to know. Of course, I didn't have the money to take up classes on it. I never have money… crap! The ADD again! Sorry!

So, Inuyasha had gotten me to punch. Then he stood in front of me and asked me to try punching him. I hesitated. He tried to get me to punch by telling me that he was part demon, so I couldn't hurt him too much.

Then he asked me to imagine that he was someone I absolutely hated. I stared at him hard, and slowly his face turned into Andrew's face. Tears began to sting my eyes as I froze. I couldn't move my body anymore.

After who-knows how long of standing there, Andrew (It was really Inuyasha, though) made a move to help me. I felt the fear rushing through my body, and I tried to reason myself. It was Inuyasha. But, no matter what I tried to tell myself, my brain only saw Andrew reaching towards me.

I screamed loudly and my knees buckled. I sat on the floor, sobbing, and hiding my face. Inuyasha leaned down, and I realized what happened. I had just showed fear in front of him. Now he would know that the person I hated most was someone I was deathly afraid of.

Inuyasha slowly offered his hand to help me up. I stood up on my own, though. Tears were still running out of my eyes as Inuyasha walked over to the bench. He brought back a tissue from some first-aid kit in the room and handed it to me. I wiped my eyes and sniffed.

As soon as I regained my composure, Inuyasha apologized. Then he said to imagine that he was Miroku grabbing my ass for the ninth time that day. I nodded my head and pictured the scenario. Then I punched him.

Inuyasha coughed and stumbled back. He looked up at me with a smile, though. That was a relief. I remember thinking that I had seriously hurt him or something along those lines.

"That was really good, Kagome. I'm surprised that you can hit that hard." He said. I stared at him harshly for a while, trying to tell him that he shouldn't just write me off as a weakling. I'm not really sure if he got it or not, though.

"Now, I'm going to show you some actual self-defense moves…" He had told me. He got behind me and put my hands at the side of me. He put his arms around my waist, which strapped my arms to my side.

He told me to act as if he was trying to kidnap me. I didn't have to imagine at all. The only thing my brain had to do was erase Inuyasha's voice. It soon morphed into Andrew's, and I felt my anger flare.

Inuyasha told me what to do. So, I thrust my elbow back, into his gut. He coughed, but I knew that he didn't want me to hesitate. Once his hands moved from my waist to my shoulders, I grasped his hands. I bent my knees and, very quickly, threw him over my head.

I heard a heavy and dull thud as Inuyasha's back hit the ground. Inuyasha smiled up at me then tried regaining his breath. He told me that I had done very well, especially for doing that a first time.

Then his brother came in, and they began to bicker. I sat down on the bleachers and watched. Perhaps that was why they were there. To entertain everyone who was watching these two fight.

Inuyasha soon got into a fighting stance. His older brother, I think his name is Sesho-something, came over to where I was sitting. He took off his shirt and set it down on the bleachers. He winked at me, then returned to the center of the arena.

Inuyasha and Sesh-dude began to fight. They threw punches with speed only a demon could have. Then, after they were both tired of using fists, they went to get some swords.

Of course, this made me worry. Sesh-dude looked at me with a warm smile on his lips. He told me not to worry, because they never did draw enough blood for anyone to worry. Then he said that _he_ was all demon. Inuyasha would be treated as if he were the same.

The two brothers charged strait at each other. Sesh-dude nearly appeared in front of Inuyasha. I guess he was that fast. Inuyasha was a little easier to track, but not much easier.

The two brothers spent two hours fighting before Sesh-dude was called to speak with his father. I watched him leave, then I looked at Inuyasha. He was putting the sword away.

When he turned around to face me, I could feel my entire body beginning to heat up. I never knew that your body could blush. Well, now I know.

He had sweat on his upper body. Normally, I think it's nasty. But, remember that this is the guy that I kinda like. His hair was tied back with a piece of his pants. He came over to me and asked for water.

Very slowly and nervously, I handed him the bottle of water. He took it, thanked me, then began to drink it. I watched him and soon forced myself to look away.

I still scold myself for thinking that he was hot. I am not allowed to love men. Not anymore. Before, love was such a wonderful idea. But, now, I get mad at myself for even giving a man the time of day. They're all horrible and concerned with physical pleasures of themselves and themselves alone.

Inuyasha took me inside and began to call for his mother. She wasn't around, so it seemed, and he began to cook some food. He gave me some pasta (something like Fettechini Alfraydo… Don't ask me to spell it) and we began eating.

To my surprise, it was very good. Especially for being cooked by a guy. I have never known men to cook at all. Even if they did cook, I would expect it to taste like crap. But, this was quite good.

Afterwards, Inuyasha drove me back to Starbucks and told me that he was glad to have me over. Then he handed me a piece of paper. I looked at it, then at him. It was blank.

"Tell me why you screamed." Was all he wanted to know. So, I took a pen from his hand then began to write my answer. I gave it to him then got in my car and drove off.

I simply wrote that it wasn't for him to know. But all that he did need to know was that the man was scary. I wrote that I would fear the person I most-hated.

Oh. I forgot to say this. Somewhere in the middle of the story (I didn't want to interrupt myself and have an ADD attack), I started talking to Sango, Miroku, and Inuyasha online. I'll paste the conversation here.

Don't forget, _DamnHand_ is Miroku, _HumanPuppy_ is Inuyasha, _SpiderBack_ is Sango, and I am _HolyDemon_.

**HumanPuppy:**_I'm surprised you're still awake, Kagome. I thought that you would be tired after all that._

**SpiderBack: **_All what? What were you two doing?_

**DamnHand:**_I can venture a guess…_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Miroku! Shut up! No one wants to hear your guess!_

**Spiderback:**_ So, what did happen?_

**HolyDemon:**_ I went over to Inuyasha's house and he taught me how to punch and throw someone over my back…_

**SpiderBack:**_ And no one elected to tell me this WHY? Kagome, why didn't you tell me?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Well, I didn't plan on it happening until after I talked to you guys last night. Inuyasha started text messaging me to come over, and he wouldn't let me sleep until I agreed… Who gave him my cell phone number?_

**SpiderBack:**_I'm unsure… I'm guessing that it was Miroku's doing._

**DamnHand:**_How would I get Kagome's phone number, my dear Sango?_

**HolyDemon:**_You said DEAR Sango, which means you're trying to fake your innocence._

**SpiderBack:**_ Are you stalking Kagome?_

**SpiderBack:**_ Wait… YOU STOLE MY ADDRESS BOOK, DIDN'T YOU!_

**DamnHand:**_ Sorry. I'll give it back to you, Sango!_

**HumanPuppy:**_ He told me that Kagome gave it to him…_

**HolyDemon:**_ Wait. How do any of you have my phone number? I don't even use my phone!_

**SpiderBack:**_ I looked on your profile and it was there. So, I copied it down._

**HolyDemon: **_Oh._

**SpiderBack:**_ Hey, Kagome, what about that email that you promised me?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Uhmm… Can we not talk about it when Inuyasha and Miroku are able to guess what we're saying?_

**SpiderBack:**_ Oh, right… I forgot about that._

**DamnHand:**_ I'm not reading what you're saying._

**HolyDemon:**_Liar… Well, I have to get off. I'm gonna take a shower then go to sleep. I'll talk to you guys on Monday, alright?_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Talk? You mean you plan on speaking again?_

**HolyDemon:**_ It's a phrase, Inu._

**SpiderBack: **_Inu? I'm surprised that you're nicknaming him… _

**DamnHand: **_I'm surprised that he's not yelling at you for giving him names… That's so… un-Inuyasha-like._

**HolyDemon:**_I'm leaving!_

**HumanPuppy: **_Wait! You have to tell me the name of who you imagined today!_

**SpiderBack: **

**DamnHand: **_I'm not even thinking anything perverted._

**SpiderBack:**_Liar._

**HolyDemon:**_ Fine. Andrew._

I groan and close the window. I sign out of messenger and slam my head against my desk. I know that Inuyasha will, without thinking, tell them what happened. Then Sango will put two and two together and realize what happened to me.

No, wait. She already knows what happened to me in the past. Now she will probably know who did it.

Today's entry is sort of long. I'm sorry for that. But, I'm going to insert my email to Sango in here. I'm mainly doing this so I can make sure that I don't mis-spell anything in the email. And, because it's in here, why not leave it in here?

Here it is.

_Sango,  
I'm really sorry that I forgot to send this email. But, I'll take any chance I can with trying to avoid mentioning the subject.  
I was… Well, you know what happened. His name was Andrew, as I'm sure you learned from Inuyasha. He had a gang, and the event happened three times… It was painful each time.  
He ended up being the cause of my best friend's death. He smashed her head against a bed post. By the time we got her to the hospital, the damage was really bad. She died four months after that.  
And I'm not telling you anymore. So BLAH! I will SEE you on Monday (since Inuyasha so clearly pointed out that I can't say talk to you… Phht.)_

_- Kagome_

I click 'send' on the email and watch the page load. As the page loads, I feel the weight of the email hitting me. I just sent more of my unpleasant past to Sango. If I keep telling people my secrets, then everyone will know by next week.

I better start shutting up as of NOW.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_The pain is worse than you think. People often misunderstand the pain that comes with being trashed. Not just once, but three times. People often fail to realize that there are emotions behind the humiliating actions…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

My mother just called me a cow. Gee, don't I feel special. That is a _real_ self-esteem boost, isn't it? (that was sarcasm, if you didn't notice).

(4-26) Okay, if it takes me forever to review, please forgive me. My alerts aren't getting to me, and I have to manually come to see how many reviews the story has. I will try to keep up with the chapters, but still, it means that the counter I was keeping is messed up. I was counting reviews by putting all the review alerts for this story in a folder (my email), and now that system is messed up.

(4-27) This is good. This morning about five of the review alerts came in. I'm still three reviews behind. It seems that the review alerts are taking longer to get to me. A lot longer. About three or four days long (before they were lightning fast). So, I'll keep up the method of manually checking the reviews until I think the problem has been solved.

Next Chapter:_ Close Call  
_Reviews Needed:** 70**

**- Lonely Bird**


	8. Close Call

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
April 13th, 2006  
April 24th, 2006  
April 26th, 2006

**The long delay is due to my spring break (it wasn't nearly long enough). I did nothing over that, and then I was being a lazy bum. There. My explanation has been given.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Eight: _Close Call_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Eight: Sunday_

On day eight, everything was strange. You see, day seven was so awesome, everyone got drunk. Then, on day eight, Adam woke up with a huge hangover and realized that he fucked Eve.

Heh. Me and my twisted sense of humor. I love torturing people with it. But, because I can't talk or show anyone my diary entries, I can't get these evil thoughts of mine out. But, what exactly makes them evil thoughts? Sounds like I'm trying to question society or some shit like that.

By the amount of cursing I'm using, I'm sure you can figure out that I had a bad day. A really bad day, if I am allowed to say so myself. But, who else is going to say it? Not like anyone else is going to come on here and type in my diary. That would just be… random.

Today was so terrifying. I have to thank Inuyasha for what he taught me yesterday. Please, don't let me forget to thank him. I think I should write him a note saying that I'll do anything (short of sex or speaking) as my thank-you.

I ran into Andrew today. My grandfather said that we needed some more fruits. So, I walked to the store and got fruit. I don't have a car to drive. My grandfather won't get me a car because he worries that, if I'm not sane enough to speak, then I won't be sane enough to drive. He has a point, albeit, not a very good one.

So, I walked to the store. I thought I could sense him, you know, with my powers. Crap. I guess I forgot to mention that. This time, it's not an ADD attack. I am actually going off on a tangent to tell you something important (or somewhat important).

My mother used to have faint traces of miko powers. Miko powers are mainly purifying things (demons, evil spirits, whatever) and using other objects to channel your miko energies through.

My brother has miko powers, and he's really good with them. I _had_ miko powers. Then, after I was raped, I lost them. At least I think I did. I haven't been able to tap into the power anymore. Now it is gone.

As far as I know, miko powers are based on specific rules to be kept. You know, the general rules your parents give you. Don't have sex before marriage, don't do drugs, don't underage drink, don't smoke underage… Things of that sort.

So, when I had sex (even though I was raped), I wasn't able to use my powers anymore. My mother used to tell me stories about what happens when you do something bad and you have miko powers. Some celestial beings are supposed to come down and steal your powers. And, when powers leave temporarily, it is said that the beings are arguing on if you should have it back or not.

That was a bit off topic, I'm sorry. Anyway, with my traces of miko powers left, I sensed something bad. Of course, this is America. A lot of things are bad. I thought it was someone selling drugs right behind me or something. So, that in mind, I ignored my guy instinct.

It turns out that Andrew found me somewhere between my house and the store. He had been following me since, so he said. He came up to me as I was at the cash register. He spoke with me briefly, then he began to follow me outside.

Once we were away from the crowds of people, he grabbed me around the waist, pinning my arms to the side. I let the bag of food fall and thought. Then Inuyasha's training came to mind, and I let myself smile.

He told me that he was going to do me again, and I started crying. Even if I could defend myself, Andrew is just a source of fear for me. Fighting back against him requires me to get my mind and body out of a lock and move them.

I managed to do this, thankfully. I got my body out of the frozen position it had been stuck in. I grasped his shoulders and bent down. Then I tossed him over my head and against the ground. He looked stunned, then he looked really pissed off. I reached down to get the food, but he grasped my wrist. Perhaps I should have just left before that.

He dragged me to a alleyway that was nearby. I felt my body go into a lock once again as he began to force himself on me. Tears began to make their way down my face. If I could have screamed, I would have.

I opened my mouth and attempted to scream. But, it wasn't any use. Years of not using my voice had made it nearly impossible for me to use it again. I gave another attempt to scream, but nothing came out. I started crying even harder.

Andrew said something along the lines of _what's wrong, pet? Can't talk? Don't worry, I'll have you moaning in no time._ I tried screaming again, but my voice still wouldn't work.

I finally got my hand to move. I brought it up and hit his face as hard as I could. It stunned him, but not long enough for me to regain movement of my body. Soon he was on top of me with even more rage than before.

He grasped the back of my head and slammed it against the ground. I felt blood rushing to the area, and everything went blurry. I started feeling motion sickness (which I still feel now), and then… Well, I can't remember anything else. I think I blacked out.

I woke up in someone else's house. I looked around, and Sango came up to me. I stared at her, tears in my eyes. She raised an eyebrow then shook her head. She just told me that I would have to explain when she was done taking care of me. I just nodded my head.

So, Sango knelt down by me, and that's when I realized that I was on her bed. She began to take care of my head and other part of my body that I couldn't really feel. Then she sat up and handed me a piece of paper.

"Now you may tell me what you'd like. I'll burn the paper as soon as I'm done reading it." She told me. I nodded my head and began to write. As I did so, she took a few red and white towels into the bathroom.

And, that was the point that I realized that the towels were supposed to be white. The red was probably my blood. I saw the room spin again, and I looked down at my paper. I finished the sentence then handed it to Sango just as she came back into the room.

Sango read over the paper then nodded her head. "Now I'll tell you what I saw." She began. She sat down next to me and used a lighter to burn the paper. I smiled and mouthed the words 'thank you'.

"I came across you a few moments ago. You weren't dressed, but I could see what had been your clothes next to you. They looked ripped… It's still raining, I'm not sure if you knew that. But you were unconscious in the rain. It looked like you had gotten mugged or something, but I knew that someone probably did something else to you…

"I called your grandfather and told him that you were going to stay here tonight; to help me with a project that I made up. He asked about the food you were supposed to bring home, and I sent my little brother over to bring it to him." Sango finished.

I looked down at the carpet. I knew that I had probably been raped again. But, the only thing I was able to remember was my head being slammed against the concrete… And it started getting very cold.

Tears began to fill my eyes as Sango went to get me some different clothes for me to wear. Apparently the ones I was wearing weren't even hers. They were just the first ones she could get a hold of, she had told me.

Now, as I sit here, it still hurts. A lot of things, I mean. My head hurts, of course. My body is also in a lot of pain. The way my upper legs are ringing in pain tells me that I was raped. And that realization hurts just as much as it did the first time.

Sango came back and turned on her computer. She asked me if I knew who did it, and I told her that I did. She asked me if I could give her the name, and I shook my head. I hate Andrew, that's true. But I fear him more than anything. What would happen if he realized that I told someone he had raped me?

Well, my first guess would be that he would be even more pissed. Then he'd hurt me more. And, if he knew that I told Sango, then he would probably hurt her too. The idea of bringing my friends into my problems is even worse than I had imagined.

I looked at Sango, unsure of how to react. She said that if I didn't want to tell, I didn't have to. But she was just curious if I knew him. I nodded, and she got the idea. Then she sat down and pulled up her laptop. She told me that I could use it to sign onto the internet.

I gave her a questioning glance, and she said that she wanted to be able to talk to Inuyasha and Miroku about what happened. She promised not to tell about the raping, though. She said that she would tell them that I got beaten up. After all, there's no other way to explain how I got bruised after Inuyasha taught me to defend myself.

More tears began to make their way down my face. Inuyasha had spent… He had spent his entire day trying to make sure that I could fend for myself. He spent half his weekend doing that for me. And what happened? I just… I couldn't put it to use.

But, in defense of myself, I froze up. I couldn't get any of my body to respond half the time. The other half of the time, I was doing such a poor job on the techniques that it only succeeded in making Andrew more angry.

Now, as Sango is logging in and checking her email, I'm typing this up. I'm going to email it to myself, that way I can add it with the rest of my diary entries when I get home. Sango is saying something about how she has to tell them I got mugged.

I look up at her with pleading eyes, and Sango must know exactly what's on my mind. I don't want her to tell them about me being raped. It's so humiliating. Not to mention that they'll stay away from me. After all, I'm infected by another man. Who would want to be around that?

And, do I dare even bring this subject up? Why would Inuyasha bother to like a woman like that? Someone who has been ruined four times. FOUR TIMES! I don't believe how unfair things are, sometimes… Why do I have to get raped four times when millions of girls are willingly throwing away their virginity? Can't they be the ones who are being raped instead of me?

I guess I'm getting too emotional. I'm sorry. I'll calm down. Here's the conversation that we're having online. God, I have to put this up every time we have conversations, don't I?

_DamnHand_ is Miroku, _HumanPuppy_ is Inuyasha, _SpiderBack_ is Sango, and _HolyDemon_ is me. After this conversation, don't let me forget, I'm going to tell you why my screen name is holy demon. After all, since you know about the many times I was raped, Mr. Diary, why not know something as trivial as that?

**HumanPuppy:**_ Hey, how are you guys doing? Well, I guess I shouldn't ask Miroku that question. He's sitting right next to me._

**SpiderBack:**_ Oh, so are you two boys having a sleepover? How cute! I never thought of you two as a couple, but now that I think of it, you two match each other perfectly!_

**DamnHand:**_ What the fuck, Sango! That's just nasty!_

**HumanPuppy:**_ I had a comment, but I won't say it. I'll get in trouble._

**SpiderBack: **_By who? Who else is paying attention to the conversation?_

**DamnHand: **_Uhh… Sango, I think it's so bad that he'll get himself in trouble._

**SpiderBack:** _That bad, huh? Well, even though I'm really curious, I won't press it any further. I don't think I want to know, anyway…_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Kagome, you're sure being quiet today._

**DamnHand:**_ Yes, why is that?_

**SpiderBack: **_She's just shooken up is all. Don't start interrogating her. It makes it sound like you guys are aiming to arrest her!_

**HumanPuppy:**_ What? Sango, you must know what happened, then! Tell us!_

**SpiderBack:** _Just so you guys know, she'll be staying at my house tonight. The reason for this is because Kagome was beaten up on her way home from the store. I found her just over an hour ago._

**DamnHand:**_ Oh my God… Are you okay, Kagome?_

**HumanPuppy:**_ I don't want to come across as angry, but… Why didn't you use what we learned yesterday?_

**HolyDemon:**_ I tried… It didn't work…_

**SpiderBack: **_You guys, just leave her alone. I'm going to get off now, and Kagome is, too. I just figured that our nightly ritual of talking online had to be kept up._

**HumanPuppy:**_ So, I should try to sign on every night now? Just to talk to you guys?_

**DamnHand:**_ So it appears, Inuyasha…_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Shut up, Miroku. If you don't, you know what I'll tell Sango…_

**SpiderBack:**_ Tell me what?_

**HumanPuppy has left the conference.**

**DamnHand:**_ Inuyasha is forcing me to tell you two that I kicked his computer's wire so it turned off… And now I'm going to get offline. Bye, ladies!_

**DamnHand has left the conference.**

Sango and I both turned off our computers. I handed the laptop back to her, and she put it in her desk's drawer. I watched her silently as she looked at me.

"So, I have one last question for you. The guy that Inuyasha brought up yesterday… He asked about the person you imagined. Then you got offline and he continued to tell me that you were supposed to imagine the person you hated most… You said the person's name was Andrew.

"I'm assuming he's the one that raped you… But, I don't know that for sure. So, is that right?" I nodded my head. "And is he the one who… did this to you tonight?" I nodded my head once again.

Sango slipped off of her desk's chair then hugged me tightly. She kept saying things on how sorry she was. She kept repeating those words to me over and over. _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry_…

Those are the last words I wanted to hear. I wanted Sango to say something about how she would kick his ass. I wanted to hear something about how he was going to regret hurting me. Sympathy was far from what I needed to hear.

Sure, knowing that someone feels sorry for you is important. It would be really hard to go through life if you never knew whether or not people cared about you. But, I was really aching to know that someone wanted to correct what happened to me.

"I'll start warming up some water for you. While you take a shower, I'll get some dinner for us and I'll get some clothes from your house." Sango told me. I nodded my head and she left.

Even though I knew I was alone, I didn't feel that way. I felt like there was someone staring at me. Everything I did was being watched. I couldn't hide from the eyes that seemed to be haunting my mind.

I stepped into the bathroom that was connected to Sango's room. I slowly pulled off the clothes that Sango had given me. I looked at myself in the mirror and began to cry. It was so hard to look at myself and know that the pitiful face I saw was _me_.

My face was bruised. I had a black eye, a split lip, and a few small cuts along my face. Sure, they were small, but they were also deep. They stopped bleeding, but they were a deep red from the blood that was ready to come out at any moment. They were cuts that could easily come from one of Andrew's flashy rings. The ones that are intended to show off wealth.

Along my neck were finger prints, from being choked. I had a big bruise (it was actually a hickey) on my shoulder. On my stomach, there was another bruise; purple and red. The first time I had seen a bruise of that shape and color, it was from someone kneeing my stomach. Andrew probably did that.

My feet were probably the only parts of my body that hadn't been hurt throughout my fourth rape. I slowly stepped into the warm bath that Sango had set for me. I winced in pain as the heat reached the sensitive skin on my stomach.

I spent a long time in the bath, just because it took much longer to wash myself. It hurt that much.

Once I got out, Sango had an inflatable mattress set down on the floor. She offered me her bed, but I shook my head rapidly. There was a bed frame. The thought of that scared me deeply. Bed frames, Kimi, blood, dead.

So, after Sango gave up on getting me to sleep on the bed, I made myself comfortable on the mattress. Soon, I fell asleep.

And, I forgot to tell you this. From the end of the internet conversation until now, nothing was written on Sunday. It's actually Monday morning right now, but I had to finish updating everything that happened yesterday.

Now, it's time to go to school. Sango is going to drive today, just because she doesn't want to walk with me in the condition I'm in.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_The pain is worse than you think. People often misunderstand the pain that comes with being trashed. Not just once, but three times. People often fail to realize that there are emotions behind the humiliating actions…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Next Chapter:_ Touch  
_Reviews Needed:** 80**

**- Lonely Bird**


	9. Touch

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
April 26th, 2006

**This chapter could have used a better name… But, I wasn't able to come up with anything else. I couldn't even find anything better when I used a thesaurus. So, I will try to make this one very interesting to compensate for the bad name.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Nine: _Touch_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Nine: Monday_

Nine… The number usually thought of when giving someone oral sex… Did I just say that? My mistake! Just the cynical side of me thinking carnal thoughts.

Today was… quite interesting. Okay, today was hard. I had a lot of problems in P.E. But, that isn't nearly as bad as what happened in math class. Here, let me tell you about it…

We were in math class (hate math), and someone commented that I should know the answer. The teacher (idiot), forgetting that I can't talk, asked me to answer. I just stared at him.

He continued to ask me for the answer, and I continued to stare at him. He walked over to me and looked at me through his nose. Why does it seem that everyone enjoys doing that to me?

He told me, Miss Higurashi, that if I could not supply him with an answer, he would send me to detention. I still didn't speak. Then he took a deep breath and jumped backwards. I watched him with mild interest.

He told me to stay after class, and I nodded my head. He went back to teaching, and I couldn't help but wonder why he jumped back. I took a shower that morning. What problems were there? No way in hell I could have smelled bad, right?

Well, as everyone else filed out of the classroom, my math teacher prepared for his prep period. I stayed behind, somewhat grateful that I was going to be late to science class and he would give me a note.

The teacher sat down behind his desk and printed something from his computer. He gave the paper to me, and I looked it over. It was a grade check. So what?

He told me that my grade was doing poorly, and he wanted to help me. I nodded my head and looked up at him. He told me that he didn't accept late work, nor did he like gifts from brown-nosing students.

I continued to stare. What was I supposed to say? Sure, my grade sucked. Math isn't my subject.

I watched as the teacher sat down in the desk next to me. He took a deep breath and looked at me. There was a sparkle in his eye, but I thought I knew why it was there. After all, he enjoyed failing people a lot. He had told us plenty of times.

He told me that he was willing to make an exception for me. I stared at him, wondering if he had lost his mind. Of all people to give an exception, it shouldn't have been me. I wasn't comprehending the stuff enough for the exception to make a difference.

The teacher ran his hand up and down my leg. My body tensed, and I tried to act calm. He kept talking to me about the things I could do to get my grade up. I gave him a polite smile then grasped his hand. I brought it up to my mouth on the pretext of doing something else. I quickly shoved it away then glared at him with all my hatred being forced to show on my face.

The teacher glared at me, and demanded an explanation. I got up and went to the board. I got a permanent marker out and stood in front of the board. I glared at him then lifted the marker up towards it.

With malice in my heart, I wrote down my reason for giving him such a harsh look. I put the marker down and left. The words remained, and will be there tomorrow when I go back to the school.

**You bastard. Don't you ever try to molest me again. My grades will improve without you fucking me. I hope that you are never able to remove these words. Keep it as a reminder that you have NO RIGHT to touch me, or any woman, with your filthy, sex-covered hands.**

Yes, so my teacher hit on me. God, does NO ONE NOTICE these perverts that are teaching us? I had my science teacher expose himself. I had my math teacher try to fuck me (as if that hasn't happened enough already).

Wonder what all my other teachers will do throughout the course of the year.

Okay, about P.E, I was going to tell you about what happened. See, it's the ADD problems again. I swear I'll start trying to take medication for it or something.

So, during P.E, I couldn't do anything, right? After all the bruises that Andrew (the bastard) gave me, moving around to classes within my passing periods was hard enough. Now it seems as though running the mile today is really hard.

I was limping along, leaning against the fence that the trace runs next to. I wasn't able to walk a lot, but my teacher insisted that I do _something_ so he could say I tried. He wasn't able to see my bruises because Sango and I had oh-so-cleverly covered it with make-up. Really well, I might add.

Anyway, I was walking around the track, and I had to lean on the fence. Inuyasha and Miroku had the class with me. Inuyasha finished really fast, since he is part demon (but no one else knows, he tells me). So, Inuyasha was walking next to me and Miroku was still running the mile.

Inuyasha kept saying how I smelled really tense around him. Then he started to mention how I always smelt tense whenever I was too close to a boy. He then started realizing that I always got nervous when someone was behind me or touching the back of my head.

He looked at me and his nose began to twitch again. I was already really upset with the turn the conversation had taken. It was getting too uncomfortable for me to deal with. Naturally, I assumed that his nose-twitch would bring up the scent of rain. After all, it is supposed to rain tomorrow.

"You smell different. You smell… I can't give it a name. But you smell different, and I don't like it." Inuyasha told me next. I glared at him, and he jumped backwards. He jumped right into Miroku, and they both collapsed.

Inuyasha landed under Miroku, mumbling something about how Miroku shouldn't have been in the way. Miroku landed next to him, his head on the dirt, but his body on top of Inuyasha's.

All the passing runners made funny comments on how they weren't the right couple. I wanted so desperately to say that Sango was right; the two did make a great couple. But, I couldn't say it. Because of that, I became sad.

I sat down against the fence, the pain soon consuming my stomach. It hurt to have my body shake with the silent laughs that I was creating.

I raised a small amount of my shirt up, just to see what my bruise looked like. Sure enough, it was still there. I touched it gently and immediately regretted ever doing so. It hurt like all of hell had suddenly bit the area of my flesh.

So, after the boys were done messing around with each other, Inuyasha offered to help me up. When I acted like I didn't notice, he reached under my arm to help me stand.

My body froze up, just as it did whenever I saw Andrew. I knew that Andrew wasn't anywhere near me, but I couldn't control my reactions. I froze up and I tried to hide as much of my body from Inuyasha.

Inuyasha pulled me up, and I finally got the ability to look at him. Even though the rest of my body was stuck in a state of alarm and paranoia, my eyes weren't. I was crying and struggling to keep him from realizing why.

"Inuyasha, have you noticed that Kagome gets nervous whenever someone touches her?" Miroku pointed out. Inuyasha looked at me, then at Miroku. I felt so nervous. What if they were able to put my strange scent and my nervousness together?

What if they managed to figure out my horrible past? The idea started making me cry once more. Inuyasha opened his mouth then closed it and looked away.

"I'm sorry, Kagome." Inuyasha was never the type to apologize, whether or not something was his fault. "I want to say something to help you, but I don't want to make you cry anymore. I can offer you help in walking back to the lockers, though…"

I shook my head and began to move my hands slowly, just so Miroku would be able to understand what I was saying.

"She says that… well, she's saying that she can get to the lockers on the own. She's sorry for not letting you help her… She's afraid of touch, not just from you, but from everyone…" Miroku stops looking at my hands then starts looking at me.

"Wait, why are you so scared of touch?" He asked. I froze up, nervous of how to respond. What could I say (or sign)? There was no other explanation for it without telling them that I had been raped and I just didn't trust people anymore.

"She got mugged, you idiot! Do you expect her to be trustworthy?" Inuyasha barked. I smiled, even though the information wasn't accurate.

"But, she has been that way before— " Inuyasha started ranting and raving about how Miroku should respect women more. Then Miroku started talking about other things. By that point, I had tuned all their noises out.

I got back to the lockers and slowly began to change into my normal clothes. It was hard, I'll have to admit. I couldn't move my body very well. And I certainly didn't wan the bruises to show to any of my friends… Friends like Eri, Ami, and Yumi. As nice as they are to me, it's really hard for me to tolerate them for very long. They never seem to stop talking.

Anyway, that was gym class. I suppose I made it sound like it would be more interesting. I'm really sorry that it wasn't that interesting. I suppose that the lack of anything interesting has made it really hard for me to write…

Oh, wait! I have something else to write about! I can't believe that I forgot to mention this! It should have been the first thing for me to tell you!

Sesshoumaru (just learned how his name is spelled), _Lord of Santa Susana High School_, spoke to me today. Remember, I'm a junior. He's a senior. He is also, like I mentioned in my first diary entry, considered royalty. While, using those same standards, I am a lowly peasant (or something like that).

Okay, so the king of my high school talked to me. That was shocking.

Inuyasha wasn't around us after school. He said that he had to do something with a teacher. Something along the lines of a bad grade that needed to be made up. So, it was Sango, Miroku, and I. I was sitting on the bench while Sango and Miroku stood up and talked. About what, I couldn't tell you. I wasn't really paying attention.

Sesshomaru walked up to me, which got everyone's attention. Sango and Miroku shut up instantly and watched us. I think Sesshoumaru was aware of their stares and eavesdropping ears, but he acted as if he didn't care.

He asked me where his _half_-brother was (he stressed the _half_ part), and I stared at him. Then, I began to move my hands so Miroku could tell him what I was thinking. Miroku opened his mouth to translate, but he wasn't able to.

"So, Inuyasha is busy trying to improve a bad grade? That is interesting." Sesshoumaru mused. I was even more shocked when the king of my high school sat down next to me, on the bench. I am sure that I looked like a fool as I stared at him.

"So, Sesshoumaru, what brings you to our group?" Miroku asked for me. Thankfully, he was able to read my mind at the moment. Sesshoumaru looked at him, then looked away.

"Although I need not tell you, Miroku, I will. It would be rude to ignore you in such a manner, especially in front of two ladies." He paused and Sango blushed. He focused his eyes on me and I felt very nervous.

"I came to ask you about the lessons my brother had given you on Saturday. I heard that the lessons did not help. I assumed that would be the problem, since my half-brother knows nothing."

I gave Sango and Miroku side-glances. They were both as startled as I was. Well, especially Miroku. It must have alarmed him that I was able to spend the afternoon alone with Inuyasha, then really disturbed around him today.

"I wish to train you. I am more talented than my bother, and I will be able to explain things more clearly. It is simply just a training session…" He paused and I realized that it was the time for me to begin replying.

So, I said, in sign language (of course) that I wasn't comfortable being alone with him. Then he said that I would be allowed to bring Sango and Miroku. He was even interested in helping them train. He said that sparring with others was something he had a slight passion for.

So, after a while longer of trying to find other bad effects of this, I agreed. He said that he would discuss times in which we would be training. Then he swapped email addresses with Sango and Miroku. I guess he assumed I didn't have one, since I don't speak.

So, now I'll be getting training from Sesshoumaru. I'm surprised, but I guess no one else really knows. I mean, it's not like I can scream and ask if he's serious. I can pretend to scream and ask him if he's serious in sign language, but it doesn't have the same effect.

So, now to insert our nightly ritual of instant messaging… Here we are. Today's conversation is as follows… Do I even dare introducing people again?

_DamnHand_: Miroku. _SpiderBack_: Sango. _HumanPuppy_: Inuyasha. _HolyDemon_: Me!

**DamnHand:**_ Hello, everyone…_

**SpiderBack:**_ Hello, Miroku… Hello, Inuyasha… Hello, Kagome…_

**HumanPuppy: **_'Sup? How did the afternoon conversation go without me?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Well…_

**DamnHand:**_ DON'T TELL HIM, KAGOME!_

**HolyDemon: **_Why?_

**SpiderBack:**_ What's wrong with you, Miroku? What could it hurt to tell him?_

**HumanPuppy: **_What the hell…?_

**DamnHand: **_You can't tell him. They hate each other!_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Who in the world are you two talking about? Kouga?_

**SpiderBack: **_Why would they hate each other?_

**DamnHand:**_ Trust me, just don't mention it. Nothing happened, Inuyasha. Nothing interesting without you._

**HumanPuppy:**_ I may be stupid, Miroku. But I know that you're lying. It's obvious that something happened and you just don't want me knowing about it._

**HolyDemon:**_ Thanks for giving the thing to me, Sango. I invited him._

**DamnHand:**_ You didn't let her do it, Sango!_

**SpiderBack: **_Sorry!_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Who in the world are you guys even talking about? Invited? Who?_

**Poisoned has joined the conference.**

**Poisoned:**_ Hello, everyone._

**SpiderBack:**_ Hey…_

**HumanPuppy:**_ SESSHOUMARU? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING! WHO INVITED YOU!_

**Poisoned:**_ Why, I believe Kagome did._

**HumanPuppy:**_ What… ? Is that who you said you were inviting, Kagome? How could you! You know that I don't like him!_

**SpiderBack:**_ Inuyasha leave her alone…_

**DamnHand: **_brb_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Like hell I should leave her alone! She saw me and him fight each other! In fact, if she hadn't been there, we would have really gone at it! It's her fault that I had to go easy on my stupid brother! How can you defend him! Kagome, you're so stupid, stupid, STUPID!_

**Poisoned: **_You dog. You have no right to speak to any lady in that manner. Out of all ladies, Kagome is deserving of the better of you. Lady friends deserve the highest of your respects!_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Like you have the rights to lecture me…_

**HolyDemon:**_ You know what, Inuyasha?_

**HumanPuppy:**_ What?_

**HolyDemon:**_ I'm not going to eat lunch with you. You, you… BASTARD! You can't say things like that to me! He was kind to me! Do you expect me to turn around and just give him the cold shoulder? Is that something that you expected me to do?_

**HumanPuppy: **_Well… Yeah…_

**HolyDemon:**_ Figures. That's just like you to do that, Inuyasha. So, tomorrow, I won't eat lunch with you. You know why? Because Sesshoumaru offered me to eat lunch with him. I turned him down, but now I think I'll take him up on this offer._

Different window…

**Poisoned: **_I shall play along, but I do hope for an explanation on why I was involved… But that will come later._

Back to the first window…

**Poisoned:**_ I thank you for accepting my offer, Kagome. I will be see you tomorrow, then._

I glare at the computer and exit the chat room. That was just mean for him to say. As I'm about to sign off, I decide that I should tell Sesshoumaru something. So, I open up a window and begin clicking out my quick note.

**HolyDemon: **_Thank you so much for not saying anything in front of Inuyasha… I owe you a lot. There's only one thing tomorrow that I ask you not to do. Don't touch me…_

**Poisoned:**_ May I ask why not?_

**HolyDemon:**_ You… I just don't like to be touched. So, please don't try to touch me._

**Poisoned: **_You didn't answer my question._

**HolyDemon: **_I wasn't trying to. There was a good reason for me to dodge the question. Now, I'm getting off. Bye!_

I have now signed off and decided that I'm really in trouble tomorrow. I know that Sesshoumaru has is own fan club (I did say he was like royalty). I think that they'll be very upset when I remember that I'm still bruised from the raping.

I can't help but wonder if Sesshoumaru will be smarter than Inuyasha. Inuyasha could smell Andrew's remnants inside of me, but he didn't realize that it was that in particular. I can't help but wonder if Sesshoumaru will get it right.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_The pain is worse than you think. People often misunderstand the pain that comes with being trashed. Not just once, but three times. People often fail to realize that there are emotions behind the humiliating actions…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Damn! You guys need to slow down in reviewing! I just posted the last chaper this morning, and I now have to post another one (although, I'm waiting until tomorrow morning). So... You can slow down A LITTLE BIT in the reviews. After all, I don't even have the next chapter done. I have been reading a story by someone else (291 pages on MS Word), so that has been taking most of my time. But, I shall work on the next chapter more (I think you all shall like it).

Someone pointed out that I can't keep my stories strait. I am sorry, since I am working on two stories at once and I tend to forget little details. Let's clear this up. Souta is a year older than Kagome. Inuyasha's mother is dead. Inuyasha's father is a business man who is never home... If I mess it up again, please forgive me. I'm trying really hard to remember what information goes with what story.

Next Chapter: _Lunch  
_Reviews Needed:** 90**

**- Lonely Bird**


	10. Lunch

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
April 26th, 2006  
April 28th, 2006  
May 2nd, 2006

**I have written three chapters today (only two of them are for this story). I write when I'm in a bad mood. I am in an exceptionally bad mood right now. But, by the time this is posted, I doubt I'll remember why…**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Ten: _Lunch_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Ten: Tuesday_

Wow. Ten consecutive days that I've been able to keep this whole diary thing up. And, today was good in quite a few ways. Of course, I'm really tired, but that's for another reason…

Okay, yesterday I wrote about how I was going to have lunch with the Lord of Ice, Sesshoumaru. I think I also told you that he's Inuyasha's half-brother… Yeah, they_ really_ don't get along very well…

Crap! There goes that ADD thing again! Okay, what was I saying? Oh yeah, I was going to talk about having lunch with Sesshoumaru. But, before that, I must write about what happened before school.

I walked to school, like always. I went up to where Sango, Miroku, Inuyasha, and I usually hang out before and after school. Sango and Miroku were chatting quietly. I didn't see Inuyasha, so I stayed.

After a few minutes of listening to Sango and Miroku, Inuyasha came. I got up and began to leave. Well, naturally, this got the short-tempered hanyou very, very pissed off. He grasped my arm and stopped when he noticed how much the idea of being forced into something scared me.

He asked me to stay, so I stopped moving. I was really ready to leave at any moment, though. Inuyasha opened his mouth, closed it, opened it, closed it, opened it, closed it… He kept doing that for a while, and I was wondering if he had gotten turned into a fish for the way he acted.

I look towards the school gates to let him know that I'm about ready to leave. Why stay here and talk to fish man? Oh boy, this is going to be the best nickname for him yet…

_It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh, wait… It's just the jerk- fish man._

Don't ask where that came from. I don't even know. But, hey, I was fully aware of my ADD problem while I was typing that! It was just too funny to not put in here (at least I thought so).

I looked back at Inuyasha, and he began to sputter and trip over his words. Finally, he got around to telling me that he was sorry. He said that he hated his brother, and it was hard for him to imagine anyone else liking him.

**Then**, he began to get all mad at me for liking Sesshoumaru. He was saying things like _Do you know that he doesn't even like humans?_ And _Why do you like him? I'm just as good as him, but I like humans!_

Someone has jealousy issues, don't you think? So, I glared at Inuyasha and just walked off. He got in front of me and grinned. He was beginning to remind me of Andrew. The grin showed his thought-to-be triumph over me. Just the kind of grin I would see on Andrew's disgusting face.

He asked me where I would go. He pointed out that I didn't have any other friends beside Sango, Miroku, and him. I felt the tears begin to form and I silently cursed him. Why did I even befriend him? In less than twenty-four hours, he alone had caused so much pain to grow in my heart. The asshole.

So, I looked away. I didn't want to admit the fact that he had a point. In fact, I couldn't admit the fact that he had a point. So, I just pretended that I couldn't hear him and his blubbering about how I was going to be with them because I didn't have any other friends.

Then some stoic voice came behind me and spoke. I jumped out of my skin and looked back to see Sesshoumaru. I tried to calm my heart as I moved out from in between them. I knew that they hated each other with a passion. It would be my death if I stayed in between the two brothers.

"Sesshoumaru! What the hell are you doing here? Don't you have your own pussy- I mean posse –to play with?" Inuyasha asked harshly. I was ready to slap him, but I knew that it wasn't my place. Besides, if I showed any care towards what he and Sesshoumaru said to each other (not to mention if I defended his brother), he would only be angrier and accuse me of sleeping with the demon.

"Inuyasha, you will be wise to bite your tongue. Bite it hard, so blood can fill your mouth. It's the least you deserve for making the lady Kagome so upset. Don't you even smell it?" Sesshoumaru asked. Inuyasha paused and began to sniff. I suddenly wondered if I had put deodorant on this morning.

Inuyasha looked at me then shook his head. "It's hard to smell anything with this stupid concealment spell…" He mumbled. He turned on his heel and left, shaking his head. I looked at Sesshoumaru, hoping that my relief was showing in my eyes.

Apparently, it wasn't. He just stared at me. So, I began to move my hands to express my gratitude to him. He watched my hands then clasped them together.

"Calm down… I am glad that I was able to help in the slightest of way… I will speak to you at lunch, though. The bell is about to ring." He nodded and the bell rang. Sometimes I wonder if he can control time or something. That was just freaky the way that that worked out.

As I began to walk to my locker, my mind wandered back to what Sesshoumaru had just told me. He had mentioned that he was glad to help in the slightest of ways… What had he meant by that?

If I wasn't so cautious, I would have thought it meant Sesshoumaru had feelings for me. If I wasn't so nervous about men, I would have been more excited about, perhaps, him showing interest in me.

Wait, Sesshoumaru showing interest in _me_? Why would he even do that? I'm a mute, so there's no way I can possibly attract his attention. Beyond that, there are much prettier and hotter women that he can be with… Hell, even with them, he can just screw them and move on. If he even interested in me, then he would have to think about commitment.

It's not that I have doubts that Sesshoumaru Taisho can commit to anything that is long-term… I just doubt that he'll have any interest in me. After all, there is a lot of work that will have to be done with me in a man's eyes.

The first problem is that I don't talk. The second problem is that I am very untrusting of men; especially after being raped four times now (You'd think that the men would find someone else to fuck by now, wouldn't you?). The third is that I'm not a virgin (perhaps that doesn't bother some men…) And the fourth is that, when I start my period, I become VERY moody.

I don't mean that I become very moody in a light manner. I mean that when I am PMSing, I will hit Inuyasha just because I can. I won't even try to justify it. I will be in a mood that makes everyone think I'm a bitch… A mute bitch, that is.

Where was I in my story of today? Oh yeah, I was walking to my locker, and thinking about what Sesshoumaru had said. I wasn't able to understand (and I still can't) what he meant by that. He said that he was glad to help.

I just remembered that I forgot to mention something (yes, I realize this is off topic). Most schools are segregated by demon and human races. My school is co-ed in that department. We have demons and humans. The only difference there is would be that demons are forced to do much different things than us humans are asked to do (in P.E, that is.) Okay, now that I have that said that, reread the previous paragraph and then go to the next one. (Yeah, like my diary can do that. Really smart, Kagome)

But, Sesshoumaru was a demon. On top of being a demon, he was a demon who had very clear standings on everything. He made it clear that he had no desire to be in a relationship. He made it VERY clear that he hated humans (with a strong passion, I believe).

So, everyone (especially human women) was fully aware that he would not give anyone the time of day, unless he had reason to…. So, what was his reason for giving me the time of day? Even beyond the time of day, he was giving me attention.

Then it hit me. Humans were easily fooled, as far as emotions go. Demons are much harder to affect. He was toying with me, and I had just realized it. After all, if you could seduce a woman that you felt nothing for (in my case, a man), then why the fuck wouldn't you do it?

After all, it must be pretty damn amusing for someone to watch someone else squirm while it affected them none. Oh, he was just cruel. He had deserved the mocking name of Ice Lord. Bastard.

As I thought this, I realized that I didn't want to eat lunch with him. But, if I didn't, then Inuyasha would only be proven correct that I had no other friends. That would only inflate his unrealistic ego. I swear, that man must be from the planet of egotistics or something strange like that…

I got my books and went to class. Of course, I wasn't in the least bit interested in learning anything. After all, what could they possibly teach me that I would care about?

So, during class, I began to write down things. Just random thoughts, I guess. I wrote down how much I hated math (I wasn't in math class, by the way). Then I began to write down what I thought about my friends.

But, the bell rang very quickly. I left class, and only glanced back to see what our homework could possibly be. As I was walking out of class and staring at the board, I ran into someone.

I looked up and saw that it was someone named Kagura. I had never really taken a notice of her before. Well, not an extended notice, I mean. I knew that she was really popular. She was absolutely crazy over Sesshoumaru.

And, due to her obsession over him, she went through a lot of different styles. She had been gothic, slutty, preppy, smart, stupid… a damsel in distress, even. Now, she was… back to being a bit too revealing. Perhaps not appearing as a whore, but she did show more than needed.

Rather than apologize to me, she began to talk to someone else. Apparently, they were on the other side of me. I looked up and watched as the two girls conversed like I wasn't even there. Just because they were above me, I was unable to get up.

I listened as they talked about something going on with Sesshoumaru. Kagura was getting really mad, I could tell. Then she looked down at me and sneered that I shouldn't get in her way. Because, if I did, then _her_ Sesshoumaru would come and kick my ass.

_Her_ Sesshoumaru? Wow. How funny that she believed to have possession of him… Then again, a lot of girls seemed to be that way about Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha… And a few other boys in the school (Naraku, Miroku, Goshinki, Hojo, and more that I couldn't care less about.)

So, she walked away and I went to class. The day went on, and the classes did as well. In math class, the teacher had someone to cover the board. Figures that he would have tried to cover up his dirty act.

Someone had actually asked why he had a world map up when this was a MATH class. He started chuckling then glared at me. Everyone saw the glare, and I just looked away. He didn't scare me, the fucking asshole.

So, we went to lunch. As I walked around, I hit myself. I didn't even know where Sesshoumaru sat! That meant that I would be walking around school during lunch. Sesshoumaru would assume that I ditched him and Inuyasha would find me. Then his ego would go up another five thousand points. Bastard. I can't believe that I didn't see his insults coming before.

So, I wandered around for two minutes (I swear it felt like longer). Then, thankfully, Sesshoumaru found me. He told me that he would take me to the table, since I appeared lost. How kind and un-Sesshoumaru-like…

Then, he preceded to not act like himself and he asked why I didn't have lunch. I replied, using my hands to tell him that I didn't have the money to buy it. Normally, Inuyasha bought lunch for me. So, I didn't think about grabbing my wallet on the way out of the house.

Sesshoumaru said that he would share his lunch with me, and I stared at him. The most arrogant and selfish man was offering to share his lunch with _me_? Little ole Kagome who can't even defend herself?

So, we sat down and ate lunch. He opened his bag of chips and took a few. Then he placed the bag in front of me. Everyone at the table stared (including Kagura). I looked at Sesshoumaru in question.

He told me that he would speak to me with sign language. He really didn't want everyone else to know what we were talking about. So, he began to tell me that he rarely brought company to the table.

He said that he never really invited anyone. People just seemed to invite themselves, and he never cared to actually tell them to leave. I asked him about Kagura, since she seemed convinced that they were dating.

He gave her a side glance then looked at me. He signed to me that he never really liked her. That no one at the table did. Then he began to introduce me to everyone. Not really… He just told me their names.

Kagura always sat across from Sesshoumaru. He sat on the end, and I was sitting next to him. Across from me was some demon named Hiten, who seemed to like me more than I would have appreciated. Next to Hiten was another demon, his name was Goshinki. His hair was purple…

Next to me (across from Goshinki) was ANOTHER demon. In fact, I think I was the only human… Anyway, this demon's name was Bankotsu. He was kind, but he kept hitting on Hiten. That made me smile. One less man to pay attention to me in the way Andrew saw me.

So, Sesshoumaru shared his food with me. Of course, Kagura noticed this and became very enraged. She asked him why he would feed me (the pathetic human is what she called me), when he wouldn't even look at her.

Sesshoumaru glared at her, and she quickly grew quiet. Then he proceeded to let her know that he had invited me to the table. She was not invited to the table, therefore he felt no need to feed her.

She got really angry and made no attempt of hiding it from me. She glared at me and told me that I was horrible. She said that she had spent a year trying to get allowed to Sesshoumaru's table. She said that I didn't deserve to be at the table.

Sesshoumaru said that anyone he decided to invite was more worthy of staying than her. When she looked offended, he continued. He said that he felt nothing for her, and he never would. No matter what style she was experimenting with, he said that he didn't like her. At all.

Of course, she got even more mad at this. She began to yell at me, calling me a bitch, whore, and anything else that came to mind. I ignored her as best I could. _Her_ words didn't harm me at all. But, they sounded like the words that Andrew always whispered into my ear. Because of the connection the words had to Andrew, I began to cry.

Thinking that she had gotten to me, Kagura told everyone that I wasn't even a virgin. She said that she could _smell_ another man on me. She could _smell_ the fact that my hymen was gone; my barrier had been broken.

I felt my body go rigid and I looked away. More tears made their way to my eyes. But I managed to keep these ones from rolling down my cheeks.

Then Kagura stopped. Sesshoumaru must have smelt the same thing as her (stupid demons), because he started talking as well. He pointed out that he could smell another man inside of me.

Tears began to escape me as I thought of Andrew. I looked up at Sesshoumaru and I could tell that he hadn't meant to say that out loud. Kagura was rambling on about how I was such a whore that I had sex within the past three days. After all, that is usually how long a man's sperm is inside you.

I signed to Sesshoumaru that it wasn't the way he probably thought it was. I tried desperately to tell him that things weren't the way he thought. He nodded his head then looked at Kagura sharply. She instantly shut up.

"I would not invite a whore to eat with me. Do you think so low of me as to believe that I would let a prostitute eat with us?" Sesshoumaru asked. Kagura opened her mouth to speak, but Sesshoumaru growled (I forgot he was a DOG demon until that point) and she didn't try to speak anymore.

"Leave my table. You are the one who should be named a whore. You think that using your body will win attention from me. However, that is the reason why I have ignored you this whole time. When you speak to someone else around me, you are **not** to say that I have poor judgment!" I must say, I have never known Sesshoumaru to speak, let alone tell someone that they are out of line.

I watched as Kagura stood up and left. She gave me a harsh stare and reached over the table. Her claws were against my cheek as she began to speak in demon.

"Hark me ah shoo-kray ah-krah." She sneered. Because it was in demon, it was a deep and scary voice. She dug her fingers into my cheek (which hurts like all of fucking hell, then and now), and sliced four lines through me. From next to my ear to below my cheekbone.

Then, she left angrily. Sesshoumaru's emotionless face returned as he focused on the other three demons.

"Thank you, Sesshoumaru, for finally kicking her out of the table." Goshinki said.

"Yeah. Is that why you brought the girl? To provoke Kagura until she said something you could make her leave for?" Hiten asked. Sesshoumaru didn't answer as he cracked open his soda.

Then it hit me. That was the reason he had brought me. When he fought Inuyasha, he was probably able to smell the fact that I wasn't a virgin. He knew that it would provoke Kagura into yelling things at me. Then he would be able to exile her from the table with a good excuse.

As the lunch bell rang, Sesshoumaru asked me not to leave yet. I waited as he began to clean up the mess. Then he asked me if I would come to the mansion after school for some more training. Only this time it would be his style, not the way Inuyasha attempted to teach me.

I nodded my head and began to ask why Inuyasha's technique was any different. He looked at my new (and bleeding) cuts and said that, if he had taught me, that I wouldn't have even gotten those cuts to begin with.

So, I did. After school, Sesshoumaru took me to his house. He walked me there, because he had heard Inuyasha mention that I was uneasy when it came to being alone with men.

We trained, and I can't remember half of the things that we had trained. All I know is that my muscles are sore. He has the stamina of a demon (obviously) and I don't. So, when he began to break into a sweat, he said that we could have a break. Then, at ten o'clock at night, he let me go home. Why? Because he said I would need sleep. Not because I was going to be tired or something like that, but because sleep was mandatory.

So, now it's nearly midnight, and I had to write about what happened. Because I know that tomorrow, when all my muscles are sore (as if they aren't already), I won't be able to remember anything or I won't feel like writing anything.

So, now that I have said all this, I must go. It's late, and I'm tired. So, until next time, Mr. Diary!

Bye… (Ow, so much pain in my body…)

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_The pain is worse than you think. People often misunderstand the pain that comes with being trashed. Not just once, but three times. People often fail to realize that there are emotions behind the humiliating actions…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Next Chapter: _Depression Attack  
_Reviews Needed:** 100**

**- Lonely Bird**


	11. Depression Attack

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
May 5th, 2006

**Sorry for the slowing in the way things have been written. I have started reading this story, and it distracts me from writing. I'm trying hard to keep up with you guys, though!**

**Warning, there is "emo"-bashing in this chapter (let me know if you don't know what emo means). There is also bashing on cutters. I don't mean to offend people like that (I still consider myself to be one), but I think the bashing will help strengthen your understanding of Kagome… Sorry to babble, but I just felt the need to warn you.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Eleven: _Depression Attack_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Eleven: Wednesday_

Wow. Two ones… It still amazes me the fact that I can keep the diary up this long… Well, it feels like it's been longer. Of course, it always feels that way when you have to document each day on it's own. Booooooring!

I got back from Sango's really late. It's almost one in the morning, but I can't sleep. So, I figured I'd start typing what happened today (I guess, technically, it's _yesterday_) until I get tired.

Well… I don't think I ever remember being so depressed before. Today was a drag. I mean, there was just so much that I was thinking about. It's not happy thinking. It's depressed thinking… I guess I'll start telling you what happened rather than going off on a tangent.

Well… I'm still sore from everything I did with everything Sesshoumaru and I did. Oh, that sounds perverted, doesn't it?

But, I was really sore this morning (and I **still** am!), and I got in my car and drove to school. I would have walked, but I was hardly able to get down the stairs with my feet still under me.

So, I drove to school. I didn't have anything to do at home, so that caused me to get there early. Thankfully, it was early enough for parking spaces near the school. It would have been plain torture if I had to walk all the way across the parking lot.

I got to school, and Miroku greeted me. He said that Sango ditched today. She had told him why, but he told me that he forgot. Just like Miroku to do that.

Miroku asked me if I would eat lunch with them, and I said that I wouldn't. Inuyasha had yet to apologize to me. Then Inuyasha came out of nowhere and looked at me.

He told me that he was sorry, but he couldn't help the fact that I had been with his bastard of a brother. I signed to him (Miroku interpreted) that I would forgive him. Because Inuyasha has to have the last word, he broke forth with another thing that really insulted me.

He asked me about my virginity. He said that he overheard his brother mumbling about it at home (although I think he was eavesdropping). He asked if I had given myself to Sesshoumaru.

When I glared at him, he pressed on. Perhaps he's one of those sadistic people who takes pleasure in other people's pain. He sensed my pain, and decided to cause more of it. The bastard. I swear that one of these days (while I'm still mad at him) I will rip him a new ass.

He asked if that was the reason he could smell a man's semen on and in me. Of course, he didn't even take the time to consider that Andrew (probably) smells NOTHING like Sesshoumaru!

I don't have a demon's sense of smell, so I can't say for sure.

I looked at Inuyasha and I felt the tears begin to well up in my eyes. I walked up to him and looked at him square in the eye. Everything in me wanted to pounce on him and kill him. But, I didn't.

My entire being was desperate to actually speak. To _yell_ at him and tell him to stop speaking. To tell him that he knows nothing of what he's talking about.

But, I didn't. My glare turned into a stare as my anger turned to grief. I walked away.

I felt so horrible as I tried desperately to deal with my emotions. I was angry at him. But, beyond that anger, there was grief. I knew that my sadness was obvious. So, I went to class and put my head down the entire class.

The only class that I did look up in was in math. The teacher finally took down the out-of-place world map. The kids were reading my words of anger over and over. I didn't even care.

**You bastard. Don't you ever try to molest me again. My grades will improve without you fucking me. I hope that you are never able to remove these words. Keep it as a reminder that you have NO RIGHT to touch me, or any woman, with your filthy, sex-covered hands.**

If anything, the words only made me feel worse. As the pain in my heart rose, my head sank back to the desk.

What caused me to be this way? What made me so different that I was misused? What forced all the unwanted attention to shift onto me? Even further than what, _why_ did all this happen?

Does fate have a sadistic sense of humor? It must. I mean, if fate had cared an inkling about me, then I wouldn't have to deal with the scars I bare. Not just the emotional ones. There are physical scares, too.

My head has a scar under my hair. It runs from the back of my head down my neck. I have a scar on my hips. And there are areas under my breasts that are scarred… But, thankfully, no one will ever see those scars.

The emotional scars are even worse. I can't trust anyone. I can't even trust myself. Want proof? I stopped talking because I could not trust myself to speak without giving my horrible secret out.

I can't trust anyone else, either. I am extremely uncomfortable around people, men in particular. If I'm alone with them, my body will begin to tense up, and my brain shuts down. I guess my body assumes that if I don't think or move, it won't hurt.

Oh, how I desperately wish that were true! But, due to fate's vicious mind, it's not.

I don't' know why things have happened to me like this. I don't understand what caused me to be raped. There aren't very many girls who are raped. So, why was I one of them? Why did I have to be one of those few girls in the devastating statistic?

Even worse than that. It didn't happen just once. No. It happened _four_ times. Four times! How horrible is that? It has happened to me so many times, I could almost teach myself to get pleasure from this type of disgrace.

Of course, I will never enjoy this. It just hurts too much.

The future hurts, too. I will never know so many different things. When a woman loves a man so much that she's willing to give her body to him… I can't understand this anymore. I used to think of it as natural and I used to think it made sense. Now I'm not so sure.

I can't understand how she can be so devoted to him. I don't understand how they can trust the man so well. What if he turned out to be horrible? How would you know? I guess not knowing and being fine with it is the definition of trust.

I'll never be able to marry, either… Well, not without grief consuming me. What would happen on the honeymoon night? My new husband would try to take me to prove that he loved me and I would forever be his…

And my barrier wasn't even there. It was gone. Even worse, I was slightly loose and tender. That would indicate to him that I had been around. Of course, I would have just told him that I didn't sleep with anyone. And that would be the truth! I hadn't fucked anyone; they all fucked me.

But why? That was the only question that was running through my head as the teacher lectured us on why we should have good study habits. _Why_?

Why me? Why not the girl next door? Why not the girl halfway across America? Why not another girl from Japan? _Why_ did it have to be me of all people? I had a hard enough time with adjusting to American life. They didn't have to make it harder by taking something from me.

They took more than my virginity… I have realized this as I was walking home. They took every thing from me when they took that one thing. They took my self-confidence, my trust, my heart, my **soul**. They took the very essence of me.

And, I haven't been able to find it since. It's as if there will never be a way for me to recover from such a loss. There will never be a way for me to smile again. It gets hard for me to smile just when someone cracks a joke.

But, you know what's even worse than knowing all those things were taken from me? You don't, do you? You haven't been violated (of course, you ARE a computer).

Even worse than knowing that all those things are gone. Even worse than knowing that all those things will never come back… Even worse than those two things are the memories. The memories that prove to me that there has been a time when I still held those things.

Without the memories, I'm sure that I would be able to recover much faster. I would accept my fate and assume that it was normal for me. I would be oblivious to the life when I held all those things…

But, I have the memories. They prove to me that there is something I'm missing. And as long as I'm aware of what's missing, I can never be truly happy.

After all, what good is boiling a pot without water?

Okay, so lunch was even worse of a drag. I felt like I had worn out my invitation from Sesshoumaru. After all, he was well aware that I wasn't a virgin. He probably believed that I was a whore, even if he denied ever thinking the idea.

I couldn't eat with Inuyasha. He was also aware that I was "whoring" myself around. If only he knew… And I really wish that he knew… But, I wouldn't be able to go to him. There was no chance that he would let the subject go.

This is Inuyasha I'm writing about. He'll remember it until the day he dies, and he'll make sure I remember it longer than him… That's just the way he is…

So, during lunch, I didn't have money once again. My grandfather forgot to wake me up before he left. Due to that, I couldn't ask him for lunch money. Who shall I ask next? My crazed mother?

I'm not even sure if she knows who I am or who she is… It depresses me even further to know that I caused her to become this way. I didn't mean to make her so sad. I just didn't want her to be hurt by the disgrace that was forced upon me.

Seems that if that couldn't hurt her, that something else I did would. Of course, it was my unresponsiveness and my lack of speaking. That sent her over the edge. Then Souta pushed away her false comfort. And she stopped pretending like she had it all together…

I loved my mother so much, don't get me wrong… But… I just wish that times like now, I could run to her, cling to her, and cry on her shoulder until there were no more tears in me. But, I can't. I know this because I know she hardly recognizes who I am.

So, what other option is there to rid myself of the pain?

Don't even mention those to me. I refuse to do drugs. No matter how much pain there is, I will not let myself slip into another reality like my mother. Even if I do, I will never let myself fall into another world because of a pill, powder, or liquid. It will be because of my own insanity. Nothing else.

I have heard of people cutting to relieve pain. I don't believe in that. It's weak. It proves that you can't stand on your own two feet to relieve the pain. You rely on a knife, razor blade, scissors, or whatever to relieve your pain for you.

That is almost as bad as drugs. But, this doesn't allow you to slip away from the real world. All it does is permit you to bleed. I have heard people saying that the physical pain distracts from the emotional pain.

But that can only last so long. That can only last as long as your blood flows. As much pain as I'm in, I'd need to cut open my veins for the blood to distract me from anything.

Well, I guess talking about it helps somewhat. That's kind of sadistic, isn't it? I'm finding pleasure in talking about how blood can relieve pain. No, it won't relieve pain. I can't let myself think that. If I do, I may allow myself to fall into an _emo_ state.

I understand emo kids. I really do, after all, I am one. I am very emotional and very sad. But, I have a reason to be. Most kids are upset because their parents are divorced, or their dog died, or they ran away because their ex-boyfriends got them knocked up.

They usually bring the problems on themselves. I didn't! It's not my fault that I became this way! No one seems to realize this, though. They all act as if it's my fault and as if I'm some horrible disease. After all, if _I_ was raped, perhaps I'll touch them and then _they'll_ be raped.

God, humans are stupid. Sometimes I wish I were demon just to be able to free myself from that race. Of course, demons are known to be murderous, obsessed, nonchalant, or a million other bad things.

So, I guess humans are better. Nothing extra is required from us…

Oh shit! I completely went off track! I'm so sorry, Mr. Diary! I won't do it again (sounds like a familiar line, huh?)

During lunch, I had to sit alone. I had been a good girl (when the fuck did I start calling myself that?) and did all my homework. So, I sat there. Doing nothing.

I actually wrote a few things down. I wrote down what I thought of everyone. Yes, I know, it's a really stupid thing to have done… But, I was deprived of any other contact that I had. So, here's what I wrote:

_Inuyasha: Sure, he LOOKS nice and handsome. But, that's just a surface thing. He's possessive and won't let anyone he considers a friend to be around anyone he doesn't approve of. When you befriend him, you become his property._

_Sango: Really kind to those who know her. Anyone she doesn't know or anyone who pisses her off gets her wrath. She's protective, but not possessive like Inuyasha. Like every woman, she wishes to be desired… Particularly by Miroku…_

_Miroku: He used to be an all-around pervert. But, after he and Sango started becoming closer, his hands were limited to two bodies. Mine and Sango's. He understands sign language, which helps me communicate to Inuyasha and Sango when I need to. And, when there are bad things going on, he'll give his hand to anyone (not in a perverted way, either)._

_Sesshoumaru: Stoic bastard who uses people for things that only he understands… I'm so going to murder him!_

Okay, so those things were really immature. But, that's what happened, so I wrote it down. My last two classes dragged on for ages. Time flies when you're having fun. Well, let's just say that _fun_ was so far away that there was no chance I would ever find it again.

I went to Sango's house afterwards. There, she sat me in front of a computer and introduced me online shopping. She acted as if I didn't know what it was already. When I typed to her that I wasn't interested, she sighed. She put me on the bed and pulled out a movie.

She continued to shop online as I watched "Oceans Eleven". It's a good American movie, I have to admit. But, by the time I was done watching that and all three Matrix movies, it was fourty-five minutes until midnight.

Sango followed me home, just to make sure. Then, at my shrine steps, she apologized. She said she was sorry for the way I was feeling. She knew I was depressed, and she wanted to help.

Then she said that there would be a surprise for me coming soon. I shrugged her comment off then continued to go to my room.

I spent who-knows-how-long trying to sleep before I came here and decided to type my depression out. It's making the pain go away. You know how I can tell? I'm getting tired (FINALLY!)

Well, goodnight Mr. Diary… I will write tomorrow… Just like I do every single day…

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_It's hard to explain to people what you mean when no one really wants to hear or understand. It's even harder to do when your heart is so guarded that you can't even trust yourself…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

I changed the phrase above. And you guys probably thought that I would forget, huh? There are going to be some surprises coming up soon.

Remember, if you don't know what an _emo_ person is, you can ask me. I will answer, just as long as you give me an email address or you're signed in.

Next Chapter: _Roses  
_Reviews Needed:** 110**

**- Lonely Bird**


	12. Roses

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
May 6th, 2006

**I don't think you reviewers realize how awesome you are. I can be totally depressed. Then I get fifteen reviews in my email and, by the time I've read them all, I'm ready to cry for joy. You guys are so nice!**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Twelve: _Roses_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Twelve: Thursday_

You know what?

Neither do I. I ran out of comments for the entries of my diary… That really bothers me…

Okay then. Today… So much happened today, I couldn't really keep up.

Nothing happened in my classes (does ANYTHING ever happen in class? No). And, since nothing happened during classes, I won't bother to tell you about it.

I saw Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru today. It was right before school. Sesshoumaru was standing behind the bench I usually sit on. Inuyasha was sitting on the bench, but as far away from Sesshoumaru as he could get.

I walked up to the group to find Sango sitting on Miroku's lap. Wow. I knew that they had started becoming close. But the way they were acting was… abnormal. I guess they finally decided they'd start dating now. We all thought they would, but that just seems so soon.

I guess I sort of expected to see Sango ask Miroku out… Or the other way around.

Anyway, I walked up to them, trying my best to act as if Inuyasha wasn't there. He and Sesshoumaru were speaking in their demon tongue.

Now, if I try, I can understand the demon language and even speak in it. My miko powers allow me to do that, even though it seems as if I don't have them anymore. But, I was so mad with Inuyasha, I didn't bother trying to understand what he and his brother were discussing.

I looked at Miroku and waved. Both he and Sango waved. Then he began to signal to me that the two demons were arguing in their language. Apparently, they did not want me to hear it.

I shrugged and sat down next to Miroku. Sango smiled at me and pulled herself from his lap then sat down between us.

She asked me how I felt, since it was really late when I got home. I signed that I was tired, but I was no longer depressed. Sleep works wonders, doesn't it?

Miroku translated, and Sango squealed. She hugged me _really_ tightly and told me that she was hoping I would become better. She said how worried she and Miroku were when I didn't eat with them or Sesshoumaru.

That caused both of the brothers to stop talking and look at me. Inuyasha spoke in demon, and this time I made an attempt to understand it… Oh, the bastard. I couldn't believe he said it. Oh, just so you know, Mr. Diary, I will be putting the English words in here. I don't think I want to write it out in demon.

"If she wasn't with you or I, Sesshoumaru, then she was probably whoring herself around. I can smell someone inside of her, and I know you can too. Didn't you realize that the scent isn't mine?" Inuyasha asked. It seems that Sesshoumaru assumed that would smell like Inuyasha.

"I can now. Forgive me, little brother, but I don't spend my spare time smelling your semen. How should I know what it smells like?" Sesshoumaru stated. Sango and Miroku didn't hear the conversation, because they don't understand… I wish I didn't understand sometimes.

"There! Now that you're reassured I didn't fuck her, can I go see my girlfriend?" He questioned. My heart skipped a beat. Girlfriend? Since when did anyone date him? I felt tears beginning to sting my eyes and I attempted to hide them.

The boy I had liked for so long, even when I'm mad at him… He was now taken by another woman. I watched as Sesshoumaru's emotionless mask showed his slight interest. Then he asked, in demon, about the girlfriend.

"I didn't sleep with Kagome, Sesshoumaru. Get that to your stupid head. If I'm fucking anyone, it will be Kikyou. Why would I sleep with Kagome? She's… She's just not good enough…" I felt my heart rip in two pieces as he said that. Was that the reason he had been angering me recently? To drive me away so I wouldn't find out that he was taken?

"You didn't answer my question." Sesshoumaru stated in human. Inuyasha replied, but he kept his tone in demon. He thought he was protecting me this way.

"Her name is Kikyou. Kagome looks a little like her… She's a senior, and she has a great body. She's very nice, too… Now, if you don't mind, I have to go and meet her. I promised her we could spend some time together this morning…" Inuyasha's demon words stung me. I look like her? Then why the fuck am I not good enough!

Sesshoumaru looked at me as I watched them. Then he smirked at his brother. He asked Inuyasha to tell him more. And Inuyasha did.

Inuyasha told him how Kikyou wasn't a virgin, and that she would willingly give him some. Inuyasha said how I wouldn't let him, since I was always too tense. He said he was tired of waiting for me and went for someone hotter, rather than my personality. Then, compared to Kikyou, my personality was horrible.

I felt like melting into a puddle. I didn't care what kind of puddle; vodka, water, urine, semen… Anything just as long as I could never exist again.

"You do realize that Kagome has heard your every word, Inuyasha… Did you really forget?" Sesshoumaru asked. Sango and Miroku both looked at me, probably shocked that I listened to their demon language easily.

I watched as Inuyasha looked at me with fear. I got up and signaled a few things. Miroku translated them.

"She says that she won't visit your… grave?" Miroku paused as I walked up to Inuyasha and punched him. He fell down and his nose began to eek blood. Wow. Sesshoumaru taught me good. I smirked as Inuyasha tried to recover from the shock of being knocked down by _me_.

I felt my sadistic side taking control. I was just waiting to kick Inuyasha's ass with the moves Sesshoumaru had taught me. Inuyasha stood up and looked at me. He slowly realized that I was going to fight him, no matter what he wanted to do.

So, he got into a fighting stance. Everything that Sesshoumaru had taught me rushed to my mind instantly. So… There was a reason why he had taught me so much in that first day.

So, Inuyasha threw a punch. I ducked and moved myself beside him. Then I elbowed him in the side and he went down again. As he got up, I signed that he was no longer in my memories. Sesshoumaru translated.

Inuyasha got up and threw a punch at me, with Sesshoumaru making some off-color comment… Something along the lines of _why would you hit a girl_, I think. Inuyasha barked at Sesshoumaru to shut up as he lunged at me again.

I thought he was aiming for my stomach, so I defended it. Instead, he grasped my arm and threw me against the ground. Then he walked off as if nothing had happened.

My back hurt horribly as I hid my face with my arms. I cried as I tried to heal the pain. It didn't help. My miko powers were still gone. The only trace of them was my fluent language in demon tongue…

Sango and Miroku offered to help me up. In fact, then did start to lift me. My back protested quite loudly, though. As they helped pull me up, my spine split in two and I could feel the disks sliding. Oh, that just felt weird.

When I screamed from the pain, they both set me down. I shook my head with disgrace. How embarrassing to actually show your anger and still get beaten up for it…

The bell rang and I motioned for Sango and Miroku to go to class. I said that I would be in there shortly, even though that was a lie. They both gave me worried glances then they left. I'm sure that they didn't want to leave me there in pain, but it wasn't their choice.

Sesshoumaru, who was surprisingly still there, knelt down beside me. I looked at him then brought a hand up to say thank you. He nodded his head, and I wondered if he knew what I was thanking him for.

"He has been going out with Kikyou for some time… I knew he would not tell you willingly, and Miroku had told me that you held feelings. I thought it would be best to let you know now before he fucked her." He said. I merely nodded my head.

He was being kind, and I appreciated it. After all, he had every reason to laugh in my face and leave, but he didn't. Perhaps he isn't as heartless as he seems…

I began to get up, but then a arm grasped me. I looked up to see that Sesshoumaru was holding my arm away from my pained stomach. I couldn't ask him, since he was holding my hand.

He gently placed me on my stomach and I watched him from the corner of my eye. He was looking over my back. He began pressing on spots, and I yelped a few times.

"It seems that you could have damaged one of your shoulders, which would cause pain in your back…" He said. He grasped one of my arms and helped me up. I cried out in pain as he pulled my arm around his neck until I was standing.

I brought up the arm that he claimed had the bad shoulder. I said thank you in sign language and reached for my backpack. But, before I could grab it, he had done it for me.

"I will take you to the nurse, and she can call a doctor to look at you. I do not want to see you even complain." Wow. Talk about being controlling, huh? He just told me what to do and that I couldn't argue…

Reminds me of a certain bastard rapist…

He started to walk me to the office, but it still hurt. So, Sesshoumaru picked me up off of my feet (which was unnerving and less painful), and began to take me to the nurse.

I was fully aware that I was blushing, but I attempted to act like I wasn't. After all, perhaps he was a partially blind demon… Not likely, but I was really hoping.

Sesshoumaru told me that he had some respect for me hitting his brother. He had wanted to do it, but it wasn't his affair and it would be out of place for him to scold Inuyasha. Then he said that I had a permanent invitation to eat lunch with him.

I must say, the idea sounded very nice. I made sloppy words (my right arm was basically numb. I couldn't control it much), and I told him that I would hold him to that. Then I thanked him.

I missed half my classes, then I was given permission to go to classes. Sesshoumaru is training to be a doctor. He even told me that he has an internship at a real office… We had a lot of time to talk, can you tell?

He said that he was already taking half his college courses at a university. I was surprised, because he hadn't even gotten out of high school yet. Apparently, demons are more favored in the academics. Due to that, they can do a lot of things that we humans can't (like take several courses simultaneously instead of consecutively).

He was able to tell me what happened to my back, and he was able to fix it as well. He spent most of the time talking to me, which surprised me. That was the only reason it took so long.

As he pressed against my back, I would wince. Then he would press against my arm. I wouldn't realize it until he asked if I knew he was doing it. I was completely unable to do anything with my arm.

He finally said that it was worse than he thought. Something really bad for my shoulder. He started naming really big words, then he simply said that I had ruined my shoulder.

He said he would fix it, and then I passed out. When I woke up, the nurse was saying that he had healed me, but she didn't know how. I stretched my arm, and it didn't hurt. I moved around plenty, and it never hurt. Then it began to sting once again. I guess he healed it, but the muscle was more stubborn in the process.

I went through the classes. I went home during lunch, because there was a lot of pain in my shoulder. My backpack was making my muscle (I am guessing I tore it or something) hurt even worse. I just gave in.

I got home and… Oh my gosh! I cannot believe this!

I got roses… Quite the variety of colors, too! I got a few pink roses, a few yellow roses, a yellow one with red tips, and a solitary red rosebud. I'm really surprised. I looked at the card, and here's what it says… Ready?

_Hope you are doing fine… Your shoulder will probably hurt for a small while…_

I think it's really sweet. Someone who gave me roses and hand-wrote a card! Too bad all my friends have the same penmanship. They all write really neat, especially in cursive (which is what it's in).

I wasn't going to talk to people tonight, but the roses have put me in an excellent mood! So, I'll go ahead and chat with everyone…

_Poisoned_ is Sesshoumaru. _SpiderBack_ is Sango. _DamnHand_ is Miroku. _HumanPuppy_ is Inuyasha (I hope he doesn't IM me…), and I am _HolyDemon_.

**Poisoned has joined the conference.**

**SpiderBack has joined the conference.**

**DamnHand has joined the conference.**

**DamnHand:**_ Kagome, you forgot to invite Inuyasha…_

**HolyDemon:**_ No I didn't._

**SpiderBack: **_Why wouldn't you want to invite him? I still don't understand what happened this morning…_

**Poisoned: **_Ms. Kagome can understand the demon tongue. She merely heard what Inuyasha said, and he deserved to be hit for it._

**HolyDemon: **_That's right._

**SpiderBack:**_ Well? What did he say?_

**DamnHand:**_ I'm sorry Kagome. I should have told you sooner, but I really didn't want to tell you. I thought Inuyasha should, so you could have the information from him…_

**HolyDemon: **_Don't worry about it, Miroku. I appreciate where you're coming from, really… He didn't even tell me. I had to understand a language he didn't think I knew just to learn about it._

**SpiderBack:**_ WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!_

**HolyDemon: **_I assume you know who Kikyou is…_

**SpiderBack: **_Yeah, she's the creepy, cold bitch who hangs around him when you aren't near…_

**HolyDemon: **_Well, I didn't know that. No one told me a thing about her…_

**SpiderBack: **_I just found out the first day you didn't eat lunch with us and ate with Ice King over there._

**Poisoned: **_…_

**HolyDemon:**_ Anyway, he said that he thought I was ugly and that he would go out with her because at least he could fuck her. Then he started calling me a whore…_

**SpiderBack:**_ He shouldn't say things like that when he doesn't know._

**DamnHand: **_Know what? What doesn't he know!_

**Poisoned: **_I know that he knows nothing… But I am curious as to what you two are speaking of, Ms. Kagome_

**SpiderBack: **_Sorry, I was going to mention that in a different window. I kinda forgot that they didn't know…_

**HolyDemon:**_ STOP ASKING, YOU GUYS! IT'S NOT YOUR PLACE TO KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT! SANGO IS LUCKY SHE WAS ALLOWED TO KNOW!_

**Poisoned:**_ Ms. Kagome, can you read demon as well?_

**HolyDemon: **_I can try._

**Poisoned: **_Okay then._

**Poisoned: **_Hara ku mana kee ay. Tri maraki zu mono nie lie kee._

Mr. Diary, I shall translate what he just said. Those words were asking me if what no one else can know has to do with the loss of my virginity or the fact that Inuyasha called me a whore. Wow. He's smart… Too bad I can't say that for another hanyou…

**HolyDemon:**_ Miy_

That meant yes, just so you know.

**HolyDemon: **_Please, just don't ask me to explain…_

**Poisoned: **_If that's your wish, I will respect it, Ms. Kagome._

**SpiderBack: **_Times like this, I wish that I could find an online demon to English dictionary…_

**HolyDemon: **_You'd still be screwed. The sentence structures are all strange and everything._

**SpiderBack:**_ Oh…_

**HolyDemon:**_ Hey, did you guys hear that someone sent roses to my house? They even hand-wrote a note about how my shoulder will be sore for a small white…_

**SpiderBack: **_Wow…_

**Poisoned:**_ Seems that you don't know who it is…_

**HolyDemon:**_ Well, the penmanship is really neat. All my friends have good writing and really good cursive, which makes it hard for me to figure out which one wrote it._

**SpiderBack: **_I didn't give it to you._

**HolyDemon:**_ Where's Miroku? I was going to ask him if he gave it to me…_

**SpiderBack: **_I'd guess that he's talking to Inuyasha._

**DamnHand:**_ I'm here. I'm just not typing much…_

**HumanPuppy has joined the conference.**

**HolyDemon:**_ Miroku! What the fuck possessed you to let him speak to me!_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Kagome! Wait, don't leave!_

**HolyDemon:**_ Shut up, Inuyasha. I don't have to listen to you or your lying ass! You want to fuck a woman? Well, have Kikyou. I'm sure that her pretty face will look great drenched in sweat and under your tiny hard-on!_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Bitch!_

**HolyDemon:**_ Takes one to know one! Only you're just a bitch on the surface! It's worse down under. Now leave me alone!_

I close the window rapidly and stare at the computer. I take rapid deep breaths and try to calm down. I will not let my anger get the better of me. I will not allow myself to punch the computer like I so desperately want to.

**Poisoned:**_ Are you feeling alright, Ms. Kagome?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Yes, I'm fine. Just angry. Thanks for asking… If you still have the window open, let the others know that I will see them tomorrow… I guess I'll see you tomorrow as well…_

**HolyDemon:**_ Oh! And I promise I'll bring my own money to buy lunch. I won't forget._

**Poisoned:**_ Alright. I will see you tomorrow, Ms. Kagome._

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_It's hard to explain to people what you mean when no one really wants to hear or understand. It's even harder to do when your heart is so guarded that you can't even trust yourself…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

I have upped the reviews required for each chapter. Perhaps this will allow me to actually START chapters before you guys have the reviews required! I don't want to up the amount, but I have to if I expect to be a little ahead of you guys…

Seriously! You hit that point within the first day, and I'm not even starting on it until day two or three!

Ooooh… 20 reviews for the chapter. Think you guys can make it? I think so, because you're halfway there already and I haven't even typed a word for the story! SLOW DOWN PLEASE! (Not something you usually hear from an author)

The roses in this chapter have meanings. Look it up online, if you care. There are a lot of meanings for the same type of roses, though. So, it will be hard to get it exactly right.

Next Chapter: _Doctor's Appointment  
_Reviews Needed:** 150**

**- Lonely Bird**


	13. Doctor's Appointment

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
May 6th, 2006  
May 7th, 2006

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Thirteen: _Doctor's Appointment_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Thirteen: Friday_

Have you ever noticed how thirteen is an unlucky number? I guess I should have paid attention. After all, it's entry _thirteen_ on a _Friday_. Man, I am so shocked…

I am really trying to tell things in order, so I guess what shocked me will have to wait. First of all, I got more roses this morning. It was before I left for school that I saw them. They're the same ones as yesterday.

So, I put them in the vase with the last ones. Unfortunately, there was no hand-written card on these ones. So, I will have to guess who is sending them to me.

I have a hunch that it's Sango.

So, I walked to school. My shoulder was feeling much less sore compared to yesterday. I'm very curious what happened. I know that Sesshoumaru said that he would heal me, but… I don't know what he did. It confuses me.

Perhaps he didn't do anything but give me pain medication that takes forever to kick in… Oh well, thinking about it won't supply me with a solid theory of how he healed me. Probably some demon style of healing or something.

So, I went through my first classes, catching up on the notes I missed from being in the nurse's office for so long (yesterday). In one of my classes, the one that Sesshoumaru and I have together, I felt so strange.

I felt like there was something that he needed to tell me, but I couldn't figure out what it would be. Hell, I can't even figure out why I felt that way.

During lunch, I was able to buy lunch. I didn't have much, though. I forgot to ask my grandfather about the issue… So, I just bought myself a bag of chips and water.

Okay, I know that what I got is a really sucky lunch. But, what do you expect? I hardly even had enough to get the chips! The water? Well, I lied to the woman and told her it was mine that I brought from home.

Don't even try saying anything. This is my pathetic lunch, even if I have to steal some of it… Would this one-time thing label me as a thief? Nah.

I walked to Sesshoumaru's usual table. I had been able to remember where it was, since he helped me last time. I was really thankful that he sat there, instead of taking this chance to sit in a different spot or something.

Sesshoumaru was the only person who didn't look up as I walked to the table. Hiten, Goshinki, and Bankotsu all looked up at smiled at me. I waved, and Hiten pat the seat next to him for me to sit down.

When I sat down across from Sesshoumaru, he looked up. I thought he looked surprised, but he didn't. Perhaps it was an emotion that left quicker than it had come. That's just another reason why I don't like Sesshoumaru. You can't tell what he's thinking or what he's feeling…

Not that I really care what he thinks or feels. He's just the Ice Lord in my eyes. Nothing more… I guess he is also my escape from Inuyasha's harsh words.

I waved again to Sesshoumaru, and he said hello. Then he said he was surprised that I actually remembered to get lunch. I shrugged and opened my bag of chips.

Hiten asked why I only got chips, and I looked for a piece of paper to write the answer down on. Then Sesshoumaru said to say it in sign language and he would translate it.

So, I told him that I didn't have the money for anything else. Sesshoumaru told Hiten, which made Hiten gasp.

"If you don't have money, Kaggie- You don't mind if I call you that, do you? Like I was saying, if you don't have any money, you're welcome to ask any of us for some." Bankotsu said. I nodded shyly and looked at Sesshoumaru. I would imagine that the demons he was with wouldn't like any humans, since that's what he was like.

"I am rather curious… What is it about Ms. Kagome that has made you three fond of her?" Sesshoumaru asked. I watched as they all looked at each other, then at me. Hiten was first to respond.

He hugged me tightly, bringing my back against his chest. Then he said something about how adorable I was, and how could he not like me. When Hiten sensed how tense I was getting by the embrace, he stopped hugging me.

Goshinki said that he didn't mind my company. He said that most humans talk much more than needed and say things that they don't mean. But, I did not talk and only told them answers to questions, not stories about it.

Bankotsu said that he liked me just because I was so innocent. Funny, that isn't the word I would use to describe myself. He started attempting to explain, but Sesshoumaru just shook his head.

He said that I, Ms. Kagome, had managed to get four demons to appreciate me. Of course, there were many more people who hated me just because I had a permanent invitation to their table.

I slowly ate my lunch, paying attention to what the demons were speaking of. Sesshoumaru didn't talk much, he just listened. For some reason, I appreciated him for this. I don't know why.

One of the demons mentioned me (they were talking in demon, in case you weren't aware). I looked up and stared at him, curious as to why my name was being mentioned in their conversation.

This got Bankotsu's attention. After all, I was staring at him after he had said my name in demon. He looked at me and then at Sesshoumaru.

"It's almost like she can understand demon." He said, his language still not the human language. I watched as Sesshoumaru's head moved slowly up and down. He closed his eyes and allowed a slight smirk to appear on his face.

"She can." He replied in demon. Bankotsu, Hiten, and Goshinki all looked at me. I smiled faintly, wishing Sesshoumaru hadn't spilled the secret. It's amazing the things you will learn when people are speaking about you in a language you shouldn't be able to understand.

Goshinki asked me, in demon, if his shirt was red. I guess it was a test to see if I really knew the language or not. I looked at his shirt and shook my head. Sure, it had small red pieces on it, but it wasn't entirely red.

Everyone, except Sesshoumaru, was shocked. A human that knew demon was probably very strange. No matter how hard you try, it's nearly impossible to get humans to understand demons. That's mostly due to the fact that their sentence structures are so different than the human's way.

They continued to talk, and one of them asked me where I was going this afternoon. I guess it was just casual conversation that they were attempting. I signed that I was going to the doctor. Sesshoumaru translated (he's really handy that way, isn't he?)

They all nodded, but only one asked what it was for. I bit my lip and slowly signed that I wasn't sure if I had a certain illness or not. I wanted to make sure that I didn't have it. Thankfully, the questions stopped there.

They continued to speak in demon, only asking me questions every now and then. Demons can speak their own language easier than they can speak the human language. Just like when you learn, for example, German, you will always be more fluent in your first language than in German.

The bell rang, and I reached for my backpack. Hiten had already grabbed it and smiled. He said that he would take it to class for me, since we shared the same after-lunch class. I agreed, but reluctantly. I didn't really know if I could trust him entirely.

On the way to the classroom, he told me that he knows the alphabet in sign language. But that was all he knew. So, he asked me what my last name was, and I spelled it for him. He asked me if I was born mute or if it developed over time. I spelled out that I wasn't born mute.

He brought me to my seat and let me sit down. He set my backpack down next to me then went to his seat (which wasn't too far from mine).

During class, we were given an assignment. For humans, it was to find the importance of demons in the past. For demons, it was to find the importance of humans in history. I thought it was a stupid project, but I didn't voice my complaints.

After my gym class, I walked home. I was sweating as I stepped through the door. My mom was standing there, holding the phone in her hand. I could see the glint in her eyes. She was aware of this world again.

I stepped forward, and my mom set the phone down. She said that the doctor would be there for me today, right away. She said that I would have to hurry. I nodded my head then hugged her.

My mother hugged me back, and I nearly began to cry. I would miss this very much. Times of her insanity, I usually accuse her and hate her for not being able to help me (forget the fact that I would deny the help). But… In times where she was connected to reality, I would always miss the times when she slipped away again.

She told me that she tried to come back to the world when someone called. When the doctor said he was calling about my appointment, she said she grew really concerned and was finally able to come back.

I kissed her cheek and hugged her again. I grabbed my keys and a granola bar. I opened the door to walk out and glanced back at my mom. She was standing there, with a blank look in her eyes. She had slipped back into another world and was no longer aware of me.

One of these days, I really hope that she'll come back to reality and stay here…

I drove to the office, eating my granola bar along the way. It was the only thing I could find to snack on. When I got to the office, I walked in and wrote down who I was.

The lady told me where to go. Down the hall and to the left. I walked into the room and sat down. My report of why I was there had already been put into our family doctor, so I wouldn't need to explain that.

I dangled my feet off the bed for ten minutes before someone came in. I didn't bother looking up, since I assumed that it was the doctor. He said that my doctor had to leave on short notice, and that he would be filling in for him.

I looked up to see Sesshoumaru looking over the report I had filed. My heart stopped as his hand stopped flipping pages.

"I know someone with the same name as you." He murmured. I didn't bother to put my last name down on the slip, since it was supposed to be my family doctor and he would know me.

Sesshoumaru looked up at me and I saw surprise on his face. I'm sure it was on my face as well.

Sesshoumaru dropped the vanilla-colored folder he was holding and stared at me. I bit my lip and looked down. How humiliating! To have someone from my high school read the charts and think the worst of me.

"Care to explain why you are testing for this, Ms.Kagome?" Sesshoumaru asked as he picked up the folder. How else could I explain to him why I was being tested for any STDs?

I slowly raised my shaky hands and began to form words with them. How terribly humiliated I felt.

I told him about Andrew and what had happened not too long ago. I told him how many women I'm sure Andrew rapes… I was afraid he would pass on a disease to me.

Sesshoumaru nodded, and thankfully didn't ask about the raping too much. He asked if that is what Kagura had smelled during lunch. I nodded my head. He asked if that was the reason that I wouldn't allow people to touch me, and I nodded again.

Then he told me that he would not tell anyone without my permission. He took me to a room and asked me to pull my pants and underwear off so he could test me for it. I bit my lip as hard as I could and began to do as he asked.

He ran the tests as quickly and accurately as he could. He said that he would have the results in a while, and he would be able to tell me at school. Probably on Monday or Tuesday.

I nodded my head very little and pulled my clothes back on. As I did this, I heard the door open and close. A little girl ran in with a sideways ponytail, giggling like someone was tickling her.

She called Sesshoumaru her father, and he just smiled at her. She started showing him pictures that she drew, and he said they were good. They were the type of pictures that kids just scribble, nothing too fancy.

She looked at me and asked if I was one of his patients. He said yes, but that I couldn't speak. She walked up to me and smiled with what could easily be the cutest grin I've ever seen.

"Hi! My name is Rin! Daddy says your name is Kagome. Is that right?" She asked innocently. I nodded my head and she hugged me tightly. I wasn't looking at Sesshoumaru, but I knew that he was watching me carefully to make sure that his daughter wasn't harmed. Funny. Sesshoumaru is a demon and he has a human daughter. I'll have to ask him about this later.

In fact, I'll ask him now. We have the window opened up. I don't know who will be on right now. Miroku won't be in the conversation if Inuyasha isn't in it.

Crap. I have two windows open right now. I'll have to put the second window in after the first one. I guess I'll put the conversation between Sesshoumaru and I first, since that one probably will end sooner.

**Poisoned:**_ So, Ms. Kagome… Will you explain something to me?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Probably not, but I would really like to ask you a question right now._

**Poisoned:**_ Then ask._

**HolyDemon:**_ The little girl, Rin… She calls you her father, but she's human and you're demon… So, how is she your daughter?_

**Poisoned:**_ I met Rin when my father, whom is a lawyer, was dealing with some issues with an orphanage. She became attached to me._

**HolyDemon:**_ I don't mean this offensively, but what possessed you to adopt her? I have never seen you show emotion towards anything, except hating your brother… It's hard for me to picture you caring enough to adopt a kid. Especially a human, since everyone talks about how much you hate humans._

**Poisoned:**_ You mention good points. Human children usually annoy me more than grown humans… But she seemed more calm than most I had known. So, I offered to take her out to ice cream._

**Poisoned:**_ I have to admit, it is really degrading to mention that the little girl had made me feel sorry for her. She had both her parents killed by some gang that went by the name of "wolf"…_

**HolyDemon:**_ … Still listening…_

**Poisoned:**_ Well… I had finally felt that she deserved a home. My father adopted her legally, but she is my full responsibility._

**HolyDemon:**_ How long as she been your adoptive daughter?_

**Poisoned:**_ Nearly nine months._

**HolyDemon:**_ Wow. That's really sweet, Sesshomaru._

**Poisoned: **_I don't know whether to take that as an insult or compliment… I think it is more of an insult._

**HolyDemon:**_ It wasn't supposed to be, but whatever suits you…_

**HolyDemon:**_ You said that you wanted to ask me something?_

**Poisoned: **_Yes, that is correct._

**HolyDemon:**_ Then why aren't you asking already?_

**Poisoned:**_ You can't back out of asking, Ms. Kagome._

**HolyDemon:**_ Yes, sir!_

**Poisoned: **_In the doctor's office… You had said that someone raped you and that you feared STDs._

**HolyDemon: **_That's not a question._

**Poisoned:**_ Because I'm not done. Now don't interrupt me._

**HolyDemon:**_ Sorry, Mr. Ice Lord._

**Poisoned: **_I'm not laughing._

**HolyDemon: **_So? I am. That's all that matters._

**Poisoned:**_ Whatever._

**Poisoned:**_ The question… You should know that a demon's nose is very precise._

**HolyDemon:**_ That's not a question, either. But yes, I know that._

**Poisoned:**_ I could smell that your hymen hadn't been taken recently. The story you have given me doesn't line up with what I smell. It seems as if your hymen has been gone a while._

**HolyDemon:**_ …_

**Poisoned: **_And I looked through your doctor's records. It seems that a few years ago is when you first filed for the fear of STDs, and a few times after that. Is there something you forgot to tell me?_

**HolyDemon:**_ No._

**Poisoned:**_ You're lying._

**HolyDemon:**_ No I'm not. I didn't forget to tell you. I just chose not to. After all, you had to run tests on a fellow peer. I felt just as uneasy as you, so I figured that the shortest explanation would be the easiest._

**Poisoned:**_ Ms. Kagome. Tell me what happened._

**HolyDemon:**_ Do I have to?_

**Poisoned: **_Yes. You told me that you would not back out. Just scroll up and view the rest of the chat if you doubt my word._

**HolyDemon:**_ Damn._

**HolyDemon:**_ In the middle of seventh grade, I moved to America (from Japan)…_

**Poisoned:**_ Hence your slight accent._

**HolyDemon:**_ If you keep writing things in the middle of my story, I'll just stop telling you. Now stop!_

**Poisoned:**_ You have my attention, Ms. Kagome._

**HolyDemon:**_ Okay. Sango only knows the surface of it, she doesn't know the details. In fact, no one does. I haven't told anyone because… That's not the point._

**HolyDemon:**_ In seventh grade, I moved to America, and I used to live in Japan. My best friend, Kimi, had a boyfriend. In Japan, he had told us that he was in a rapist gang._

**HolyDemon:**_ Well, when I moved to America, he began to mail me all the time. Then I slowly convinced myself that he was just joking about the rapist gang… Well, I met up with him, and he said he wanted to show me something really cool._

**HolyDemon:**_ I went with him, thinking he would take me to one of the local parks. He took me to some place I can't really remember. He led me into a room with picture of bondage and all that stuff that some guys are into. The whole 'pain is pleasure' deal._

**HolyDemon:**_ At that time, I wasn't able to get out. He had a gun and a knife on him. He threatened me with the knife, if I tried to run. So, I didn't. Then he let my best friend, Kimi, out of a closet…_

**HolyDemon:**_ He raped us both. He had both our heads near the bed post, and we were tied down. He used a knife to try to convince us that pain is pleasure. He would bang both Kimi's and my head against the bed frame._

**HolyDemon:**_ So, when he was done, he left us at a park with our ripped clothes. Kimi was bleeding really bad – worse than me – and they took her to the hospital._

**HolyDemon:**_ I… I had found out that she was coming to surprise me. Andrew had gotten into the airport and threatened her. So, she had to go with him. My mom didn't know how she got here and became attacked. Her parents came down…_

**HolyDemon:**_ She died after four months of struggling for her life. The damage, blood loss, and other things were just too severe for her body to repair. She died before they could even think about taking her off of life support._

**HolyDemon:**_ Since then, Andrew raped me twice. The third time was on Sunday, and that's when I got worried that he may have given me a disease… So, he has raped me four times…_

**Poisoned:**_ For the first time in years, I am unable to come up with anything to say._

**HolyDemon:**_ Can you never mention this again? And PLEASE don't spread rumors about the school or something. The only thing worse will be for everyone to know the details of what happened._

**Poisoned:**_ I do not gossip._

**HolyDemon:**_ Girls around you do._

**Poisoned:**_ So?_

**HolyDemon:**_ All it takes is for you to accidentally spill it and millions of crazed girls will hear it and tell the rest of the school._

**Poisoned: **_Don't worry, I will mention nothing. Now, I am closing this window, since I am checking my email._

Checking email. I haven't done that in a while. I'll do that while I paste the conversation from the group…

**DamnHand has joined the conference.**

**SpiderBack has joined the conference.**

**HumanPuppy has joined the conference.**

**DropDeadGorgeous has joined the conference.**

**Poisoned has joined the conference.**

**HolyDemon:**_ Hey, you guys…_

**SpiderBack:**_ Hey… Who is DropDeadGorgeous?_

**HumanPuppy:**_ It's Kikyou._

**DamnHand: **_Inuyasha, you are truly an idiot for inviting her to a conference in which Kagome invited you._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Shut the fuck up, Miroku._

**Poisoned:**_ Ms. Kagome… Don't you have the power, since you initiated the conference, to kick people out?_

**SpiderBack:**_ Who would she kick out?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Kick-the-hoe._

**DamnHand: **_Who's that?_

**HolyDemon: **_Kick-the-hoe is "Kikyou"_

**DropDeadGorgeous: **_How dare you insult me like that!_

**HolyDemon: **_Be careful. If I could do it through computers, I would beat the fucking life out of you._

**DropDeadGorgeous: **_Why would you hate someone as beautiful as me?_

**Poisoned:**_ You are not beautiful. You have the body that a stranger wishes to fuck. You have the personality that keeps a stranger from doing such things._

**DamnHand:**_ Even I have to agree. As much as I love women and seeing them naked, I would hate to see you naked._

**HumanPuppy:**_You guys! Just leave Kikyou alone! She didn't do anything to you!_

**DamnHand:**_ On the contrary, Inuyasha, she has done everything to us._

**HumanPuppy:**_ What has Kikyou done to you guys?_

**SpiderBack: **_You broke Kagome's fragile heart to go to her!_

**HumanPuppy:**_ What the hell makes you think that Kagome is fragile? She fucking knocked me down!_

**HolyDemon:**_ So! You tore a muscle in my shoulder! I think that I'm much more delicate than you, you dick!_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Shut up, Kagome. You're just a whore._

**Poisoned:**_ Inuyasha, you insolent and ignorant dog. You have to right to speak to Ms. Kagome on such terms. If you feel you have the right to call her a whore, then there are two things you must do first, just so you know of the definition._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Annnd… ?_

**Poisoned:**_ You will have to learn of Ms. Kagome's past, and you will have to think of how many people Kikyou has fucked. I have seen her fuck people in classrooms during school hours. She is more of the whore than Ms. Kagome._

**Poisoned: **_Unless you know of Ms. Kagome's past, you have no right to accuse her of selling her own virginity._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Why the hell did she tell you what happened? I was her friend for ages and she never told me!_

**HolyDemon:**_ Perhaps it's because you were too busy being an asswipe for me to tell you! You had your head so far up your fat ass that you couldn't hear me through the shit going through you!_

**DamnHand:**_ I am curious as to what happened, Kagome._

**SpiderBack:**_ You're making it seem worse than what I know._

**HolyDemon:**_ You guys just need to stop talking about it! People are always asking about it! Just stop!_

**DropDeadGorgeous: **_Kagome, just fuck off. You are a whore, and speaking the way you are doesn't do anything for your image._

**DropDeadGorgeous: **_Not to mention, having your boyfriend lie in your defense is just a bad trick._

**Poisoned:**_ I don't lie in such ways, bitch._

**HolyDemon:**_ You know what, guys? I'm leaving. Forget it. I can't just talk to you guys with you always accusing me of being a whore. I am not. Unless you understand what happened, you shouldn't say things like that._

**HolyDemon:**_ It's because of people like you that I stopped talking in the first place! Inuyasha, pay attention to me._

**HumanPuppy:**_ …_

**HolyDemon:**_ You knew how much I had a crush on you. I was liking you so much that I was going to SPEAK and tell you. I was willing to break my silence just to let you know what I was feeling for you. Why? Because you actually cared about me, from what I thought. I was willing to tell you what had happened, and I was willing to trust for the first time in four or five years._

**HolyDemon: **_But, the day I wished to speak to you, you insulted me by saying I was stupid in speaking to your brother. Then I was willing to forgive you and speak again, but you were tripping over your ego and you had to say another insult to drive me away._

**HolyDemon:**_ Thanks, Inuyasha. Because of assholes like you, I'm not a virgin anymore. Also, because of assholes like you, I can't trust myself anymore. Forget about trusting other people, because I know that won't be happening._

I feel more tears run down my eyes as I close the window and start turn off my computer. I didn't get around to checking my email. I couldn't. Not with everything that happened…

Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day. I have to go dry my tears…

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_It's hard to explain to people what you mean when no one really wants to hear or understand. It's even harder to do when your heart is so guarded that you can't even trust yourself…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Next Chapter: _Party  
_Reviews Needed:** 180**

**- Lonely Bird**


	14. Party

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
May 7th, 2006  
May 9th, 2006

**Sorry I didn't put the chapter up sooner. I'm having A LOT of problems at home. I'm not allowed on the computer at all, so I wanted to get away from my mom before I updated...**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Fourteen: _Party_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Fourteen: Saturday_

Today was, overall, good and bad. I smiled plenty, but there are some serious problems… I guess I'll go in order of when things happened…

I woke up with tears covering my face this morning. I also woke up really early.

I don't feel any better than last night. My heart is still throbbing in pain as I think of how Inuyasha was determined on me being a whore. Even worse, he has convinced kick-the-hoe that I'm a whore.

She doesn't even know me. And, out of all people, she has no right to say that to me. She's the only person in school who will fuck anyone. I mean _anyone_; men or women. She doesn't care…

Oh. I also adopted a dog today. It was for protection and comfort. I asked my grandfather (without words, of course), and he said it was fine, just as long as I kept it fed and made sure it didn't shit near the holy areas at our house. Mainly areas like the God Tree, the well house, and other holy locations.

He also said that he would make sure we had plenty of food. My job was just cleaning the shit, and making sure the dog didn't starve (or dehydrate).

He didn't actually say shit, but I am in a bad mood right now.

So, I got the dog at six in the morning. I didn't even realize that animal shelters opened that early. At first, I didn't care what type of dog. Then I decided I wanted one that would protect me and one that I could take on walks. I am actually happy to have one that I can take with me to some places.

I was looking around, and most of the dogs were either too hyper or too calm. They were asleep, near death (or so it seemed), or ready to jump through the chain-link doors.

I found the perfect dog, though. He was just sitting there. The person who was leading me around and telling me about the dogs advised me against it. He said that the dog was overly protective and often hurt things that it shouldn't.

At first, this alarmed me. After all, I have a kitty (although really fat) named Buyo. Still, I felt the need to look closer at him.

His eyes were an odd shade of yellow. Almost like gold, but with a tint of orange with them. I asked for him to be taken out, and the person reluctantly did it.

The dog was so sweet. As I walked him around, the dog stayed right by my side. When I stopped, he stopped and sat down at my heels. When I knelt down, he would get down on his belly and pay attention to whatever I looked at.

I started idly petting him in the little room that they give you to be with the dog. My mind began to wander to last night and how weird dried tears felt on my face. As I began to get depressed again, he pushed his head into my stomach.

So, I got the dog. He seemed to be really concerned with how I felt, which was the main reason I got him. He didn't mind my grandfather or my mother. He and my cat got along great, too!

I set up his bowl across my room from Buyo's dish. I filled it with dog food and with water. He paid little attention to the food then began to sleep on my bed. Buyo made himself comfortable.

I named the dog Kimbo. It was the only name I could think of that would remind me of Kimi. I would have named him Kimi, but it's a male dog, and it just doesn't seem to work.

So, I got the dog. That was one of the good things. Then Sango came over and demanded that she take us shopping. When I gave her a questioning look, she said that there was a party going on tonight.

I don't like parties, and she knows this. But I also know that she won't ask me to do anything if there's a chance it can harm or hurt me. So, I agreed (rather reluctantly and skeptically) that I would accompany her to this party.

Sango took me to the mall and began to go on a shopping spree. Sango's father is pretty rich (although he's rarely ever home). He has some demon exterminating business that Sango will run when she's old enough. Her brother, Kohaku, will work in it too. Some family legacy thing that I don't get…

So, we began to go shopping. I didn't even look at clothes, but Sango insisted that I try things on. Then she elected to buy the things, saying I _needed_ them. I don't understand how I need more clothes. I am fine with the ones I have.

When I told her that the ones I have suit me just fine, Sango corrected me immediately. She said that most, if not all, of my clothes have holes in them in one spot or another. She also said that I needed to get a new wardrobe if I expected to get better.

Get better? What the fuck has Sango been drinking?

I wrote my question down, and she explained that too. She thinks that the reason I'm so devastated over the rape is because I haven't changed. I have all the same clothes since the first time I was raped (it really scares me how she knows this). And, having all the same clothes will just remind me of what happened and I'll become more depressed…

I didn't realize I still had clothes from seventh grade… I'll have to see if she's right about that.

So, after fifty hours of shopping, Sango was satisfied and had spent half of her spending money for the week. THE WEEK! Oh my God. She spent over five thousand dollars (probably about ten thousand, I'd guess) on this shopping trip. Then again, she is constantly telling me how many people will pay to have demons exterminated. It's a great business, she claims.

So, she drove me back to my house, and I took the bags of clothes that she had gotten me. She said to be at the party at seven, no later. I agreed and took the piece of paper from her.

I went inside and began to put away all the new clothes. My grandfather, whom was walking out the door at the time, raised an eyebrow at all the bags. Especially since we can't really afford things like this.

He asked if Sango took me shopping, and I nodded my head. He chuckled and went outside with his coffee and more _magical_ sutras…

I went on the computer and opened up my email, which is where I'm at now. I was looking over my email and figured I might as well write in my diary. Then, after the party, I'll write once more.

It's been about one or two weeks since I last checked my email. I get my brother mad a lot, since he's always sending me things and I never reply.

Speaking of Souta, he sent me something… Here it is.

_Hey sis…_

_I just got the official go-ahead from my roommate. He'll be gone for a few days, so you get to come over during those days. You can fly here on Tuesday morning, and you'll get here in the afternoon… I'll have you back probably on Friday… I'm not too sure exactly when._

_If you can buy the tickets for yourself, I'll pay you back. Just ask grandpa. He always has extra money stored in case of an emergency. Trust me, this is an emergency._

_I talked to Inuyasha the other day. We were both online… Inuyasha was saying a lot of bad things about you. What happened between you two? It used to be that you couldn't get Inuyasha to say a single mean thing towards you. Now he seems to have completely turned on you._

_I guess I'll ask you when I see you here… I hope things are going good, Kags. I really worry about you. Especially since you don't talk anymore… I still want to know what happened. I'm expecting you to tell me when you come to see me._

_Love you forever._

_- Souta_

You know what? Even without speaking, I'm still managing to tell people what has happened. I told my best friend, Sango. And I told someone who hates my guts, Sesshoumaru. Now I have to tell my brother.

I can't help but feel like this will only drag me down further. Perhaps it's just a reason for Andrew to do it again.

Ugh. I shouldn't even be typing _his_ name in my diary. That's just wrong…

I have a reply from Sango. When I told her about the rape a while ago. She finally replied… And it's just one work. _Ok_. Sometimes I wonder why people even send me emails if they're only one word.

Now here's a sender I don't recognize…

_PmakesP_ I don't think I want to ask… Great. Guess who it's from! Here, Mr. Diary, I'll put it in her and you can determine who it is.

_Hello, beautiful._

_I don't hear from you anymore. You used to write me letters all the time. Then we saw each other. Now you don't talk to me. Why is that? I'll fix that problem._

_I know that you're going to Arizona on Tuesday. Weren't you going to tell me? Well, since you didn't tell me, I will have to go there so we can be together anyway._

_Tell your brother that he can't know about your past. You know full well that anyone who knows about you and I will have to die. Either that, or I'll have to punish you worse than the last time._

_You like being punished, don't you, bitch? You're my little whore, aren't you? Yes, you are. You're my bitch and whore. No one will change that._

_I'll see you in Arizona._

I think I'm about to pass out. I'll get on and write later. I have to get ready for the party. Bye, Mr. Diary.

Oh my God! It's so… I can't even begin to describe how angry I am right now. You won't believe what I saw at the party!

Okay, I guess I should calm down and tell you everything that happened. Okay, first of all, I got ready for the party. Sango had to help me. I was originally going to wear pants and a long-sleeved shirt. Well, that wasn't good enough for Sango.

She got a bright red skirt that reached down halfway past my thighs. She picked out a black shirt with sparkles along the edges of the sleeves and the bottom hem line.

She then decided that I looked fine. She drove her car there (she had to stop by her house, so I drove separately), and I drove mine. I got there right after her and we walked in together. All is fine, right?

So, I was hanging out with her and she offered me a soda. She gave it to me (unopened, thankfully), and I began to drink it. She wandered off when she found Miroku. I wandered to where everyone was dancing to the overly loud band.

Then I saw what bothered me so much. Inuyasha had his arms around Kikyou's waist with his hands on her slutty ass. They were grinding against each other. By the sweat on their bodies, I was pretty sure they'd been dancing this intensely for a while.

I got really upset, and Inuyasha turned to look at me. I knew that I looked absolutely pathetic. To him, I was a mute whore standing alone in a party. That only showed him how much I depended on him.

I silently prayed for a way to get out of there without Inuyasha thinking that I was really dependant on him. That was the last thing I wanted him to think. I didn't want him under the impression that he was all I had. I wanted him to think that I was doing perfectly fine without his pathetic self.

But, as my body froze and I stared at him, I was doing the exact opposite of what I had hoped I would be able to do. I was showing him exactly what he wanted to see. I was helpless without him.

Just as Inuyasha's grin turned smug, I felt the sadness come over me. He had won, and now he was fully aware of it.

I felt someone come up behind me and stop. I turned my attention to them, and Sesshoumaru smirked. He signaled (very discreetly, I will add), that I needed to play along.

He gave me something that was in his hand. I smiled and took a sip. Woah. That was a surprise on it's own. It was some type of alcohol. I could feel the burning in my throat. Although, unlike the stronger alcohols, the burning quickly subsided.

I found myself taking another slip. I cast a side glance to see Inuyasha's mouth hanging open. I'm sure a few flies even wandered in there too.

Sesshoumaru leaned down and took the cup from me. I was somewhat disappointed, because I had actually enjoyed the taste of the liquor. Sesshoumaru whispered that he was doing this to make Inuyasha regret hurting my feelings.

Even though he said this, I felt as though he was drunk and wasn't quite doing this for the reason he had stated.

He began to dance with me. Not normal dancing, either. He was holding my waist to his, his head on my shoulder, and grinding into me. Just as Inuyasha and Kick-the-hoe were doing.

I rested my head against his chest, just hoping this would piss Inuyasha off even further. I looked to the side and I could tell he was just plain pissed. It could be the fact that I wasn't as hurt as he thought, or it could be because I was grinding with his brother.

I remember thinking about that, then another thought entered my mind. Something along the lines of _his very sexy brother_. It shocked the fucking life out of me when I thought about that.

Perhaps it was the influence. Although I hadn't had that much to drink, but there was a chance that it was one of the stronger ones mixed with tasty ingredients.

I doubted it was this, though. For some reason, it felt like the more sober part of my brain was thinking that, rather than the part feeding on the alcohol. With that thought, I pulled away and signaled that I wanted something else to drink.

Sesshoumaru smirked and leaned down with his mouth right next to my ear. I was too drunk to be afraid of his close proximity, so I didn't tense up (thankfully, because that would have been embarrassing for Inuyasha to notice that I wasn't with Sesshoumaru like we had made it seem.)

Sesshoumaru whispered in my ear that he would get me some spiked drink, since I wasn't a demon. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Demons have a drinking age of fifteen, since they're more immune to alcohol than humans are. Lucky bastards.

I watched Sesshoumaru go away and looked at Inuyasha. He looked really mad as he stopped dancing with Kikyou and came over to me. I watched his anger in amusement. Well, it was amusement until he dragged me to a secluded area and pushed me up against the wall. His eyes were flashing red, and I knew that he probably had alcohol too. That would mean that he wasn't entirely sober. His anger was increased by the alcohol.

I could tell you what happened in short. He threatened me. But it was scary. Inuyasha was turning full demon. Full demons (or demons in their "true form") usually don't recognize people at all. So, for example, if Inuyasha turned demon, he would kill kick-the-hoe (and I would be SO happy!)

He began shouting at me in demonic, and I caught every single word he had to say. He said that I, being a whore, had no right to be with anyone else. If I was a whore, then I was supposed to give myself to him first, he claimed.

He knelt down and I saw his sharper claws. He placed them right on my pelvis and I bit my lip. It hurt more than I had thought. Wasn't that area just as touch as the rest of my body?

Guess not.

He began to take his claws and rip up to my stomach. He stopped and stared at me for a while. I couldn't tell if he was staring at my stomach or staring off into space and my stomach was only the portal.

Sesshoumaru came up, growling. He said something really sweet (although I knew he didn't want it to be that way. He had to play along to piss Inuyahsa off.)

"Inuyasha. Do you intend to stare at my date any longer with her blood running down your hands?" Sesshoumaru asked. Inuyasha turned to look at him, meaning I couldn't see his face. I pulled his claws out from me (he was still dazed), and I told him sit.

To my absolute shock, Inuyasha fell over on his butt. I smiled and began to walk to Sesshoumaru. Yes, it hurt like all of fucking hell was trying to get in through the cut. But, I toughed it out.

Sesshoumaru said that he was going home, and that I should as well. He gave me a can of 7-Up and told me to drink it at home. What's worse? Driving under the influence, or driving when you're bleeding like hell?

I got home, carrying the can of spiked seven-up. I walked inside and looked through my grandfather's old-fashioned medicine box. I pulled out the bandages that you had to wrap around the wound.

I went to my room, undressed myself, and wrapped my bleeding pelvis. Some of my stomach was cut up, but I didn't really care. It was my pelvis that was feeling most of the pain.

Why had Inuyasha stopped when he hit my stomach? That was kind of strange… I'll think about it later. Hurts to think about it right now.

After I wrapped up my pelvis, I pulled on some _really _loose pajamas. I mean, these things are so loose that they might as well just fall off me. I started drinking my "7-Up", which tasted really good for having alcohol mixed in with it.

I signed onto my instant messenger not long ago. No one is on, because no one is home from the party. I guess there's nothing to do now.

Hey, Sesshomaru just signed on. I'm going to stop writing for a moment so I can speak with him. I'll post the conversation here, then I'm going to bed.

**HolyDemon:**_ Hey, Sesshoumaru._

**Poisoned:**_ Hello, Ms. Kagome. How well are you faring from my brother's attack?_

**HolyDemon:**_ I can't say that it's all fine. I've been better… The pain died down since I started drinking what you gave me._

**Poisoned:** _I am glad that my illegal actions are helping you, Ms. Kagome._

**HolyDemon:**_ What did you put in the 7-Up?_

**Poisoned:**_ There is no 7-Up. I drank it then filled it with a human-strength alcohol. The stuff you drank from my cup was too strong. I was slightly surprised that you didn't pass out from what you took. That's enough to knock any human out._

**HolyDemon:**_ Well, remember, I also speak demon fluently. I'm a strange breed of human._

**Poisoned:**_ You are a miko, are you not?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Was…_

**Poisoned:**_ I am assuming that you lost your powers when you were raped. If my readings are correct, any un-pure things (sex with someone you don't love, drug use, alcoholism…) will strip your powers from you._

**HolyDemon:**_ That's right. I should have lost all them, but I still have a few of the powers left. Mainly just the immunity to demons._

**Poisoned:**_ I have heard of a woman who can help you in this. Perhaps she can help you regain your powers…_

**HolyDemon:**_ No, thank you. I can't talk, remember?_

**Poisoned:**_ I can escort you._

**HolyDemon:**_ Thanks for the offer, but I still don't want to go. I just don't like having to explain to people why they were taken._

**Poisoned:**_ It is understandable._

**HolyDemon:**_ I'm going to bed. I am very tired. Perhaps I will talk to you tomorrow…_

**Poisoned:**_ Perhaps._

**HolyDemon:**_ If you see Inuyasha…_

**Poisoned:**_ Don't worry, he'll receive hell tonight for other reasons._

**HolyDemon:**_ Thanks, Sesshoumaru. It's kind of strange how you're my closest friend right now._

**Poisoned: **_Oh? What about your other friends? The two humans…_

**HolyDemon:**_ Well, they're nice and all, but they won't leave Inuyasha's side. And I can't have them sit at your table with you… So, I just can't see them anymore._

**Poisoned:**_ If it would please you, Ms. Kagome, you may bring them on Monday. If they are tolerable, I will allow you to bring your human friends._

**HolyDemon:**_ Wow. I thought you hated humans…_

**Poisoned:**_ Many people do. But my human child has softened my opinion of most of them. Of course, Kick-the-hoe will never have a good opinion in my book…_

**HolyDemon:**_ Heh. Well, I'm going to bed. The alcohol and the blood loss are kicking in._

**HolyDemon:**_ G'night, Sesshoumaru._

**Poisoned:**_ Goodnight, Ms. Kagome._

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_It's hard to explain to people what you mean when no one really wants to hear or understand. It's even harder to do when your heart is so guarded that you can't even trust yourself…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

I have discovered something. I hate my mother… Mind if I unload and explain to you guys?

Okay, I used to be a cutter (and I am seriously considering becoming one again). Since I stopped cutting, there are very few things that can give me ANY relief from pain. Writing is one of them. Being with my horse is the other.

My mom took most of my writing from me. So, now my horse is my only source of relief from anything I feel (stress, pain, whatever). My mom will now not allow me to see my horse because I didn't call her when I went to the ranch on Tuesday (the ninth). Gee, we go EVERY FUCKING TUESDAY. It's not like this is a surprise to her. It's not like it's sporadic. But, she took it away anyways.

Next Chapter: _Recovery  
_Reviews Needed:** 210**

**- Lonely Bird**


	15. Recovery

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
May 9th, 2006  
May 12th, 2006

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Fifteen:_ Recovery_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Fifteen: Sunday_

Wow. I am still shocked…

I woke up this morning, and you know what happened? The bandages on my pelvis were gone. _GONE!_ It scared me so much at first.

I started to go get more, but I didn't. I was almost out my bedroom door when I realized that there wasn't any pain in my pelvis anymore. It felt as if nothing had ever happened. I looked down at it to see that there was nothing there.

Naturally, this scared me. I could have sworn that there was something there last night. So, I began to go through my diary files. No, I wrote about the gashes and everything. Unless I was drunk at the time of typing (and I don't think I was), there was no way for it to have changed.

I gave up trying to figure it out and I fed Kimbo. I walked across the room and fed Buyo. Of course, Buyo was still asleep and didn't really notice. Kimbo didn't pay attention to his food. He just followed me around.

That's why I love the dog.

I went in my bathroom (it's connected to my bedroom) and took a shower. As I was washing myself, I realized something else that was strange.

All the scars that Andrew had given me were gone. There was absolutely no trace of them ever being there.

I stepped out of the shower and dried my hair. All my scars even appeared to be gone. They weren't just not noticeable in feeling, but they were gone entirely. I thought maybe I just wasn't feeling them, but…

I quickly got dressed and got online. Sesshoumaru and Sango were on. They would have to do. I wanted to tell everyone except for Puny-marsha (Inuyasha). I opened up the windows and invited them both to a conference.

Here's the conversation, since I don't want to ruin too much of it by only explaining it to you…

**SpiderBack has joined the conference.**

**Poisoned has joined the conference.**

**SpiderBack:**_ What's going on, Kags?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Remember all the scars you've seen on me? The ones from Andrew?_

**SpiderBack:**_ Yes, what about them?_

**Poisoned:**_ …_

**HolyDemon:**_ THEY'RE GONE!_

**Poisoned:**_ How interesting._

**SpiderBack:**_ Strange._

**HolyDemon:**_ Sesshoumaru, you saw the cut Inuyasha gave me on my pelvis. It's gone too! There is nothing there to even indicate that it was there!_

**Poisoned:**_ I can venture a guess on what happened, Ms. Kagome._

**SpiderBack:**_ Start venturing!_

**Poisoned:**_ Ms. Kagome. You mentioned that your miko powers were stripped away when you were raped. I believe they may have returned. Try using them as you would when you did have them._

**HolyDemon:**_ Okay, brb._

I paused and went outside. I picked up a stick and attempted to channel miko energy through it. Perhaps I would be able to do this, but I really doubted it.

You can only imagine my surprise when the stick began to glow blue. I threw it and it hit a tree. The tree's trunk disintegrated beneath the miko's energy. I grinned and quickly ran back up to my computer.

**HolyDemon:**_ Oh my gosh! It worked you guys! I have my miko powers back!_

**SpiderBack:**_ Wow. That's so amazing, Kagome! I'm so happy for you!_

**HolyDemon:**_ Yeah, I'm really happy…_

**Poisoned:**_ Ms. Sango… Would you mind leaving so I may speak with Ms. Kagome?_

**SpiderBack:**_ No problem. Have fun, you two!_

**SpiderBack has left the conference.**

**HolyDemon:**_ What's up?_

**Poisoned:**_ Now that you have miko powers, you may need to train again. I wish to offer you my services._

**HolyDemon:**_ That sounds nice, but I won't be around this week. Perhaps when I'm back?_

**Poisoned:**_ May I inquire as to where you're going?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Arizona. My brother and I get to see each other again._

**Poisoned:**_ I see._

**HolyDemon:**_ Hey… Sesshoumaru? Can I ask you a really… strange question?_

**Poisoned:**_ I don't see why not._

**HolyDemon:**_ I have to go out today… I have a feeling that Andrew or Inuyasha will see me. The thought is really scaring me. Will you… Would you be too embarrassed to escort me?_

**Poisoned:**_ Yes._

**HolyDemon:**_ Don't spare my feelings._

**Poisoned:**_ You asked if I'd be embarrassed. I only replied truthfully. Now, if you are asking if I will accompany you, then I will answer that._

**HolyDemon:**_ That is what I was trying to ask you. Will you come with me?_

**Poisoned:**_ I will, Ms. Kagome._

**HolyDemon:**_ Thanks._

**Poisoned:**_ I will be at your house in an hour or two._

**HolyDemon:**_ Oh, I'm gonna bring my dog, too._

**Poisoned:**_ Then I assume we'll be walking. Alright, Ms. Kagome. I will see you._

**HolyDemon: **_Bye…_

It feels really strange to be asking Sesshoumaru for favors. You know what feels even more strange though? The feeling of contentment that comes when he agrees to help me.

Why is he helping me, anyway? Perhaps I will ask him that some other time.

I got ready as soon as I could. It took me a long time, for some awkward reason. I actually took my time to get ready. Well, before I attempted to get ready, I grabbed a quick snack and munched on it quickly. Then I wandered upstairs and brushed my teeth.

I took special care of my appearance too. I convinced myself that I was only trying to cover up the few ugly pimples that were covering my face.

However, I know that isn't true. My real motives (which must be obvious by now) are for me and me only… Perhaps I'll tell you later.

I grabbed a leash and connected it to Kimbo's choke-chain. I walked him out the door and sat down on the shrine steps. A smile filled my face as he began to lick my face. I silently pleaded for him to stop, but he only assumed that I was asking him to lick me even more.

Finally, I stood up. Hah. Victory over the dog. I stood up and dropped the leash. I began to do a slight victory dance… Okay, it wasn't such a _slight_ victory dance. I had ignored the dog completely and began to twirl in circles, raising my index fingers like I had accomplished something intelligent.

I don't know why I was so happy over being taller than the dog. But, when I was doing that, I remember thinking how happy I was that I could finally do something right. Something along the lines of me being able to defeat a man.

"What in Earth are you doing, Ms. Kagome?" I heard a stoic voice asking me. I turned around and came face-to-face with Sesshoumaru. He had a slight glint of amusement in his eyes. My body froze as I realized that he had just witnessed my victory dance. Even worse, it was a victory dance over my _dog_. Humiliated doesn't even begin to describe how I was feeling.

I began to frantically signal what I was doing. Of course, because I didn't really know what I was doing either, it came out really stupid. Sesshoumaru gripped the dog leash and looked at the dog.

"I forgot about your speech impairment, Ms. Kagome. It appears I will walk the dog so you may communicate." He said. I nodded my head shyly and signaled that the dog's name was Kimbo.

"Kimbo…" He mumbled. I'm sure he was making a connection between the dog's name and the name of my deceased friend… We began walking, and I signaled to him where I wished to go first.

"What business do you have at the mall?" He questioned. I signaled that I needed more cat and dog food. He asked if I had a cat, and I told him the cat's name was Buyo. I also mentioned that Buyo was very fat and very lazy.

He made a sound that sounded like the beginning of a laugh. It shocked me so much I nearly forgot to keep walking. I had almost gotten the emotionless Lord of Ice to chuckle! I began to wave my hands around in question.

"No, Ms. Kagome. I do not believe I have ever heard your voice. Why do you ask?" That was a good question. Why did I ask? I shrugged my shoulders.

We continued to walk in silence. Why do you assume different, Mr. Diary? Do you expect me to actually speak to Sesshoumaru? Just because we're getting along doesn't that my pact of silence will be uplodged. If anything, I will only hold it down more firmly.

Although, as time passes, I'm having a hard time remembering why I am not talking… But that's beside the point. My mistake. I didn't mean to babble like that.

So, while we were walking, I tripped. I fell back against Sesshoumaru, which made me blush. Well, not the part about falling back against him. It was hitting near a certain part of his body that reminded me of the party last night.

I looked up at Sesshoumaru while I was leaning against this particular body part… Strange how I am so shy to think about it, yet it has entered me plenty of times… Maybe four isn't a lot, but it's more than I would appreciate.

Where was I? Oh yeah! I remember now! Leaning on Sesshoumaru's pelvis! Gee, that's easy to say…

I looked up at Sesshoumaru while I leaned against him, and he was blushing too. I opened my mouth and started to speak. I was fully ready to speak. But the words never left my mouth. They remained locked up and hidden. I closed my mouth and shook my head. That was stupid.

So, without moving, I began to move my hands. I was quite comfortable in this position. Sesshoumaru didn't seem to mind the little extra weight, either. As I finished signing my words to him, I leaned the back of my head on Sesshoumaru's chest and waited for his verbal response.

"About last night… I do not know why I was so agreeable to the act, either. I was not drunk and quite clear-headed… I remember saying it was to piss my brother off…" He slowly said. I stood up and shyly began to sign more of my thoughts.

Sesshoumaru was caught off-guard, just as I was. He slowly nodded his head. His eyes became almost all the way closed and a slight smile crept onto his face. I smirked at his expression, but he couldn't see it.

"As embarrassing as it is, Ms. Kagome, I must say that I agree. I enjoyed it somewhat, too." He slowly said. His eyes suddenly snapped open then he looked at me. He was panicked, as was I. We had both admitted that we liked the dirty dancing. We had both admitted that we liked grinding into each other in animalistic ways.

I saw the **Lord of Ice** invent new shades of red. I didn't even want to know what I looked like.

We continued to the mall, and neither of us spoke. I picked up the dog and cat food, which were placed in the same _heavy_ bag. I picked it up and it was must lighter than I expected. Then I realized that Sesshoumaru was holding the bag for me, as well as Kimbo. I smirked at his kindness then we began to walk out.

"_Thanks."_ I was so shocked that I had spoken. Sesshoumaru was really shocked, too. He froze, then he kept walking soon afterwards. He asked if I realized I had just spoken, and I nodded my head.

I signaled to him that I wanted to speak for a while, but my words had been tightly locked up even though I didn't want them to be. I told him that I would have spoken much sooner (perhaps a week ago?), but my voice just wouldn't function.

He nodded his head and said that he would tell no one that I had spoken without my permission. I signed the word for thank you, and then silence fell between us. Comfortable silence, actually. Before, it felt like the weird silence. It was just comfortable at that point.

On the way home, something caught Sesshoumaru's eye. He went inside to look at it, leaving me with the pet food and Kimbo. Then I saw Inuyasha come up. He looked at me, the dog, the pet food, then the masculine store I was standing outside of.

He asked why I was there, and I didn't answer. Even if I had the ability of getting my voice back (it's a lot harder to get back than you would think), I wouldn't speak for him. He was undeserving of hearing me after what he had done.

"So, Kagome. I saw that you and my brother were grinding together really well last night. I don't know why you say that you aren't a whore. If you're seducing my brother, then I think you are a whore. After all, what woman in her right mind would even think of Sesshoumaru as a sexual icon?" He asked.

Oh how I desired to answer that foolish question. Sesshoumaru had his own fan base that already think of him as a sex icon. I would go into detail about how, but I really don't want to think like that. It's just gross. Well, not the sex part (I'm getting immune to that). Thinking of a man you don't know only in regards to size, sex, and pleasure is gross.

I shouldn't have said that. Ew. Gross. Sorry, Mr. Diary.

I stared at Inuyasha as he began to tell me what a whore I was. And, for the first time since I had been raped, I didn't feel remorse over the words he had told me. I actually felt that he would get his own ass kicked by someone else. Even if it wasn't me.

My mind suddenly wandered to my miko powers that I had gotten back this morning. I snapped in front of his eyes to get his attention. Then I lowered my pants and lifted my shirt just enough to show him that my cuts were gone. I gave him a look of triumph to show him that I could no longer be dominated by him.

He growled them scratched my arm. I allowed him to do this. As soon as he did this, I showed him that I could heal within moments. He growled (rather loudly) and told me that I was a flimsy girl. He said that he would put me in my place so I would respect people with status as high as his.

Sorry, Inuyasha. Ego doesn't translate into status. Ego is ego, and you have a lot of that (I can't seem to figure out why). Status is something that you'll never have; why bother defining it?

Inuyasha attempted to hit me, and I quickly brought up a barrier. Then he tried to hit me where I wasn't expecting it. The one area that had been abused by Andrew four times and the one area I had just pushed against Sesshoumaru last night.

I freaked out and my body froze. The attack never came, and Sesshoumaru rescued me. Wow, is he handy. Sesshoumaru saves me from the worst of times on more than one occasion. I like him so much! …Wait…

No. No. No! I do not like him! Bad Kagome! Bad! You can't possibly like Sesshoumaru! Bad! Bad!

Okay, now that I have gotten that weird sentence out of my system… where was I? Oh yeah, Sesshoumaru saving the day again!

I looked at Sesshoumaru to see that he had caught Inuyasha's hand. Inuyasha looked at him, then looked where he was about to hit me. Then he started yelling things like I _was_ a whore because I had fallen for his brother.

That pissed me off beyond words… Well, duh. I wasn't able to speak anyway!

I grasped Inuyasha's shoulders and kneed him where it would hurt most. Then, as he collapsed in a pile of pain, I walked away with my dog, my protector, and my pet food. I was smiling, but there was absolutely no excuse as to why.

Well… I guess there is an excuse. Sesshoumaru had become my protector. I felt really happy that I had someone I could ask to do stupid things with. After all, who would actually come and help me if I said I didn't want to be alone?

Well, Sesshoumaru. What I don't understand is why he is bothering to help me. It's a Sunday, and I'm sure he has much more interesting things to do. Who would want to spend the time with me and protect me from the two people who hate me with a passion? I don't even want to protect myself from them!

Poor Sesshoumaru. I feel like I've enslaved him… It's not like I'm forcing him into this, but it feels like it. He's not even fighting back my requests… I am so curious what he is thinking.

While I thought about that, I wondered if I could read minds. Well, I know I can. But it's really hard for me to do. It has to be quiet (thoughts, when heard with powers, are like whispers). And, even if it is quiet, I have to be sitting down. Standing up drains my energy faster, although I don't know why.

I looked towards Sesshoumaru and saw the blush on his face. Why was the Lord of Ice blushing? Oh, I really wanted to know what he was thinking right then. I shook my head then took the leash from him. Kimbo walked at my side, looking at each person as they passed.

I watched the faces with little care. Then a man that closely resembled Andrew. This scared me and I jumped to the other side of Sesshoumaru. It was pure instinct, since I considered him as my protector.

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow then looked at me. "What is wrong, Ms. Kagome?" He questioned. He took the leash from me again, allowing me to speak to him with my hands.

I began signing that I saw someone who looked like Andrew. And then I kept letting my babbling hands move. I motioned to him that Andrew had sent me an email and knew that I was going to see my brother on Tuesday.

"So, he has your contact?" Sesshoumaru questioned quietly. I nodded my head, wondering if he had watched my hands move or not. Perhaps I moved them too fast and he didn't quite get it.

"I see." And, with that, silence filled between us again. He walked me back to my house and brought the food all the way up to my room, where it was kept. He said that he would put it away if I wished him to. I told him no, simply because I didn't want him coming in my room.

I walked in and put the stuff away. Then I walked him back out to his car and thanked him. He nodded his head and said that he was glad to have helped. Hah! Sesshoumaru, Lord of Ice, glad to have helped Kagome, Tramp of Silence… I seriously doubt that.

Ahh… No one is online right now. I assume Sesshoumaru is trying to avoid me after our little _conversation_ about last night's dirty dancing. Sango already said something about being with Miroku tonight. And Inuyasha? Who's he? Beats me…

I'm getting off to do other things. I might actually have a life outside of writing a 9-page diary entry…

Something I will have to ask Sesshoumaru about tomorrow… I really like his daughter. I would like to spend some time with her on Monday, before I leave for Arizona. It will be nice, and somewhat refreshing. A child's innocence is always greatly appreciated…

Alright, Mr. Diary. I'm getting off now. Ta ta!

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_It's hard to explain to people what you mean when no one really wants to hear or understand. It's even harder to do when your heart is so guarded that you can't even trust yourself…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

I just got Sims 2… It's a cool game (although hard to control 4 people at once), but it freezes each time I try to save it. It's really irritating me, and I can't wait to put it on a better computer. This one bites the dust…

Next Chapter: _Dinner and a Movie  
_Reviews Needed:** 230**

**- Lonely Bird**


	16. Dinner and a Movie

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
May 12th, 2006  
May 14th, 2006  
May 16th, 2006

**Holy hell! You guys got in what I asked for and another twenty reviews on top of it! FOURTY REVIEWS WERE IN MY EMAIL BECAUSE YOU GUYS REVIEWED SO MUCH!**

**That just made my boring day totally awesome. Even though you reviewed fast (and you all made me really happy), It'll take a while for me to be able to post this. After all, I'm only halfway done as I type this!**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Sixteen:_ Dinner and a Movie_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Sixteen: Monday_

Hmmm… I think today was a good day. I managed to get Sango and Miroku aware that they had an invitation to eat with the demons and I. Sango said okay, and Miroku said he would come, only to protect her. I also think he is curious on how Sesshoumaru is treating me.

Every time Miroku and I bumped into each other, he would say that he hoped Sesshoumaru would treat me well. I questioned him on one of these occasions, and he simply said he worried. He said that Sango told him of my bad history with men, and he did not want me to just turn lesbian because men hurt me all the time.

Then he started saying how hot that would be. I hit him really hard for that.

If I ever decide that men hurt me too much, I think I will just permanently read romance novels. Of course, I'll be really pathetic that way (because I don't even care for romance after my history)… But, hey. I'll do something to keep from ever having to love a man who will hurt me.

Just look at what happened between Inuyasha and I. He acted as though he loved me until he realized that I wouldn't give him easy sex. Then he backed off and went to Kick-the-hoe.

Okay, this is just sad. I'm getting off-topic and I haven't even started the topic. What was I saying?

Oh, right. I hadn't even gotten that far. I swear I have ADD or something like that. Something where I go off on tangents non-stop and never remember where I left off… I'll have to look into that one of the boring days.

Time to talk about what happened today. I ate lunch with Sesshoumaru and not Inuyasha. Woah. Big surprise there, huh? Well, today Sango and Miroku ate with me. I was kinda happy to have the human company. I guess it didn't really matter, because I still couldn't speak.

I don't know why, but Sesshoumaru is the only person my voice works around. When I was with him yesterday, there was no problem with getting my voice out to show appreciation. But, when I speak to other people, I can't get my voice to function. It's driving me insane!

So, Sango and Miroku ate lunch with me. That left Inuyasha and Kick-the-hoe alone. Not like anyone wants their company anymore.

Sango was chatting up a storm with Hiten. I knew about Sesshoumaru hating talkative people. After all, they're completely opposite of him. But, he didn't seem to mind Sango. He and Miroku were talking. Well, Miroku was talking and he was patiently listening.

He mentioned to Miroku that I was able to speak demon quite well. Miroku looked at me and asked if that meant I spoke. I shook my head and began moving my hands. I told Miroku that I want to talk, but my voice just won't respond as a result of not talking for so long.

Miroku seemed understanding. Then the topic of Arizona came up.

Sango and Hiten immediately shut up. Both paid attention, along with Goshinki and Bankotsu. I felt so embarrassed that they all looked at me like that… They were giving me the Bambi-seeing-his-mother-shot look. It was scary!

Sesshoumaru kept talking as if no one was staring at us and listening in on the conversation. He told Miroku that I was leaving tomorrow (and I am). He said that I would probably be gone for a week, or so I made it seem.

Miroku looked at me and said that Sesshoumaru sounded like my personal secretary. I choked on my tongue and my water began to drip out of my closed mouth. That was just funny.

I can imagine Sesshoumaru holding a stack of papers and telling me that Inuyasha and Andrew left messages. And that Sango was requesting a lunch appointment… Ah, such a funny image.

Sesshoumaru growled _very_ quietly, which was enough to get Miroku to apologize for saying that. I turned to Sango, listening as she and Hiten began to talk once again. I was quite interested in the psychology talk they were having. I was surprised that Sango was taking the route of learning about that. I thought her father would school her on something himself…

I stopped listening when I heard Miroku mention my name. I turned to look at them (I hate sitting in the middle sometimes) and I watched as the continued talking. Okay, I know I had just heard my name, but neither one of them seemed willing to explain.

So, I cleared my throat. Sesshoumaru looked at me with the most random question. He asked if I like Rin. I stared at him, curious about his random question. Then I nodded my head and signed that she was absolutely cute.

Miroku asked who Rin was right afterwards. I didn't answer and began staring at the grass. Sesshoumaru plainly said it was none of his business.

"On the contrary," Miroku lifted a finger, as if it would help him make his point. "It is my business. If Kagome likes anything, I must make sure that it won't harm her. She is my friend, and I don't like risking her being hurt."

"Do you do this with Sango and Inuyasha?" Sesshoumaru was obviously trying to keep from telling Miroku that the small girl he was speaking about was his adopted child.

"Sango, yes. She's my girlfriend. Inuyasha, hell no. I don't consider him worth anything now, just because of what he's done to Kagome." Miroku leaned over and hugged me. I was nervous (stupid reflex to tense up when a man touches me). Then he ran his hand over my ass.

"Pervert!" I screamed out loud. I raised my hand and smacked him as hard as I could. He didn't seem to notice. In fact, no one at the table seemed to notice that I had just hit Miroku. They all heard my voice…

I looked at everyone, Sango being the last one. She jumped up and hugged me. At first, I thought it was because of how hard I had hit Miroku. Then she started babbling on how she was so happy I was speaking.

But I wasn't speaking. Just like yesterday, it was more of a reflex. Even though I want to talk again, I can't do it on my own. I can only talk to Sesshoumaru or yell at Miroku, at this point.

Hiten congratulated me on hitting on Miroku for a change. I glared at him to show him that I didn't appreciate the joke. He turned and started talking to Bankotsu.

"Ms. Kagome… I wish to speak with you before the bell rings." Sesshoumaru said. I looked at him and nodded. He picked up his backpack and mine then began walking away. I waved to everyone, grabbed my water bottle, then ran to catch up with him. He must have sensed me coming, because he didn't even look at me.

"You are going to Arizona tomorrow. I wish to treat you to dinner and a movie tonight. However, I spend the evenings with Rin. So, she would have to accompany us." Sesshoumaru stopped and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I randomly guessed that he was asking if that was alright with me.

I signed to him that it was fine with me. I wanted to say a few other things, but I stopped myself from doing so. Sesshoumaru nodded then began to walk me to my next class. Well, I was walking him to my next class is how I should put it.

Sesshoumaru set my backpack down next to my desk and I pulled myself onto my desk. I was a bit early, and the teacher wasn't there. Good thing for me, because I would have gotten in a bit of trouble for sitting in the wrong spot (the desk VS the seat).

Sesshoumaru said that he would pick me up at five thirty. I was wondering why it was so early when he read my mind… Or he read my face, because I do have the habit of displaying emotions on my face.

"It is early because I do not wish Rin to be awake longer than needed. She needs to go to school and I have problems getting her to sleep as it is." He stated. I nodded my head then the bell rang. He said bye, _Ms. Kagome_, then he left to his class.

I swear. When he says _Ms. Kagome_, I feel old. I feel as if I should be at least ten years older instead of the age I am now…

So, classes went on. I went to P.E class, and we had to run the mile. I was really miserable until I noticed that the demons (they were supposed to run it after us, I guess). I knew that Sesshoumaru had P.E the same period as me. But, the only difference is that he (being a demon) he has to do different things.

I guess they might train a demon or something… I don't know what the demon class does. I think I should ask Sesshoumaru one of these days.

So, as I was running, I tried running harder. For some reason, I felt as though I had to impress him. I don't know why. After all, Sesshoumaru hardly even recognizes me as a worth-while being. After all, I'm human…

So, I ran as hard as I could. I felt like he was watching me the entire time, too. As I finished (I ran in five minutes and twenty-seven seconds), I looked towards Sesshoumaru. He looked at me then diverted his attention.

I cleverly devised a plan. I went to get water from my backpack (which Sesshoumaru and his friends were by). While I was getting it out of my backpack, some people were speaking about me in demon; including Sesshoumaru. I'll write up what they were saying (in human, of course).

"So, Sesshoumaru. She's the one you have been mentioning recently? I must say, I'm surprised that she's a human. Seeing Kagura, I thought for sure that it'd be a demon." One of the friends said.

"Kagura is a whore." Wow. Sesshoumaru is awfully harsh.

"Alright… So, what are you doing tonight? You said that you would be doing something with her. Are you going to test her out? I wouldn't mind doing that if you prefer to keep the title of 'virgin'. After all, she's so _curvy_…"

Sesshoumaru was quiet. As I looked in my backpack, I nearly hit myself. I looked in the wrong pocket. And, by then, I was sure that Sesshoumaru had realized that the human behind them was me…

Now that I think about it, I think he knew. I don't think the demons really cared (although I don't doubt that they knew as well.) I think that Sesshoumaru kept quiet because he knew I understood demon. The others didn't know, I assume. If they did know, I'm guessing they were trying to piss Sesshoumaru off.

After all, who wouldn't get mad when someone was implying that they fuck their enemies?

Oh… That thought is just embarrassing. I'm going back to what happened now. Enough of these thoughts. BAD THOUGHTS! LEAVE ME ALONE AND DON'T COME BACK!

As the demons started talking about the things they could do to me (which was VERY embarrassing), I sensed Sesshoumaru's anger building up. I stood up, water bottle in hand, and saw the red aura pulsing around him. Oh, he was beyond mad.

I stepped up and waved to Sesshoumaru. He looked at me, and I think I saw a hint of surprise in his eyes. Then again, I had just ran a mile in five minutes in 96-degree heat.

Sesshoumaru greeted me emotionlessly and introduced me. He told the other demons that my name was Kagome Higurashi (which they appeared to know already). Then he said, in demon, that I was perfectly aware of the things they had just said.

"Impossible, Sesshoumaru! Humans will never be able to understand demon! Even if they learn words and phrases, the grammar, sentence structure, EVERYTHING confuses them!" One of the demons said, in demon.

"Then ask her a yes or no question in demon. I assure you she will respond." Sesshoumaru stated boredly.

"Why a yes or no question?"

"She doesn't speak." The demon looked at me directly. He asked me, in demon, if I was a girl. I nodded. He asked me another question in demon; he asked if Sesshoumaru was a human (he asked in demon). I shook my head.

He asked me nine more questions before getting the idea that I understood him and that I wasn't randomly guessing. Then he apologized for his previous comment (and the other demons did the same thing) and left.

Sesshoumaru muttered something incoherent before walking away. Probably to do the demon's portion of the testing. I went to dress out (since they stupidly left the locker room doors open).

School was over really fast, and I walked home with enthusiasm you can't even begin to imagine. I don't know why I was so interested in getting home.

I opened the door and saw my mother standing over the oven. The glaze over her eyes indicated that she wasn't in our world. The fact that she was pouring water in an overflowing cup only proved the theory.

I gave my mother a remorseful look then retreated to my room. I feel so bad that I caused her to be this way. As much as I hate her for letting it happen, I know that it's my fault. I shouldn't hate her if it is my fault that all this happened.

Actually, now that I think about it… If you sum it all up, Andrew is the reason that this all happened. If he hadn't raped me, perhaps I would have not stopped talking…

No, scratch that. I don't think that it's Andrew's fault. I think it's my fault… One of these days, I'll talk and try to get my mother to become the wonderful woman she used to be.

I went into my room and began to go through my closet. Okay, I know I've read stories about how girls go through twenty different outfits to find the right one. Even if they don't consider things a date, they do that.

I told myself that it didn't matter what I looked like. Sesshoumaru had no interest in me at all. He just got the sporadic idea to take me out… With his daughter…

Okay. That doesn't work, but I _know_ for a FACT that he harbors no feelings towards me…

Still, as I dressed, I spent a while staring at clothes on my bed. I completely ditched homework (not like I can turn it in tomorrow anyway) and stared at my closet for hours. When I got something on, I almost immediately changed clothes.

I urged myself not to, though. I forced myself to remember that this was the best outfit that I had picked (I was matching things on my bed… Think I mentioned that already). So, I began to go into the bathroom and work on the rest of my appearance.

At first, I attempted to put my hair in curls or something. But, my hair was impossible to tame. So, I settled with putting my hair into a large ponytail. Of course, the few strands that weren't long enough just hung around my face and annoyed me.

I gave myself a look-over then looked at the clock. Just as I was looking at it, I heard the doorbell ring. I jumped up and raced downstairs. I suddenly feared my mother's reaction if she answered the door and realized I was going out with a demon…

Well, not _going out_ going out… But, she would assume that I was dating a demon.

I can only imagine how that would work with her insane mind. Then, think what would happen if Sesshoumaru saw my crazy mother. He would think that it was genetic and then would say that he never wanted to see me at the lunch table again. That would mean I would have to hang out with Inuyasha and Kick-the-hoe… Blech!

So, I answered the door and smiled at him. Rin looked up at me with her big eyes. Then she hugged me tightly and began to say that she was glad to see me. Honestly, I was surprised that she even remembered me.

I can't remember the name of the movie we saw. It was something Rin was really interested in seeing, and it was really childish. Thankfully it wasn't as childish as Barney, but it was for the more youthful.

While we were watching (and while Rin was absorbed in the movie), Sesshoumaru grasped my hand and leaned over to me. He whispered that he was sorry for what we were watching. He said that it was Rin's decision, because he could not take her to a movie that teenagers (such as us) would naturally watch.

Sesshoumaru, afterwards, took us to McDonalds. I didn't ask why, because I knew the reason. They had started the whole concept of a happy-meal. Naturally, Sesshoumaru felt more comfortable taking Rin there.

Rin talked on and on about what happened at school. Sesshoumaru smiled, listening to her. I have to admit, kids amaze me. I can't even go on about school nearly as long as she can. Sure, I can write about my day in seven to ten pages… But it's nothing compared to what Rin pulled off.

She talked about school for the longest time possible. She didn't repeat anything, and she held the attention of Sesshoumaru and I… Kids truly do amaze me. I almost wish that I was able to pull off some of the things that kids can do.

For example; if I were to ask to sleep with Sesshoumaru tonight because last night I had nightmares, I don't think it would have the same effect as if a child had said it.

Anyway, that's beside the point. The night was soon over and Rin walked me to the door (she said that she wanted to do it alone). When Rin returned to Sesshoumaru's side, he came up and wished me a good night. Then he left with his daughter.

Okay. I now have all that written down and I am going to put down the internet conversation here. Do I even need to mention who people are? I guess I will anyway.

_DamnHand_ is Miroku. _SpiderBack_ is Sango. _Poisoned_ is Sesshoumaru. _HumanPuppy_ is Inuyasha. _HolyDemon_ is me. And, let's pray she's not on today, but _DropDeadGorgeous_ is Kikyou… Yeah, like Kick-the-hoe is pretty at all…

**Poisoned has joined the conference.**

**DamnHand has joined the conference.**

**SpiderBack has joined the conference.**

**HumanPuppy has joined the conference.**

**DropDeadGorgeous has joined the conference.**

**HolyDemon:**_ Wow. I can't believe that Inuyasha and Kikyou managed to get access to the chat. Seems like no one likes them anymore._

**DamnHand:**_ You can blame them coming on me. I just like being able to see that Kagome can stand up for herself._

**HumanPuppy:**_ You make it sound like I am the bad guy._

**Poisoned:**_ …_

**SpiderBack:**_ You are._

**DamnHand:**_ I hate saying that you are, Inuyasha._

**HolyDemon:**_ What makes you think that you aren't, Inuyasha?_

**DropDeadGorgeous:**_ How dare you guys insult my Inu like that!_

**HumanPuppy:**_ I told you. Stop calling me that!_

**DropDeadGorgeous has left the conference.**

**Poisoned:**_ That was random._

**SpiderBack:**_ So, Kagome. You were hinting at having something to tell us?_

**HolyDemon:**_ That's right. I know I told Sesshoumaru, but I can't remember if I told you guys or not. I'm leaving for Arizona tomorrow and I'm kinda unsure about when I'll be back._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Of course, no one bothers to tell me these things._

**Poisoned:**_ No one cares to tell you these things. You'll just manage to piss her off when she's in another state._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Shut up!_

**Poisoned:**_ No._

**SpiderBack:**_ Why are you going to Arizona?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Well, my brother that ran away from home… I am going to see him. I haven't seen him in ages._

**Poisoned:**_ I assume he's also suspicious about… Well, you know what I speak of._

**HolyDemon;** _Yes, I have to explain that to him as well._

**SpiderBack:**_ Good luck with that._

**DamnHand:**_ Am I the only one who doesn't understand?_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Don't worry, I don't know either._

**HolyDemon:**_ Men don't understand._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Yet, you told my bastard of a brother, Sesshoumaru._

**HolyDemon:**_ Sorrrry! Not my fault if he happens to be trustworthy and save me from you and Andrew!_

**DamnHand:**_ Andrew?_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Andrew?_

**HolyDemon:**_ I'm getting off now. Anyway, that's all I had to say. Just thought you guys should know that I won't be around… Probably for the rest of the week at the least._

And that's all. Now, I have to go and pack for tomorrow. I don't want to be packing as the plane I should be on takes off for Arizona…

I'll bring the laptop so I can write in Arizona. Souta also said that he would make sure that I had internet access so I could keep in touch with my friends.

But, he warned me. On the days he had off, he expected me to tell him everything that happened before I stopped talking. So… Just another person to know about the raping.

Something else inside of me tells me that this is going to be a lot more dramatic than I think. So… I think I should sleep before the ideas of conspiracy sink into my brain too deep.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_No, this isn't right at all. These feelings are all false. There is no way things can possibly be going right after always going wrong… Things can't go right after going wrong for so long… I can't give into these feelings, no matter how **right** they feel…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Changed the phrase above. I don't think the phrases make sense anymore. Perhaps I should just stop putting them there… ?

Next Chapter: _Arizona  
_Reviews Needed:** 270**

**- Lonely Bird**


	17. Arizona

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
May 25th, 2006  
May 26th, 2006

**Remember that this is my second attempt at this chapter. If you don't remember what happened (because I deleted the Author's Note), then I shall tell you. My USB drive was lost, then found, and given to the school. Then someone took it. If you're wondering why this is important, it's because that drive had this chapter and the next chapter on there.**

**Everything else that was lost none of you care about. If you do care, then it's really important pictures (sob), music (eh, who cares?), and homework (because of that, I WASN'T ABLE TO TURN IN THE FUCKING PROJECT!)**

**So, this chapter is likely to be boring, and possibly short (I'll try to make it normal length). I'll do what I can to revive the first chapter, but it might be a failed attempt.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Seventeen:_ Arizona_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Seventeen: Tuesday_

I hate planes more than you can even imagine. I... Well, I was going to talk about planes, but I guess I have to go in order. Who knows what chaos will be caused if I don't. Wait-- _I_ know what kind of chaos will be caused if I don't!

I swear, the height of this place is making me wonder if I left my brain somewhere on the ground. The higher we climb, the stupider I am... I'll explain later. I have to go in order, remember?

Okay... Where was I? Oh yeah! This morning! Stupid ADD issues... One of these days, I'll fix this problem…

This morning was fine. I was planning on sleeping in. Well, that wasn't the problem, actually. It was the fact that I slept in that created an issue. I woke up to my grandfather yelling and screaming that it was time to leave.

Naturally, I woke up assuming I was going to miss the plane entirely. I jumped out of bed and ran out the door. I was half way to my car when grandfather told me that I needed to come back. I shot him a look that asked why, and he smiled.

Grandfather smartly replied in his old, grandfatherly voice, that I wasn't quite able to leave yet. I stared at him as he continued by telling me that most people would stare if I went to an airport in pajamas.

As I walked inside, I glanced at the clock. The one that is a few hours off said it was time to go. Grandfather is too senile to realize that the clock is wrong and that it's _not_ really eleven in the morning.

I walked into my room and signed onto my messenger. I began to stare at the closet, imagining what clothes I would wear. I wasn't quite in the mood to get up. As the messenger started up, I looked back at it. Of course, people would already be at school by now.

To my surprise, Sesshoumaru is online. I click on his username and press the button to send him a message. I saved it to my laptop earlier so I would be able to put it in at the appropriate time. Which, I believe, is now!

**HolyDemon:**_ What are you doing online right now? _

**Poisoned: **_I can ask you the same thing. _

**HolyDemon:**_ I told you I'm not going to school today. I have to catch a plane during school hours. _

**Poisoned:**_ I see. _

**HolyDemon:**_ Now, why are you online? _

**Poisoned:**_ Rin became ill from last night's meal. Some food borne illness. She is feeling too ill to attend her school, so I will not attend school until she feels better. _

**HolyDemon:**_ I see. _

**Poisoned:**_ What time does your plane leave? _

**HolyDemon: **_Eleven-ish. _

**Poisoned:**_ Be sure to get there early so you do not miss the plane, Ms. Kagome. _

**HolyDemon:**_ Will do! _

**HolyDemon:**_ I'm going to finish getting ready. I almost left in my pajamas this morning… _

**Poisoned:**_ That sounds interesting. _

**HolyDemon:**_ I'm sure it would have been. _

**HolyDemon:**_ Anyway, I am going to get ready for the rest of the day. I'll talk to you tonight, if I can get access to the internet. _

Before he replied, I got off and began to dress myself. I wore nothing more than a green spaghetti-strap and blue jeans. If it was going to be hot, I would be prepared. Of course, you won't catch me in shorts, so I had to wear jeans.

I grabbed my suitcases and took them to the car. I turned to tell grandfather that I was leaving, but he wasn't there. How depressing. I'm going on my plane ride _alone_ and _unable to talk_, but no one is here to say goodbye. I look up at the master bedroom to see my mother's window open. She's not looking out of it, which is a relief. If she was, I would have to spend more time reassuring her that I'm not running away for good.

I turned around and got in the car without another glance back.

Then, strange enough, a part of my mind seemed to think I was running away. I laughed as I started the car. Wouldn't that be easy? To just run away from your problems whenever they came up? I sometimes wish that I could do it, but I know I can't. Why? Well, where would I go? I don't have too many friends. I don't have any relatives...

I would just have me, myself, and I. It would be near impossible for me to run away and try to survive on my own. Even if I refuse to speak and even if I'm a cynic, I love being aroudn people. If I'm not around people, then I don't know what I would do. I think I would gradually turn insane.

I drove to the airport and parked nearly a mile away from the actual terminal. I caught a shuttle bus (more like it caught me) and rode there, my three suitcases in tow. Only two were for me. The third was mainly full of stuff Souta had left when he ran away. I thought he would enjoy having it back.

I The airport was so crowded, and the security was something else. In some places, it felt like all the security guards had sticks up their asses. In others, they weren't even paying attention. The stick-up-their-ass guards were at the gate where you have your bags scanned. Hell, they even scan your _shoes_. What the fuck are you going to put in your shoes!

I can imagine it now. Oooh! I put a METAL bracelet in my shoes! What're you gonna do, guardey! Oooh! There's something in my shoes other than my feet! Oh my gosh! Yeah...

The other guards would stare as someone stole another person's wallet. And _what _did they do? Stare. I'm sure they were thinking _'Wow. I think a security guard should go over and get the purse back. I can't do it, because I was told not to move from this section of the terminal, and he's crossing into the other section.'_

Then we boarded the plane by section. That was a real pain the ass too. They had to check your ticket to make sure that you were really sitting where you claimed to be sitting. Gee, I think I'm going to _claim_ to be sitting by the toilets. Sure!

And then the plane took off once they were sure they had the majority of the passengers on the plane. I hate taking off. When you accelerate a car, you are pushed abck. Well, planes go MUCH faster than cars. So, when the plane was going really fast before it wasn't touching the ground, I had made a hole in the chair.

Then the rising in the elevation was a pain in the ass too. You know why? This is what I was saying earlier. Your ears pop. So, naturally, you swallow or force yourself to yawn so they are no longer popped. Well! They just pop again! And after twenty minutes of them popping and you unpopping them, you tell youself that you will NOT pop them!

Then the drink lady comes by. She offers you a drink. To tell her, you have to swallow your mouth that is full of spit. And your ears fucking unpop! Oh my gosh, you cannot even imagine how annoying it is until you go and fly on a plane for yourself.

Then, when the drink lady came by, I wasn't able to tell her what I wanted. I tried using sign language, but she said she didn't understand. Thankfully, then gentleman sitting beside me translated to her what I wished to drink.

I told him thank you, and he said that it was no problem. Then, we talked for a bit. He said that he was a doctor (figures I get to sit by one, huh?) and that he could tell that there was nothing wrong with my throat. Something about the ball of my throat or whatever was doing fine. I just told him that I have a mental issue that prevents me from talking.

What? It's true.

So, that's where I'm at right now. I got bored and opened this up to type. But, I think I'm going to attempt sleep. I would love to be able to sleep and not feel this annoying popping and unpopping of the ears for the rest of the trip.

* * *

Okay, earlier I was typing on the plane. Now I'm _on the ground_. Just wanted to make that clear to anyone who might read this. Or, since I'm hoping no one does, I'm clarifying for Mr. Diary's sake. 

When we started landing, we were all told to 'put our tray tables up, and put your seat in the upright position' several times. We landed, and I felt as though my stomach were just now colliding with the rest of my body. I reached forward to grab the barf bag that they give us (and oh-so-conveniently place in the seat before you). And I barfed.

The doctor beside me began to babble about what was wrong with me. I was silently asking him to just SHUT UP. When we were done landing, I got off the plane and threw the barf bag away where the flight attendants were waiting for things of the sort. As I walked out of the thing that connects the plane and the terminal, I just about kissed the ground. As soon as I was on stable ground, I dropped my bag (which had my laptop in it), and began to kiss the floor.

I stopped when I realized that the creepy feeling was the feeling that people were staring at me.

I stood up and gathered my bag (it's one of those where it crosses over your chest and hangs on one shoulder). I began to walk out, searching for my brother. Well, that was kinda stupid. I hadn't seen him in a little over a year. So, just as I was about to give up, someone called my name.

"Kagome!" A deep voice called. I spun around to face the direction it came from. I saw a man with black hair and brown eyes waving at me. He was about six feet (tall...) and smiling. Then I realized that the man waving at me was my brother. I smiled and walked over to him.

He spoke to me briefly, and I signed my comment on how deep his voice was. He chuckled and said that, apparently, his voice hadn't finished changing. He said that it gets deep during puberty (duh), but his just took a break and THEN got deeper. I grinned and he offered to carry by bag for me. I declined, just because I wasn't quite sure that this was my brother.

He took me to luggage claim and carried my bags out to his car. When I saw his car, I had no fear that this man wasn't my brother. THe car was the kind he had always talked about getting (I'm not able to name it; I just know what it looks like). He opened and closed my door for me (such a gentleman now).

As soon as he could look while he was driving, I signed to him that I got my miko powers back. He was surprised, but more surprised because he didn't know that I had ever lost them. He drove me to his house and then asked me to explain what happened to me. Well, he expected two different things have happened to me. The first would be the one that caused me to stop talking and left bruises on me. The second one was what I had done to make my miko powers leave me in the first place.

At the time, he was oblivious to the fact that it was one incident that caused both.

We got to his house after that, and I was very shocked. He has a SEVEN BEDROOM house and three or four cars. He said that he rents out some rooms, but most of them are guest rooms or offices for his roommates and him. He said that it was relaly cheap to buy houses, which is how he was able to afford the stuff. Then the cars were things he had begun to invest in...

So, we got home and I opened up my sixth diary entry. You know the one, Mr. Diary. The one that had all my horrid past in there and how Kimi died because of Andrew... Yeah, that's the diary entry.

Souta looked over it then came over to me. He said that he was really sorry about what had happened. He said that he wished he was able to stop it from happening, but he couldn't. Then he started getting really upset that he let his baby sister (me) get hurt by someone like Andrew. Not once, even. A total of three times.

I had to interrupt him and tell him that it happened not too long ago. It happened before I got my miko powers back. He smiled and said that he was glad I now had my original abilities to protect myself. Then he said that he would have to help me train. It would be easy to learn and all, but it drains your energy like you wouldn't imagine. So, he said that I would have to work on my stamina as good as I could. He wants me to be able to have full abilities by the time I go back home.

He drove me to the mall they had just built and he showed me around. He said that the weather has been really good recently. Then he made a comment that it was because I was coming to see him that the weather had been so good. That was really flattering to hear. But, of course, I told him that the weather had to be good for other reasons. It was going to be a sign that something good would happen. Hopefully, something good will happen to me...

I shouldn't be getting my hopes up, should I?

Well, we came home and Souta showed me a few basic powers that I can control. He said that after work tomorrow, he'll show me some more things. In the meantime, I have to drink a lot of this really weird drink. It is supposed to help lower the energy powers use and/or help you get more stamina for miko powers. So, now I have to drink that and only that.

He taught me how to make it, as well. I'll have to get more ingredients for him tomorrow, because I'm going to go through these ones really fast. When I get tired from using the powers, this is what I'm supposed to drink. It'll restore my energy. Otherwise, I would probably pass out or something.

Oh. I forgot to tell you about Souta's job of choice. It kinda scared me to learn it, but whatever... While we were walking through the mall, we talked about a lot (I just didn't put most of it in before). Souta said that he's taking classes in psycology so he'll be able to understand and help me out when I need it. That kinda scared me for a moment...

Souta asked who my friends were, and I told him Sango and Miroku were my friends. I told him that Inuyasha was being an ass, and that I was kinda mad at him right now. He laughed and said that it sounded just like Inuyasha to screw up big time. He then said that Inuyasha would probably realize it after everyone hates him, and apologize. Some things don't change...

I told him about Sesshoumaru; the demon who hates humans and women. I told Souta about his human daughter, Rin, whom he had adopted. He seemed amused, but he wouldn't tell me why. I told him that Sesshoumaru hung out a little with me. I also mentioned that I adopted a dog named Kimbo.

Souta asked who would care for Kimbo and Buyo. I said that grandfather will. Of course, Kimbo can only go out and run in the backyard, but at least he won't relieve himself in the house.

We had talked a lot, I don't know how I could have forgotten about the rest of the conversation. So, back on track now...

After we did some training, I was ready to take a long rest. Souta made me the stuff that tastes funny. I have yet to define the taste exactly. Now I'm signing online so he can kinda get a look at my friends... I just hope he dosen't ask them questions.

_DamnHand _is Miroku. _SpiderBack_ is Sango. _HumanPuppy_ is Inuyasha. _Poisoned_ is Sesshoumaru. _DropDeadGeorgous _is Kikyou (let's hope we don't speak to her). _HolyDemon_ is me. _TouchandDie _is Souta. I asked him about his username, and he said it referred to me. Wow. He might be a bit too protective of me...

**TouchandDie has joined the conference.**

**SpiderBack has joined the conference.**

**Poisoned has joined the conference.**

**DamnHand has joined the conference.**

**HumanPuppy has joined the conference.**

**HolyDemon:**_ Is everyone here?_

**DamnHand:**_ Appears so._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Who is 'TouchandDie'?_

**HolyDemon:**_ That's my brother... He said that he wanted to speak with you guys... But, he just left the room to watch TV. Guess he has nothing to say._

**Poisoned:**_ Strange._

**HolyDemon:**_ He's a strange brother._

**SpiderBack:**_ So, Kagome... How is Arizona?_

**DamnHand:**_Is it nearly as hot as every says?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Yes and no. I guess it can be hot, but Souta says that the weather has been really nice recently._

**HolyDemon:**_ Hey... Why isn't kick-the-hoe here? Inuyasha usually invites her..._

**HumanPuppy:**_ The whore isn't here._

**DamnHand:**_ Wow, Inuyasha. I'm surprised that you are using such a complex word for someone other than Kagome._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Just leave me alone. I'm in a bad enough mood as it is. I don't need you guys to pick on me._

**HolyDemon:**_ As much as I wish I didn't care because of what you did, I do care. I'm worried about you, Inuyasha. Let me know what happened._

**SpiderBack:**_Well, I'm guessing it has something to do with kick-the-hoe..._

**HumanPuppy:**_ She's a fucking whore._

**Poisoned:**_ It seems the incident has caused you to do a complete 180 on her._

**HumanPuppy:**_ No shit, sherlock!_

**HolyDemon:**_ Inuyasha. Calm down, please... Just let us know what happened so we'll stop bagging on you and her._

**DamnHand:**_ Hang on, Inuyasha is escaping from the computer... I must go get him._

**SpiderBack:** _Why is it that almost every time we talk to them, Inuyasha is at Miroku's house?_

**Poisoned:**_ Actually, they are both here._

**HolyDemon:**_ Oh, how I pity you, Lord of Ice._

**Poisoned:**_ That's not funny._

**SpiderBack:**_ Ha ha ha ha ha..._

**HolyDemon:** _I can imagine your glare of death right now... Honestly, it's not so intimidating._

**Poisoned:**_ Why do you insist on instigating fights with me?_

**HolyDemon: **_Because, no matter what I say, I know you'll have the same look on your face._

**HumanPuppy has left the conference.**

**DamnHand:**_ Well, I can't get Inuyasha to come back. He bit me when I tried._

**SpiderBack: **_He reminds me of a real dog sometimes._

**Poisoned:** _So it would seem._

**DamnHand:**_ Sesshoumaru, he said that you knew about what happened. Will you tell us?_

**Poisoned:**_ He found kinky-whore riding Naraku._

**Poisoned:**_Sorry to say it that way, Ms. Kagome._

**HolyDemon:** _I think I'm going to vomit._

**DamnHand:**_ He just NOW realizes that she's sleeping with Naraku?_

**SpiderBack:**_Remember, Miroku. Inuyasha was pretty naive to the fact that people have the ability to cheat on someone. Even if it's just a girlfriend, he can't cheat on her. He's a dog demon, and they mate for life. So, the thought of someone else not going by those very standards is pretty mind-numbing. And, obviously, he hadn't considered the option before. So, he got a crash course and it hurt him._

**DamnHand:**_ My fair Sango, where did you learn all this?_

**SpiderBack:**_Stop trying to flirt. I learned it from my father. We have to know almost everything about demons if we expect to terminate them. That's the family business. The only thing that we can't possibly know is demon tongue._

**HolyDemon:**_ Funny. That's the only thing I DO know._

**DamnHand:**_ From your miko powers, I assume._

**HolyDemon:**_ Yeah. I haven't had them in a while, because of... things... But now I have them again!_

**Poisoned:**_ Seems the fairies have decided to grant you some kindness._

**HolyDemon:**_ Huh?_

**SpiderBack:**_ Oh! I read about this!_

**DamnHand:**_Someone explain for us normal folk._

**Poisoned:**_ Ms. Sango, you may do it._

**SpiderBack:**_ Okay!_

**SpiderBack:**_ Well, with miko powers, people are held to higher standards. They can't have sex before marriage, they can't drink, do drugs, cut... They can't do anything that would ruin the purity of their bodies. If they do, the fairies are supposed to take their powers away._

**SpiderBack:**_ But, on rare instances, powers are given back. This is said to be because the fairies realize that whatever happened was out of the person's control. So, the powers are given back. But this often takes a while because it is said that the fairies are arguing over whether or not they should be given back and what will happen if they are..._

**HolyDemon:**_Wow. Where do you learn all this stuff, Sango?_

**SpiderBack: **_From my father!_

**DamnHand:**_ Damn..._

**HolyDemon:**_ Hey, guys. I'm gonna go. I will talk to you guys later, okay?_

**Poisoned:**_ Alright. Have a nice night, Ms. Kagome._

**SpiderBack:**_ Yeah, do what the stoic, stiff-necked demon said._

**DamnHand:**_ Goodnight, Kagome._

Whew. That was awfully long.I don't know if I've ever had such a long conversation with them before. Without asking what Souta has to say about them, I'm going to get into bed. Oh, but first, I have to tell him about my two talking incidents. Perhaps that will make him happy to hear.

Goodnight, Mr. Diary...

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_No, this isn't right at all. These feelings are all false. There is no way things can possibly be going right after always going wrong… Things can't go right after going wrong for so long… I can't give into these feelings, no matter how **right** they feel…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Wow. Honestly, that was better than the first time around. I had a lot more stuff in here than I had originally... Okay, I have a poll for you guys. Please respond to it.

**What do you think should happen while she's in Arizona?  
**_( Send your opinions in your reviews. I'll take the best ideas and put them to use. )_

Next Chapter: _Tangerine  
_Reviews Needed:** 320**

**- Lonely Bird **


	18. Tangerines

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
May 26th, 2006

**Okay, some of this might be bad. I was working on this chapter when I lost all my stuff (because someone stole my thumb drive). So, some of it may be boring, but that's only because I have to repeat it.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Eighteen:_ Tangerine_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Eighteen: Wednesday_

Ugh. My mouth tastes all funny because of that energy drink stuff. I have had so much of it, I've been able to figure out what it tastes like! The drink tastes like a tangerine. Fucking tangerines! Oh, I hate those things. You know why?

Oh, wait... I promised I would go in order, huh? Well, I'll start off in the morning... I don't want to know what will happen if I don't go in order. It will probably cause havoc on my entire ability to comprehend what happened throughout the day.

So, I woke up this morning. I was pretty tired and I wandered to the kitchen in my t-shirt. Souta left a note on the counter that said he was at work. He loves working at his job, even if it won't be permanent. So, I poured myself a bowl of cereal and began to eat it, staring off into space.

I wandered throughtout Souta's house, taking special care to look at some pictures he had. Honestly, I didn't know my brother was one of those artsy types of people. He usually seems like the kind that you would expect to have the typical bachelor pad. Really cool and party-like, but a complete mess in the day time.

I walked back into my guest room and turned on the lap top. I signed onto messenger through my brother's internet line. As the messenger was signing on, I set up my things in the drawer of the room. I _am_ going to be staying for a while. Might as well move out of my suitcase while I'm at it.

I pulled on a loose pair of jeans and looked back over at the computer screen. Initially, I was just checking for emails, but someone was actually online. While I was attempting to button the jeans, I walked over and began to read who was online. Gee, who would have known that Sesshoumaru skipped school _two_ days in a row? Out of the entire time we've been going to the same school, I have never known him to skip school.

I clumsily reach towards the mouse and open up a conversation window. Here's what we said.

**HolyDemon:**_Wow.Missing two days of school in a row. Aren't you living on the wild side?_

**Poisoned:**_ Good morning to you too, Ms. Kagome._

**HolyDemon:**_ So, why are you not at school?_

**Poisoned:**_ Rin._

**HolyDemon:**_ I see..._

**Poisoned:**_ What is your brother's name?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Souta..._

**Poisoned:** _And he had the username of 'TouchandDie', correct?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Yes... What are you getting at?_

**Poisoned:**_ Nothing, Ms. Kagome... Say, why is your username HolyDemon? I have never truly read it before now._

**HolyDemon:**_ Don't think I don't see the obvious subject change. I'll let it slide, though. Only because you are caring for a sick little girl and I would hate to make her guardian suffer as well._

**Poisoned:**_ You didn't answer my qusetion._

**HolyDemon:**_ Whoops. My username is HolyDemon because I used to have miko powers. That would signify holiness. Then I was raped and I felt like I had gone from being the opposite of holy. That would mean demon..._

**Poisoned:**_ I see._

**HolyDemon:**_ So... Guess what?_

**Poisoned:**_ I'm not attempting to guess. You tell me and I'll try to pay attention. If I don't respond, it is because Rin is in need of attention._

**HolyDemon:**_ By all means, Rin comes before a pathetic woman like me._

**HolyDemon: **_I'm starting to learn to control my miko powers now. Perhaps by the time I get back, I'll be able to defend myself._

**Poisoned:**_ Congradulations, Ms. Kagome. Have you told your brother that you are starting to speak once again?_

**HolyDemon:**_ No._

**Poisoned:**_ I see._

**HolyDemon:**_ Why do you keep asking about my brother?_

**Poisoned:**_ I must go. Rin needs to go to the doctors. She's running a high fever and getting sick constantly. Bye._

As I closed the window for the instant messaging, I sighed. Well, that was awfully depressing. I was actually beginning to think that I would have a chance of befriending Sesshoumaru. It's been seemingl ike we're almost friends for a while now. But, now I'm not so sure. I understand that he has a daughter that is ill, but I feel so... neglected.

Of course, that all changed today.

I trained all morning. Then, when I was ready to pass out and never wake up, I finished off the last of the ingredients for the energy drink. After I drank it (no way was I going around without), I went to the new mall and browsed around for the ingredients that were needed for the drink.

I told you that I figured out what this horrible stuff tastes like. You know what it tastes like? A tangering. A fucking bipolar tangerine. Do you know WHY tangerines are bipolar? Because one minute they're really sweet. The next minute, they're so bitter you can't get them out of your mouth fast enough.

Then there are the long-term bipolar tangerines. These are ones that are mainly one flavor. Then you have another one from the exact same tree, and it's on theother side of the taste scale most the time. Tangerines are just fucking bipolar, I tell you!

Because of this, the drink is both addicting and disgusting. It's addicting because the sweet parts are the best in the world. It's disgusting and repulsive because the bitter parts are so damn horrible! I can't believe how sweet it is one moment and how nasty it is the next moment! There's only one thing that can be more bipolar than this tangerine drink! You know who?

Yes. Inuyasha.

So, I drove to the store in the car Souta said I was allowed to drive. I bought all the groceries and was on my way back to the car. I felt a strange feeling on the back of my neck. It felt like my neck hairs were standing on end or something. I was getting really creeped out. Every time I turned around to see who was following me, I saw no one.

Then Andrew appeared right in front of me. My body froze up and I dropped everything I had been carrying. I really need to get over this reflex of freezing whenever I see him. Hell, it doesn't have to be him! Any guy walks up to me and my entire body turns to ice!

Heh. If my body turns to ice and Sesshoumaru is the Lord of Ice...

Oh! Bad Kagome! That was a dirty thought! Don't you ever do that kind of stuff again! You hear me, Kagome! You hear me! Of course you do! I'm in your head and you're talking to yourself! You're insane, Kagome. And, even after you acknowledge the fact that you're talking to yourself, you keep doing it!

Okay. Enough of my issues. What was I saying? Oh yeah, Andrew. I remember now.

My body froze up and I dropped everything I had been holding. I felt the fear filling me up and I knew that a demon would be able to smell it SO easily. Andrew leaned forward and began to whisper things into my ear. Things that were supposed to be sexy and romantic, but they weren't.

I don't know if it's just me, but having a rapist say that you're all his is NOT a turn on. If anything, it makes me never want any kind of carnal pleasure ever again.

As soon as a group of people passed, Andrew jumped to the other side of the emotion scale. He grapsed my hair and pushed me into a nearby alley where no one would find me. Isn't it amazing how dark alleys where no one can find you are abundant during times when people are harming you? One of life's great mysteries...

So, he took me into the alley and pressed my body against the wall. I felt his disgusting erection against my back and my body tensed up even more. Come on, Andrew! You just raped me not that long ago! Why do you have to do it now!

As I was starting to get really upset, my frozen state began to wear off. Apparently, fear is like fire. It manages to melt the ice that my body turns into around men (mainly Andrew).

I brought my elbow back to hit him in the stomach, but he caught it. Then I raised my knee and slammed my foot back against his erection. I'm sure that hurt more than it would have if it weren't hard. Oh. I sound like a tramp or something, don't I? I'll work on that later...

So, Andrew went down for a while. I took my chance to run. Just as I was getting away, I felt a grasp on the back of my shirt. I was going one direction, and the pulling was in the other direction. Needless to say, my shirt ripped off and my bra was the only thing covering my upper body.

Instinctively, I attempted screaming. That didn't work very well. Before I even had a peep out, Andrew had clamped his hand over my mouth and slammed my chest up against the wall again. I bit his hand, but that didn't cause him to release me. No, that only made him angrier at me.

Why is it that when I try to defend myself I only get hurt more? Perhaps I should just give in next time.

I felt tears come into my eyes as I tried to focus on something else. Andrew started getting revenge on me by slamming my head against the brick wall. That hurt and my mind began to wander.

I started thinking of my father. I started thinking of how he and my mother would always get dressed up every Friday and Sunday night. They would go to a movie on Friday, to celebrate that the week was done and that we had managed to get by another week. On Sundays, they would have dinner and make each other promises that they would make enough money to get us by for the coming week.

My mind drifted to thoughts of my mother. She would wear these beautiful dressed that I would admire. She would take her black hair and curl it. Her eyes would seem to hold a loving light in them as she greeted my father. He would wear a tuxedo and they would act as if they were the only people in the world.

Just as a sharp pain came to my forehead (it _was_ slamming against a wall), my mind pulled up an image I have tried my best not to think of in years. My father's body torn up with pieces of the car's metal going through him. The unbuckled seatbelt. His position over me. The piece of metal stopped when it hit his flesh. He had actually saved me...

I let out a slight wimper as something fell down my head. My best guess was blood. A sharp pain filled the side of my face, as if someone was trying to carve out my eye with a knife. I remeber seeing my brother, and I remember him creating an orange light from his hands. Then everything in my memory just... goes black. It doesn't even fade like some people say their memories do. It just... stops. Almost as if a tape in a VCR stops recording for an unknown reason.

I woke up in a hospital bed. Souta was beside me, looking at my laptop. He said that he had nothing else to do while he waited for me to wake up. He had started reading over some of my diary entries. He placed the laptop on my lap and said I could do whatever I wanted with it.

I slowly signed to him my question about my head. I was curious what happened and why my right eye's vision had a fuzzy edge to it. Everything appeared as though it were a dream. Souta said that Andrew almost raped me, but he had gotten there in time. He said that he purified Andrew so it would be painful for Andrew to move for a few hours. He was going to call the police, but Andrew had gotten away faster than most humans would be able to.

He said that the damage was actually minor. I have a small nick in the corner of my eye. I told him that it felt much more severe, and he said that it was only due to it's location. Apparently, having things near your eye and temple will make you distort the size of the cut developing.

I asked about my head being slammed against the wall. He said that nothing happened. I had somehow created a barrier for myself while I was thinking of something else. I didn't tell him that I was thinking of our mother and father going out like they did every night in Japan.

Souta said that he would take me home as soon as I could tell him what happened. So, I motioned to him everything I could remember and he said he would take me home.

As soon as we got home, I went strait to the bedroom. Much to my dismay, Sesshoumaru wasn't online. My best guess is that he was at the doctor's taking care of Rin. After all, she does come first. In fact, no one was online today. It kinda creeped me out. I got offline and pulled off all my clothing. After what happened today, not even baggy pants feel safe.

I can still feel Andrew's body pressed up against mine. It scares me to know that he's after me. What have I done? I will have to ask him the next time he tries this.

If there's a next time.

And if I can speak.

Well, I must be going to bed. All day of being around bipolar tangerines is really getting me tired. I told Souta about my tangerine theory. First I told him that the drink tastes like bipolar tangerines. I told him what makes a tangerine bipolar, and he started laughing.

He has a deep-voiced laugh...

Then I told him that when Andrew first went from pretending to be a lover to being a rapist, I thought he was a tangerine. Souta laughed then said that he loved me a lot. I gave him a questioning look, and he told me that when bad things happen to me, I always fine SOME WAY to laugh at it.

I'm not entirely sure if it's true. I don't really laugh at my unfortunate past. I kinda... Try to pretend it never happened. I know I need to accept it, but there are other things that come first.

And the first one is Andrew. Why does he want me and why was he affected by Souta's purification? Humans usually can't be purified from what I know.

Enough thinking for me. My brain is beginning to hurt. I am going to bed NOW. I will write again tomorrow. And if Andrew comes to touch me... So help me God, I am going to make him wish that he didn't even have anything to rape me with. I'll make sure it's in pain if he attempts it again.

Night, Mr. Diary!

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_No, this isn't right at all. These feelings are all false. There is no way things can possibly be going right after always going wrong… Things can't go right after going wrong for so long… I can't give into these feelings, no matter how **right** they feel…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Okay, I'm warning you guys. There may be a time coming up (I don't know how soon) that I might shift out of diary entries. I thought that I should tell you. The incident that is likely to happen will make it really hard for her to write in her diary, so I will switch into normal chapter mode.

But, I'll let you know if I even decide to do that. So far, it's still up in the air.

Review Replies:

**- AntiLove006: **Love your pen name. Your entire dream sounds like something I would actually do. In fact, if you've read my non-fanfiction stories, I have done that on multiple occasions. Well, except for the underwater part. That was really funny and just made my day. Also made me wake up.  
**- Veata: **How the hell did you know I was going to do that? You're scaring me! In fact, a handful of these reviews had me predicted down to each event that would happen. Stop reading my mind! It's poisoned!  
**- RedUnicorn: **You guessed what would happen WAY more accurately than Veata, even! What the hell did you do? Did you steal my USB Drive and read what I had for this chapter? You did, didn't you?  
**- Houen-Aishita: **Ooh... Your idea with Inuyasha... That's a good one. I'll have to put that to use. Just, don't tell anyone, okay?  
**- Kitty-foo:**Strange pen name... And you commented on how I seem to know exactly how it feels to be raped. Well, I do... See, I've had to deal with that reality myself... I figured that writing exactly what I felt about it would help it seem more real and help me come to grips with it...  
**- deAth to Ko0Kie:** Wow. You finished reading and reviewing at 2:30am? Well, where I am, when I got your review, it was 12:15am. I just finished writing this chapter. You don't know how happy you've made me by that one review. My entire night is brightened (even though it's about to end because I'm about to go to bed). Thank you so much for your kind review. You've really made me happy.

Next Chapter: _Babysitting  
_Reviews Needed:** 340**

**- Lonely Bird **


	19. Babysitting

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
May 28th, 2006  
May 29th, 2006

**I got sick on the second day of my three-day weekend. How much does that just totally suck? I tell you, I'm just one of the people who have bad luck...**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Nineteen: Babysitting

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Nineteen: Thursday_

Do you like surprises? I don't know why I'm asking my computer this, but I'm gonna guess that you do. Of course, I always hear about everyone LOVING surprises. I hate them. You know why I hate them? Becuase you never know what's going on! It's like having your legs ripped off and being unaware of it for a few hours.

Well... I guess I shouldn't really start off talking about the stupid surprises. I'll just confuse the life out of you if I attempt to tell the day out of order.

I don't know why I even bother giving my diary a personality. Yeah, right. I'm going to confuse a computer by telling things out of order. The only way to confuse a computer is to spell something wrong. That's the only thing that can possibly throw a computer off. Well, that among other things...

What was I saying again? Oh yeah. The surprise thing. Stupid ADD seems to corrupt me. One day soon, I won't hav ea problem with getting off subject. That'll probably be the day that I won't even remember that there was a subject to start with. Heh heh heh...

So, I woke up and had a song stuck in my head. I know it's by Linkin Park... Oh! I foudn the name of it! It's called _One Step Closer_ by Linkin Park. I don't even remember hearing that song before. Anyway, I looked around for a while to figure out what clothes I would wear. That didn't take long, and soon I was fully dressed.

I heard my brother knock on the door as I began to brush my teeth. He came in and asked me to come to the training center as soon as I was ready to work with my miko powers. I nodded to let him know that I had gotten the message and he leaned against the door frame. It was obvious that something else was on his mind.

"Say, Kagome... I heard that you had spoken a time or two. Who did you speak to?" He asked. I looked up at him while I rinsed the toothepaste from my mouth. How had he heard about that? Perhaps he had asked my friends about me after I got offline? He _did_ have their IM addresses...

I spit the toothepaste from my mouth and signed my reply. I told him that the first time I had spoken was when I said thanks to Sesshoumaru for stopping his insane half-brother. The second time I had spoken was when I yelled at Miroku for grabbing my ass.

Of course, I didn't use foul language when I was telling Souta this. I can't efven begin to imagine what he would think if his 'baby sister' let loose with a word like that. He still thinks that I should be wearing dresses and skirts. He must be stuck in another time zone or something... Like a different type of twilight zone...

Souta nodded and then left to, I assumed, the training room. I brushed my hair and pulled it back in a pony tail. It looks so strange to see myself without my hair being in a ponytail at the base of my neck. That's how I usually have it, so anything out of the ordinary (like leaving it down or tying it all up) just seems strange.

I should try to get myself to try out different styles one of these days.

I gave myself a once-over before I went out to see my brother. I just wanted to make sure that my bra straps were hiding, that my jacket was zipped up as much as possible, and that my loose jeans were actually going to stay on my hips. Nothing too important.

I went out and my brother was making that stupid tangerine drink. I hate that bloody drink now. Well, not so much for the bipolar taste, but because it reminds me of Andrew. After all, the drink tastes as bipolar as Andrew acts.

Souta gave me a cup and I drank it before I could taste it. There was no way I wouild risk being able to taste it.As the aftertaste came to me, I felt like Andrew had his slimy tongue somewhere halfway down my throat. See what I said? After seeing Andrew yesterday and calling him a tangerine, I can't drink this without him coming to mind.

As if Andrew didn't already corrupt my mind enough.

Souta smiled at me and said he wanted to ask me something. I nodded my head and braced myself for the most awkward of questions.

"Kagome, I spoke to your friends after you signed off... I just have a question to ask. What do you think about Sesshoumaru? Every one of your friends spoke of him as a bastard, yet you seem to think differently of him." Souta said. I stared at him and slowly tried to comprehend the question. What did I think of Sesshoumaru?

Sure, he was arrogant at times. Other times, he was somewhat sweet- like he had been when he gave me agoodbye dinner with his daughter. I know taht he hates humans and girls, making me a target for his loathing. But, I don't feel like I need to run away from him. Inf fact...

In fact, if anything, I feel more safe around him. He claims to hate human women, but he has a human girl to care for on his own. I guess... I don't know why, but I feel somewhat safe around him.

So, I slowly began to move my hands as I though. Of course, I'm not telling Souta _everything _that I think of Sesshoumaru. That would only give my brother a headache and give me carpeltunnel. I just... 'touched bases' on it.

I told my older brother that Sesshoumaru was reputed to hate humans and women a lot. I told him that, even though Sesshoumaru has no reason to like me, I felt as though he was... _neutral_ with me. Of course, that's better than him hating my guts. I said that I thought he was cute (Who _isn't_ cute in that family? Something about silver hair must do it for me...), and that I almost have a crush on him.

I then explained to Souta why I didn't feel safe with saying that i liked him entirely. That was just an invitation for me to be hurt again. And, with everything that seems to have happened to me, the last thing I want is to be hurt. I don't know how much more pain I can take.

Souta nodded his head and then began to train me. I would see him look over towards the shower area every now and then. Finally, we were done training. We had spent a few horus training, and I was now better than Souta.

I even asked Souta how I got better than him when I just got my powers back. Souta said that women with miko powers were more powerful than the men who had miko powers. It was supposed to be a way of balancing out the physical strength issue. Women aren't as good as men, so we had to have something better than them, right?

Souta sat down and told me to sit down as well. Without thinking, I sat down and pulled off my jacket. Of course, under it, I was only wearing a slightly-too-small spaghetti strap T-shirt. I didn't think that it would bother my brother, but... That was soon not the thing I worried about.

"Sesshoumaru, come out." Sotua said. My entire body froze as I watched Sesshoumaru come out from the area that the showers were in. He had been there for HOW long! I looked at him in shock for a while before something behind him moved. I looked downwards to see Rin behind him.

"Kagome!" Rin squeeled. She ran up to me and latched onto my leg, grinning. I could see that she was still feeling ill. Her face was pale, her brown eyes seemed to be tired, and the back of her neck had sweat on it. The poor child... Why did Sesshoumaru come here if Rin was sick?

I looked up at Sesshoumaru as he sat down next to me. Souta smiled at us then said he would go get medicine for Rin while I bombarded Sesshoumaru with quesitons. I glared at Souta with a look that, I hope, told him that I hate surprises. Especially ones that come after I admit having the slightest of feelings for the person.

Souta smiled and left and I turned my attention to Sesshoumaru. Rin had latched herself to him by then. She had her head on his lap and her eyes were closed. I guessed that she was absolutely exhausted. After a plane or car ride, I would be as well. Then, being sick on top of it... I felt horrible for her.

I signed to Sesshoumaru my question of why he was there. He said that Souta had told him about the Andrew incident. He said that Souta expressed clear concern for leaving me alone while he went to work. Souta had requested that Sesshoumaru come over so he wouldn't have to worry about me.

Now I'm curious if Souta even knows that Sesshoumaru has saved me on several occasions. Or, perhaps, he just figured that having a demon that I got along with would solve things. I'll have to ask him later.

I then asked why Rin was with him if she was sick. I expressed to him that I was worried for her health. No matter how they got here, I knew it would be really hard on her body, even without her being sick. Sesshoumaru shrugged it off and looked down at the sleeping child in his lap. I must say, even if Sesshoumaru seems to be a heartless asshole of a demon, I think he'll make a great father. It's really clear how much he cares for Rin.

Sesshoumaru said that Rin had been listening to the conversation. She didn't seem to understand anything other than something was wrong with me and a sleepover here would make me feel better. Children are so adorably innocent, aren't they?

"She became very adamant about coming here to cheer you up. I did not wish to try to come with her here, or just not go and make her think me a horrible person... So, I came and brought her." Sesshoumaru paused and looked as Souta brought in the medicine. Souta gave him the medicine then left with a few of the things he had brought into the training place with him.

"I am curious what it is about you that she remembers so well. She has met many other women that my brother or father have brought around. Even the women I have brought around in the past seem to slip her mind. Yet she remembers you clearly..." Sesshoumaru looked at me and I looked away very fast. I've never seen him so... _thoughtful_. It scared me to think that he might see me blushing.

Of course, at the time, I had forgotten that he knew that I liked him.

Sesshoumaru instantly brought up that subject. He asked if I had meant what I said. I hesitated and slowly nodded my head. He nodded and didn't say anything romantic or heart-melting to me. Not a part of me was upset about that. I knew he wouldn't care for me, because he is the Lord of Ice. Also, if he had said anything like that, I think I would have had so many butterflies in me that I would have dissolved into a hundred of 'em.

He started to shift his seat and I picked Rin up in my arms. Then, as I was holding his human daughter, I realized I couldn't tell him what I had intended to. I wanted to let him know that I didn't mind letting Rin sleep with me. I could only imagine how awkward it might feel for a male demon to have to sleep with a female human child.

Without thinking, I told him that she could sleep with me. I don't mean that I used my hands. I mean my voice came out and said it. Sesshoumaru was surprised and I was even more shocked than he was. Slowly, he put his emotionless mask back on and said that he appreciated it.

My voice didn't fail me yet.

"Why is it... around you... I don't have any problems talking..." I managed to murmur. He smiled then said that perhaps it was something in my heart or in my brain that I had to learn to understand on my own. I nodded my head and took his human daughter to my room. He followed me, just to help me take care of Rin I assumed.

I set Rin down in my bed and turned the fan on. Then I pulled the blankets over her body and took the medicine from Sesshoumaru's hand. I woke Rin up, and she seemed happy to see me. I have her the medicine, but she said she wouldn't take it because it tasted funny.

"Rin, please take the medicine. I will be leaving in a moment and Kagome will take care of you. If you don't take it, she will be unable to let you stay in her room. You'll be too ill..." Sesshoumaru said. I looked at him then at Rin. She was swallowing something. I looked at my hand and was shocked to see that the pills were gone without me noticing earlier.

Rin asked if I would stay with her, and I nodded my head. I sat on the bed and Rin cuddled up to me. Sesshoumaru watched for a moment before I asked him (with my hands this time) where he was going.

Sesshoumaru replied that he had some important business to attend to. He still had to get things from Souta's car and place them in another guest bedroom. Then it hit me that he was staying for a while. Why had Souta selfishly asked Sesshoumaru to come!

I asked Sesshoumaru why he decided to come. He narrowed his eyes and let out the faintest hint of a smirk. I couldn't believe that _Sesshoumaru_ was letting _me_ see something as rare as a faint smirk.

"There are reasons I will explain later." He simply said. As he started leaving, I cleared my throat. I wanted some sort of answer before he left to take care of things. He turned to me and let out another faint smirk.

"If you must know, I felt fear for your well-being. After all, Andrew is not someone easily dodged. Especially with a few friends he has started making." Sesshoumaru said. I stared at him and then looked at Rin. What in the world was he talking about? It must be natural for him to be mysterious.

"Explain it to me when you're done." I managed to say. Wow. I had spoken three times in one day. Sesshoumaru left the room without giving me an answer and I looked down at Rin. She was in deeper sleep than a hibernating bear. I slowly eased myself off the bed and turned on my laptop. I would speak with everyone very soon. This time, Souta would be welcome to actually speak to them.

I signed onto the messenger and opened up a conference for all of us. Sesshoumaru wasn't online, but as soon as he was, I would surely invite him to join us. After all, he's usually with us when we speak.

While the messenger was loading up, I sat on my bed next to Rin. I figured that she would feel more comfortable if, in the back of her mind, she knew that someone was right next to her. It would also help Sesshoumaru to know that I wasn't just abandoning my care for his daughter.

My mom used to say that we all have a paternal instinct in us. Some people never have theirs come out until they have children of their own. Some never have it until they have siblings. Then there are the few people who have the paternal instinct when they are around any child.

Mom was so smart before... But enough of dwelling on the past. That's only a formula for another depression attack. Here's the conversation, now.

_Poisoned _is Sesshoumaru (but he won't be on in the beginning). _HolyDemon_ is me. _DamnHand_ is Miroku. _SpiderBack_ is Sango. _HumanPuppy_ is Inuyasha. _TouchandDie_ is Souta... And I think that's all we'll have today.

**TouchandDie has joined the conference.**

**DamnHand has joined the conference.**

**HumanPuppy has joined the conference.**

**SpiderBack has joined the conference.**

**HolyDemon:**_ Hey, guys... Sorry I wasn't on yesterday._

**SpiderBack:**_ Don't worry about it, Kagome. Your brother spoke to us while you were asleep. He gave us a brief idea of what happened and then started asking us intellegent questions to understand our brain or something..._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Hey, Kagome... What is your brother's name anyway?_

**TouchandDie:**_ My name is Souta._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Do you have miko powers like Kagome does?_

**TouchandDie:**_ Yes, but hers are stronger than mine... She has hardly even trained with them and she can beat me without problem._

**DamnHand:**_ I am proud of you, Kagome. It seems that there is some good to balance out the bad._

**HolyDemon:**_ How... ?_

**SpiderBack:**_ Sorry, Kagome. I kinda told him about what happened._

**HolyDemon:**_ So that means that Inuyasha knows now?_

**SpiderBack:**_ Why do you say that?_

**HolyDemon:**_ Is there ANYTHING that those two don't tell each other?_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Yes, I know... I'm sorry that I even accused you of being a whore to begin with. That was a bad call onmy part._

**Obsession has joined the conference.**

**Obsession:** _Hi, everyone._

**Poisoned has joined the conference.**

**SpiderBack: **_Who is Obsession?_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Well... That's... Obsession is my friend from school. He helped me get back at Kikyou for cheating on me._

**DamnHand:**_ So, 'Obsession', what is your real name?_

**Obsession:**_ Andy._

**HolyDemon:**_ Well, nice to meet you, Andy._

**Obsession:**_ And to you as well, Ms..._

**Poisoned:**_ Higurashi._

**HolyDemon:**_ Fora moment, I was wondering if you were even there, Sesshoumaru._

**SpiderBack:**_ Higurashi is her last name. Would you like her real name?_

**Obsession:**_ I would appreciate it. It feels too formal to speak to her as 'Ms. Higurashi.'_

**Poisoned:**_ For your life, that is all you will refer to her as. Her first name is irrelevant to you, fool._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Sesshoumaru! Shut up!_

**Poisoned:**_ Little brother, you can make me shut up._

**HumanPuppy:**_ How am I supposed to do that when you're in ARIZONA?_

**Poisoned:**_ That is not of my concern._

**SpiderBack:**_ So, Andy... How did you and Inuyasha meet?_

**Obsession:**_ Chat room. Turns out we life near each other. He spoke briefly of his hatred towards Kikyou, so I helped him plot his revenge on her._

**Poisoned:**_ Among other things._

**DamnHand:**_ Andy... What is your last name?_

**Obsession:**_ Williams._

**DamnHand:**_ How was your flight?_

**Obsession:**_What?_

**DamnHand:**_ I work for the airlines. I would like to know how your flight was and if the peanuts were stale enough for you._

**SpiderBack:**_ Miroku... You and Sesshoumaru are being awfully heartless to poor Andy here._

**DamnHand:**_ What am I doing that is heartless, my dear Sango? I am merely asking him how his flight was. It seems that he had a few flights in a row, and that can be tiring._

**Obsession:**_ It was tiring. I think I will go to bed to recover from the jet lag of it. Good night._

**Obsession has left the conference.**

**Poisoned:**_ Bastard._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Sesshoumaru, just leave!_

**Poisoned:**_ If you aren't careful, little brother, I will come home early and make you and Andy suffer living hell._

**HolyDemon:**_ Not that it isn't interesting to watch you two fight, I am going to get off. I feel bad for being on the computer with a sick child in my custody. 'Night!_

**SpiderBack:**_ 'Night, Kagome. Try to be back before the next school week._

After I finished speaking, I looked over at Rin, who was still sleeping peacefully. I got up carefully and got a stuffed animal from her luggage that Sesshoumaru had brought in during the conversation. He said it was her favorite, I believe. I gave her the small bunny to cuddle as I got into bed once again. Now, I'm going to bed. Good night, Mr. Diary...

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_No, this isn't right at all. These feelings are all false. There is no way things can possibly be going right after always going wrong… Things can't go right after going wrong for so long… I can't give into these feelings, no matter how **right** they feel…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

I told you guys that I would change the story to normal view in a while because something will happen that makes it nearly impossible for Kagome to write diary entries. I believe that you have a chapter or two that will be normal. Sooo... Enjoy Kagome's ADD while you can.

Remember that, before the chapter, I told you that I got sick on Sunday (second day in my three-day weekend). Well, Monday I was sick, but I still participated in swimming with my cousins. Now, today is Tuesday an I wa supposed to return to school. Well, almost all day, I've had a fever of over 100 degrees. I would have worked on the chapters more, but I couldn't; I was sleeping almost all day. So... Forgive me if I dont update soon. I have to finish the chapter, and I can't even muster up the energy to turn the computer on.

How pathetic...

Next Chapter: _Speaking of Home...  
_Reviews Needed:** 360**

**- Lonely Bird **


	20. Speaking of Home

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
May 29th, 2006  
May 31st, 2006

**Oooh. I can't take the excitement of knowing what will happen when all you guys are clueless :squee:**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Twenty: _Speaking of Home..._

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Twenty: Friday_

This sucks. I feel so sad that everything stopped earlier than I had hoped. Then again, I guess it couldn't be helped...

Crap. Forgot that I have to tell the story in order. I keep forgetting about that... Don't let me forget to tell you about the 'tingling feeling' before I finish writing this diary. I have a few things that I need to mention to you before I forget about them.

I woke up this morning with a bunny stuffed animal on my face and a little girl in my arms. I slowly stretched and walked out to get soem breakfast. All I had on was a large T-shirt and my underwear. After all, it was seven in the morning. Souta wouldn't be awake that early, and Sesshoumaru was likely to be sleeping in since he didn't have to take care of Rin anymore.

I came out to find out that Sesshoumaru was _not_ asleep like I had assumed. He had a book open in front of him and he seemed very content. Well, until I came into the room, that is. He looked up at me and I am pretty sure I knew what he was thinking. He proably saw my pajamas and thought _'are you trying to seduce me, worthless human woman?'_

I smiled and cleared my throat. I took a deep breath in then forced myself to believe that Sesshoumaru had to reason to pick on me.

"I didn't think anyone would be awake." I told him with my voice.

"You're speaking."

"Yes... I think that I can get my voice to work. I had one reason for not talking, and now that reason is useless." I explained. I walked into the kitchen and began to search the fridge for some food. There wasn't enough milk for me to have cereal, but there were things to make some pancakes (if you use water as a substitue for milk).

I began to make it, and Sesshoumaru and I spoke. He said that he appreciated me taking care of Rin last night. He said that he hadn't been able to get much sleep since she grew ill.

"Although demons can go long periods of time before becoming tired, I was starting to feel the effects of exhaustion. Not having to worry about Rin each time she coughed helped me sleep enough." He said. I nodded my head and finished making the pancakes after a while. We actually had a nice discussion while I was cooking. I guess I should tell you (it's kinda important, because it gave me butterflies.)

"So, Ms. Kagome... What was your initial reason for not speaking?" He asked.

"Well... I was so afraid to tell people what happened about me being raped... I was terrified of what people would think. I found out that I came close to telling people quite a lot. Since I was pretty sure that it would be horrible if they knew that I wasn't a virgin anymore, I decided that I needed to take care of the chance of me letting it slip. So, I quit talking so I couldn't tell people what happened...

"As you can see, that didn't work. I ended up telling almost everyone before the school year was out." I said. Sesshoumaru came up and started watching as I made the food. I could tell he was smelling it. Judging by the growl of his stomach, he hadn't eaten since Rin came ill. I even asked him about it.

"Seeing food made Rin feel worse. So, while I was with her, I did not eat. Demons may be able to push a few meals off, but it doesn't mean we don't get hungry. Many people assume we're stronger than we are." Sesshoumaru explained. I nodded my head and gave him a plate of pancakes. He took it and said thank you.

Souta came into the kitchen and I handed him a plate. He thanked me then went back into his room. He hasn't been a morning person since before I can remember.

After Souta came in, Rin came in. I gave her a plate and she ate it happily. It seems that the medicine that Souta had worked really well. I don't think Sesshoumaru knows this, but Souta had also used some of his miko powers to help make the medicine help heal Rin faster. I think he has taken a liking to her.

It's hard not to, you have to admit. After all, when a little girl is just so cheerful and kind towards and around you, it's impossible not to become attached.

Rin went back into the room to play some games on my laptop. I ate breakfast in the kitchen and then Sesshoumaru brought his plate and Rin's plate to me. I washed them quietly until Sesshoumaru struck up another conversation. Who would have guessed that the Lord of Ice didn't like to have silence in the room?

Not me, at least.

"We must go home today." Sesshoumaru said. I looked at him and instantly felt kind of upset. What made him think that he could just tell me when we were going to go home? I wanted to spend more time with my brother!

Just as I was about to snap at him, I stopped myself. Sesshoumaru doesn't demand that people do things unless there's a reason. Even though he seems awfully in love with himself, he won't make people do things for _his_ convenience. He's actually got a heart somewhere behind all that bloody ice.

"Why?" I asked. I wouldn't argue. Especially since it was early in the morning. Neither of us were quite ready to argue. As I mentally listed the reasons why, I realized neither of us were dressed to face the day. Sesshoumaru had no shirt on, while I had a man's shirt on and almost nothing else.

Gee. I think that anyone who looked in on our situation would just assume we were 'together' last night. Ummm... Yeah... That made me feel more urgent than ever to change into real clothes.

"I cannot explain the reason to you, but it is in your best interst to leave here today. I have tickets bought and we must leave by noon." Sesshoumaru said. I nodded my head and smiled faintly at him.

"Will you promise to tell me why later on?"

"I will, Ms. Kagome." I smiled and then started putting the dishes on a towel to air dry. As I walked away, he grasped my wrist. It wasn't a forceful grasp that made me think he would hurt me. It was more of a way of getting me to stay longer without using words... I sound like I'm writing a romance novel! What the fuck is wrong with me!

I turned around and Sesshoumaru seemed very concerened and undecisive. I asked him why he had stopped me and he bit his lip with a fang. I'm sure it didn't hurt him, even though his lip started bleeding. Why am I sure? He kept biting it instead of stopping.

"Yesterday, you had told your brother that you had feelings towards me. I asked if that was true, and you replied that it was." He paused for a while and I thought that maybe he had forgotten what he was going to say afterwards. Sound like something I wouild do.

"Yes... What of it?" I asked him.

"I could not get myself to tell you at the time... The truth is that I may return those same feelings for you." He said. I tried to be serious about it. I tried desperately to put on an emotionless mask. It didn't work. I started grinning and blushing like a fool. Then I hugged him. I can't believe I hugged THE _Lord of Ice_.

The only thing harder to believe is that he hugged me back.

So, after we had finished our hugging scene, I thanked him. I said that if he hadn't gotten me to feel more calm around men (mainly him and Miroku), then I would have neverstarted talking again. He said that he was glad he could help in some way.

I went over to the guest room I was in and started packing things. Rin watched me and said that her bunny made her feel all better. I smiled at her innocence. Then she gave me the bunny and said that I would need her bunny to make me feel all better soon. I looked at her with curiousity and raised eyebrows.

"What are you talking about, Rin?" I asked her. Rin twiddled her thumbs after she had gotten onto the bed. She looked nervous, like something would happen to her if she told me what she meant.

"Well... Kagome, you started talking. I had a dream that you were talking. But, in the dream, bad things happened." Rin said. I smiled and ruffled her hair. I guess she doesn't realize that it's just a dream. Dreams are never accurate and the events in dreams never occur.

"I'll be okay, Rin. Don't worry about me. You need to keep your bunny so you'll be able to get better next time you get sick." I said. I offered her the bunny and she just said she wouldn't take it. She said she had plenty of other stuffed animals that could make her feel better. She said she looked in my suitcase, and I had none.

Children are just too cute sometimes...

So, Rin helped me pack up as best as she could. I think that child is more likely to have ADD than me. When we finally got done with mine, she helped me take it out to Souta's car. Souta said that he would take us to the airport so we wouldn't waste money on a taxi.

I sat in front, Sesshoumaru sat in back, and Rin attached herself to Sesshoumaru. Souta drove us to the airport, and I thanked him. He said that he was glad to have someone come over and see me for a little while. He also said that if he had known Sesshoumaru helped make me talk, he would have had Sesshoumaru come with me on day one.

Sesshoumaru thanked Souta, too. I was going to ask why, but Sesshoumaru said that Souta's little amount of miko powers had truly cured Rin. I smiled at my brother and the man I had started trusting. Perhaps... Perhaps that there is something good to come out of pain.

After all, if I hadn't been raped and gone mute, then I would have never even considered Sesshoumaru to be as kind and caring as he is. I also wouldn't have had a reason to come down and see my brother.

From now on, I think life is going to be much easier on me. I should hope so, since it has been going good already. After all, what person (or God) would be so heartless as to come in now and take away everything good in my life?

So... Stupid ADD. I totally forgot that there was a subject before I started to babble. It was... Oh yeah, coming home!

So, I told you where everyone sat and all. So, Souta drove us to the airport. Then he took us to the gate and waved goodbye to us. I watched him as long as I could, then Sesshoumaru said that we had to actually _move_ if we wanted to get to the plane. I smiled at him then followed.

When we boarded the plane, they had no more coach seats left. My first thought was 'well, at least I'm stuck with Sesshoumaru'. Then they had extra seats in first class. Unfortunately, the seats weren't next to each other. However, as soon as we were able to get on and meet a few people around us, we were able to rearrange the seating.

Rin sat against the window, Sesshoumaru sat in the middle (and didn't seem to mind), and I sat in the aisle. The plane took off and I checked to see that there was a barf bag for the descent. Then I slept nearly the entire trip. I didn't want to deal with the whole ear-popping thing that I had on the way up.

When we landed, I was about to get sick. Then Sesshoumaru told me a trick that managed to keep my bile inside me. He said that, if you chew gum, it is supposed to keep your mind busy enough so you don't vomit. I tried it, and it worked.

When we landed, I was tempted to start kissing the floor again. Only this time, I had two other people traveling with me. I can only imagnie how much they would be embarassed if I had done that. I'm sure Sesshoumaru would have encouraged Rin to act like they didn't know me.

We walked to baggage claim and picked up our things. My suitcase didn't show up, surprisingly. I didn't care, although Sesshoumaru seemed to be a bit more worried than I was. They said that the next plane coming in from Arizona would be about noon tomorrow. Sesshoumaru looked at me and said that he would take me to get it tomorrow.

I instantly asked him, as we went out towards my car (I guess he called a taxi... ?), why he would take me. I told him that I was perfectly capable of driving myself. He looked at me and I saw something in there that I haven't seen before.

Of course, this is Sesshoumaru. If you ever see anything in his eye other than what should be there and the occasional piece of dirt, then you're bound to be shocked.

But, what I saw in his eyes looked like concern or depression. I can't quite place my finger on it, but it made my heart slow down and I began to feel sad when I saw it. He said that he wished to take me for reasons it would be wise not to tell me. I tried to pry him for the information, but he wouldn't tell me a thing.

"I would hate to worry you. Often times, the fear and paranoia of something is worse than the event itself." He said. Great. So, you don't tell me what it is, but you imply that it's going to be bad? Way to help me not get paranoid. I can't believe he wouldn't actually tell me.

I drove him home and he and Rin went inside. I told him that he would have to accompany me when I went to people's houses to show them that I can speak again. When he asked why, I said it was because I wasn't allowed to go to the airport alone. I planned on doing that immediately after.

I didn't tell him that it was just a trick to get him to come with me.

He said that he would as long as Rin made it to school. I nodded my head and then drove home.

Now, as soon as I'm done putting the internet conversation in here, I'm going to get some sleep. I'm too tired to say anything that I have done afterwards.

**Poisoned has joined the conference.**

**HumanPuppy has joined the conference.**

**SpiderBack has joined the conference.**

**TouchandDie has joined the conference.**

**DamnHand has joined the conference.**

**Obsession has joined the conference.**

**HolyDemon:**_ Hi, everyone. A lot of people have been coming recently, huh?_

**Poisoned:**_ So it seems._

**SpiderBack:**_ So, Kagome... How are you doing? Is your brother being nice to you?_

**HolyDemon:**_ He was._

**DamnHand:**_ Was?_

**TouchandDie:**_ You make it sound like I'm not here._

**DamnHand:**_ Sorry... I didn't see your usename in there with the mixture of the rest of them._

**TouchandDie:**_ Don't worry about it._

**HumanPuppy:**_ So, why do you say he was?_

**HolyDemon:**_ I came home today._

**SpiderBack:**_ Why? I thought you liked being with your brother..._

**HolyDemon:**_ You can ask Sesshoumaru that... BUT that's beside the point._

**HumanPuppy: **_Then what is the point?_

**HolyDemon:**_ I want all of you to be home tomorrow until I come by. I have something to show you all._

**DamnHand:**_ Can't you just show us now?_

**TouchandDie:**_ Not quite. I believe I know what it is, and it would be much better if she showed you herself._

**SpiderBack:**_ Alright then._

**Poisoned:**_ Well, everyone... It is time to get offline and sleep._

**HumanPuppy:**_ What makes you think you can tell us what to do?_

**Poisoned:**_ First of all, because I'm a demon and none of you are full demon._

**Poisoned:**_ Second of all, because I'm a senior and the rest of you are all juniors or lower._

**Poisoned:**_ Third of all, because I have managed to learn every embarassing thing about you guys since you were six. It's amazing how loud Inuyasha can talk and how much you all tell him._

**Poisoned: **_Now, everyone. Sleep._

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_No, this isn't right at all. These feelings are all false. There is no way things can possibly be going right after always going wrong… Things can't go right after going wrong for so long… I can't give into these feelings, no matter how **right** they feel…_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Poll Question:  
**_Regarding Kagome... What should happen to her? Should she and Sesshoumaru get together? Should she move again? What should happen? I know everyone will say that she needs to be happy because of how hard her life has been. But, that won't happen. I need some more drama before she can finally have a decent life. So, guys, let me know what you want to happen and I'll take your ideas to heart._**

To everyone who commented about Andy... Damn you guys are smart! Someone even thought that they were slow for getting it. Well, I think that everyone who got that is pretty damn smart! I hadn't even mentioned anything along the lines?

Next Chapter: _The Last Day of My Life  
_Reviews Needed:** 390**

**- Lonely Bird **


	21. The Last Day of My Life

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
May 31st, 2006  
June 1st, 2006

**Before I forget! Thanks everyone for your reviews. I was able to get some great ideas from them. :insert evil laughter here: Well, this sadistic bitch has a lot of work to do.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Twenty-One: _The Last Day of My Life_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Day Twenty-One: Saturday_

Today has gone so surprisingly good. I don't think I've ever had such a wonderful day. If I didn't know better, I would guess that it was my birthday today. Maybe not exactly my birthday, but some other holiday where everyone is so surprisingly nice to me.

I woke up this morning in one of the best moods ever. You know what's better than that, though? The cynic in my brain was still out of it. In fact, all day, the cynic in my brain has just about been gone.

It makes me wonder what's going on. It's almost like something horrible is going to happen today and the cynic part of me has packed up and left. Oh, but that's a silly thought. What could possibly happen to me now?

I met up with Inuyasha already. I spoke to him. He seemed surprised that I would see him, least of all speak to him. Then he flattened his ears and said he was sory for what he had been doing recently. I smiled and hugged him. While we hugged, I murmured for his ears only that I didn't hold it against him.

I told Inuyasha that, even though he had done that to me, I wouldn't keep it against him. He got mad at me and did some pretty stupid things. I got mad at him and started telling my diary that I hated him with a passion. His hate is also much more evident, since his demon half will take over in a pissed-off situation like that.

Inuyasha asked what had gotten me to start talking again. I told him that he had to promise to be nice or else I wouldn't tell him. He promised, and I gradually let him know that Sesshoumaru had willed me into talking once again. He looked at his brother then back at me. I'm guessing it hurt him somewhat to know that his brother had helped me. Even if he didn't want to help me, I know that there isa bitter rivalry between them. It'll only hurt him more to know that there's one more thing his brother was able to do that he couldn't.

Inuyasha asked if that was what I had mentioned wanting to tell him earlier. I told him that it was, and that I was going to see Sango, then Miroku in that order. He nodded his head and said that he hoped I would be safe. I saw a flicker of some unknown emotion pass through his eyes. I can't even begin to describe it. I can only see the picture of it in my mind.

He wanted to know what caused me to be silent in the first place. I bit my lip and said I would tell him later. There were other things that I had to do. I wanted to see Sango, since she had to leave somewhere soon. I walked out the door and waved goodbye to Inuyasha. He waved back and I saw another look in his eyes. Only, this one I could define much better.

Pity. Regret. Anger.

That's an awfully odd combination to have in someone's eyes, don't you think? I can't help but wonder what was crossing his mind as he watched me leave...

We then went to Sango's house. Sesshoumaru drove, saying that he didn't trust my driving. I pretended to be insulted and told him that I'm perfectly capable of driving. There has only been once car accident that I've been in, and I wasn't driving at the time.

He raised an eyebrow and gave me that... that _look_. It's the look that makes you suddenly want to admit to everything bad you've done. It's... It's hard to explain, just like the look he had in his eyes earlier. Just, keep in mind that these two looks are completely different. There's nothing the same about them.

As we were driving to Sango's house, Sesshoumaru asked me how I felt. I gave him a strange look and shrugged.

"I've felt better, but I'm fine. Nothing is wrong with me." I told him. We turned around a corner and I heard him mumble something in demon. It was too quiet for me to tell what it was.

"Not that way. I mean, do you have feelings of anxiety or anything?" He asked me. I looked at him and sighed. Of course, demons might as well be mind readers with how well they can interpret things off of smell.

Something inside of me said that he wasn't sniffing it out, though.

"A little bit. I don't know why. It's not like Sango and Miroku are going to hate me for being able to speak again." I said carelessly. Really, why was I feeling so nervous? What was going on in my head (or wherever)? In fact, as I type this, I'm still feeling nervous.

I looked at the demon sitting next to me and gave him a good look-over. There's more to Sesshoumaru than people think. If you look really hard, there is emotion in his eyes. It's pretty hard to see, sure. But, if you really wanted to know what he was thinking, you would just have to look at him with patience.

He was worried. I don't know why, but he was worried.

Of course, my miko powers might be helping me out in figuring this one out. Or, he might be so worried that he's letting his mask down (that almost doesn't sound possible...). But, how I'm able to tell doesn't matter. What _does_ matter is the demon I have started caring for has something troubling him.

As I look at him now, I can still see the worry there. I can't remember ever seeing him so troubled over something.

Back to my story. He took me to Sango's house. He came in with me and everything. I knocked on Sango's door and I heard an agitated 'who is it' from the other side. I bit my lip and grinned.

"It's Kagome! Who did you think it was!" I asked. I heard the moving around on the other side stop, then the door swung open and nearly hit me. I didn't think it was the kind of door to swing _out_ rather than _in_. I jumped back and looked at my friend. She looked totally stunned. Then she looked at Sesshoumaru (who was next to me) and she laughed.

"Oh, Sesshoumaru! That was great! I thought that the voice might really belong to Kagome! I didn't know you wanted to be a ventriloquist! That girl voice, oh, it was just so... _Girly_!" She laughed. I looked at Sesshoumaru, and he seemed mildly amused. I guess anything would be more entertaining if someone expected you to be the person behind it.

I stepped forward and placed my hand on Sango's shoulder. I told her that it really was me. It took a few moments for her to get it, because she was pretty set on the idea that Sesshoumaru was playing out my voice. Then, when she finally did get it, she hugged me tightly.

"Oh my gosh, Kagome! What happened to you that made you talk? I'm so happy you can speak, Kagome." She hugged me and then began to act like a typical girl; she screamed for joy. If my ears hurt, I hate to think of how Sesshoumaru's demon ears felt.

So, I spoke to her for a while then I told her that I was going to see Miroku. She said that it was fine with her, and that she couldn't wait to see me at school when I started speaking. I said that it would be cool and I wanted to get back at all the kids who had picked on me for being mute.

Andrew was one of them.

So, we just leftSango's house, and we're going to Miroku's next. I asked Sesshoumaru if I could put things in my diary (then I had to explain that to him) while we drove. Miroku lives on the outskirts, so it'll be a while before we get to his house. Sesshoumaru looked at me and said he didn't see a problem with it. Just as long as I didn't try to hit him with it or something strange like that.

I laughed and started typing. And, well, here I am now.

Hang on, Mr. Diary. I can hear tires screeching and I want to see what's going on. I can't tell what Sesshoumaru's trying to say, but I'll ask him in a moment.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_Where am I? Who are all these people? Why do they keep saying my name? Is this even my name? Who is this woman? Is she really my mother, like she claims? And this deep-voiced man, is he really my brother? How come I don't know anything. What happened? And... Who is the silver-haired emotionless man?_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Now, before I posted this chapter, I made sure that I had the next one ready to be put up. This means that if you review fast, I will actually be able to update pretty damn fast...

**This is THE LAST chapter written in Kagome's diary. And, you know what's the best part about this chapter? At the end, when I give you a nice, agonizing cliff-hanger... Well, I shouldn't say it, or else none of you will want to review. Heh. Well, have fun reading this. I can only imagine the kind of agony that you'll be in by the end...**

**Yeah, who here started panicking when they saw the name of this chapter? Well, due to what happens in the chapter, it will be shorter than a chapter normally is. That only adds to the panic it creates!**

**Yes, I know. I'm a satistic bitch, huh?**

Next Chapter: _What?  
_Reviews Needed:** 410**

**- Lonely Bird **


	22. What?

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 1st, 2006

**You guys want to know why I didn't update right away? Usually reviews all come in at once, then a few come in after the 'big batch' (as I call it). I was waiting for the 'big batch' to slow down and for those few to start tricking in. That's when I know everyone has read the chapter and it's time for another one. That's why it was taking so long. I got over 30 reviews more than I asked for! **

**I nearly got 50 reviews for that chapter! Wow!**

**This is the first chapter that I am writing in normal story mode. You guys sure are going to be confused, huh? As I was writing, it felt _sooo_ strange to write like this again. After all, I've been focusing on this story in Kagome's diary's point of view for 21 chapters now...**

**Every time you see - - - in the center of the page, then it means that I have switched subjects. I will do that a lot in this chapter, just to keep you as confused as all the characters are. Don't worry, you'll get what happened after a while. I'll reveal bits and pieces as you go.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Twenty-Two: _What?_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

It happened fast. Too fast. He had tried his best to keep up, but he couldn't. Even with demon speed and knowledge, he was lost in the shuffle. He had... She had... They...

It was gone. He had hardly even been able to answer the questions accurately. Did he answer them accurately? He couldn't remember half the information now. His name? It was Sesshoumaru, was it not? His age? He wasn't entirely sure, but he did remember being a senior in high school.

It was a rush of adrenaline. That didn't even need to be said. As soon as it happened, he was able to figure out what went on. He understood at the time. But, now... His memory was starting to fail him.

For example; he wasn't even going to guess how long he had been sitting by the street. Traffic had started to resume as normal and less people were staring as time went on. That signified that it had been a few hours. Still, he felt as though the medics and police had just left.

The panicked demon stared down at a lap top. He had gotten it out in time, thankfully. Kagome had been typing up a diary entry in here. He didn't understand why she had a diary in the first place. He wouldn't even attempt to guess why it was on her computer.

Speaking of the machine, it was functioning. He was awfully thankful that it was. Kagome had obviously wrote a lot in it. He saw three weeks worth of entries in the computer. He could only imagine the horror that would be in the last entry. She hadn't even gotten to say what happened.

Hell, he wasn't even able to tell himself what happened.

_Calm down_, Sesshoumaru urged himself. He hadn't told Kagome this might happen. Why? He wanted her to remain calm. Stress and paranoia and anxiety always increased the pain from something. If you hurt yourself, having your muscles tense would only increase pain.

_Calm down!_ He was getting really tired of the inner panic in his mind. The laptop had low batteries. He groaned and turned it off. He would learn more about the woman's mind later. He had told her he cared for her just two days ago. And... Now it felt as though she had vanished from the face of the Earth.

The scene replayed in his mind like a horror film. Only, you could look away from horror films. You could turn them off, pause them, fast forward them, rewind them... Better yet, you could destroy the version you owned so you would never have to look at it again. But, this wasn't a horror film. This was life.

And life is fixed.

Kagome had seemed so cheerful recently. She had started smiling. She had started talking. She had even admitted to having more interest in him than anyone else. Sesshoumaru had staretd to return those feelings, and he told her.

That couldn't save her. Nothing could.

Sesshoumaru looked up towards the darkening sky and sighed. They had told Miroku why Kagome would never come and tell him her surprise. They had told Sango the news of what happened. They even told Inuyasha. He hadn't really wanted to, but he did it anyways. Kagome seemed pleased with Inuyasha before... He glanced over the wreck behind him. **_This_**.

Sesshoumaru took another deep breath and closed the lap top. He would go to Kagome's house, charge it, then go to a few other stops. He gave the wreck one last glance then began walking towards Kagome's home. Her grandfather seemed to be the sole caretaker of the family. Her mother and father were out of the picture. If they had died, he wouldn't know.

She rarely spoke of them.

Hell, she rarely spoke. Until recently.

What if that changed?

Sesshoumaru didn't hold soft spots for humans. He saw the way demons would act around human mates. They put so much care into them. He saw the destruction it brought on their lives when demons easily out-lived the lives of their mates.

Above that, he saw the love women held for earthly objects. Humans were a waste, only because they seemed to think they were better. The only way to make them think otherwise was to kill them. By the time you killed a human, you started wondering why they had begun to live in the first place.

Women were just in love with wordly possessions. Ever since he realized this universal truth, he decided that he would not care for human nor woman.

That was definitely not true now...

- - -

"Miroku!" She thrust herself into Miroku's arms. It didn't matter if he grabbed her. He often understood the times when it was wrong to do such things.

Now was definitely the time, wasn't it?

"I'm so sorry, Sango." Miroku murmured. He wrapped his arms around the woman of his dreams and held her. It felt unreal. He had gotten the news before he had gotten the surprise from Kagome. He could feel tears starting up. Who cared about manliness right now. His best friend had just suffered a horrible fate, and he couldn't help but feel guilty about it.

"I can't believe it, Miroku. She... She might _really_ be _gone_!" Sango wailed. Miroku stroked her head and leaned against the chair that was provided. He had only been here once before, when his father had suffered from a stroke. That was long ago. This was now.

"I know what you're feeling, Sango..." Miroku said. Sango looked up at him, tears filling her big brown eyes. Her entire face had started to turn red from the drama. She shook her head then fell into Miroku's arms once more.

"What's worse... She was coming to show you, Inuyasha, and I that she was talking again." Sango added. Miroku had stopped stroking Sango's head and his eyes grew. Kagome. All that time she had been in pain. All that time she had seemed to carry a secret storm. And, just as the weather was clearing, she went under.

They could only hope she would be able to come back up.

"My dear Sango, let me take you home. A hospital is no place for a beauty to be crying." Miroku paused and tried to rationalize his thoughts once more. It was no use. Even if he and Kagome were nothing more than friends, he felt absolutely devistated by the event. It felt as though she would be gone forever--

No. He would not allow himself to even think that her death was a possibility.

"They will call us with any improvements on her part. Let us go." Miroku slowly helped Sango up. She was weak, and it was understandable. He was hardly able to stand himself. Slowly and carefully, the couple took their numb bodies out to the bus stop. After what had happened, there was no chance either of them wanted to drive.

- - -

_"What happened here?" A man in uniform looked over a mess. He hadn't seen anything like it in his career before. He was rather new to the department._

_A golden-eyed demon looked up at him. He instantly recognized him. It was the young Taisho son, Sesshoumaru or Inuyasha. It was beyond him which was which. That wasn't what he was being paid to do, though. He would identify famous faces later._

_The demon opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it, then closed it. He looked down and shook his head. The sound of ambulance doors closing caused the demon to jerk his head in the direction. He was out of sorts, that was given. But, why wasn't this demon like the others? Naturally, a demon would have no problems with something like this._

_Perhaps all the money had gotten to him?_

_"Forget that question. I can take a good guess at what happened. What is your name?" He asked. He looked down at the clipboard he was holding and poised his pen in the air. He would have to fill out an accident report whether or not this man wanted to help._

_"S..." A long pause. "Sesshoumaru Taisho."_

_"Well, Sesshoumaru. How old are you?"_

_"I... I'm a senior. I can't..."_

_Why did this demon take this so traumatically? Normally, he would have been fine and looking at everyone like they were crazy... Demons were more resistant to these things... Weren't they?_

- - -

"I am sorry to be the ones to tell you this... I didn't have your phone number for them to call you, but..." He took a deep breath and looked at the old man sitting before him. He was uneasy around the demon, that was a given. Many people were.

"Kagome has... She's..." His stumbling over his words became evident. The old man suddenly looked over at the mother figure and looked her over.

"I see what you're saying... Thank you for coming. If you need anything of hers, you know, to bring her, then please help yourself." He said. Sesshoumaru stood up, the slightly damaged lap top in his right hand. As he began to walk upstairs, the old man cleared his throat. He looked towards Kagome's grandfather.

"And... If there is anything you can do to save my grand-baby, please do it. You... After her mother became ill, she became the light of the family; even if she couldn't speak." He said. Sesshoumaru nodded then looked to the mother. She seemed to understand the words that had been said.

Sesshoumaru spoke to the mother in demon's tongue. She wouldn't understand, obviously. Even if humans couldn't understand, speaking specific phrases in demon would help heal them.

Unfortunately, there wasn't anything nearly strong enough to heal Kagome in the state she was in now.

- - -

"It's on the news." Miroku pointed out. His heart-broken girlfriend looked up at the TV screen then began to collapse into another fit of tears. It was hard to accept, but now they were just broadcasting it like this?

Even if Sango wouldn't look, he would. Perhaps he could figure out exactly what happened. It wasn't right, the way that it was being portrayed. He was pretty sure that someone had actually set it up. It was a feeling that he had. His other feelings had always turned out to be right, too.

If only he had a feeling that Kagome would live...

- - -

_"Sesshoumaru, what's the tire... screeching... about?" Kagome's voice became more distant as she looked out her passenger window to see the commotion. Her hands worked on closing the lap top just as her fate met her._

_It was him. It was the person who had done it all. It was..._

_Before she could even get the courage to think his name, she heard the sound of Sesshoumaru's seatbelt coming undone. She tried to turn and tell him to put it back on, but it was too late. Her lap top slid from her lap and into the floor. As she stared at it, knowing what was happening, her mind froze on one thing._

_'Daddy...'_

_The sound of metal crushing against metal brought her to her senses once again. She cried out for her father, but he was unable to save her. Sesshoumaru thrust himself between Kagome and the airbag. There was a car in front of them, and he had only realized it at the last minute._

_For those few split seconds, Sesshoumaru's hearing went out. He couldn't hear a thing. It all sounded muffled, like trying to understand someone when you're underwater. Everything was... silent._

_Silence wasn't good._

_He could tell Kagome was screaming. She was scared, calling out for her father and begging him to not die. She was holding onto Sesshoumaru in pure terror as the carto her right pushed them into the car in front of them._

_That car was driving head-on into them. It happened so fast..._

_At the second impact, Sesshoumaru was pushed away. Kagome knew that he was only trying to protect her. She knew that, without his demon body protecting her... She would... She would..._

_She would turn out just as her father._

_The dashboard ripped open easily. The piece of plastic concealing the airbag went strait at her waist, pinning her to the seat. A gear that was the reason the airbag didn't come out flew at her neck, hitting the side of it._

_Then everything went black._

_- - -_

Sesshoumaru plugged the lap top into the charger and looked around Kagome's room. There was nothing that captured his eye... Then he looked at her bed. There was the stuffed animal Rin had given Kagome. The stuffed animal that Rin said would help Kagome get better.

Sesshoumaru shook his head. He was a demon, he would not cry. He would not give into feelings over a human woman. There was no way that he would give in.

As he looked around her room, he paid little attention to the glowing light coming from under her pillow.

And he left. He would bring the small pile of fluff to Kagome as soon as they would allow visitors to come in. That was, of course, if she survived... If Kagome didn't survive?

Well, it would serve him right, wouldn't it? Sesshoumaru knwe that he had been a heartless asshole to many people. He didn't want to see himself ruined like he had witnessed so many other demons go down.

Then he met Kagome and things had changed. He had learned things from her without even wanting to. In less than three weeks, she had grabbed his attention and shown him her heart. He only felt as though he needed to return the favor. And when he let her see the person inside himself, she was so accepting.

She had won him over faster than Kagura was able to get him to memorize her name.

But that was all gone now. The doctors weren't even sure if she would survive through the night. Hell, the didn't even know if the drive to the hospital would be the amount of time it took for her to die.

She was hurt horribly.

-- -

"They didn't catch us, did they?" It was pitch black everywhere. Even the men were wearing black. That was for another reason that they wouldn't allow anyone else to know.

"No, they didn't. It seems as though she recognized me initially. But, now... Well, it seems that she won't be able to survive long enough to speak my name." A man sneered and began to walk in circles. His boots were the only things you could make out in the little light. Nothing else.

"I heard she might live..."

"**Do not ever say such things to me again**!"

"But, I wish for her to live."

"I told you that, when you were to start followingher friend, she was unimportant." An angry voice hissed.

"But she is important! She has the--"

"**She** isn't important. Only what she holds is. Now, she is going to die, and we're going to get what we're after. I do not want to hear of you having any more regrets. One more word and I will end you."

"Yes, master."

"Good, my pet." And, with that, both the figures vanished.

- - -

"Sesshoumaru, what's wrong?" He had never cared before, that's true. Then again, his half-brother had never come home looking so worn out before.

"If you wish to know, little brother, perhaps you should turn on the news." Sesshoumaru suggested. Inuyasha looked at him then flipped the news on. There was a picture of a car crash. Why should he care? It happened every day.

_Maybe this isn't the right story..._ Inuyasha sat down and watched the news. He would have to see what happened that had gotten his brother so upset.

_"Today, another car crash. Only, this one wasn't along the busy high ways. This one was in our very own backyard."_ _There was a pause as the desk reporter disappeared and police caution tape came into focus._

_"Life seemed just fine forthe typical high school student, Kagome Higurashi. That was until about noon today, when her vehicle was caught in the middle of two cars coming strait at her. The driver of the car was 18-year-old Sesshoumaru Taisho, heir to the Taisho companies._

_"The first car entered the intersection from the wrong side of the street. Narrowly missing two other cars, it stopped when it hit the car of Higurashi and Taisho. The second car, unsuspecting, hit them head-on just as they were skidding towards it._

_"Kagome Higurashi is in the hospital, suffering fatal wounds. Her condition is unstable. However, the demon Sesshoumaru Taisho was fine, although bewildered, and given leave to go home."_

Inuyasha flipped off the TV and looked in the room where his brother had retreated. He was furious. He was beyond furious. He... He told them to... But they just.

His eyes flashed red as he stood up and began to stalk outside in search of peace.

They would pay.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_Where am I? Who are all these people? Why do they keep saying my name? Is this even my name? Who is this woman? Is she really my mother, like she claims? And this deep-voiced man, is he really my brother? How come I don't know anything. What happened? And... Who is the silver-haired emotionless man?_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Next Chapter: _Beep  
_Reviews Needed:** 460**

**- Lonely Bird **


	23. Beep

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 2nd, 2006

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Twenty-Three: _Beep_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep beep. Beep beep..._

"She's improving. That's a relief." The doctor noted. He gently grasped a limp wrist and looked at his watch. After a few moments, he began to count beats.

The tag on the limp wrist read _Higurashi, Kagome_. Everyone who visited her room knew what happened. If you didn't know what happened, you had no business coming in. The doctor gently placed Kagome's wrist across her stomach and looked at her. The girl seemed to display all her life's emotions on her face.

He wish that he had known her. From the people she knew- demons _and_ humans -he was able to gather that she was strong. She seemed like the kind of woman that you would be proud to know.

He was also told that she had miko powers. He himself was just a plain human, nothing special other than a degree for knowing everything about the body. Weren't miko powers supposed to help people?

It seems that it didn't help her at all...

The doctor turned on his heel and walked towards the chart on the back of the door. He closed the door and began to scribble down information. Doctor's writing was never very legible. It didn't matter, because he was the only one who really read it anymore. As he wrote down the information, he looked at the last few days readings.

Her pulse hadn't changed. It was very slow.

Her blood loss was enormous, and they had to do a blood transplant. She was hit in places that made you bleed most. The throat was a lethal place to be hit, and it would bleed a lot. Same with the stomach. The head was just minor cuts, but they bled as if they were something major.

Her temperature was high. Then again, her body had a lot of blood it needed to make on its own. That was enough to raise anyone's temperature.

Tomorrow they would run the tests to see how her head was doing. Perhaps, if they could move her around enough, they would get to the x-rays. That was a big if, though. It took a lot of people to move an unconsious person without harming them further.

The doctor sighed and walked down the hall. A young, petite woman came up to him, heels clicking against the tile. "Doctor, these people called and wanted to know how she was doing. I told them you could call, because it's been a few days since she came in. I looked in the records."

The doctor accepted the slips of paper and looked at the names. He knew that he would have to call them, that was given. They were clearly concerned with her condition. When he asked of her caretakers, none of them were able to explain. He hadn't heard from anyone but her grandfather as of yet.

What happened to her parents? He didn't hear of them being in the car with her, either. It seems as though it was just her and this demon.

Speaking of which, there was a demon waiting to speak to him just outside the doors. He would call the young girl's friends later. Right now he had more important matters to see to.

That was just part of his job.

- - -

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beeeep. Beeeep. Beeeep. Beeeeep._

The woman groaned and slapped the alarm clock to be quiet. She didn't remember setting it. Come to think of it, she didn't remember anything.

She shot up in bed and looked around. Yes, this was her room. This was her house. She could hear her late husband's father snoring just down the hall. She stood up and walked over to the room. Knocking gently, she opened the door. Sure enough, there was 'grandpa', as she called him.

"Oh my... Kyoko?" The old man asked. The woman nodded her head and blinked. He seemed confused. Why was that?

"Where is Kagome? I want to see her off before she goes to school." The mother said calmly. The old man got up rather quickly then came up to her. He hugged her tightly and began to tremble with unknown tears.

"Kyoko! Do you not remember? You had... You weren't on this world for more than a year!" He said. The mother's eyes widened as she looked down at her hands.

"Is that why I remember nothing, grandpa?" She questioned. He nodded.

"Where is Kagome? I want to see my baby." She said worriedly. She noticed the old man stiffen and look away.

"Kagome is here, isn't she? It was a school night last night... Where is she? What has happened with my baby?" She began to panic, tears filling her eyes.

"Kagome got in a car accident. A nice demon boy was driving, and he protected her as well as he could. He comes by every day and takes care of us. After what happened with Kagome, I wasn't able to run the shrine without falling apart." Grandpa had told her. Kyoko nodded and looked towards the door.

"When he gets here, I would like to meet him. I want to see how he knew my daughter. In fact, if any of her friends come here, I would like to meet them." She said. The old man nodded his head then touched her shoulder tenderly.

"Do you know what caused you to go insane?" She nodded. "Kagome began to speak before the accident. After Souta heard of it, he said he was moving back. He's going to take his old room..." He said.

Kyoko smiled and nodded her head. "At least, if I can't have one of my children, the other will come back to me." She said. She walked out of the room, smiling. Her baby was going to come home. She would give only the best of intentions to Kagome. How horrified Kagome must have felt when she was going through the accident.

- - -

"I spoke to the doctor."

"And?"

"She's still alive... So, that means we have a chance of getting her to tell us where it is. It seems that she did a wonderful job of hiding it." In the dark, all that became visible was a white smile. Fangs showed as the man reached forward to get a pocket knife from his desk. Deep red eyes dripped with malice.

"After you get what you're after and I'm no longer working for you... May I then have her as I please?" Impatient, glowing green eyes waited for the answer.

"She really got a hold of you."

"You haven't seen her like I have... I've seen her naked. She's amazing."

"Amazing to fuck or amazing to look at?"

"You can't see her naked without wanting to fuck her."

"Understandable. She does have the body to make it believeable... So, when I get what I want, you are free to do whatever you please with her. However, if you speak of me at all, I will make sure that you do not live another day." He hissed. The man with green eyes nodded and smiled broadly.

"The doctor will be looking at her head today, will he not?" Green-eyes asked.

"Yes. That is correct. Now, Andrew... Go see what the little puppy is having problems with. It seems that he's upset with us, but I can't imagine why." The red-eyed demon said evilly. Andrew nodded his head and began to leave.

"Naraku... Just curious... What will you do with it once you have it?"

"The world will be in my power. I'll have the one thing needed to make everyone fear me." Naraku said evilly. Andrew smiled then left the room to speak with his friend.

- - -

_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!_

"Shut up!"

_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!_

"Stop. I'm getting up, I promise." The figure rolled over and covered her head with a pillow.

_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!_

"Fine, you got me." The woman slowly pulled herself up. She sat at the edge of her bed and stared at the persistant alarm clock. Today was Wednesday. It didn't feel like a Wednesday. It felt like the end of the world. She continued to stare at her alarm clock as it blared, rather than turn it off.

_Kagome is listening to the same sound right now... That's _if_ she's even alive still..._ The woman thought sadly. She slowly pulled herself up from the bed's welcome embrace and slapped the button. Instantly, the alarm clock stopped making sounds. She walked to her closet and pulled on clothes carelessly. She was almost careless enough to walk to school naked.

_Almost_.

She walked over to the mirror and look a good look at her reflection. A week ago she would have tied her hair up in a ponytail and put on a big smile. She would have been so happy to go to school, because it meant another day with her best friend.

Now school was just a place of memory. She didn't really do anything in school because there was no point. Get a job? She couldn't imagine living that long if her friend was in the hospital bed. She had been there for four days and the doctor had yet to call them about it. Well, at least she hadn't received a call. Perhaps someone else had and she just didn't know it.

Sango reached for the makeup that she hadn't touched before Sunday. She grasped the dark eyeliner and began to trace her eyes. People often wondered about her new goth look. She would only give them a sadistic laugh and shake her head. Her best friend had just gotten hurt. Her boyfriend wasn't enough to keep her feeling great like her friend did.

After knowing about what happened to Kagome, Sango became strong. She knew that if Kagome could go through four times of rape and survive, that Sango had a much better chance to survive. Kagome's condition had taken a drastic downfall. Sango's had as well. Her depression that she had long suffered from was now becoming stronger. She hadn't felt much of it when Kagome was alive.

That's how Kagome's strength came into play.

Sango finished with the dark outline of her eyes and began to place black lipstick on. Miorku hated it, she knew. He said that it looked strange after they would kiss. It would look like some kind of attempt to be Derek at the end of the Zoolander film. The way they had shared lipstick always haunted Miroku.

Sango let out a laugh that sounded nothing like the old her. She put on mascara and a few other things. Then she left, leaving her hair down. It added to the creepy look that she was pulling off really well. As she began to walk to school, her cell phone rang. Naturally, she would have been angry. who had the balls to call her on her cell phone? She told EVERYONE that she didn't have a lot of minutes.

But the phone number of Kagome's hospital came up and she instantly began to soften her expression. As she opened her cell phone, she allowed her genuine smile to come back once again.

"Hello?"

"Is this Sango Taija?"

"Yes... I'm assuming you're Kagome's doctor." Sango's voice began to fill with hope.

"Yes... I am afraid that I don't have good news." The doctor trailed off. Sango's feet began to slow down as her heart sank. Was her friend gone?

"Please tell me she isn't dead."

"No, that I am glad to be able to tell you. Her condition is stable. There is little change in things like pulse, temperature, and blood pressure. We did get to look at her head today, and we will run an x-ray on her in a few days. About the time of the x-ray, I should have the results from the CAT Scan." He said. Sango smiled once more and let out a sigh of relief. She walked out towards her locker, feeling a large wave of happiness overtake her.

"Okay, thank you doctor. Now, even though I would love to ask more questions about how she's doing, I have to go to school." Then Sango oh-so-rudely hung up.

Her friend wasn't doing better, but she was alive. That was all she wanted right now. She just wanted more proof that Kagome was a tropoper. She wanted more proof that Kagome had strength left in her for fighting.

It almost seemed unfair. Kagome had been fighting all her life; Sango read the diary entries yesterday. She had been fghting for different things all her life. Now she was fighting just to remain in people's minds. She was fighting to stay the very essence of herself.

Sango walked into her her classroom and took a deep breath. Perhaps, just perhaps, life would begin to improve. She didn't want the imporvements for herelf anymore. Now she wanted nothing more than for Kagome to pull through and become the strong, independant woman sango had always known her to be.

- - -

"I told you to call it off. I _told_ you to not go through with it!" Inuyasha roared. Andrew sat calmly, examining sharp fingernails like they were something interesting.

"And why would I care? Your interests aren't my interests. When you and I got together about getting back at Kagome for whatever your reason was, I _told_ you that you were only going to get me information. I am taking orders of someone else. See, Inuyasha, there is a hierarchy to things."

"Shut up."

"I am working for a half demon. You are working for a whole demon. If you can get someone to work for you, then they will not have any authority over your decisions."

"Shut up."

"So, even though you wished for me to stop, I would and will not. My boss wished for it to keep going." Andrew explained. Inuyasha's eyes finally turned blood red. he had it. he wasn't able to take all this stuff that Andrew was telling him. Kagome had been hurt and he was supposed to be understanding of it?

He was mad at kagome, he wouldn't deny that. But right now all he wanted was Kagome's safety. Kagome had forgiven him and been willing to be his friend, even though he had been such an ass to her. There was no way he would have been able to harm her without feeling guilty. He was going to do some justice for her.

"You once spoke of wanted to see her naked? That was why you started getting flustered, right? Mating season came and you were attracted to Kagome. That caused you to get mad at her for no reason. Well, her body is worth it naked. Perhaps, if you're nice enough, I'll let you rape her once..." Andrew murmured.

"You... You're the one who raped her and hurt her to begin with. You shouldn't have." He said in demon tongue.

"Why? What would you have done?" Andrew responded in the same language.

"Do you realize what kind of temper you have messed with. Dog demons, even half dog demons, are particularily protective over close friends." He chuckled in demon. He raised his hand and brought his claws down hard upon Andrew's cheek.

- - -

_Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep..._

_What is that horrid noise? Will someone make it stop?_ The frustration with the montiors was short-lived, sadly. Her mind slipped back into the world of oblivion. The world that was unlike anything she had known.

After all, she asked herself, what did she know?

What was her name?

How old was she?

Where were her parents?

If she had friends, where were they?

She attempted to wake up, but it was too painful. She couldn't hold onto reality. She wasn't able to keep a grasp on her mind. It felt as though she were attempting to nail jello to a tree.

It was just... impossible to do anything.

Why?

- - -

_Beep! Beeep!_

He didn't want to come home at all when he left. He wanted nothing more than to forget the life that he had left behind. He wanted nothing more than to just never have to face the life again. All the shit he had gotten into... It was all supposed to stay here, and he was supposed to be leave.

But he was coming back.

He had made a mistake, and now it looked as though he was paying for it. He could remember clearly when their father had died. He briefly held anger towards his little sister for getting his father angry enough to be a careless driver. Then he posted saying that his sister protected something that everyone wanted. He watched as the emails poured in from his internet advertisement.

He replied to the first one, telling them all they would need to know. Before he could reply to the second one, he realized the grave mistake of telling a demon or human about what his sister had. And, now, it seems that the demon or human had managed to get to her. He managed to take something dear from her multiple times just to weaken her.

And, now, they were likely to find it. Thankfully his sister was the only one who could see it. She was the only one who was aware of it.

Not anymore.

As Souta stepped out of the car, he saw his mother come running out. His eyes softened at the sight of their old mother. Kagome had said that their mother had gone insane after she quit talking and Souta ran away. Just a few hours ago, grandpa had called and said she woke up in the morning perfectly normal. And it appeared that way. Kyoko ran to her son and they embraced tightly.

"I'm so happy to see you again, Souta." She said. Her tone was no longer a tone of patronizing. She was now a loving mother like she had been before everything happened. That was a large relief to see. Souta let go of his mother and pulled his clothing-filled suitcases from the trunk of the car.

"How is Kagome doing? Do we know yet?" Souta questioned. Kyoko nodded her head and her expression fell.

"The doctor called. These past four days... Well, she hasn't changed. Her condition seems to be stable recently, and it's not a good condition to be stuck in. She hasn't woken up or improved since the crash." Kyoko said. Souta nodded and sighed.

"Grandfather said that you met Sesshoumaru, the demon who was driving when the car was hit." Souta said as he began to go inside with his things.

"Yes... He seems rather heartless." She said simply. "Even if he is helping us, he seems so... rude." Kyoko said, scoffing. Souta laughed.

"Relax, mom. He's just that way. Kagome is the only one who can muster any kind of emotion from him. He has a human daughter that he adopted. He's a kind man, I met him and spoke to him..." Souta paused and looked over at his slightly-relieved mother.

"He cares for Kagome, mom. He really does. Being a dog demon, he is more cautious about mates and everything. But, from what I gathered from him, he is interested in Kagome and will do nothing to harm her. He only wants the best for her... That's why he attempted to get inbetween her and the dashboard. He wanted to make sure that she would remain safe, and it actually helped." Souta paused and took a deep breath.

"When I spoke to him on Sunday, he said that a piece of metal from who-knows-where had pierced him. Since he's demon, he recovered easily. But that metal would have killed Kagome." Souta said. Kyoko nodded her head and then rested on the couch.

"Well, it is good to know that my baby wasn't in the car with a heartless and careless demon." Kyoko muttered.

It would be all the better if only she knew what was going on with Kagome.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_Where am I? Who are all these people? Why do they keep saying my name? Is this even my name? Who is this woman? Is she really my mother, like she claims? And this deep-voiced man, is he really my brother? How come I don't know anything. What happened? And... Who is the silver-haired emotionless man?_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Next Chapter: _Unknown  
_Reviews Needed:** 480**

**- Lonely Bird **


	24. Unknown

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 3rd, 2006

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Twenty-Four: _Unknown_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

Everything. It was all gone. Why had this all happened? Was it punishment? No, it couldn't be. He hadn't done anything terrible enough to deserve _this_, had he? If he had, he wanted to know what. He wanted to know if there were any possible ways of fixing it now.

It was just tearing him apart to know that he was unable to protect her. It killed him to know that the one person he had cared for (above the age of ten) wasn't with him. She was in the hospital, suffering. The idea of her being in nothing but pain was another agonizing thought all on it's own.

She was always in pain when she was young. He read her diary (it's not like she was able to tell him not to). He read of her father's death, her mother's insanity, her rapes, and her brother's running away. He read all of that. She had a hard life, but she had never showed it. Each time he would get a glimpse of her at school, she seemed content. Sometimes, she would seem happy.

She deserved to have a happily-ever-after. She needed it, after all that had happened. She needed a break from all the hard times. She needed to catch her breath and be able to face the _normal_ hard things that many people faced. Bills, taxes, insurance. Nothing hard like she had.

He sighed. He wasn't any use. There was little chance that she would live. The doctor told him that a while ago. She had started slipping into a deeper form of sleep, rather than unconsciousness. Many people who went into a coma for longer periods of time never woke up.

That scared him more than he would openly admit to anyone. He would not tell his brother, his father, no one. Perhaps, if Rin was lucky, she would hear of it. But he didn't enjoy confiding in children too much. Why?

When he told Rin of the accident, she had said that Kagome needed the 'magic bunny'. Sure, it was cute of her to think that a stuffed animal was magic. But when Kagome was on the verge of dying, Sesshoumaru couldn't bring himself to give it to her. It's not like he could, anyway. No one was allowed to see her other than the doctor. She looked horrible, the doctor claimed.

Sesshoumaru stood up and walked towards her home. He took care of her family as best as he could. Women weren't suitable for supporting a household. He didn't like the idea of having the family in such peril that the women had to work. In his mind, women would stay home and take care of the home.

Sure, it sounded prejudice, but that was just how his mind worked.

The grandfather was getting old and wouldn't be able to support them for much longer. The son wasn't working, either. He went back to school.

Sesshoumaru knocked on the door, glancing at the groceries that he had left in his car. They wouldn't mind getting them, would they? He hoped not.

He looked up as Kagome's mother opened the door. She was smiling and had an apron on. "Sesshoumaru... Thank you so much." She said. Souta went past her to retrieve the groceries that they had on the fridge. Kyoko had been hesitant on letting him take care of them, but he had plenty of money.

At least there was an advantage to being filthy rich.

Sesshoumaru was about to leave but was stopped. The mother cleared her throat and he turned around to face her. She had opened the door and was offering him to come in. He nodded his head then went strait to her couch and sat down.

"Hey, Sesshoumaru!" Souta called from the kitchen. Sesshoumaru smirked faintly. Very faintly.

"Hello, Souta..." He said. He stood up and watched as Souta began to put away groceries. Kyoko got some lemonade then gave a glass to Sesshoumaru. He thanked her politely, admiring what a kind mother Kagome had. That must have rubbed off on Souta and Kagome, since they were pretty kind as well.

"Hey, Sesshoumaru... I need to ask you a question about Kagome and her hospital..." Souta trailed off. Sesshoumaru could just smell the uneasiness radiating off of him. If it was something that had to do with Kagome, there was no chance he would not do whatever he could to help.

"They're running tests on her and all... They need someone to pay the bills so they know they're not doing this for nothing. We don't have the money... And..." Souta trailed off and became more uneasy. He hated asking people for help, specifically with money issues. But, he couldn't help it. They didn't have money and no one was able to work.

But Kyoko offered to work again. Souta said that he didn't want any stress on her after what happened with her sanity. Grandpa was just getting senile and unable to do the tours. Souta was going to school as fast as he could. None of them could support themselves.

"Of course. I am surprised you even have to ask." Sesshoumaru said. Souta smiled at him and pulled out a bottle of water from the fridge.

"I used to be worried that my sister was befriending demons. Then when she said she started liking you as more than a friend, I got really nervous. I'm glad to know that she picks only the best demons. You're taking good care of us." Souta said. Sesshoumaru nodded then left, murmuring a goodbye.

- A few months later... -

"Miroku..." Sango said tiredly. Her boyfriend looked down at her and slightly grimaced. The makeup was still hard to adjust to, he had to admit it.

"What is it, Sango?" He asked calmly. Sango snuggled closer to him and the trunk of the tree, sighing. Today was a good day for them to have come to the park.

"You realize, it's been exactly four months since Kagome got in the accident?" Sango asked. Miroku mentally whacked hismelf for this. He knew that she would say something about Kagome. Her mind had been on Kagome more and more each week. He understood, but it was making it hard to spend any time with her.

"Yes, it has..." He commented dryly.

"Did you know we can see her now?" Sango asked. This got his attention. Kagome was open to visitation? Why hadn't Sango told him earlier?

"Would you like me to take you?" He asked. She looked up at him with big, brown eyes.

"Yeah. I found out a while ago, but I haven't seen her yet. I thought it would be wise to go with you, in case I... fall apart." She said. Miroku nodded then stood up. He held out his hand towards Sango, and she took it.

_Kagome, please... Just be better now. It's been four months of nothing since you got in the accident. I didn't even realize you had that much of an impact on my life..._ Miroku silently prayed.

- - -

"Daddy? Is she asleep?" Rin peered over the low railing at Kagome. She was already told that she couldn't touch her. When she asked why, Sesshoumaru said that it would hurt Kagome.

"Yes, she is asleep, Rin." He said. Rin nodded her head and looked at Kagome.

"It must hurt." She added.

"I imagine it does."

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Rin?"

"Is this why I haven't seen Kagome anymore? Is this why you don't talk to her? Becuase she's sleeping in a hotel?" Rin asked. Sesshoumaru chuckled and sat down in a chair. He pulled Rin onto his lap and rested his chin on hers.

"Yes, this is why... She's having a very peaceful sleep." Sesshoumaru said. He highly doubted that. She would probably be a dream consumed with bad memories and pain. She could be suffering more in her sleep than she had in her life. He watched Kagome's face closely as she winced. Yes, a very painful sleep indeed.

He hadn't realized that Rin got off his lap until she had problems getting back on. He pulled her on and turned his attention to Kagome once more. Only, this time, there was a stuffed animal under her arm. It was quite cute, really. Sesshoumaru was even able to notice that, after the stuffed bunny had been placed, her face softened. It seemed as though she was able to sleep with it.

Sesshoumaru looked down at Rin to question her. She gave him a stern look that was supposed to make him feel as though he were in trouble.

"If you had given Kagome Mr. Bunny sooner, she would have done better. Mr. Bunny heals everyone, even Kagome." Rin said. Her pouting face never moved. Sesshoumaru was about to open his mouth and tell her that it didn't do anything, but something jerked him from that idea.

Sango and Miroku came in, smiling. "Should have known, Sesshoumaru. As soon as people were allowed in, you would be here." Miroku said. Sesshoumaru didn't respond and looked back to Rin. He opened his mouth to scold her, but Sango spoke and took his attention off of it.

It seemed as though Rin would never get a lesson in reality.

"This is a cute bunny." Sango said. Rin smiled and looked at her.

"It was mine! It helped me get better when I had a tummy-ache. So, I gave it to Kagome so she can get better too!" Rin said cheerily. Sango smiled at the child's innocence then brushed Kagome's bangs out of her face.

"Rin, stuffed bunnies can't--"

"Sesshoumaru! Look!" Sango nearly screamed. Sesshoumaru winced as the loud tone echoed throughout the small room.

Sesshoumaru looked over at the sleeping woman. Only, she wasn't sleeping. Borwn eyes stared at everyone, darting from Miroku to Sango to Rin to Sesshoumaru. She seemed so... confused.

- - -

It hurt, that was given. Everything hurt. She couldn't figure out a way to define it exactly. Her entire being hurt. A body? What in the world was that?

Oh, right. The human body. Of course, what else would her soul be in? A coffin?

She instantly slapped that thought away. She wasn't dead... Right? She could feel her body. She could feel pain. Wasn't death a place where you didn't feel anything? Well, how should she know? It's not like she had much experience with death.

Of course, she told herself that she could very well be dead. She couldn't remember anything. She couldn't remember her name, she couldn't remember if she had a family. Everything was just... gone.

Surely, when you die, you keep some of your memories. Why would the Gods be as harsh as to strip your life's memories and loves from you after you spent so long down there? And why would you not be allowed to know how you died? It didn't seem right.

Then she realized her eyes were open. She was definitely alive, she knew that much. How? The pain. Death made your body numb, not drenched in pain. Why was she in so much pain, anyway? What happened? Did she jump off a cliff and survive? Was she suicidal? Did she attempt to end things and get a second chance?

It was scary to not know your identity. To not the essence of your being. She didn't know if she was shy or outgoing. She didn't know if she was single, dating, married, divorced, widowed, anything. Her mind was just... _blank_. It _bothered_ her. There were just things that should always stick in your mind. Why were none of those things there now?

"Rin, stuffed bunnies can't--" Stuffed bunnies? How were stuffed bunnies important to her? As she tried to figure it out, she realized that there was something soft touching her arm. Perhaps... Perhaps she had a stuffed bunny in her arm? No, that was silly. If she couldn't remember anything, then what good was a stuffed bunny?

"Sesshoumaru! Look!" She instantly wished that this person would leave. It hurt her head to hear a scream like this. Three people leaned over her and one got on top of her. She stared at all the faces, curious who they were.

There was one with short, black hair. He had it back in a small ponytail and he had a few earings. Next to him was a girl with brown eyes and dark brown hair. Her style was that of a goth.

_Wow. It seems that I did hang out with the suicidal kids..._ Kagome mused.

Thethird person was a man with silver hair and golden eyes. Her heart raced at the sight of him, and the heart monitor showed it. And the last person had giant brown eyes and a child-like grin.

"See, daddy? I told you that Mr. Bunny was magical!" The little girl said happily. Kagome watched her for a while before the silver-haired man removed the child from her bed. She stared at everyone, curious.

Were these her friends? Were they her family? Were they strangers coming to look at her? Who were they? Why wasn't she able to remember anything?

Tears filled her eyes as she struggled to access non-existant memories. She wanted to know what was going on. She wanted to know why she couldn't remember anything. She wanted to know everything she had once known. Why was she unable to figure this out?

Kagome opened her mouth and tried to speak. The words didn't come out. Sure, it was sad that she couldn't speak. But, when the words refused to come out, she felt a rush of sadness come at her. Why did it bother her so much? What was so important about not speaking? Whatever had stuck her here had obviously taken her voice.

By the way... Where was she?

Kagome tried to look around, but there was something around her neck. It was firm and it wouldn't move. As she attempted to figure out her surroundings, something opened. A man with glasses and blonde hair walked up to her, smiling. Why was he smiling? Was her memory loss his doing?

Suspicion filled her as she watched him do things like hold her wrist. He held her wrist for a few seconds then he messed with his strange necklace. A silver thing was placed against her lungs and the other ends of the necklace in his ears. He remained this way for a while, moving the silver peice around several times. He got something and stuck it in Kagome's ear. It made a beep and he pulled it out.

"She's doing much better. I am surprised at how much she improved over the past few hours." He remarked. The little girl looked at him with a wide smile.

"That's because Mr. Bunny healed her!" Rin said happily. The doctor looked at something on Kagome and reached for it. He said something about how germ-infested it was. As the plush item was being taken away from her, Kagome was able to make a connection.

The stuffed animal was vital. She could not understand why, but she needed it.

The longer the fake bunny was gone, the more pain filled her body. She could feel her headache return with revenge. She could feel sleep filling it's vendetta. She started slipping off into another realm, the realm of pain that she was in before.

It didn't matter if she wanted to stay awake. There was no fighting it. Someone lifted her hand and touched it with soft skin. She wanted to see what was happening, but she couldn't. Slowly and gradually, the realm of pain began to consume her. She could no longer feel her legs, but she knew they were in pain.

The heart monitor slowed down, and this got someone's attention. She heard someone, most likely the little girl, cry that the bunny was vital to her survival. The soft skin vanished from her touch then something was placed in her hand. It was soft, and she assumed it was the small plush bunny that she had been holding before.

Slowly her body began to respond. She could feel the realm of pain leave her. Even though it left, she was able to feel the pain of unknown things. Her eyes slowly opened once again and she stared at the man in glasses. He seemed confused, but he shook his head and smiled.

_No? No what? Did I ask a question? Did they ask a question?_ She stared at him in confusion as he said something about blood pressure, blood percentage, and CAT Scan results.

_What?_

Kagome stared at everyone as they all smiled. Why were they smiling and staring at her? What had she done? She opened her mouth to speak once again. Everyone seemed expectant of her... Why?

She tried desperately to speak, but the words would not come out. It was like they were afraid to come out if she couldn't remember anything. She saw everyone's faces fall with an exception of the little girl and the man in glasses. What? Why were they all upset? Why was she upset again, like before? What was so important about her voice?

Everything was just so unknown to her...

And that hurt... That among other things was making things throroughly painful.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_Where am I? Who are all these people? Why do they keep saying my name? Is this even my name? Who is this woman? Is she really my mother, like she claims? And this deep-voiced man, is he really my brother? How come I don't know anything. What happened? And... Who is the silver-haired emotionless man?_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Review Replies:  
**Kisshu-luv** Yes, this will be a Kag/Sess fanfic. I only posted the reply here because you asked.

If you guys want me to reply in the fanfic (or reply at all, considering how much I've been flaking off on that), let me know. Like I said, I'm flaking off and it's been a while since I replied to a review (I'm a lazy ass AND a sadistic bitch!) So, tell me to reply and I will.

Next Chapter: _Blame the Brother  
_Reviews Needed:** 510**

**- Lonely Bird **


	25. Blame the Brother

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 3rd, 2006  
June 4th, 2006

**Did you know that today, June 6th of 2006 is Senior ditch day? Do you know why? Everyene who is graduating in '06 will ditch on the day that their number is the only number of the date. Today's date? 6-6-06.**

**The ditch day for my class? Class of '09 ditches on September 9th of 2009. I don't think that anyone will really care. In fact, I think that it'll be the school year _after_** **we graduate that we'll ditch. Damn. I was looking forward to having a Senior Ditch Day...**

**Of course, if the seniors ditched today, then they would be forbidden to go to certain events, including the graduation ceremony. Tough luck, huh?**

**Enough talk of Senior Ditch Day. Sorry I didn't update sooner. I was being a lazy ass (and a sadistic bitch), so I didn't come to the site to update. The only time I logged on recently was to write the next chapter.**

**Kagome's going to have a hard life ahead of her. I think I know what's going to happen, but it'll happen slowly now... I'm a manipulative sadistic bitch now, huh? Hah! Take that... uh... _Mr. President!_**

**Couldn't think of anyone else to insult, that was pathetic. Sorry.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Twenty-Five: _Blame the Brother_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

He was absolutely devastated... Things weren't supposed to be like this. That decision wasn't supposed to come aruond and haunt him over ten years later. Things were supposed to get better, not worse. Bad decisions were supposed to vanish without explanaion, not stick around and make people suffer.

It was all his fault. But she wouldn't even know that her brother was to blame.

Hell, she didn't even know she had a brother. That wasn't the point, though.

The point was he made a stupid decision when he was young and he forgot about it. Now, over ten years later, it was coming back to bite him in the ass. No, that wasn't right. It was biting Kagome in the ass, he was perfectly fine other than the emotional distress.

He had really fucked up and now he regretted it.

Their father had died when he was young. Nearly everyone who knew Souta and Kagome knew that their dad was dead. Not many people knew why, though. Kagome wanted something and was acting like a child who wanted something they couldn't have. She threw a hissy fit and wouldn't speak to their father until he got it for her.

Their father was so concerned with trying to make her feel better that he hadn't paid enough attention to the road. They got in a car accident, and it killed him.

At the time, Souta was angered that Kagome had caused their father's death, yet she got away scratch-free. He instantly went online and signed onto a messenger. He createda room for demons and humans alike. The name of the room? _'My sister has the Shikon No Tama. Let me know if you want it.'_

Demons and humans alike tried to contact him. The Shikon No Tama was the one jewel that everyone had wanted. It was the one thing that seemed to mean the world to any of the species.

After telling the first person, someone by the name of Naraku, he decided he should stop. He had gotten over his anger and he realized that it could mean losing his sister if they persued the use of her name.

It seemed that Naraku had done just that.

He had contacted Souta through phone in Japan. He said that he wanted to see Kagome Higurashi, and that he was a friend from school. That was almost a month after the incident had happened. Souta forgot about it entirely. When Souta asked for a name, he replied Naraku. Souta hung up, saying that Kagome Mikashi wasn't there.

Naraku obviously didn't buy it. It appeared as though all the did was get someone else to do his dirty work. Souta wasn't entirely sure, but it was his best and only guess for the time being.

And they had attacked Kagome.

- - -

Naraku laughed. His laugh was nothing that would make you want to see what was funny. It was deep, dangerous, and uninviting. It sounded as if he would slit your throat for interrupting whatever amused him.

"So, Andrew. You allowed that lowly _mutt_ to hit you?" Naraku asked. Andrew looked up at him with anger, but he didn't move. Sure, Naraku wasn't a full demon himself, but he never let anyone know that. Not unless they required the knowledge to work for him. He appeared and had powers like any full demon.

Not like Inuyasha; you couldn't tell he was a half demon by glancing at him. You had to look hard to find the slightest traces of it.

"He turned into a full-blooded demon on me, sir." Andrew said, gritting his teeth. His bleeding cheek began to burn with the action, but he didn't stop. He only continued because it was the only way to keep from attacking Naraku and showing him that a full demon was better. Why bother letting Naraku live?

Naraku was going to give him Kagome. He believed that Naraku would escape and then kill Kagome so he couldn't have any more fun with her. That was the only reason to keep under control.

That fucking woman. She had gotten him into this mess to begin with. What made her so special that Inuyasha could turn around and be ready to call everything off? Well, he couldn't, but he would have if he held the authority. Then, on top of that, she had managed to trick the mutt into standing up for her. He _scratched_ him!

Andrew hated Inuyasha more than he hated Naraku right now. He had pulled a complete 180 on them without warning. That bothered him.

So did the fact that Naraku was still laughing. What was funny to look at? The scratch? Andrew desperately wanted to show Naraku exactly why it wasn't funny. The pain of being scratched deeply in your face was enough on it's own. Add in Naraku's flavor of humiation, and you have pure rage and degregation in the mix.

"We have to get rid of Inuyasha." Andrew finally snapped. Naraku's eyes shot open and rage flashed across his mind. He would have gotten up to attack, but the blood on Andrew's face caught his eye. He had already been punished. How convenient, Naraku mused.

"Relax, Andrew. Just because he got you doesn't give us reason to kill him." Naraku said calmly.

"You don't understand, Naraku."

"I do understand, but I just have wits to keep me calm." Naraku cooley replied. Andrew grit his teeth again.

"No, you don't. Inuyasha knows where we are."

"Then we'll move." Naraku examined his claws and began to sharpen them on his metal desk. He watched Andrew's face twist in annoyance as he ground the sides of them against the cold metal.

"Inuyasha knows what we're after. He knows Kagome protects it. With that in mind, he'll tell his brother and then that demon will alert everyone else. We won't be able to get close enough." Andrew said in anxiety. Naraku hated to admit it, but this man had a point. Inuyasha might speak, and that would only raise hell for them once more.

"I'll call Kikyou and see what she can do." Naraku said.

"How will she help?" Andrew asked. Naraku mentally counted a point for himself. He loved knowing things that no one else was aware of.

"When we needed Kagome to back away from Inuyasha, I told Kikyou to seduce him. She wiggled her hips around him just enough to throw him into heat. Dog demons rarely go into heat- especially unmated ones -but Inuyasha went that way. When he realized that the woman he cared for would not be the one he would be able to fuck, he got mad." Naraku paused and examined his claws once more.

"So, he started chasing Kikyou to fuck her. Then she slept with me- that's how we know one another -to get at him. Apparently they have some history that I'm unaware of. That caused him to hate both her and Kagome... If only Kagome had let him stay mad at the two lookalikes... Would have been easier." Naraku finished.

"I see..."

"Now, leave, Andrew. I have a miko to fuck merciless and a hanyou to drive insane." Naraku waved his hand and the glint of his claws caught the small amount of light in the room. Andrew left.

- - -

Inuyasha paced back and forth, biting his lip and glancing at his claws. He had never gone full demon before. It gave you some interesting thoughts afterwards. Along with those thoughts came advantages that Inuyasha didn't realize he had.

He had been mad at Andrew. He turned into a full demon and struck his cheek. Story over, right? No, not at all. Now, as long as Andrew's would didn't heal- which Inuyasha could slow down the process of -Inuyasha could hear everything as if his ear were were the claw marks were.

It didn't make sense to him, but it would explain why he had started hearing voices around half an hour ago... So, with the extreme thoughtfulness that followed becoming demon and the extra knowledge he now had, he couldn't help but think of Kikyou.

He knew exactly what kind of history they had together. She didn't speak of it, because it would only bring shame to her. He didn't speak of it, because the idea of forever being the mate of Kikyou almost happening traumatized him. After what he had learned about her and Naraku, he was afraid to put any part of his body near hers.

Their history. It was a long one, and it got confusing. Often times when he thought about it, he would have to sit down and figure things out all over again. Life shouldn't confuse you like that.

There were a lot of things that life shouldn't do, but it did them anyway. Who decided that you could control life, anyway? Inuyasha shook those thoughts out of his head and focused on those of Kikyou, the woman he almost gave his entire destiny to. Considering that he lived as long as a demon, that was a long time. That would have been hell unless she allowed him to unmark her...

Inuyasha and Kikyou met when they were seven. They became close friends throughout the time. He had watched Kikyou's miko powers become stronger and stronger. After a while, he began to fear that, if they fought, she would purify him.

One day in the eighth grade, Kikyou was no longer able to use her miko powers. Inuyasha didn't understand and asked her why. After several times of asking, she said that she had messed around with her father's alcohol and had gotten drunk. She explained that underage drinking was agianst the rules that mikos abided by. She had lost her powers as a result of breaking those rules.

Inuyasha nodded, but she always smelled different after that. Only now did he realize that it was because of something else. When she got drunk, she had lost her virginity. He wasn't quite sure if she was aware of it, considering the fact that she made it sound like she was plastered.

Inuyasha then found her and her little sister praying over a marble. When he asked what it was, she replied that it was a jewel called the Shikon No Tama. It had the ability to grant any wish, and for that, people often wanted to get it. She said that, when she possessed miko powers, she protected it. Because she had lost those very powers, she could not.

It turned out she was praying for the jewel to go to another protector.

Inuyasha and Kikyou remained friends, but they gradually fell apart. Kikyou started becoming more and more of a high-class girl, rather than the sportyperson he had befriended.

Then Kagome moved to America and into his school. She resembled Kikyou in many ways, and Inuyasha found himself starting to harbor feelings towards her. Her silence was never a problem, because it was never uncomfortable. She made everyone around her, especially Inuyasha, feel welcome.

Until he had gone into heat during the wrong year and had ruined everything. He had started craving carnal pleasures. Knowing Kikyou and the stories he heard of in the locker room, he assumed she would give it to him. After all, it seemed like she got around. So, he sought her help to end the pain of wanting something all the time.

Kikyou had other plans in mind, however. She ended up getting caught fucking Naraku when he assumed they were going out. And just ten minutes ago, he found out that Naraku used her body quite often. She was a tool for sending Naraku over the edge and for sending Inuyasha into heat.

After imagining her and Naraku together, he no longer felt aroused by her seductive movements. It just... It reminded him of things he didn't want to imagine.

He would have to warn everyone before they tried to kill him. If he was going to die, then he was going to help others live. He was going to make people aware that they wanted something of Kagome's. He was going to make people aware that there was something wrong with these two.

He would do it, even if it meant he would die.

He owed a lot to Kagome for what he had done when he was desperate. He owed her even more for getting mad over her being kind to his brother and for holding a grudge too long. He owed her much more because she had truly forgiven him when he deserved to be treated like the half demon that he was.

With that in mind, he ran to her home to warn her family.

- - -

"Daddy? Why does Kagome have a blank look in her eye?" That was the sixtieth question Rin had asked. It wasn't like he was holding here against her will. He had one of the workers come to pick her up, but she refused to go. So, she stayed her and pestered him. Why? It was a mystery to him just as all a child's actions were a mystery to him.

"What blank look are you talking about, Rin?" He asked. It had been two days since Kagome started waking up. Just today, she had received an x-ray of each bone in her body. They were supposed to be getting the results on her CAT Scan, but it didn't appear as if that was going very fast.

"Kagome doesn't look like she remembers us. I don't think she rememebrs Mr. Bunny either." Rin added. Sesshoumaru smiled faintly and looked at her brown eyes. They were looking right back at him, but Kagome wasn't inside of them. If she was, she wasn't paying attention. She was just offering a blank stare with a confused pout.

"I have the results from the CAT Scan." The doctor said as he walked in. Sesshoumaru and Rin both turned their attention on him. He smiled at them and lit up a backlight for the projections. He clipped each set of picturse to it, creating a collage of Kagome's brain.

"These areas," he circled a few places with the cap of his pen "are where the memory lie. This is where vision is. This is emotion, this is behavior..." He paused and tapped his pen against a different image of a brain.

"This is a normal, healthy, human brain." He pointed to another in the same position, but different in content. "This is hers." He shook his head and looked at Sesshoumaru. When Sesshoumaru didn't return his gaze, he looked back at the negatives.

"These darkened areas... Well, that means that something is wrong there. It could be a tumor or it could be trapped fluid. I'm willing to bet on the latter of the two. No matter what it is, though, it's interfering with her brain's normal functions. She can't remember much, if she can remember anything at all. Her behaviors that she had before... Things like biting nails and smiling, well, this dark spot is getting in the way of her accessing that information. So... She can't do much of anything until she can get these to go away." The doctor explained.

"How can you tell what is there?" Sesshoumaru asked. The doctor looked at him and sighed.

"Well... There's no way for telling right now. I ran tests for cancer when I gave her the CAT Scan. The tests came back negative, and I thought they would. So, that leaves these dark spots to be a fluid of some sort or parts of the brain that have actually gone missing." He caught the panicked look in Sesshoumaru's eyes and instantly regretted saying that.

"Brain parts don't go missing unless there is a disease that eats away at the brain. Since she was healthy before she came in, your highest bet is simply fluid."

"How do you know she was healthy?" Sesshoumaru butted in. The doctor looked at him and smiled.

"I figured you should know, Sesshoumaru. The doctor was sick one day and you filled in for him. She wanted to be tested for pregnancy and STDs, and you did that. Along with that, some other tests were automatically run. One was a brain scan." The doctor explained. Sesshoumaru nodded. The accident caused him to forget that he was going to be a doctor. Why hadn't he remembered that?

Maybe something was in the way of him accessing memories?

"Alright... I will come back in a few days to see how she's doing." Sesshoumaru said. He straitened his shoulders and left the room, Rin tagging along. The doctor turned to face Kagome and shook his head.

"I don't know how you did it, girl... You should have died. Maybe your miko powers have helped you..." He murmured. He checked a few of her vital signs and then left the room. On the way out, he stroked the stuffed bunny's head and smiled.

Maybe there were things he just wasn't going to understand very easily...

- - -

Kagome moaned in pain. Her head was killing her. What was worse was that it felt as though someone were forcing liquids down her throat. She couldn't figure it out. Nothing was making sense to her, and she never remembered anything for very long.

For example, the silver-haired man that was next to her now. He claimed that he came to see her every day so far, but she couldn't remember that. When she woke up today, she wasn't able to remember a thing. She believed she was dead until the pain began to eat away at her body.

There was no pain in the afterlife, she knew that much.

Well, she assumed she knew. Everything in her mind told her that there couldn't possibly be pain after death. After all, you go through a lot of pain when you're alive. Why would they bother allowing it during death, where you'll be for an eternity?

Kagome looked at the silver-haired man. He had yet to tell her his name. But he was still here, after two times of a man in glasses coming in. She didn't know what either of them intended to do with her, but she was unable to ask.

That was another problem.

She couldn't speak. Every time she tried to get words out, they wouldn't come out. It bothered her to no end, and a wave of pain and humiliation would come each time she failed to speak. She didn't know why she felt so extraordinarily horrible over it. She couldn't speak, it was sad, true. But was it really sad enough for her to start getting teary-eyed and depressed?

Perhaps she forgot something that had to do with her voice.

"How are you feeling? Can you give me a look to know?" The silver-haired man asked. His voice was smooth, although shaky. Perhaps they were more than friends. She wouldn't know, though. Her mind wouldn't allow her to figure out what happened.

Why was this man asking her a question if she couldn't answer?

"_I don't... feel good..._" She managed to get out. The surprise on the man's face was obvious as he sat down in a chair and grasped her hand. The feeling of warmth around her hand was comforting and she realized how cold it had been before.

"Can you remember who you are?" He asked. She stared at him blankly. How the hell was she supposed to remember who she was? Didn't he know that her memory was as useful and a jar of decomposing snails? Obviously not, or else he wouldn't have been so stupid to ask. After more blank stares from her, he sighed.

"Well... Your memory... It's gone..." She could have told you that. "And we don't know how long until it comes back. But... I have to go for something... So I won't see you tomorrow." Like she would have remembered you that long anyway.

The man hugged her, and she felt surprised at his actions. She was under the impression that he would prefer to have the emotion of a slab of concrete rather than a normal person. Or someone with compassion in the least.

She watched as he left. She was confused. Why was he so... Why was he the only person she could speak around? Why did her stomach feel strange when he hugged her? Was her mind trying to tell her something relative to her past? She tried desperately to call out to him, but it wasn't any good. Her voice had left her once more.

_Please... Whoever you are, please... Come back. You're the only person I can speak around..._ Kagome silently prayed. Slowly, she began to fall back into the realm of pain. The realm that toyed with her mind so much. The very realm that would make her forget that she ever saw this man and that he ever got her to speak on more than one occasion.

Just as her mind was about to be consumed by the realm, she had a final thought. _Sesshoumaru..._ And, with that, she was stripped away from the world and taken to her realm. The heart monitor slowed and her body relaxed. The realm of pain had consumed her once more.

- - -

He hated this. He hated everything. He had to blame someone, but no one was suitable for it. Who was there to blame? He couldn't blame Kagome, because she was the victim. He couldn't blame himself because he didn't want to feel the guilt. He would blame his brother. It was his brother who had started the whole mess.

Or so he believed.

Perhaps if Inuyasha hadn't given in so easily to the carnal desires, Kagome would still be with them. If Inuyasha hadn't agreed to help Andrew, then perhaps Kagome would still know her own name. Sesshoumaru would survive if she didn't know his name. He could befriend her again.

But how to you become friends with someone who is oblivious to the fact that they are alive? She wasn't able to do much in her state. He blamed Inuyasha for that. He had to blame someone, and Inuyasha was the easiest target.

Now he had to go to Russia to help his father for a few weeks. He blamed Inuyasha for that one too. Inuyasha said that he didn't want to go and that Sesshoumaru needed to take his mind off a certain woman. Why did Sesshoumaru ever allow him to have a phone in his room? Their father believed his lies (among which, one claimed they were getting along great) and summoned Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru said he woudl leave as soon as he could, but he was just stalling for time. Now his father was getting impatient and he would have to go. He would tell his father what happened and how his heart changed towards humans (his father loved Inuyasha's human mother). If his father favored him, then perhaps Sesshoumaru would be allowed home after a few weeks.

Because there was no way in hell he could leave Kagome here while he spent a year with the businesses in Russia.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_Where am I? Who are all these people? Why do they keep saying my name? Is this even my name? Who is this woman? Is she really my mother, like she claims? And this deep-voiced man, is he really my brother? How come I don't know anything. What happened? And... Who is the silver-haired emotionless man?_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Next Chapter: _Lost  
_Reviews Needed:** 550**

**- Lonely Bird **


	26. Lost

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 4th, 2006  
June 5th, 2006  
June 6th, 2006

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Twenty-Six: _Lost_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

"You able to walk on your own?" Sango asked. She gave her friend a worried look and glanced at her feet. She didn't seem to know how to hold herself up anymore. Kagome bobbed her head up and down in response, but she was lying. She wanted to walk on her own, but she wasn't able to.

As Kagome got out of the hospital bed, her feet instantly turned to Jell-o. She could get them to stay under her, for some reason. The parts in the middle- the woman near her called them _knees_ -said that she needed to keep her legs strait. She tried, but they just kept bending beneath her.

With one more attempt, she tried to stand. It still didn't work and she fell down on the man to her right. Thankfully, he was strong and he caught her. He chuckled then placed her in a chair.

"Okay, Kagome. You can't stand on your own. I'm going to go get a wheelchair for you and we'll take you home in that." The man said. Kagome watched the black-haired man leave then turned to the woman he had come with.

She met them just today. It was strange, but she felt as though she were missing something. She felt as though there should be more people with them. She couldn't tell you why for multiple reasons. One, she didn't remember. She didn't even know their names. Two, she couldn't speak.

And each time she tried to speak and failed, the wave of guilt washed over her. She felt worse and worse each time she was unable to tell them what she wanted.

At times it felt like a barrier had been placed between her and her voice. She just needed a way to break the barrier. She needed a battering ram. Something or someone who could allow her to talk.

The bunny wasn't magical in that way. She didn't know it happened more than this morning, but a man with glasses would come in and tell her to hang onto the bunny. He would tell her that the stuffed animal was magic. She thought he was strange, since he came in randomly and touched her wrist, neck, then pressed a silver object against her.

But he seemed as though he did that every day with how casual he was about it. She couldn't understand. Perhaps he was naturally comfortable around all women... ?

But the man told her this morning that it was magical somehow. He said that, without it, she would be unable to stay awake. She couldn't understand that. How would a stuffed bunny be dangerous?

He said that the bunny's name was Butcher. When she looked at him in question, he told her it was because it would kill her if it left her side. She allowed a small smile gto grace her lips at the comment.

Even if she couldn't remember anything, at least she was making memories. She told herself that every day. But each day she woke up, oblivious that she had interacted with people the previous day. She was oblivious to the fact that she had friends before her memory had been lost.

Well, she wasn't oblivious, she was just... forgetful.

Although, there was this one silver-haired man who kept appearing in her dreams. He had pointed ears and a few tattoos on his face. There were two purple zebra stripes on his face- one on each side. There was a purple moon on his forehead. She didn't understand how he could tattoo himself in such a sensitive spot.

- - -

"So, you ready to come, Kagome?" Sango asked. She looked down at her forgetful friend and smiled. When she found out about Kagome being alive, her gothic appearance never came back. Miroku was more than thankful. When she asked why, he said that the idea of hanging out with a woman reminded him of gay sex. He wouldn't tell her why, but she guessed it had to do with a porn movie he wouldn't admit to watching.

Kagome stared up at her, a blank look in her eyes. Kagome never remembered who they were. The doctor said it was just an issue with fluid. The doctor said that it should be gone within a month or two. Well, it had been two weeks since Kagome had started waking up every morning. It had been just under two weeks that Sesshoumaru had left.

Sango was somewhat upset that he left. She knew that Kagome owed her speech to him. And, she would guess, that Kagome was speaking around him a bit. Perhaps not a lot, but more than Sango ever heard from her lips. And, with Sesshoumaru gone, Kagome was less likely to remember everyone.

After all, there is something that catches your eye about a silver-haired dog demon. But, Inuyasha hadn't stayed in Kagome's memory... Sesshoumaru hadn't either, as far as Sango was concerned. Kagome woke up every day with no clue what was going on or who anyone was.

Souta and her mother were a mystery to her. Imagine the pain that it must have caused for Kyoko to come and see her baby. She would try to speak with her daughter, but her daughter would have no memory that this woman gave birth to her and raised her.

It hurt Sango's heart to imagine.

Miroku came in, humming a tune from Chicago while pushing a wheelchair. He and Sango had watched the movie last night. He claimed he didn't like it, but it seems as though he did. Sango smiled at him then started helping Kagome into a chair. It was hard, because Kagome's legs refused to move on their own. But Kagome had helped Sango immensly without knowing it. So, even though Kagome would forget about this when she slept, Sango did it anyway.

Miroku got behind the wheelchair and began to push Kagome. The song he had previously been humming he was now singing. Passionately. Sango smiled and followed him. Of course, she had to fall in love with the weird one, didn't she? She fell in love with the porn-loving, women-groping, singing man. She regretted nothing.

"Miroku, how are we going to work out getting her to school?" Sango asked. Miroku paused and looked at her. They had taken a car to get there, but it would be hard to get Kagome _and_ the wheelchair in and out of the car four times a day.

"We'll walk. I can use the fresh air..." Miroku said cheerily. Sango rolled her eyes and walked beside him.

"I'll say. Whatever air you've been around already is making you sing turns to 'Chicago'. That's kinda scary, you know." Sango said with a smirk. Oh, she loved to pick on Miroku. He was just a really easy target and she couldn't help it.

"Why are we taking her to school, anyway?" Miroku questioned. Sango looked at him and arched an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she forgets everything when she goes to sleep. What good will taking her to school do if she can't remember anything?" Miroku asked. Sango shrugged and offered a weak smile.

"Well, she needs to get her memory back; she doesn't even know who her mother is. School might have places that will bring back her memory... Other than that? She has missed a lot of school already from that four months she wouldn't wake up. So... She needs to come to school." Sango said.

"Figures you'll take the side that causes me to do hard labor." Miroku mumbled. Sango shoved him away from Kagome's wheelchair and began to push.

"Wow. She's heavier than I thought." Sango remarked.

"Yeah. You don't really think about your friends' weight until you have to push them two blocks in a wheelchair." Miroku commented.

"Yeah, I do that an aweful lot." Sango suddenly stopped and stopped the wheelchair. She looked at Miroku in panic, and he blinked. She looked at Kagome, who was hunged over her knees, then at Miroku.

"Get Butcher! She dropped him and couldn't tell us!" Sango screamed. Miroku's eyes widened when he realized that Kagome's primary life support was gone. He turned around, spotting the bunny from 100 feet away. He began sprinting towards it, his mind scolding him repeatedly. If Sango hadn't noticed, Kagome may have fallen asleep and never woken up.

After all, without Butcher, her heart slowed down. They had tested it once to see how much of an effect it had on her. Her heart would have stopped if they had not given it to her. No one was able to figure out why, but Butcher the Bunny was keeping Kagome alive.

- - -

Sesshoumaru wiped sweat from his forehead and looked up at the sky. He hated Japan, he could tell you that much in Japanese. Not enough people spoke English, and he didn't knowJapanese. He was smart and able to understand foreign languages easily. But, two weeks was asking a bit much, wasn't it?

Sesshoumaru, in the beginning of the previous week, had been thankful that he would at least have time to spend with his father. What a lie that had been. Now, he was able to aid his father during meetings. But, outside of those meetings, he was sent to retrieve different information.

He even asked his father about coming home earlier to check on his human interest. His father had seemed intrigued, but he said that he needed the extra help. He also said that he was under the impression that Sesshoumaru wanted to forget about her. Sesshoumaru flatly told him that it wasn't true.

He was going to speak to his father about her condition tonight. He was overly eager to see Kagome. He hoped in secret that he would be able to arouse Kagome's memories. He hoped that he would be the one that would be able to help her. Each day that passed was just another day that he hoped her memory wouldn't return.

He was fully aware he was being selfish. In the long run, he wanted Kagome to remember everything that her life had been about. The knowledge of her past and her ability to pull through it was what made her strong; it made her Kagome. But, as much as he wanted her to know it, he wanted to be the one to help her.

He wasn't being fair, and he hated knowing it.

Sesshoumaru looked at theJapanese personas he approached him. It was, no doubt, about the contract. Sesshoumaru had come to see if it was any good. The man began to speak, and Sesshoumaru shook his head. He pulled something out of his pocket, something that he had found more and more handy due to his lack of communication.

Sesshoumaru waved the mini American flag around pointed to himself. The man nodded and then left to find someone else to do the speaking. Hadn't Kagome come from Japan? Yes, he read that in one of her diary entries. She was born here and spoke Japanese fluently.

She would be awfully useful right now. Especially if she were to be able to access her memory and her knowledge of the language.

Thoughts of Kagome made him sigh once more. He didn't want to have to deal with that pond of fish at the moment. He wanted to get done with the work he had then go change his clothes before he had to go to dinner with his father.

A man came back, saying hello in English. Sesshoumaru appreciated the change in language and cursed whoever had created all these different types. What was the purpose of such a thing, anyway? They never understood each other...

Sesshoumaru spoke with the man, and the man spoke to the supervisor who had come up initially. Sesshoumaru was able to identify some words like _hai_. But that was about it. Others he was able to recognize, but he was clueless of their meaning.

Oh, he _really_ hated the person who started creating his own language. He would kill the man if the man were sitll alive.

The man continued translating between the two. After the two-hour conversation, Sesshoumaru handed him a large wad of bills in their currency. The man smiled and said something like _arigato_ and left. Sesshoumaru turned around and left. He would have dinner with his father tonight at a high-rated sushi restuarant. Yuck. Sushi. If he ate fish, he preferred it to be cooked.

As Sesshoumaru walked back to the low-grade and over-crowded Japanese hotel, he made a promise. He would help Kagome's memories return to her. He only hoped that his father would be understanding and let him go home. After all, his father had loved a human and a demon both. Would he not be understanding towards Sesshoumaru's feelings?

Sesshoumaru didn't want to take a guess with that one.

- - -

Souta sighed as he sat in his sister's room. He couldn't tell where it was, thankfully. He knew it was in here somewhere, and that is exactly what this 'Naraku' character knew.

What else did he know?

Someone had deliberately crashed into Kagome and Sesshoumaru. They were after Kagome. The snail outside would be able to figure it out...

Kagome had been the victim of Souta's momentary rage. She had suffered because of her brother, and she didn't even know it. In fact, she didn't even know that she had a brother. The damage wasn't getting any better. It killed Souta to know that his sister was unable to heal. It wouldn't kill him so much if he couldn't link it back to the stupid decision she made.

Souta rested on Kagome's bed and smiled. His sister was able to control her miko powers even when she didn't realize it. She had created a strong barrier that would keep the harm away from her and the jewel... If Souta wasn't able to sense her barrier or the jewel, then there was no chance that a demon could

After all, people with miko powers were more _in tune _with sensing things and their powers. Souta, in receiving these powers, was able to do the same thing as everyone else. As Souta rested in his sister's unused bed, thinking of miko powers, his mind snapped to attention.

Kagome's brain, her powers... It wasn't adding up. Something wasn't right if her miko powers weren't healing her. Souta had only a speck of power compared to his sister. He was weak compared to her. So, if she was so strong, why were her powers not functioning? What was going on that was causing her to be unable to heal?

Souta would get scrapes and they would heal almost instantly. That is what miko powers can do for their host's body. But, Kagome's weren't doing that. Her powers were just... It seemed as though her powers were just sitting around.

All this thought made him feel so... _lost_. He couldn't tell what was going on, and it bothered him. He would have to think about this more, when he got the chance. But now was not the time. Right now, he had to go to school and then he had to come home and help Kagome get into bed.

If only he were like Kagome at times like these. He would just be able to sleep and wake up with no memory of the previous day. He would wake up each day and not have any sorrows simply because he couldn't remember them.

He secretly prayed that, while Kagome was without memories, she would be able to enjoy herself. At least, he prayed, let her be able to experience the simple pleasures in life. She won't be able to enjoy anything else, because her memory won't hold onto it. He wanted each day to mean a lot to her, even if she wouldn't remember it the next.

He was her older brother. It was his job to wish the best for her and to ward off any unacceptable men.

- - -

"Kagome! How are you doing? I heard about the accident on the news. Is Sesshoumaru hurt? Where is he? I haven't seen him at school since the accident..." There were so many things that this one girl was saying. Kagome stared at her from her seat in the wheelchair. This girl spoke as if she knew her.

Wait! Kagome? Was that her name? Her name was Kagome? She had vaguely heard the woman and man behind her refer to that as her name, but she didn't realize that it was her _actual_ name given to her at birth. Why hadn't she realized this sooner?

Kagome gave one blink of confusion at the girl in front of her. She had no idea who this person was. She was clueless, and she hated every moment of it.

"Kagome? It's me, Eri. Why don't you remember me? We hung out last summer..." She was trying desperately to revive Kagome's memories. Kagome knew it wouldn't work. Nothing worked when it came to her memory. She woke up this morning with no idea what was going on.

Then the woman and man behind her said that she was going to go to school today.

Today? It seemed as though Kagome had been awake previous days. Why had she not remembered this? Surely she would be able to remember if people such as the two behind her came before. They were so amusing that they just _had _to stick in your mind!

Apparently not. She thought that they were random people coming to talk to her today. But they spoke to her with the warmth of a dear friend. She couldn't understand how they were her friends and she couldn't remember a thing about them. She couldn't even remember their names?

And, when she tried talking the few times today, guilt would overtake her and she would feel horrible. She couldn't talk, she gathered that much. She gave up talking after the fourth or fifth attempt this morning. She wanted to ask a man in glasses who he was and why he was pressing a silver thing against her.

"Eri, Kagome can't speak. Didn't you forget?" The woman behind her asked. Kagome wished so desperately to turn around and gaze into the stern eyes of the woman behind her. She spent a lot of time looking at her... The woman seemed strong, but there were times of weakness. Kagome didn't understand how she was strong, but she appeared so... _calm_ and _relaxed_ around her and the man behind her.

The man behind her would occasionally brush against the woman's butt. Kagome observed this and each time after he had done such a thing, the woman would slap him. He would complain of the pain that it caused, but he would rub her butt only moments later.

They truely were strange people.

Yet she had no memory of them. It bothered her to exteremes.

"Oh, right... Well, I heard that the not-speaking was all in her mind. Since she got in the accident and can't remember anything, I assumed that she would forget that she didn't speak." Eri innocently replied. Kagome's eyes widened at this simple explanation

She didn't speak? Is that why guilt rushed throughout her whenever she was unable to tell people what she wanted? It made her feel a bit better now that she knew the reason she felt horrible after each failed attempt to talk. So, if she didn't speak before, and she couldn't speak now, she must have felt horrible because... Well, there was only one reason for there to be guilt.

She had wanted to speak, but just didn't have the right people to speak to.

She didn't understand why she quit speaking in the first place. Seeing the way that the two people behind her interacted and the way everyone at school acted, she saw plenty of reason to speak. She even knew that she wanted to confront them for being so strange.

But, she couldn't. Now she knew why.

And this _Eri_ girl mentioned something else. An accident? What happened? Why did none of this make sense to her? That was the wrong question. Why didn't she remember it?

Surely something like an accident that should have gotten her speaking would be in her mind. Why wasn't it? Kgaome mentally smacked herself several times. The mental abuse wasn't helping her remember either.

Kagome watched as the stuffed bunny on her lap slipped off. She felt dizziness consume her as she fell forward. Pain filled her mind as the hard flooring of the school came into contact with her head. She could faintly hear worried speaking, but she couldn't make any sense of it.

_Someone, please help me. I can't take this anymore..._ Then she thought something she wasn't sure the meaning of. She didn't realize that the person was a real person that she had known before the crash.

_Sesshoumaru, please help me. I feel so lost..._

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_I used to be someone, but now I am a nobody. I used to make people happy, but now I can barely remember what the term 'happy' means. I can't remember what happened, which is only more devistating to me. The worst of it all is my voice. It has failed me on so many occasions. Each time it fails me, I feel worse and worse. What is going on?_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Changed the phrase above. Let me know what you think.

Review Replies: (Cuz I'm too lazy to click on the link to reply)  
**Inu15Kags-** Yes, Inuyasha is mean and telling his father lies. But he doesn't know that Sesshoumaru is the person who helped Kagome heal faster. He just thought that his brother and her were getting close and he thoguht his brother didn't like it. He actually did something regarding his brother that was the truth for once. That last sentence made no sense, huh?  
**Vila Viscious-** I will try to make the chapters longer. I count the length by words, and most chapters are at least 3,000 words. I will work on increasing that so the chapters are more interesting. Thank you for requesting it rather than bitching and moaning like I've had people do.  
**To Everyone Who Commented On Souta's Mistake:** He was younger, he wasn't a teenager yet. His father died and he blamed it on Kagome. He didn't realize that the Shikon No Tama was such a big deal, he just knew people wanted it. He didn't connect that they would have to get Kagome out of the way (AKA: Harming her) to get it.  
**Youkaimei-** You're giving me a pixie stick? Do I _look_ too poor to buy heroin to you? No? Good, because I hate people knowing how poor I am. (For kids who can't afford heroin, give them pixie sticks. It's an icon I was referring to.)

Okay! Time for another poll!

**_Kagome will receive her memory in a chapter or two, but it will be painful for her. Now, after she gets her memory and has to take care of Naraku and Andrew... Well, the question is, what shall I do about her fighting against them? Should she have help from Souta, Inuaysha, Sesshoumaru, whoever, or should she do it on her own?_**

**_If you have any other ideas abuot what should happen, let me know what they are._**

Next Chapter: _A Year Is An Eternity  
_Reviews Needed:** 570**

**- Lonely Bird **


	27. A Year Is An Eternity

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 7th, 2006  
June 9th, 2006

**Oooh... I know a lot of people might have freaked when they read this chapter title. After all, we don't know what happened to Sesshoumaru. Well, you don't, but I do.**

**Just an update: Sesshoumaru is now 19, Inuyasha is 18, Kagome is 18 (she was oblivious to her own birthday. How sad...), Sango is 18, Miroku is 18, Kagura is 19, Kikyou is 19 (I think... Not so sure about her...), annnd... I think that's all.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Twenty-Seven: _A Year Is An Eternity_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

Sesshoumaru woke up to the sound of shouting Russians. His eyes didn't want to move, but he had forced himself to wake up. He slowly pulled himself up, despite his body's protests. Damn. It was a Monday. He hated Mondays. Especially since he was working with his father.

It had been exactly 380 days since Kagome got in the accident. It had been exactly 374 days since Sesshoumaru had come to help his father in business. The business that Inuyasha _oh-so-evilly_ signed him up for. Inuyasha was fully aware that Sesshoumaru didn't want to come. He should have known that Sesshoumaru had no desire to work under his father.

Sesshoumaru's father was pure evil, he had decided that much.

The man would refuse Sesshoumaru's request for a break, for a vacation, for him to go home and see Kagome. Yet, every night, Sesshoumaru watched as he brought a whore- human or demon -to his apartment. It disgusted Sesshoumaru. Dog demons mate for life, do they not? Why was his father not holding to the ties that should have kept him to the mothers of his two children?

Sesshoumaru had recently noted that there were only three that came. It wasn't the same one each night, but it would always be one of the three coming. Perhaps his father did mate for life, but he never kept to one.

He was a demon polygamist or something...

Sesshoumaru sat at the edge of his bed and rubbed his eyes. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see Kagome. When he left, he was more aware of the feelings he had spoken to her about. Now that he was thousands of miles away and speaking a different language, he was more sure of those feelings.

After all, you don't just _lust_ after someone and think of them for over a year. You don't think of them when there are pretty girls prancing for you under your nose.

Who taught girls to prance, anyway? They always looked like they wanted to be horses or something. Why couldn't they just walk normally when they sought to impress a man? Society, even in Russia, was a pain in the ass.

He had left Japan. He spent about a month or two there before his father said that there was other work to be done. So, they went to France, then to Italy, where Sesshoumaru learned a valuable lessons. Those people who push the gondola around? Be sure to tip them. If you don't, suddenly you will find someone mugging you and no other gondola people will willingly take you anywhere.

After Italy, they went to England. Sesshoumaru was thankful to speak English for a small while. Shortly after arriving in England, they came to Russia. That's where he was now.

Every time they moved, his father moved the schools he was in. Then they gave him a crash course on learning their language. Now, Sesshoumaru was quite fluent in French, Italian, Russian, and he knew a few words of Japanese... They moved just as he was learning that language.

Sesshoumaru sighed as he began to pull clothes from his suitcase. They had been there all the time, never in the drawers of the hotel. He didn't want to risk forgetting something of his because he had made hismelf at home.

Although, he had been in Russia for a month or so. It wouldn't hurt if he allowed himself to just put things in drawers. Of course, he would never do it. He would just think about it, and imagine that it woudl one day no longer be an issue.

"Sesshoumaru, are you awake yet?" His father called to him. Sesshoumaru knew that they had a meeting over breakfast with some more people interested in his father's body guards. Sesshoumaru didn't care, though.

Before this entire ordeal, he had felt close to his father. He felt as though they were able to connect and he would be able to request things from his father. That changed quite quickly.

After the night in the sushi restuarant, he knew that he had been wrong. He had explained Kagome's condition to his father and had described his feelings to him. His father had said no in the harshest way possible.

And now? He was going to try to convince his father to let him go back to America and be with the woman he had started falling for over a year ago. Only, this time, _no_ was not an answer that he would accept. He was willing to swim if that is what the occasion called for.

- - -

"Wake up, Kagome!" Kagome's mother called. Kagome moaned and tried to pull herself up. Her arms were weak beneath her and she was lucky to have remained on the couch. She looked up at a woman and blinked vaguely.

If only she had known that, for nearly eight months, she had been like this. She never realized how tiring it became for her friends and family. She couldn't do anything about it, though. There was no option for her.

Kagome never knew what was wrong. Each day, her mother would request her to write down anything she learned. She said that it would have to be short, not long pages of babble. Kagome had started doing that.

And, now, while she had no memory of the past year, she was handed the papers. A few pictures were clipped to it, for visual help. Kagome's mother sat down by her side and stroked her head. It killed her to know that each day, her daughter had to be reminded of who she was, her past, and who her friends were.

Of course, the doctor tried to help. He tried to help the fluid that was stopping her brain from fully functioning drain. He offered several different methods, none of which worked. The fluid remained in her head, and no one could tell why.

Inuyasha had tried helping as much as he could. He came to visit her every day. He was also the one who took the notes to the school, since no one else could come to their house before school.

Kagome read the paper then set it down. She looked over at her mother. She felt as though she were seeing her for the first time. She knew that it must kill her mother to know that her daughter couldn't recognize her. But, Kagome saw love in her mother's eyes. She silently thanked her mother for the caring that she did.

Kagome hugged the stranger known as her mother. She soon lost control of her body and became limp. Her mother smiled and helped prop her against the back of the couch. She said something about creating breakfast then left the room.

Kagome watched as someone else came down the hall. He had black hair, he was tall, and he looked at her with... regret? She stared at him as he came over to her. He asked her if she read the paper yet, and she tried to answer.

When no words came from her mouth, guilt washed over her and she hung her head. He handed her the papers and told her to drop them if she read them already. She released her hold on the papers and he picked them up. He whispered that he was sorry, but she didn't know what for.

What had happened in the past year that made him sorry?

Kagome tried desperately to ask, but nothing came out again. She let out a sigh of defeat and let her body become limp.

She couldn't speak, and it was killing her inside. She didn't know why, but it hurt horribly with both attempts she made to tell people things on her mind. She wasn't even aware that they didn't expect her to speak anymore.

After the first month of never being able to speak, everyone had assumed it was a permanent disability she would have until the fluid in her head drained. They had accepted it. Each day, Kagome had to live with the pain and reality of it.

- - -

"Jaken, when is my brother supposed to be back?" Inuyasha asked as he walked into the house. He had just come home from school, meaning that he wans't in the best of moods.

"Why do you ask, Inuyasha? Do you miss your brother?" Jaken asked. Inuyasha glared down at him and flexed his claws in threat.

"I will never miss that bastard. I just happen to hate silence." Inuyasha spat. Jaken started talking about random things, making Inuyasha even more irritated. He hated silence, but he hated the sound of Jaken's voice even more.

"Shut up, Jaken! Just let me know when my brother will be home or I'll eat a toad in front of you!" Inuyasha roared. Jaken's babbling came to a screeching halt and he began to bumble over the words.

"L-Lord Sesshoumaru called this morning and said that he might be coming home soon, but only if your father approves!" Jaken said. He was clearly horrified at the thought of Inuyasha eating a toad before his very eyes.

"That wasn't so hard to do, now was it, Jaken?" Inuyasha asked. He walked upstairs, mutting something about Jaken's incompetence as a servant. Of course, Sesshoumaru was the reason that he was even working here. Inuyasha deemed him stupid for allowing such a stupid man to work for them and be paid above the others who did their job.

He would never understand his brother, nor did he want to try.

- - -

"Andrew, I told you to make a move on Kagome two months ago. You have returned now with nothing. You should have had the jewel in your grasp, or brought me a location." Naraku hissed. Andrew looked at him, his eyes filled with more malice than Naraku had seen before.

"Don't you say that. That stupid _mutt_ told them to expect me to come. He told them that there was someone after the Shikon No Tama, so no one will even open the fucking door!" Andrew snapped. Naraku's blood red eyes darkened at the thought.

"Strange. Kikyou said that she had seduced Inuyasha to a point of him no longer caring." Naraku pointed out. Andrew narrowed his eyes at his boss. He was incompetent for making other people do things for him. If it weren't for the large amount of pay, then Andrew would kill him.

"Perhaps your little hoe does not do as she says." Andrew suggested.

"She does what she is told to do. Shehas no soul, anymore." Naraku tapped himself to prove that he had taken her soul to the other side.

"If she has no soul, how can she move?" Andrew was an obvious skeptic.

"I left enough in her for her to function, but she should follow my every command. There is no excuse for her to not do her job." Naraku hissed.

"Maybe she does not know Inuyasha's standing point on the situation. Or, perhaps, she has gotten another person to do it." Andrew suggested.

"We must kill someone close to silence them." Naraku said confidently. Andrew smirked and let out the beginning of a laugh.

"Great idea, Naraku. Now, who do you propose we kill? _The father of both Taisho brothers runs a business for body guards and detective training_." Andrew said smartly. Naraku smiled and looked at his claws in satisfaction.

"You will kill the older brother. He is in Russia at the moment. You don't need to do anything other than kill him. That will make the message clear enough." Andrew growled at this information. He brought his claws against Naraku's metal desk, slicing it in half.

"The hell I will! You expect me to do a suicide mission like that? Sesshoumaru is the stronger of the brothers!" Andrew snapped.

"He's also the only one who can revive Kagome's memory." Naraku said. Andrew dropped his hands to his side and became sober.

"What? Why... How do you know this?" He asked cautiously.

"Well... If you must know..." Naraku grinned.

- - -

It all made sense now. He was finally able to get it. Souta smiled in triumph as he began to punch numbers on Inuyasha's phone. He knew exactly why Kagome wasn't healing at a mortal's speed. That didn't even account for the enormous amount of miko energy that she had inside of her.

"What do you want? I'm trying to work on my senior project!" A voice instantly snapped. Souta sighed and held the phone from his ear momentarily.

"Calm down, Inuyasha. I need to talk to you about Kagome." It was obvious, even through the phone, that anything concerning Kagome was important to him.

"I'll be there in a bit." He said. Theere was a click as he hung up. Souta smiled then began to call Sango and Miroku. They would, no doubt, want to hear about how Kagome was doing. Well, not exactly how she was doing. She was the same as any other day. They would probably be more interested with her progress on healing.

After all, it had been a year since the accident and she still could not remember a thing.

Soon, Souta had all of Kagome's friends (with the exception of Sesshoumaru) sitting out by the God tree. He didn't want Kagome to hear what was going on, because it would only raise panic in her. Then, once there was panic, she would write about it and read it each day she woke up without memory.

He could only hope that the days she woke up without memory would be coming to an end soon.

"Okay, you guys. According to the doctor, there is fluid blocking Kagome's brain functions like memory, action, behavior, things of the sort." Sango nodded, Miroku staired, and Inuyasha flicked a rock out of boredom. None of this was new news.

"Kagome has miko powers. Miko powers are meant to heal the person who has them when they're hurt. I have a third of the powers that Kagome does. When I scrape myself, my miko powers heal me istantly." Souta explained.

"Then shouldn't her body be healing faster than a normal person, not slower?" Sango asked.

"That's exactly what I'm getting at. Her body is healing slow for a normal human, let alone one with miko powers. I've been trying to figure out why, and it took me, roughly, a year to get it." Souta said with triumph. All three stared at him and all three of Kagome's friends blinked in unison. Expectation was written on everyone's face. Souta tried not to laugh as he continued.

"You see, Kagome was in a coma for four months. She was bruised up pretty badly. I believe that, during those four months, someone came in and gave her poison."

"Shouldn't she be dead?" Inuyasha blurted. Sango gasped and placed a hand over her head. Miroku shot a glare to the hanyou before looking at his stunned girlfriend. Souta narrowed his eyes.

"Thank you, Inuyasha. Now, will you keep raise your hand next time you want to speak while I'm speaking?" Souta asked in agitation.

"Sorry, thought you were done." Inuyasha murmured. Souta shook his head then looked to see if Sango recovered from the shock. She did, thankfully.

"The poisoned wouldn't kill her- _Inuyasha_. The poison would slow her healing process down. Her body would fight against the poison and ignore the problems it had. Then, once her body was able to defeat the low-grade poison, it didn't realize that there was fluid in the brain. In a way, you could say her body forgot about it." Souta said.

Everyone seemed to accept this. Inuyasha started mutting silent curses to whoever poisoned her. Sango started telling Miroku all the ways that she would kill the person who did this. Miroku listened and watched her hand gestures with a very, _very _pale face. Sango was not one you should piss off, he knew that much.

- - -

Sesshoumaru ate his breakfast when it was time, the he sat patiently and stared into space when his father would speak with the business men at the table. He would occasionally answer a question, but no one cared much for him. After all, he was only the son. What could he know about body guards and detectives.

He knew a lot about them in several different languages.

Soon, all the men shook hands with his father and left. His father started to get up, beckoning him to follow. Sesshoumaru remained. HIs father asked him to stand once more, but Sesshoumaru kept his ass in the chair.

"Sesshoumaru, what is it now?" His father asked. He sat back down and looked evenly at his son. Sesshoumaru had acted weird ever since he was brought to help his father in the company.

"Father... I wish to go home now." Sesshoumaru said flatly.

"No." His father had answered without thinking. After he had the word out, he started considering Sesshoumaru's request. The same thing had happened last time Sesshoumaru requested going home. His father snapped no before he even processed the question. He watched his son's eyes narrow and a trace of rage show on his emotionless face.

"Let me rephrase, father. I _am_ going home tomorrow morning. Whether or not you would like to help me get home is up to you. I am fully prepared to put my demon abilities to the test and _swim_ back to America." Sesshoumaru said. Rage began to lace through his voice, but he kept quiet. He didn't have any desires to attract attention in the public restuarant.

"Is it the same issue that caused your desire to leave during the first few weeks?" His father asked. Sesshoumaru mutely nodded. There was no need for words if his father could understand without them.

"It is a human you feel for, is it not?" He asked. Sesshoumaru nodded once more.

"Fine. You will have tonight's plane ticket out and I wish to hear from you once you land." His father finally caved in. Sesshoumaru allowed a smile to fall on his face. He thanked his father then left to his hotel room to pack.

- - -

Kagome stared at down the street in confusion. It seemed so strange how fast it had happened. She woke up from a nap and was told to read some papers that would explain her lack of knowledge. She went outside to get fresh air and a sudden wind came to her. The papers flew out of her hand and down the street.

Kagome didn't know what to think. Had they been important? Wouldn't she have remembered her own past? Why did she need papers to do it? Now that she thought about it, what happened to her memories? She hadn't had much time to think of what happened when she woke up, because she was told to read the papers immediately. And, just as soon as she started reading the papers, they were gone.

The wind wasn't natural, she felt that much. It had been a perfectly clear day and there was no sign of any bad weather. Then... Without warning, the paper just... Flew away. Kagome slowly walked back into the house, but her legs failed her. She collapsed under her own weight and tried to let out a cry for help.

No sound came out, though. This caused a wave of guilt and anguish to fill her being. She was hardly able to comprehend the feeling because it was so strong. As she remained collaped on the ground, her eyes slowly closed. She watched a shadow approach her and heard it speak to her. No matter what it said, she was unable to understand it.

She slowly drifted into another sleep as a warm fluid rushed to her ear. Blood and brain fluid had started to leak from her ear. She had, unknowingly, fallen down several concrete stairs when the sudden fatigue overcame her.

And, now, she was in her world of oblivion.

Vaguely, through this world, she was able to register pain. It was a pain that she had felt before, she was sure of it. She fought the sleep and tried to guess what was happening. She struggled to get her eyes to open and to see what was going on. They opened, but only for a second.

What she saw was two men. A man on top of her and the other standing behind the first. She would have panicked, but she didn't have the energy to. She had fallen into the street, and these kind gentleman helped her. They were doing nothing wrong in her eyes.

As she slipped off once again, a sharp pain caught her attention. She struggled to find the source, but it was of no use. She only slipped deeper into the wonderful painless land that sleep offered her.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_I used to be someone, but now I am a nobody. I used to make people happy, but now I can barely remember what the term 'happy' means. I can't remember what happened, which is only more devistating to me. The worst of it all is my voice. It has failed me on so many occasions. Each time it fails me, I feel worse and worse. What is going on?_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Review Replies:  
**Kawaii-kitty121-** I think that you have an excellent idea! I will add my own B.A.M.-spice to it, though. (B.A.M is short for Bipolar ADD Maniac.)  
**InterwovenEmotions-** I love your idea so much! I think I'll use that, along with Kawaii Kitty's idea.  
**Secret-punk-rocker-** _Five hours!_ Consecutively? Wow! I don't even have the attention span of _one _hour! Well, I'm glad you like the story. I'm also glad you enjoyed the diary entries. I think that the last chapter of this story, the epilogue, will be an entry in Kagome's diary... Oops. I gave away too much, huh? Thanks for reviewing!

**_Okay, I'm running a quiz to see who listens to country music (I rarely listen to it anymore). The title of the next chapter is the name of a country song. Guess who sings it. I will then contact the first three or the first five people to see what I can do for them since they won. Just, keep in mind that I am a poor, pathetic, life-lacking person. There's not a whole lot I can do besides possibly putting you in the story or something relating to the story..._**

Next Chapter: _Don't Forget To Remember Me  
_Reviews Needed:** 590**

**- Lonely Bird **


	28. Don't Forget To Remember Me

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 10th, 2006  
June 11th, 2006

**I thought of a different story that should be really funny. So, because I now have another interest, this story will start coming to a close. I expect it to be done by chapter 35. If not 35, then it should be done on chapter 40. I created this story so I could have a really long story (more than 20 chapters). And, thankfully,I have reviews to accompany it! You don't know how much your reviews mean to me, guys!**

**Hey, do you all remember that Kagome started bleeding and leaking brain fluid? Keep that in mind, it's really important... Among other things.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Twenty-Eight: _Don't Forget To Remember Me_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

Sango casually approached her best friend's house. She had found the papers Kagome read when she woke up on her street. It was strange, but she didn't give the idea too much thought. At least she had found them. She knocked on the door carefully and quietly. Their grandfather was, most likely, taking a nap.

Kyoko opened the door with a frantic look on her face. Sango just shrugged the thought off when she thought of what Kyoko had been missing. After all, without the papers, Kagome would be unable to remember that there was a life before the moment she woke up.

Kyoko stared at the papers that Sango held and began to cry. Sango wondered, for a moment, if they weren't Kagome's papers. No, she knew they were. She had seen Kagome write on them and read from them on multiple occasions.

"Ms. Higurashi?" Sango softly questioned. Kyoko motioned for Sango to come in, and Sango went strait for the couch. Kyoko soon sat down next to her and looked at the floor for help. No use. It wasn't going to help her get this one out.

"Kagome is missing." She finally managed to say. Sango gasped and dropped the papers. Kagome? Missing? How? There was no way she could walk off on her own. She didn't remember anything, and that would cause her to remain in the house, wouldn't it? Or, maybe she figured that there would be more answers somewhere else.

"When did you last see her?" Sango carefully asked. She knew that this was bad news. She wasn't quite sure if she wanted to hear it, but she would have to. Kyoko needed to spill her guts to someone, and Sango was unable to escape in a polite manner.

"Yesterday, when she woke up from her name." Kyoko said. Sango dropped her head in her hands and stared at the scattered pieces of paper. Kagome left, deliberately. Now she was gone. Most likely, she went to sleep. When she woke up, she had no memory of her life. All she would know is that she couldn't speak, and she could hardly move.

Sango fell off the couch. Her feet slid down and her but followed. She rested her arms on the coffee table before her and her head on her arms. Kagome was gone, and no one knew where she had gone. She could have been kidnapped for all they knew! The very thought of someone trying to take Kagome deliberately was horrifying to her. What if that guy who raped her did it again?

Souta walked into the room and gave the two a skeptical look. His mother was on the verge of tears and Sango was crying. Wait. Sango? Crying? Even if he wasn't her friend, he knew that it took a lot to get her into tears. He knelt down by her and slowly stroked her back.

"What happened, you guys?" Souta asked. Kyoko looked at him and finally began to cry. Souta cringed. Great, now he had two crying women on his hands. He dialed Miroku's number so he could come take care of his girlfriend. Once Miroku got there, Souta decided he would weasel the story from the girls.

"Please, tell me what happened." Souta begged. He knew that Miroku wanted to ask too, but he would hear the answer. Kyoko took a quivering breath and slowly let it out. She looked her son in the eyes and regretted having to give him the news. He loved his sister so much and he always wanted to protect her. This would tear him apart from the inside out.

"Kagome... She's gone." Kyoko said. Souta felt his heart stop beating and his brain quit working. Miroku had stopped stroking Sango's head and was staring at Kyoko in disbelief.

"She can't walk, can she?" Miroku finally managed to ask. Kyoko nodded her head.

"She's been able to do minimal walking recently... But not enough to leave here." Kyoko said. Of course, being the mother, she would automatically assume that her daughter had no reason to leave. Then again, the papers had blown away and gotten all the way to Sango's house. Perhaps Kagome attempted following them.

"She was kidnapped." Souta managed to choke out. Kyoko jerked her head to look at him and he mentally apologized for saying that before her. Any mother would be horrified to hear that about their little girl. Especially if they knew of the beauty Kagome unknowingly held.

"She's in trouble, mom. I'm going to call Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, _anyone_. This is no longer just a small issue that she was humiliated to talk about." Souta said. Kyoko nodded and then left to find the book with Sesshoumaru's cell phone number in it. Souta looked at two of Kagome's friends and grimaced. He felt horrible.

"You two knew about Kagome's four rapes?" Miroku shuddered. He hadn't known that it happened more than once, let alone _four _times. "Kagome is the protector of something sacred. I can give the whole story to you now, if you wish."

"No... Let's do it in your room or somewhere your mother won't hear of this. I have a feeling that she will not enjoy the news." Miroku said. Souta nodded then looked up at his mom. She had given him the book of phone numbers before they all went to Souta's room. Going to Kagome's room would be murder on Souta and, soon, be horrible for Sango and Miroku.

"How familiar are you two with the legend of the Shikon No Tama?" Souta asked. Sango and Miroku both shook their heads.

"It's a jewel that can grant someone any wish they want. Even without wishing upon it, it can give someone great power and great strength. Well, my sister protects this jewel. This jewel is what got her in this position to begin with. Before, it was just her safety and comfort at risk. Now, the stakes are going higher. Her life is at risk..." Souta bit his lip and let himself collapse onto his bed.

"The man who raped her... What was his name?" Miroku slowly asked.

"Andrew." Souta replied.

"Why would Andrew have such a strong interest in Kagome still? Wouldn't he come for the jewel and leave?" Sango asked. She clung onto Miroku likea life line as if saying Andrew's name would make him appear. Miroku recognized her fear and kept his hands in PG-appropriate places.

"Simple. He developed an obsession over her." Souta replied without thought.

"Souta... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that mean he'll be desperate to have her?" Miroku gently asked. Souta's eyes opened instantly and he sat up to look at Miroku.

"And, if he's desperate to have her, then his death would be the only way to keep him away from her." Souta added. Sango stood up, the glint of hatred in her eyes.

"Let me go get my Hirakotsu and then I'll mutilate him." Sango said firmly. Souta's eyes gew wide and Miroku yanked her down to sitting once again.

"No, Sango. They're demons. That's the only way that they can know so much about Kagome... So, if they're demons, you could get hurt." Miroku's voice quivered at the possibility of Sango being hurt. He knew that she was strong and capable of defending herself, but he didn't like the idea of her going out to fight demons.

"Don't worry... I'll call Sesshoumaru and explain to him what's happening. Miroku and Sango, can you two go tell Inuyasha? We'll need his nose to find Kagome." Souta said. Miroku and Sango nodded then left. After the door closed, Souta began leafing through the pages in the address book. He stopped when he found Sesshoumaru's name.

He quickly dialed and was surprised when no one answered. Strange. Usually Sesshoumaru leaves it on all the time and answers no matter what. He tried again, but no one picked up again. In fact, it only rang once, meaning that Sesshoumaru had turned it off.

Now, that was strange.

- - -

_"All first-class passengers, please begin boarding." _The human translator narrated. Sesshoumaru didn't need the translator, but he went ahead and listened to that voice. He walked up to the woman behind the desk and handed his ticket to her. While she checked it, he turned around to face his father.

"Thank you, father." He said emotionlessly. The woman handed his ticket back to him and he moved out of someone's way. Sesshoumaru's father nodded and stared at a wall as if it were interesting.

"I would like to hear about this young girl of yours... Perhaps I'll come home and meet her. But please, do take care of her..." His father paused. "And if there is no woman, I will make sure you are punished." His father added. Sesshoumaru let a small smirk appear on his face then he turned around. After a few moments of staring at the extended tunnel, he walked into it.

He didn't hear his father calling to him from behind.

As Sesshoumaru walked towards the airplane, he looked at his cellphone. He held down a button and it turned off. He hated the idea of not having it on, but he knew that it would be wise. Everytime they boarded an airplane, he was often lectured that electronics that used satellites could ruin the navagational systems. As he put the powerless phone into his pocket, he felt a pang of urgency pass through him.

Something was going to happen, he felt it. But it was too late to do anything. He was now getting on the plane and there would be no time to turn his phone on to test this feeling.

- - -

Kagome let out a small wimper of pain. Her entire body hurt. She couldn't feel anything but the pain. She attempted to move parts of her body, but she could. The pain was too overwhelming for her to handle. She let out another wimper of pain in hopes that it would take something off her mind. At the second wimper, something moved. Something moved from _inside_ of her. Her entire body automatically tensed up.

The thing that moved slowly slid away, and she didn't know why. Her eyes slowly opened, then snapped closed. It hurt to open her eyes. It hurt to do anything, even sleep. She opened her eyes once more and forced them to stay open. There was an undressed man before her. He was doing something to her legs, but she couldn't figure out what. After a moment, she let out a snarl-like sound. This got his attention.

He looked up at her with a red liquid around his lips. Kagome stared hard at him and tried to speak. She tried to ask him what he was doing, why she couldn't feel her body, where she was... But nothing came out. She felt tears come to her eyes at the realization that she was unable to speak. Was she mute? She didn't know, and it only bothered her more. She didn't remember anything. Why?

"Relax." The man told her. She wanted to snap at him that she couldn't relax, but it was no use. The words never came out. The hatred was only known through her facial expression. The man lowered his head and started doing something once more. She didn't care what it was, to be honest. She couldn't feel it through the overwhelming pain. Kagome slowly turned her head to stare at her arms. There were lines all over them.

Wait. Lines?

Kagome could feel her mind starting to turn. She could feel everything starting to register in her brain. Why did this feel so strange to have her brain doing things? She quickly shrugged it off and continued staring at the lines on her arm. Slowly and painfully, she turned her head and looked at her other arm. There were lines on that one, too. She looked down at her stomach. There were lines on that. Her legs had lines on them. And, what the guy was doing, she didn't know. Obviously it wasn't bad or she would have felt it, right?

She didn't realize that whatever he was doing would be drown out by the pain coursing through her entire body.

Kagome attempted to move her hands so she could sit up and look at the lines on her some more. Her hands wouldn't move. No, that wasn't right. Her hands and arms were moving, but they weren't going anywhere. That didn't make sense.

Kagome stared at her hands as hard as she could. There was something black around her wrist. She tried to figure out what it was, but she couldn't. It was black, and there was a bulging spot that connected to more black stuff that didn't touch her.She turned her head and looked at her other wrist. There was the same black thing, held by a black bulge, connected to more black stuff.

Kagome watched the black thing as she tried to move her arm. The black thing was firm in it's place. There was no way for her to move it. Then everything clicked in her mind. The black things, the lack of movement, the lines, and the pain... She stopped thinking as pain consumed her once more. This time, she let out more than a wimper. She let out a long, agonizing cry. It hurt so bad.

Kagome felt something warm touch her head. She tried to open her eyes to see it again, but she couldn't. Something had been placed over her eyes because she was unable to see anything. The warm feeling went on both sides of her head. Her head was pulled up then shoved back down.

She could feel pain in the back of her head. She could feel liquid around her head and the rest of her body. She knew that the pain in her body had something to do with the lines, but she was unable to figure out what it was. Sleep started consuming her once again.

As she fell into another reality, she faintly registered the liquid rushing from her ears. Ears bled? She didn't follow that thought, either. It hurt too much. Soon, she gave up all hopes of figuring things out. She gave into the darkness and her body went limp.

Unconsciousness came, but peace did not.

She saw images in her mind. She couldn't figure out what they were. They were horrifying. There was blood. She hated blood. There were soul-less eyes of a man. When she tried to figure out what happened, the image vanished before her eyes. Then she saw a woman. The woman was crazy, there was no doubt to that. Her tongue hung from her mouth, her right eye was smaller than her left and was twitching. Drool hung from her mouth like she was a crazed animal.

Kagome felt the fear welling up inside of her as the image vanished. Relief washed over her, but only for a moment. The relief was soon gone as she saw a girl. Flashes of the woman's body haunted her. She looked like she had gotten tangled up playing twister or something. Her left leg was over her head, her right leg was under her chest. Her right arm went under her left leg and down to her right food. Her left arm was bent in directions that it shouldn't be going in.

Kagome knew that there was nothing to be thankful when the next image flashed through. It was a man with silver hair and dog-like ears. His shirt was gone and there were four deep gashes on his chest. His eyes were blank; soul-less. His head was bent in a direction that it shouldn't have been in. The blood. Kagome couldn't take the blood.

Kagome's eyes snapped open and her breathing became even more ragged. She closed her eyes as the pain awoke inside of her. She wanted so desperately to sleep and be oblivious to the pain. But she wouldn't allow sleep to come. Not anymore. Not after the dreams she had. She wanted so desperately to talk to someone, to tell them the pain that flooded her mind and heart at these images.

Then she remembered that she couldn't speak. She remembered that she couldn't move. She closed her eyes once more and attempted to get sleep. No, not after those images were left in her head. She opened her eyes in desparation to drive them out.

A man came up and traced the lines on her. She felt pain course through her strongly once again. These lines... Something about them wasn't right. They weren't just normal lines. She tried desperately to figure it out, but her body started falling into more and more pain.

"Go to sleep." The figure commanded her. She desperately wanted to slepe like she had been told. But she wasn't able to, not after those images. The thought of sleeping caused the images to thunder through her mind rapidly. She didn't need to look at them very long, though. She already knew what horrors they contained.

A warmth pressed against both sides of her head. She felt her head being pulled up, but she couldn't fight it. She didn't even want to think about fighting it. She was able to remember what it had done the time before. It had let her slip into her nightmares. As the warmth shoved her head back towards the ground, she gave in. She wouldn't fight sleep. She would fight nightmares, but not the sleep itself.

As more fluid rushed from her mind, she had one last thought. A fleeting thought that she couldn't understand the meaning of. She would try, but perhaps another time.

_Sesshoumaru... Please help me..._

Kagome's mind slipped into oblivion entirely. She wasn't going to fight it, she told herself that over and over. This time when she fell into the darkness, she welcomed it. She tried to get a firmer grasp on it so she could have more of the darkness.

Kagome didn't realize that her memory was improving. She didn't realize that retaining her memory was a re-learned trick. She didn't realize the significance it held.

- - -

Sesshoumaru snapped awake and removed the cloth covering his eyes. He looked around at the other airplane passengers then at the empty seat next to him. His father had bought an extra ticket for some unkown reason. Sesshoumaru looked around him a little more. He heard Kagome's voice, he knew he did. She had asked for his help.

_Sesshoumaru, help me..._ The sound of her cry for help rang in his head. He didn't remember waking from a dream. Why would he imagine Kagome's voice now? He slowly closed his eyes once more and tried to welcome sleep. He hated flying, it hurt his demon senses. If he could sleep, perhaps he would be able to ignore the pain that his ears, nose, and eyes were going through.

He slipped off into sleep. Kagome entered his dream, though. He hated the dream, and it caused him to growl. Kagome was strapped to the concrete ground. Blood was all over her body. Cuts were all over her body. She wasn't dressed. That bastard, Andrew, was touching her. Some clear fluid and blood were leaking from her ear. She was asleep, but it wasn't a peaceful sleep.

She looked like she was being tortured.

Sesshoumaru opened his eyes once more and sighed. The sooner the plane landed, the better. He didn't like dreaming of Kagome's pain. He didn't like the feeling that rose inside of him each time he saw Kagome's face or heard Kagome's voice.

The feelings told him that Kagome was going to die soon. That was bad news to anyone. Especially him.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_I used to be someone, but now I am a nobody. I used to make people happy, but now I can barely remember what the term 'happy' means. I can't remember what happened, which is only more devistating to me. The worst of it all is my voice. It has failed me on so many occasions. Each time it fails me, I feel worse and worse. What is going on?_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

People who guessed the singer of the song: _The Haribo, Lil Sapphire 2004, Vila Viscious, Sesshomaru's-Shadow284_

Review Replies:  
**The Haribo-** You're kidding. You don't listen to country music and yet you knew the singer? Did you look it up or did you look at previous American Idol peoples?

Next Chapter: _The Steedless Knight  
_Reviews Needed:** 620**

**- Lonely Bird **


	29. The Steedless Knight

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 11th, 2006  
June 12th, 2006

**Don't forget about the blood and brain fluid thing. Okay?**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Twenty-Nine: _The Steedless Knight_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

The phone rang and Souta glared at it. He didn't feel in the best of moods and that made for some bad phone conversations. He picked up the cell phone angrily and looked at the caller. It was Sesshoumaru. His anger soon vanished and he picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He greeted.

"Why did you call me?" He could hear a trace of fear in the demon's voice.

"Kagome... She's... Kagome was kidnapped. She got the strength to go outside. She didn't have her memories. We couldn't find her anywhere. Since... Come to my house and I can talk to you about it. Are you going to be in America soon?" Souta was hopeful.

"I am in America now." Sesshoumaru's icy tone replied.

"Good. Come by now and we'll get things started." Souta sounded urgent as he began to search for the phone number of Kagome's friends.

"_Things_? What are you talking about?" Sesshoumaru sounded pretty pissed off and Souta knew it.

"I'll tell you when you're here. Bye!" Souta hung up and started calling people as fast as his fingers could possibly dial.

- - -

Sesshoumaru growled at the phone then hung up. As he walked to his car in the parking lot, he sighed. It had been over a year since he had been home. He missed America so much during the period of business. More than that, he missed Kagome. He knew, by Souta's tone of voice, that things were not well with Kagome. That only brought back memories of his dream. Kagome had been in such agony in the dream.

Worst of all, she kept calling out to him for help. There was nothing he could do to help his Kagome. She was in his dream.

Wait. _His_ Kagome? He would have questioned it, but he didn't have time. He knew that he felt something for the girl. He knew that he liked her, possibly even loved her. That was a _possibly_, not a definite thing. So... Did he love her? If he did, was it his dark side that claimed her as his?

Sesshoumaru knew that his dark side didn't claim things easily. His dark side was often the source of any possessiveness.

Sesshoumaru pushed the thought away as he raced to Kagome's house. He had to see what was going on. When he got there, he saw Miroku's car, Sango's car, and his little brother's motorcycle. Apparently, Inuyasha had passed the test to get his permit to drive the bike. Sesshoumaru shook the thought off as well and walked to the door. He knocked then just came in.

Souta ushered him up to a bedroom. Sesshoumaru was placed on the bed and told to stay seated. The same was done with Inuyasha. Sesshoumaru despised his little brother for what he had done to him. He had sent Sesshoumaru away from his Kagome. Yes, _his _Kagome. He wasn't going to argue that anymore.

"Tell me what is going on." Inuyasha snapped. Sesshoumaru was silently thankful that his brother had no patience. At the moment, Sesshoumaru didn't have any, either. But, being Sesshoumaru, he would never tell you that.

"Sango and Miroku are already aware of this... But have you two heard of the Shikon No Tama?" Souta paused and looked at them. Inuyasha nodded.

"It is a mere myth, is it not?" Sesshoumaru inquired.

"No. It's real." Souta paused for a moment, forming his thoughts into words. "My sister was given the duty of protecting the Shikon No Tama. Her powers created a barrier, a powerful one. It is undetectable, and it conceals the hiding place of the jewel completely. Only Kagome can see where the jewel is, too. She can see the glow of it from miles away and through buildings. Anyway, that's not the point.

"The point is that the Shikon No Tama is bringing her pain. Andrew developed an obsession with her, but he started tormenting her because he learned about the Shikon No Tama. At first it was Kagome's safety and comfort at stake, because he raped her multiple times. But that's not the case anymore. The stakes are rising and now Kagome's very life is at stake." Souta paused as Inuyasha slipped onto the floor. His body was limp, as if the life had been sucked from him.

"And, yesterday... Kagome was kidnapped. She was unable to walk far on her own, and her memory was completely blank." Souta finished. Sesshoumaru felt his heart come to a screeching halt, which caused it to go up into his throat. Kagome? Kidnapped? Could that have been her condition that he saw in his dream?

"We need you demons to find her. Sango will get Kilala and her weapon. Miroku will start gathering the things for spells and subduing spells. If either of you find her scent, let us know before you pursueit." Souta said. Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha both nodded. As they walked out, Sesshoumaru expressed his rage to Inuyasha.

"You do know, little brother, that this is your fault?" Sesshoumaru asked in a harsh, icy tone. Inuyasha unintentionally shivered at the hate lacing Sesshoumaru's voice.

"How is it _my _fault?" Inuaysha snapped back.

"You volunteered me to go help father. I am going to assume you knew he wished it to be for over a year. Because I was gone, I could not help Kagome revive her memory." Sesshoumaru replied coldly. Inuyasha stopped walking near the God tree and glared hard at Sesshoumaru.

"You act like Kagome is your wife or something, Sesshoumaru! She's _not_! She won't let any man touch her! She wouldn't even let people hear her voice for a long time! What the fuck makes you think that you could haev healed her any faster!" Inuyasha roared. Sesshoumaru stopped walking and turned around to face his enraged little brother. If you looked at them from the side, you could see the God tree between them (but in the background), as if it were dividing them apart.

"Do you not realize the truth, little brother? She was capable of getting her voice back when she was around me. That is what caused her to talk in the first place. When she was in the hospital, she was able to speak to me, but no one else. That rabbit that was given to her was the same rabbit you saw me making for Rin!" Sesshoumaru yelled. As his rage flared, his eyes grew a red outline.

"Just because you can preform magic tricks doesn't make you the ruler, Sesshoumaru! It does _nothing _for you other than make you special! Kagome doesn't remember you! She doesn't remember you any more than me! She doesn't crave your touch any more than she craves mine!" Inuyasha snapped. Sesshoumaru shook his head and smiled.

"On the contrary, Inuyasha. She loathes the idea of having a man touch her. However, if I touch her, she will not gag or tense up." He replied cooly. Inuyasha growled once more and lunged at his brother.

"This is exactly why Kagome's current condition is your fault. You find reason to fight over Kagome when her life is at risk." Sesshoumaru turned on his heel and walked away.

"You started it." Inuyasha childishly replied.

"Nah-ah. I merely stated a fact, that this was your fault. You persisted in arguing." Sesshoumaru replied. "And, if you are so desperate to prove me wrong, then find her first." Sesshoumaru added. Inuyasha's angry face vanished and a worried one replaced it.He nodded and then started running off in the direction of Kagome's scent.

Sesshomaru casually followed a tumbling scent down the steps. At the bottom, he could smell her scent, mixed with something else. He was about to find out, when it started to rain. Why would the Gods be so cruel as to send down one of the only things that would erease Kagome's scent?

Sesshoumaru tried to sniff harder and pick up her scent, but he couldn't. It was gone due to the rain. He looked up with intentions of cursing whatever Gods sent the rain down. Right as he looked up, a rain drop fell in his eye. His head snapped down in surprise and he blinked the water away.

Sesshoumaru casually began walking along. Inuyasha was across the street, sniffing as much as he could. He would be lucky if he could find any scent, let alone Kagome's. Sesshoumaru looked at the spot where Inuyasha was standing. Blood. He rushed forward and gently moved his brother out of the way.

"Inuyasha, go get Sango, Miroku, and Souta." Sesshoumaru demanded.

"Why do I have to go? Why can't you go?" Inuyasha asked. Sesshoumaru looked at him in frustration. Kagome was being harmed this moment and all Inuyasha cared about was who got the glory?

"I can run towards Kagome faster. She's bleeding a lot, Inuyasha. If you want her to live, then _go_!" Sesshoumaru snapped. Inuyasha nodded then ran in the direction of Kagome's house. Sesshoumaru looked at the trail of blood that stained the sidewalk. Perhaps the Gods _were_ on his side.

Sesshoumaru used all the demon speed he had to run towards Kagome. He wanted her to live. He wanted _his_ Kagome to live! Who cared if he was being overly possessive? He didn't, and he would decapitate anyone who did. It wasn't their business. It was between he and _his_ Kagome.

_Kagome... Please be alright..._

- - -

The darkness had woken her up. She had been sleeping for, what she guessed, was a few hours. An image of a plane and a silver-haired man flashed through her mind. When the plane touched the ground, her mind jerked to attention and pulled her from the darkness.

Kagome felt the pain start eating her once more. She couldn't handle it. It hurt so badly. She tried to slip back into sleep, but her mind wouldn't allow it. Why did she have to stay awake? She fought against the barrier that kept her from the sleep, but she lost. It was no use, trying to get sleep when her mind clearly didn't want her to sleep.

Kagome looked at her wrists. The black things were still there. There were lines around the black things, red lines to be exact. She figured that she would dedicate time to figuring out what these lines were. She had them when she woke up two times ago, she could remember that much. But...

Were the lines there before? That was the part that threw her off. She had no memory of what happened before she woke up here. She couldn't remember anything. Tears started forming in her eyes as she tried desperately to figure out her past. Why had it vanished from her, anyway?

The tears threatened to spill over. Kagome let them fall down the sides of her face and go past her ears. She didn't want to fight the tears any more than she wanted to _not_ figure out what her life was like. The tears carelessly rolled down her face.

"What are you crying for?" A harsh voice whispered to her. She tried to see who it was, but her eyes couldn't see anything through the darkness. There was a light above her, a light far off in the right, and a light far off in the left. Using the three lights, she was able to make out the figure of the person who had spoken to her.

Kagome didn't try to reply to the person. She knew she couldn't speak. She knew that, each time she tried, her voice would fail her and she would feel like a horrible person. She knew this from her memory. Unfortunately, her memory didn't care to serve her any longer. She slowly rested her head against the hard stuff behind her and focused on the pain.

Why was it there? She had constantly been waking up with pain. It never went away unless she was asleep. She couldn't sleep because she saw images of mangled human bodies. It horrified her to no end. She felt as though the people were a part of her. Like she was connected to them somehow.

Kagome heard a string of profanities in a deeper voice. She then heard a different language being spoken, and somehow was able to understand what they were saying. She didn't know what caused her to understand, but she wouldn't question the knowledge now.

_"Shit! They've already found us!"_ The figure from before exclaimed.

_"Calm down. We'll leave before they get here. Make sure they know it's us, though. We want them to fear us."_

_"Got it." _Then things grew quiet.

Kagome heard the sound of something breaking, followed by the sound of water. More specifically, it sounded like rain. A dog growled and something approached her. She heard it take footsteps with several sloshes. She closed her eyes as pain once again filled her being. She had strained her body from trying to figure things out, she figured.

"Kagome..." She heard a man's voice whisper. At the very mention of, what she assumed was, her name, she shivered. A chill had gone down her spine and warmed her entire body.

- - -

Sesshoumaru was now tired of running. Whoever had Kagome was not intending for her to be rescued. They put a lot of time into how far she was being taken and how hard it would be to find her. That alone was enough to say that this kidnapping had been a delibarate one, not just something that is misunderstood because a man wanted to help out. No, these people targeted her.

Sesshoumaru's legs protested and asked him to walk. Or perhaps, they suggested, sit down and let him relax. He ignored the plea that his legs sent out. Kagome was in danger. How could he think of slowing down or resting while she was in danger? She could be dying and Sesshoumaru wouldn't know it...

- - -

Inuyasha barged into the house, drenched with the pouring rain. He slowly walked in, taking little notice of the water marks he was making all over the carpet. Right now, he didn't care. He looked at Sango, Miroku, Souta, and Kyoko. They were all sitting on the couch and awaiting the news from one of the brothers.

_Fuck_, Inuyasha thought. He _hated_ being the bearer of bad news.

"We lost Kagome's scent. The rain washed it out. But we did find her blood. Sesshoumaru picked up a faint amount of her scent on the concrete after that and is chasing after her right now." Inuyasha said. Everyone nodded and Kyoko rushed out of the room to make herself busy.

Sango grabbed a giant boomerang that had been her weapon. She wanted to slay demons, just as her entire family had done for generations. This weapon was made for that. Kilala was at her side. Upon the notion of battling, Kilala changed into her larger form without burning any of the furniture.

Miroku grabbed an old-fashioned monk's staff and as many sutras as his robe could hold. Inuyasha cracked his knuckles and headed out. On the way, he grabbed the umbrellas that had been left by the door. He gave one to Sango and one to Miroku. Then he put one back.

"Sesshoumaru is chasing after what he found. We're going to follow his scent. It's fresher, and since it was placed during this rainstorm, I can still smell it." Inuyasha said. Sango nodded and Miroku said nothing. They all headed out and began going towards Sesshoumaru as fast as they could.

Why wouldn't they? The life of their best friend was at stake. They didn't want to allow harm to come to her. Not after all she had gone through already, at least.

- - -

Sesshoumaru gladly came to a hault and looked around. His eyes rested on a door as the rain began to beat against him harder. He didn't care. He could be the lightning rod in a thunderstorm and he wouldn't notice. He just wanted Kagome safe. He attempted to open the door, but it was locked tight. He shoved his shoulder into it, but that failed. The door was strong, and now Sesshoumaru's arm hurt.

Sesshoumaru backed up and tried to kick the door down. His foot clashed with the door, but the door remained firm. They always made this look so easy in the movies. Sesshoumaru held his hand out in front of him. His fingers began to glow green and his poison whip emerged. He attacked the door four times, then he saw the barrier on it shatter.

Sesshoumaru backed up and, once again, tried kicking down the door. This time, the door came down easily and he went inside. The people who had taken Kagome appeared to be gone. He walked in, his demon eyes easily adjusting to the lack of light. He could _smell_ the oil that had once fueled the flame in these old-fashioned lights. He walked forward, careful not to hit anything that his demon senses didn't pick up.

Then he saw it. The form that he could faintly see in the darkness. It moved. A part of it dropped below where it had been. Sesshoumaru's mind filled with panic, rage, and worry all at the same time. He spun around and summoned his poison claws again. This time, he used them to strike the light switch that was on the other side of the very large room.

He turned around and was greeted with a horrifying sight. Kagome was strapped to a solid concrete floor. The black cloth around her wrists was tied too tight. It had even began to dig into her flesh and cause her more pain.

There were lines all along Kagome's body. She was wearing undergarments, nothing more. Sesshoumaru could tell that claw marks had run along her body. He knew that the seemingly faint scratches actually went an inch or so deep. He could only imagine the pain Kagome was in.

He looked at the ground around her. Blood was directly around her body. Semen was a few yards away. Someone had been fantasizing about _his_ Kagome. He looked near Kagome's head and saw blood and a clear liquid. For a fleeting moment, he feared that it was semen as well. But, as he stepped closer, he could tell it wasn't. It was a fluid that the brain floated in.

Fluid? Did that mean... ?

- - -

Inuyasha went through the already-banged-down door and stopped at the sight that presented him. Kagome was taken out pretty badly. He tried to focus on her face, which was just as gruesome as the rest of her body. He looked past that and saw the blood around her body. There was clear fluid around her head.

"The fluid around her head is a fluid that the brain floats in." Sesshoumaru said calmly. He knew that the humans and the demon cat were behind him. He didn't want them to hear what he had to say. It would only scare them more.

"Brain fluid? Does that mean?" Inuyasha paused. Sesshoumaru nodded and looked at Kagome once more.

"I want to take her to our home. The human doctors can do nothing for her. I want our doctors that are much smarter to heal her." Sesshoumaru said. Inuyasha didn't argue. Inuyasha even turned around to explain this to the others. Sesshoumaru walked up to the cloth that bound Kagome's wrists and ankles. He cut it evenly with his claws.

Kagome's arms fell a few inches. Sesshoumaru gently slitheredh is hands under Kagome's body. He then picked her up and was shocked at how limp her body was. Dead bodies had capabilities of being more sturdy that hers currently was being. He looked at Kagome's friends and at his brother.

"Tell Ms. Higurashi what I told you about Kagome being with us. Make sure you give her the address, phone number, _everything_ so she can contact us. I do not want her feeling like we've kidnapped her again." Sesshoumaru said. Inuyasha nodded and Sango stepped forward.

"You're tired, Sesshoumaru. Let Kilala carry her and you." Sango said. Sesshoumaru was about to protest, but he decided against it. He was tired, and he knew better than to deny that fact to a woman who spent her entire life studying demons. He got on top of the giant demon cat and held Kagome's limp body to himself.

The demon cat started running to Sesshoumaru's mansion after he told her of its location. Sesshoumaru leaned down to Kagome's ear. He knew she was asleep, but he felt that he owed her something. An apology.

_"I'm sorry, Kagome... I'm a lowly knight who doesn't even have a steed to rescue you properly on..." _He whispered. He hugged her cold body to his and let out a single tear. He felt horrible for abandoning Kagome when she needed it. Then, even worse, she was just about dead right now because he had been a knight without a steed.

- - -

Kagome's mind was plagued with images of people. She didn't know who they were, but they were all smiling and hugging each other. She kept seeing the same silver-haired man appear, too. She was even able to recognize some of the people as people she had seen in her nightmares. The people who had been so mangled up she wanted to vomit.

_I'm sorry, Kagome... I'm a lowly knight who doesn't even have a steed to rescue you properly on... _Kagome recognized Sesshoumaru's voice. Her brain fell into ease, but it was only momentarily. It caused pain to course through her body once more, and she felt the agony of her situation rush through her.

_I don't need a steed, Sesshoumaru... I just... I just need you..._ She felt her mind give out even more. Her dreams were gone, and the black abyss embraced her tightly. She didn't fight it. Because she didn't fight it, the pain slowly faded away. It wasn't able to find her through the blackness.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_I used to be someone, but now I am a nobody. I used to make people happy, but now I can barely remember what the term 'happy' means. I can't remember what happened, which is only more devistating to me. The worst of it all is my voice. It has failed me on so many occasions. Each time it fails me, I feel worse and worse. What is going on?_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Review Replies:  
**Vila Viscious-** How _could_ you! You told me that Carrie Underwood sang that song! Why didn't you tell me tha you looked it up? Oh well, I'll get over the initial shock and frustration any moment now... NOW! I don't care about it, of course not! And, about the dreams helping her remember. No, they aren't helping her remember. Sorry for the confusion. The bleeding from her ear has more to do with her new ability to retain information and all.

**Black Juju**- I'm sorry for giving you nightmares. Here, let me add some nice fluff in the next few chapters to help you have nice, pleasant dreams once again! Or were you having nightmares before you read this? Oh well, whatever.

**Shake Dog Shake-** Your username reminds me of the Jell-O commercial with the dancing cow... And yes, as you can see, Sesshoumaru has saved the day. You didn't really think I would make Kagome fight her way out or have someone else break her free, now did you?

**InterwovenEmotions-** Sure, that would be good. Someone to fill the spot I don't want to make up! Send me a thorough description of what you want yourself to look like, and I'll make up the rest. You're going to be the cop. P I'm far too lazy to make my own character.

**prisimscollide-** You had the second-person view of what happened with your friend being raped. I think it's much better than what I have... My sister and I were both raped... Thankfully, my other sister wasn't harmed like that.

**Hariboette-** You looked it up to! Oh well, I'm over the shock from finding out that Vila Viscious did it. And what do you mean by the out-of-body experience? Did I do that? I _hate_ it when I write stuff and don't remember it! Stupid me!

Next Chapter: _The Healing Process  
_Reviews Needed:** 640**

**- Lonely Bird **


	30. The Healing Process

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 13th, 2006  
June 14th, 2006  
June 15th, 2006

**Don't forget about the blood and brain fluid thing. Okay? The significance of that will be mentioned in this chapter. There's actually someone who guessed it the first time I told you to remember it. I wasn't planning to update until Wednesday, but you guys have guilted me into doing it.**

**Oh. I am _so_ out of school again. And, now that the school year is done, I am no longer a stupid freshy (freshman). I get to be a stupid person! (Sophomore means stupid, did you know?) I'm so happy! In fact, I'm so happy, blood just started coming out of me! Great. I hate how _every month_ I have to ride the cotton pony (AKA: Surf the crimson wave, tip the scarletcow). This is a reason why being a girl _isn't_ quite as fun as everyone thinks. Crap. Did I just babble and reveal I'm on my period? I'm SOOO sorry!**

**Since I don't know the _real_ name of Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru's father, I'm naming him Akito. Sorry, couldn't think of anything else on my own. Had to take it from another anime.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Thirty: _The Healing Process_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

Sesshoumaru paced back and forth. Now he knew _exactly_ how new fathers felt. You want so badly to go and see, but you're not allowed. You want to help, but no one will let you. You want to be there for support, but they won't let you speak with her.

No, Kagome wasn't pregnant. Sesshoumaru's heart stopped. He _hoped_ Kagome wasn't pregnant. He didn't doubt that the bastards raped her while they had her holding still. He would expect it, just because they were those kind of people.

Sesshoumaru took a deep breath then leaned against the wall next to the door that kept him from Kagome. He groaned and let his body go limp, causing him to fall down and sit against the wall. He closed his eyes and tried to focus his attention and energy on his ability to hear. He couldn't even tell if the nurse was talking or not. Damn barrier.

Sesshoumaru's eyes opened as he heard someone walking through the hall. He looked at his brother as he stopped and looked at the door.

"How she doin?" Inuyasha asked. His voice was gruff, as if he had been practicing on how to say this in such a manner.

"She hasn't come out yet. Medic won't let me see her." Sesshoumaru said. Inuyasha nodded and seemed to be just as irritated as Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru leaned his head back once more and began to think of Kagome.

"Father called." Sesshoumaru's attention was called back to Inuyasha. He looked at Inuyasha and bit his tongue to keep from doing anything terribly stupid. Soon, his tongue started to let out a bit of blood.

"He said that he is coming home to see how she's doing. He also said that he's going to hire some people to keep her safe." Inuyasha said. Sesshoumaru's eyes widened. Their father was a business man. He wouldn't do this unless he saw anything more profitable coming out of it.

"What do you believe his angle is?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"You can ask him for yourself. He called me from the airport. I told him about what was going on with Kagome when I got to her house. I didn't know he was going to fly in or anything." Inuyasha said. Sesshoumaru nodded.

"When he arrives, please let him know of where I am..." Sesshoumaru asked. Inuyasha wanted to refuse his request at first, but he stopped himself. Sesshoumaru had just _politely_ asked for a favor. If Sesshoumaru had the ability to say the word please, then Inuyasha would have the ability to do something for his older brother.

"Sure." Inuyasha smiled faintly and stalked off.

Sesshoumaru faintly wondered why his brother had listened to him. He never did before, so why now? Could it be the use of Sesshoumaru's manners and politeness that caused Inuyasha to do as he asked? No, that wouldn't change anything. Inuyasha was immune to manners or politeness of any kind.

Sesshoumaru shrugged off the thought as he thought of Kagome. He wished he knew how she was doing. He wished that the medic would just let him in there to check on her. It was killing him to be ban from the room that Kagome was in.

What killed him more was that Kagome was in pain and he was forbidden to do anything about it.

- - -

Kagome let out a wimper of pain. She was trying desperately to wake up, but she still wanted to sleep. How do you fight the sleep that you crave? She wanted to know just that. There was someone with her; a woman. The woman kept telling her to calm down and be quiet.

Was she making a big deal? Was she not calm now? This would panic her and she fould feel a stronger urge to wake up and figure out what was going on.

The pain that had once taken over her body was dying down. It was just a small throbbing ache on her body now. She was grateful for it. She wasn't sure if she would be able to wake up if there was that much pain ready to greet her.

"Calm down, child. If ye do not calm down, I cannot help ye." The woman said. Kagome tried to wake up and see what world she was in. She had never heard anyone use the word 'ye' before. It was weird.

"If ye are trying to awake, then let me untie ye from the bed." The woman said. Kagome felt a pressure being lifted from her arms, stomach, and knees. She opened her eyes and large amount of light flooded them. Instantly, she closed her eyes. After the pain inher eyes died down, she opened them slightly. When the light rushed at her, she didn't notice.

Slowly and carefully, Kagome opened her eyes up more. When her eyes were fully adjusted to the light, she looked at the woman who had been talking to her. She was an elderly woman with a patch over her eye. There was a warm smile on her face as well.

"How do ye feel, child?" She asked. Kagome didn't open her mouth or attempt to give her an answer. She knew that her voice would fail her. She didn't want to feel it fail her and the guilt that would soon come after.

"Well, if ye are feeling well enough, then I will have Sesshoumaru come in and take you to ye room." The woman said. Kagome nodded her head and the old woman muttered something. Kagome turned her head towards the door in time to see a barrier-like thing shatter.

A man with silver hair and purple markings on his face came into the room. He looked at Kagome and offered her a smile. He said something, but she didn't quite catch it. Her hearing wasn't doing her too well, and she had _no idea_ why.

- - -

"They got her." Andrew said.

"That's given. Tell me something I don't know." Naraku hissed in anger.

"The Taisho son, Sesshoumaru... He was the one who rescued her." Andrew added.

"Point is?"

"He's the one that started protecting her recently. Inuyasha said that his brother was developing feelings for the girl. He's going to make this harder to do." Andrew said. Naraku growled at him.

"Then you go and stop him." Naraku suggested.

"His father runs a business for detectives and body guards. Strange combination, but it'll be easy to pin it on us." Andrew replied.

"No... But go anyway and make sure you take care of the older brother. Take care of Inuyasha while you're at it. We don't want anyone able to protect her until we get what we're after." Naraku said. Andrew nodded then left the room.

- - -

Inuyasha paced back and forth in the main room. He was biting his lip gently and pondering his father's statement. Kagome was going to be protected with bodyguards? More than on, even. Why would his father do that for someone who couldn't pay the expense? Didn't his father realize that Kagome wasn't half as wealthy as them?

Surely he had to have known. His father wasn't one to make decisions based on an assumption. He would have looked into it extensively if he wished to do business with someone. So, if he was going to do a type of business with Kagome, what was his point? There was no money to gain from it.

Inuyasha stopped pacing as he heard his father's car come back. He opened the door and looked at his father. A demon with markings similar to Sesshoumaru's. The father had blue markings, though.His father had silver hair with a tint of blue in it. His hair was held back by a ponytail at the nape of his neck. He smiled at Inuyasha and slowly approached him.

Inuyasha was somewhat nervous about seeing his father once more. His father always seemed like such a business man that Inuyasha couldn't imagine him caring at all for Inuyasha _or_ Sesshoumaru. Despite his assumptions, Inuyasha's father embraced him like any father would.

"I am glad to see you are doing well, Inuyasha." His father said. There was a warm, fatherly smile on his face that Inuyasha couldn't remember seeing before. The smile warmed his heart and slowly he began to smile. Perhaps he had misjudged his father entirely.

"Father, I have a question for you..." Inuyasha began. His father shook his head and began to walk inside.

"I will answer that question for you and your brother at the same time. I wish to see how this Kagome is doing." He said. Inuyasha's ears flattened slightly. He hated his father for one reason only. He had the ability to figure out what people would ask of him before they even asked. This being said, Inuyasha no longer needed to ask his question. His father knew it, somehow.

"Last I knew, Sesshoumaru was waiting outside the door of the medic for her." Inuyasha said. Their medic, Kaede, was for emergencies only. Since there were very few things that the two Taisho sons couldn't handle, she often didn't do any work. If someone had to be brought to her, then it was surely bad news.

"I see... Explain?" Inuyasha's father asked as he began to walk towards the medic. Inuyasha followed, letting himself sigh.

"I don't know that much. Sesshoumaru knows more than I do." Inuyasha finally said. It hurt him to know that his older brother was getting the girl he had wanted. Of course, he would still have a chance if he hadn't fucked it up so badly with Kagome when he went into heat. That was just... He couldn't believe how humiliated he still felt over his actions.

"I see... That would explain Sesshoumaru's firm decision on coming home." His father said. Inuyasha grunted and looked as they approached Kaede's medic room. They could both see and smell the many ingredients that she had used. As they got closer, Inuyasha and his father both made a move to protect their sensitive noses. Inuyasha's father stopped at the doorway and removed his hand from his nose. He offered Kaede a smile, and she gasped.

"Ye are home? I did not expect ye to return for many more years." Kaede said in shock. Akito smiled.

"Well, it seems that there is a woman in the midst of my sons' minds. I have come to see her. I worry, though, if she was ill enough to need your assistance." He said in response. Kaede smiled warmly and moved bloody rags into a basket she would hand-wash.

"She was in much pain. Sesshoumaru did not wish to share all the details with me, but he claimed she was harmed by other men. I did not think to ask more questions." She said. Akito nodded then looked around the room.

"I would ask what was wrong with her, but I don't think I need to. Sesshoumaru will be more than willing, I hope, to share the details with me." He nodded kindly to Kaede and left. Inuyasha followed after him, removing his hand from his nose after they were far enough.

"Do you know what happened?" Akito asked Inuyasha.

"I only know Kagome's condition. I saw it myself. I was surprised that she was still alive." Inuyasha murmured. He shuddered and winced as visions of Kagome's carved-up body and her pool of blood filled his mind. There was more wrong with her, but he didn't dare think of it again.

"I'll have Sesshoumaru explain since it still haunts you." Akito said. Inuyasha nodded, grateful that his father wouldn't make him explain what happened. He wouldn't be able to do it without gagging or throwing up. Soon, they found Sesshoumaru exiting a guest bedroom. He was about to close the door, but stopped once he saw his father.

"I know the question you both wish to ask me, but I wish to answer them in Kagome's presence." Akito said.

"Father, I do not wish for her to wake up. Her body needs recovery." Sesshoumaru said. Akito looked at him and smiled.

"She will recover, and I will teach you a new healing trick. Do not worry, Sesshoumaru. I know what I'm doing." Akito said. Sesshoumaru nodded then opened the door for his father and Inuyasha to walk into. Each of them sat on an armchair, a few feet from Kagome's bed.

- - -

"Explain, father." Sesshoumaru said in a less-than-thrilled voice.

"Why I came here or why she will now have bodyguards?" Akito questioned.

"Both." Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha said at the same time. Sesshoumaru's gaze went past his father and onto Kagome's sleeping form. He was worried and scared for her. If she died, he would have to use his Tensaiga for the first time. If she lived, well, it would only prove that _his_ Kagome was one of the strongest women around. Who else could go through what she had been through and survive?

"I have come here because it seems that a temptress of some sort has gotten the attention of both of my sons. What got my attention about that is that Sesshoumaru showed stronginterest in her. That proves that something about her stands out more than normal." Akito paused as both the brothers accepted the explanation.

"I have never heard a negative thing about this Kagome. So, if she is truly as amazing as you speak of, Sesshoumaru, Inuaysha, then I wish for her to be safe. It appears that there are troubles with her safety as it is. I only wish to help since it has the better interest for both my sons." Akito explained.

"And you know she can't pay for the body guards?" Inuyasha asked wearily.

"Of course I know that. I'm paying for them." Akito nodded and Sesshoumaru turned his attention back to his father.

"Sesshoumaru, explain to me her situation. I understand she is in need of protecting, but I do not know to what extent." Akito said. Sesshomaru grunted and silently apologized to Kagome. He didn't want to tell anyone, he wanted to keep the secret that she had given him. But it looked like he would have to let it all out if he wanted to protect her.

"She was raped at least five times. Three of the times were before I knew her, once was while we were becoming closer, and one was just today, when she was taken. It could have been more than once, though, for all I know. She's the only one who was there when they were using her." Sesshoumaru said.

"Kagome protects the Shikon No Tama, father. It appears that someone found out that she has possession of it. Taking a guess, I will assume that the person who found out got someone to work for him. That person would be Andrew, the guy that is constantly raping her. Andrew developed his own obsession with her beauty and body.

"A year ago, just before you called me to join you with the business, we both were in a three-car accident. I have a reason to believe that it was set up and that Ms. Kagome was targeted. Only she knows who could have done it, though." Sesshoumaru finished.

"And that's why we need to get her memory back." Inuyasha added. Akito nodded and looked at her.

"Inuyasha, would you mind Sesshoumaru and I for a while? I will come out in a moment to ask what happened. You mentioned going into heat a while back." Akito said. Inuyasha's face flushed a deep red and he left the room. Akito got up and knelt down next to Sesshoumaru.

"This is a power only full demons can use, but it is more powerful than any canine demon can use." Akito said. Sesshoumaru nodded and braced his mind for the information.

"Demon blood. If you can turn full demon and keep in control long enough to get some of your blood, give it to her to drink. It will give her the power of healing that demons have, but only for a short while. Then her body will flush it out." Akito said. Sesshoumaru nodded then watched his father leave. His attention then turned to Kagome.

_I'm only told him to protect you. Please understand..._

- - -

Kaogme's mind turned as someone spoke to her. She didn't know who it was, but she felt the need to respond. She felt the need to reassure the voice that spoke in her mind.

_"I... understand..."_ Kagome managed to whisper out. She felt something warm suddenly passing through her lips and down her throat. It tasted like metal. No, not like metal. It tasted like blood, but slightly different. Like blood mixed with sweet-and-low sugar. Aftera few moments of it being through her system, Kagome started feeling better.

Her strength began to return to her as she opened her eyes. She was gaining energy quickly. She opened her eyes to see a silver-haired demon. He was the one she kept seeing in her mind. She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped herself. She had no desire to feel the guilt when her words wouldn't come out.

"Do you remember me?" The silver-haired demon asked. Kagome shook her head as he sat down beside her legs on the bed.

"Do you remember what happened for the past day or two?" He asked. Kagome nodded, unknowingly letting him know that there was hope for her recovery.

"Speak to me and tell me what happened. I know you can speak. I've heard you do it before." He said. Kagome looked at him and her heart sank. How was she to tell him that her voice was gone?

"I can't speak..." She paused, gasped, then covered her mouth. She then looked at the emotionless demon. He was smiling with a caring touch in his eyes. He reached forward and placed a gentle kiss on Kagome's forehead.

"I will let you sleep. Even though you're healing quicker with my demon blood, your body still needs rest." He turned around and approached the door. He had his hand on the door handle and was ready to open it when he heard a shy voice.

"What's your name?" Kagome softly asked. She watched him turn around.

"Sesshoumaru." He then opened the door and left, closing it behind him. Kagome continued to stare at the door after he had left. Sesshoumaru... Sesshoumaru... That name was so familiar to her. She closed her eyes and focused on the memories. She could feel the liquid that had given her energy beginning to fade. She wouldn't allow herself to sleep until she found out, though. She _had_ to find out who he was!

Within a flash, Kagome's eyes widened. She looked at the door and jumped out of her bed. She instantly regretted it when she felt the pain shoot through her body. She looked down, paying little attention to the cuts, bruises, and other things that were scattered about her body. One she was sure that she was wearing clothes, she began to push her body towards the door. She grasped the handle and it instantly fell from her grasp. She growled at it then grasped it once more and finally managed to turn it.

Kagome began to look around the halls, her head turning so fast she was unable to keep her balance. Where was she? She felt her stomach turn as she forced herself to run in a direction. Hopefully, Sesshoumaru would be there. After a few steps, her legs gave out and exhaustion tackled her like a football player. After her legs folded underneath her and her head slid down against the wall, she saw the silver of Sesshoumaru's hair. Whyhadn't she seen it before?

"Sesshoumaru!" She called out. She yawned and watched as the silver-haired figure turned around and started approaching her. Her eyes could no longer stay open, and she let them close. She, however, would not allow sleep to claim her. She wanted to tell Sesshoumaru that she remembered. She remembered him. She remembered everything. Relief washed over her at the memories. She was so sick of being clueless.

"Kagome? How did you...?" She could hear the question in Sesshoumaru's voice. She felt a warmth wrap around her and opened her eyes. She saw Sesshoumaru's face, with a smirk on his lips, looking down at her. She didn't fail to realize that their faces were close to each other and that she was leaning on him.

"I remember you. I remember the crash, and what happened since they got me... I remember all of it now." She said with a smile. Sesshoumaru smiled and kissed her forhead. He picked her up and then carried Kagome back to the spare bedroom that she had previously been in.

"I am glad, Kagome... Now, rest. I wish for you to go through the rest of the healing process rather than being in harm. When you feel well enough, we will form a group discussion on what you know and what the others know." Sesshoumaru said. Kagome opened her mouth to question him, but Sesshoumaru placed his finger over her mouth, silencing her. He _shh_'ed her then pulled the covers over her. Her pointed to a few shot glasses that were half-full with a red liquid.

"Whenever you wake up, drink those. After you have had those, press the button on the tray and someone will come to care for you, even if it is not me." Sesshoumaru said. Kagome nodded and watched as the demon she deeply cared for left. She looked at the cups and instantly realized they were Sesshoumaru's blood. Sesshoumaru's _demon_ blood. He had to force himself to become a full demon and maintain enough consciousness to control his bleeding. It was hard to do, but he had done it. _For her_.

Kagome's heart fluttered as she pulled the covers further over her body and smiled. Things were going to change. She was going to get all this out in the open. There was no more secrets, she knew that much. She was going to tell everyone everything. Not telling people things was only doing her more harm. In time, she feared it would do her friends harm. She took a deep breath then willingly allowed sleep to claim her.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_I used to be someone, but now I am a nobody. I used to make people happy, but now I can barely remember what the term 'happy' means. I can't remember what happened, which is only more devistating to me. The worst of it all is my voice. It has failed me on so many occasions. Each time it fails me, I feel worse and worse. What is going on?_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Review Replies:  
**Youkaimei-** Kagome will do _much_ worse than castrate them by the time I've done my handiwork. And, rather than pixie sticks, perhaps you have Dr. Pepper? That is my elixer of life and it will give me energy to type in absurd hours of the night! I think I've had wasabi, but it was a while ago. And if the person doing my hair cuts 2 1/2 inches off instead of just the ends, I don't pay them. I try to get them fired then I try to encourage my hair to grow faster...  
**Shake Dog Shake-** There's a song with _that_ title? Wow... Wonder why it's named _that_...  
**Black Juju-** I am hoping to create a sequal. It won't be so dramatic as this one, but it will give you the aftermath of what happened. I'm not going to do an epilogue on this story. If people want to know what happens, they can ask for a sequal and I will gladly give it to them! But I'm going to leave it _very_ open with hopes/intentions of writing a short sequal.  
**Pickle-Dono-** I'm going to tell you a short story so you will understand the rain not washing blood away... My cat enjoyed killing pigeons for her food. She brought the bloody bodies to our front porch and left them there. The blood stained the concrete... No matter _what the fuck_ we did, that stuff _never_ came off! I thought of my cat and the dismembered pigeons as I wrote about the blood staining the concrete.  
**Zookie78-** How funny... Andrew is the name of my ex-best-friend's brother... I was brain dead, and it was supposed to help me remember who had done it to me. I forgot his name for a year or so now (sometimes, under great trauma, your brain 'deletes' information from your mind completely), and I just remembered it the other day.  
**Raspberrysorbet-** Uhmm... Both? Count three times of raping her and enough times of whacking off to classify him as another type of creep.

Heh. I wrote some of this chapter in my computer class because I completed the computer final already. It's kinda weird, but kinda cool. I guess it feels like people are always staring at me for being the _only_ one typing this much!

_**On Wednesday (the 21st?), I will be leaving for camping. If I can get the twenty reviews before I leave, I will update before I I leave. Alright? But, if I can't get it, you'll have to wait until Saturday for me to get back and update.**_

Next Chapter: _The Talk  
_Reviews Needed:** 670**

**- Lonely Bird **


	31. The Talk

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 15th, 2006  
June 16th, 2006

**Oooh... This is getting interesting all over again! I'm going to miss this story, now that it's coming to an end. I'm starting to come up with ideas for a sequel already. How pathetic is that? I don't think it would be too interesting, do you?**

**ALRIGHT! THIS IS IMPORTANT INFORMATION AND THE LAST OF MY NEVER-ENDING NOTE! I am going camping with my father from Wednesday to Saturday. I won't be able to update during those days. However, I have the next chapter written out. So, if I get back and have an inbox _stuffed full_ with reviews, then I will give you the next chapter without mading you wait like I usually do. Sound fair? (**Please review a lot. It makes me REALLY happy to see lots of reviews in my inbox.

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Thirty-One: _The Talk_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**_Fourteen Days Until The Rebellion..._**

"Who are we waiting for?" Kagome asked impatiently. She looked around the near-filled living room of her home. It seemed that EVERYONE was there. Well, almost everyone. They were obviously still waiting for someone to come. Kagome bit her lip in impatience and looked around the room once more.

"Mom." Souta replied. Kagome nodded then looked up as her mother came in with drinks that everyone had already requested. Kagome reached for her lemonade and smiled at her mother. She was so grateful that her mother returned to normal after the crash. She didn't expect her to, but it was a welcome surprise.

"Alright, just to warn you, Ms. Higurashi, things will get abit _troubling_. I would offer you to leave whenever you are overwhelmed, but I believe it to be in your interest to hear this." Sesshoumaru's father warned. Kagome nodded her head and took a deep breath.

"I'll go first, since I have to explain to my mom." Kagome paused and turned towards her mother. She took in another deep breath and tried to steady her quickly beating heart.

"Mom... When we first moved here, the person who sent me letters was not my friend. I was deathly afraid of him because he said he got media attention due to his rapings of women. When Kimi was found with me and she had to be taken to the hospital, well... He had done that to her. He had done some brain damage to me, and raped me. He raped her, too...

"He raped me a total of three times. That's why I stopped talking, because I couldn't trust myself to shut up about the subject. After I got into this high school, I was raped a fourth time. When I went to Arizona to see Souta, I was almost raped. Then, when I was recently kidnapped, I was raped three times... I wasn't quite aware of it, though." Kagome explained. Kyoko had her mouth covered, tears in her eyes, and a pale face.

"That's what you missed." Kagome meekly added. Kyoko nodded her head then lurched forward and hugged her daughter. She let out silent sobs, the sobs that Kagome had been restricted from letting out for all these years. Kagome was unable to cry, but Kyoko was able to. She did it for the both of them.

After the small episode, Souta cleared his throat.

"Since it's a hassle to explain all of it _again_, mom, I'll just keep going along. If you have questions, ask me afterwards and I'll answer them." Souta said. Kyoko nodded her head and gave everyone a glance.

Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku, Souta, Kagome, Akito, and herself. They were all attendants in this meeting. They all had something at stake for this. Kyoko then looked up at the five body guards that were playing a game of cards at her kitchen table. They were listening, she was sure of it, but they were enjoying themselves at the same time.

"Kagome, tell us what you know about the crash. No, not just that. Tell us _everything_ that you know, regardless of whether or not we know it." Sesshoumaru said sternly. Kagome shivered at the coldness that filled his voice. It hadn't sounded that coldwhen directed at Kagome in ages.

"I know that, when I was young and in Japan, I met a little boy. His name was Naraku. He was really interested in finding a jewel called the Shikon No Tama. That is the very jewel that I protect with my life. I told him that I had it, but I never gave him my name. A while later, after yearbooks for young children were handed out, he contacted me. He said that he wanted the jewel. By that time, I realized my duties as the protector of the jewel. I told him that I didn't know what he was talking about it.

"He didn't argue, which always confused me. A few years later, Kimi introduced me to an American boyfriend. His name was Andrew. He said that he received much media attention because he was the leader of a gang that raped women. Kimi and I were both scared, so we tried to avoid him. It seemed to work, and I soon had to move to America myself. I began to receive letters from Andrew. I was terrified, because of what he told Kimi and I.

"After a while, I began to trust him. I blocked what he had told us from my mind. I met him for lunch and he said he wanted to take me somewhere. He took me to a room and Kimi was in the closet. He raped the two of us and bashed our heads against the frame of the bed. Kimi spent four months in the hospital and died. Andrew found places to meet me and rape me after that. Once, while he was dressing afterwards, I heard him mutter about how Naraku didn't need to pay him for doing this anymore.

"I pieced together that Naraku hired Andrew to take me out so he would have easy access to the jewel. When we were hit... There were two cars that we collided with. That car that came at us had Naraku at the wheel. There was another car that blew a red light and was going about 80 strait for us. Andrew was driving that car. They intended to kill me so I would stop interferring, but I managed to live because Sesshoumaru protected me." Kagome stopped talking and realized that her entire body was trembling. She wanted someone to comfort these nightmares from her so badly, but she knew that no one would. The guilt of being raped and being responsible for her friend's death was holding her back. She didn't realize that it was still there, even.

"That goes along with what I have. They're getting desperate to get to the jewel. The more people that are taking Kagome's side, the more people they have to take down before her." Souta added.

"That makes sense. I've had their stupid goons trying to kill me. They're weak, druggies who were paid in dope or something. They attacked me and said that Boss Naraku couldn't have me in the way of what he wanted." Inuyasha said. Sesshoumaru nodded and then looked at his father. Kagome _was_ in need of protecting, just as he had tried to help him believe.

"How will we get them to leave her alone?" Miroku questioned.

"How do you cure cancer?" Souta asked as his eyes slowly turned dark.

"Killing it..." Sango's words slowed down as they left her mouth and she looked at everyone to see if she understood that correctly.

"Exactly. They must be killed if we expect to keep Kagome and the Shikon Jewel safe. If we put them in jail, they'll escape, hire someone else, they'll find _some way_ to get to Kagome again. They won't stop until we get rid of them." Souta said. His eyes had gone from their normal blue to a soul-less black. Death would do that to anyone.

"Who all will be fighting?" Kyoko asked in a meek voice.

"I'm fighting alone." Kagome said firmly. Sesshoumaru, Akito, Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku, Kyoko, and the five body guards looked at her. She looked back at them, never backing down.

"I'm the one who protects the jewel. That is what I was born here to do. I will be taking care of my duty alone. I do not need your help. I can do it." Kagome said firmly. Her eyes clearly showed that she had made a decision on this. Everyone else wanted to protest, but no one could thinkof a way to convince Kagome how to back down.

"No. You will not." Sesshoumaru said firmly. Kagome looked at him, her eyes showing the stubbornness and frustration that she clearly felt. She silently challenged him to make her stop. To her surprise, he rose to the challenge. Sesshoumaru leaned into her ear and murmured a few words in demon. Kagome opened her mouth to reply, but her words had left her. Had he just... Did he just... ?

Her stomach filled with the fluttering wings of butterflies and her heart lost the beat it had been keeping. Her face turned a light shade of red as she backed down from her position. Akito and Inuyasha were both amused with her reaction. Akito was glad with what his son said, but Inuyasha was enraged. He hadn't... Inuyasha had been defeated, and he knew it without Kagome's response. The five demon body guards heard it, but no one paid attention to it.

"Does anyone know where they are staying?" Miroku suddenly asked.

"I do. I had a few invesigators go into it as their graduating job. They had to get the information and they would graduate when we took care of this..." Akito said. Sesshoumaru nodded and everyone looked at Souta. He seemed to be the ring leader on this whole thing.

"We'll go in two weeks. I want a chance for things to be set firmly before we do this. Bring things to fight with. Kagome _will_ be staying home." Souta looked over at her, hoping that she received his demand clearly. Kagome shook her head.

"If I can't fight alone, at least let me fight with you guys." Kagome meekly begged. Souta sighed then hugged his little sister possessively.

"Fine. Just promise not to get hurt, alright?" He asked. Kagome nodded and he ruffled her hair.

- - -

_**Thirteen Days Until The Rebellion...**_

Sango took in a deep breath of air as she came home. She had to get ready for fighting against the people who wanted to hurt her best friend. But, first, she had to tell her father what was going on. If she got hurt during the whole process, he wouldn't have any idea what happened to her.

"Father?" Sango called throughout the house. She smiled when she saw her father sitting on the couch. His eyes were looking _over_ the newspaper and at her. She walked into the living room and rested on the recliner chair.

"Father, there's something really big happening. I need to do it, but I have to tell you in case something goes wrong." Sango said. She leaned forward and her father set down the newspaper beside him.

"You remember Kagome, right?" A nod

"You remember the accident, right?" Another nod.

"Someone is trying to kill her. There's two demons that are after her and we need to kill them first. I have to use the skills that you've been teaching me my entire life to do this, father..." Sango said. She watched her father's eyes harden and he looked away. Slowly, a smile crept onto his face.

"I do not worry over you. Out of everyone in the business, you are the best. You may outdo me one day soon. You have a gift for this, Sango. I trust that you will be taking Kilala and that she will keep you safe." He nodded. Sango smiled then surged forward and hugged her father. He smiled and hugged her back.

"We got news from the doctors. Kohaku is starting to wake up. Perhaps by the time you do this, you will be able to see him again." Her father smiled even more. "When are you doing this, my dear?"

"Thirteen days. We're planning it out through instant messenger conferences." Sango said. Her father nodded then rubbed her head, which in turn ruined her ponytail.

"Alright, my sweet. Just let me know when you are leaving so I may start praying to the Gods." He requested. Sango nodded her head and watched her father stalk out of the room and into his own room.

- - -

"Alright, boys. You remember the swords I gave you?" Akito asked cautiously. Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha both grunted in response. He had given them swords, sure, but he had never allowed them to use them. Not yet, at least.

"You are to take those with you. You are to have two fighting swords. One of them will be a powerful one, and the other will be a plain blade that appears the same as the stronger one. It will fool your opponents, no doubt." He said. He walked into a room and pulled two swords from a glass case. He placed the Tetsaiga in Inuyasha's hands and the Tensaiga in Sesshoumaru's hands.

"Sesshoumaru, you have Tokijin, do you not?" Sesshoumaru nodded. "Good, then you are to bring that as your powerful blade." Akito said. Sesshoumaru nodded and went to retrieve the sword. Akito looked at Inuyasha in pity.

"About what your brother said..." He trailed off and attempted to find the right words.

"I don't want to talk about it." Inuyasha grunted.

"On the contrary, you do want to talk about it. You must learn to let it go that Kagome couldn't be yours. Kikyou, however..." Akito sighed.

"Kikyou f-- seduced me, father. She purposely put me into heat, which is what made me act up around Kagome." Inuyasha hissed.

"Kikyou was under a spell. It seems that Naraku has the ability to control a weak mind. Kikyou was sick that week. Her mother told me that." Akito said. Inuyasha nodded then looked towards where Sesshoumaru had left.

"Do you still love her?" Akito asked.

"I do. I love the person that she was... But... I love Kagome too. I love Kagome for who she still is. That's why I gave up on Kikyou. She seemed to change." Inuyasha said.

"She changed for everyone but you, son. I have noticed that she enjoys the things that the stereo-typed girl may enjoy. Shopping, manicures, whatever... When she's around you, I have seen her chip a nail and not care. I believe she acts one way around everyone else because she does not wish to be a misfit." Akito said. Inuyasha grunted.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I do.I have the best investagators in my program."

"... I do still love Kikyou for the tomboy she was. But, after how she seduced me like that and made me piss Kagome off... Even if it wasn't her intentional doing, it's hard to forget. It was her body that I saw when I was in heat. It wasn't the body of her mind controller's body. It was hers... And... It's just hard to separate the issue from the person." Inuyasha murmured.

"If she had not done that and Kagome had been with Sesshoumaru, would you have gone to her?" Akito asked.

"Yeah... I doubt she'd want me, but I would." Inuyasha said with a heavy sigh.

"Then go to her. I will hold a training session for you and your brother tomorrow... I wish for you to make ammends." Akito said. Inuyasha looked at his father with a cocky smirk.

"You make it sound like I'm dying." Inuyasha joked.

"You very well may. Make ammends with your brother. That way, if you do die, you will have someone to bring you to life." Akito said. Inuyasha laughed.

"Me and Sesshoumaru get along? No. Our entire relationship is built on our hate for each other. No way in hell we'll get along." Inuyasha laughed once more then tied the sheath of his sword to his jeans. Within an instant, he had sped off to see Kikyou. He could only hope that she would accept him.

- - -

"Kagome, what are you doing?" Souta asked. He watched his sister dig around for something under her bed. All that was visible were her knees and below. Everything else was submerged into the boogey man's residence.

Souta heard some type of mumble, but he couldn't make it out. Soon, his sister emerged, yelling 'I got it!' triumphantly. Souta approached her to see what she had gotten. A pink marble? Suddenly it clicked. It was the Shikon No Tama. It surprised him that it was still purified. Then again, Kagome was more powerful than she cared to realize.

"I'm going to put it on a necklace and keep it with me. I can't afford to have it just sitting here in my room and having someone come in and take it. Even if they can't sense it, they can still grab it." Kagome said. Souta nodded his head and watched as his sister dove under the bed once more. A few moments later, she returned with a necklace. She said a few words, and the jewel became a part of the necklace.

"We have to get your weapons for you." Souta said. Kagome whined.

"What? You wanted to fight!" Souta said. Kagome's whining instantly stopped as she stood at attention for Souta to lead her to their destination. The two of them went to a weapons store and Souta instantly asked about a weapon that could be great at channeling miko energy but strong without it.

"You'll want to come through the red door." The woman behind the counter replied. Souta and Kagome looked at each other then walked through the red door with little question. What they didn't know is that people without miko powers were unable to see the door. The woman followed then showed them a few weapons.

"She'll have a bow and arrow." Souta said instantly.

"What! I don't want a sissy bow and arrow! I want something like a sword!" Kagome complained. Souta leaned over towards her.

"I don't want you getting hurt. You play by my rules or you don't fight." Souta whispered. Kagome wimpered then murmured that she would have the bow. The woman handed her the weapon.

"I'll have a sword." Souta said.

"Souta, can I have a sword. Just in case I run out of arrows or something." Kagome pleaded. Souta nodded and got two more of the same swords. He purchased the items and left.

"We're going to train you in archery, fencing, and how to channel miko energy." Souta said. Kagome nodded her head radidly and prepared herself for the extensive lecture.

- - -

"Miroku, where did you get that weird staff?" Sango questioned as she sat on Miroku's couch. He smiled then looked at the staff and moved it. The rings on it made a few sounds before silencing. He leaned against the door frame to the hall, holding the staff still.

"It belonged to my father. He was a monk, and he said I was supposed to be a monk." Miroku replied. Sango let out a short laugh.

"You? A monk? They can't even be alone with women." Sango said.

"No... When demons first existed, in feudal times... That's when our generation started. Back then, monks were simply there to subdue demons, exorsize ghosts, the sorts. Now that being a monk has changed, we have stopped publicly calling ourselves monks." Miroku said. Sango nodded and Miroku gently approached her. He set down the staff next to the couch and sat beside her.

Sango rested her head on Miroku's shoulder and curled her body to him. Miroku hugged her close and rested his head against hers. A few moments passed in silence. Neither of them were too sure about this whole thing.

"They'll have demons at their disposal, Sango." Miroku said. Sango nodded.

"That means you'll have to see my hand..." He added. Sango nodded again. Miroku's hands were always in gloves. She had only recently discovered that the gloves had an enchantment on them. It was to keep a hole in his hand sealed so it wouldn't suck up things. Miroku said that he got it from his father. It went down generations, and no one knew how to get rid of it or who first cursed them with it.

"I'm scared, Miroku. There's something I know that I didn't say. The fight isn't only for Kagome. It's for my brother and mother. There was a man named Onigumo who killed my mother. He said her soul was going to his son, Naraku, to strengthen him. Then he put Kohaku in a coma for trying to take her soul back." Sango said.

"I believe that Naraku and his father, Onigumo, are just heartless people. World domination is their true goal. It seems that they hurt a lot of people. I kenw of someone who died. Naraku was captured and he admitted to doing it so he could have another soul to enpower him. He got away later on. I'm guessing that his goal is to make people miserable." Miroku said. Sango nodded.

"I should go home and get my weapon from my father. I'll have to talk to Kilala and let her know what's happening. Even if she can't speak back, I know that she can understand me." Sango said. Miroku nodded then tightened his grasp on her.

"You have to let go for me to do that, Miroku." Sango said.

"Do I have to?" Miroku asked. Sango smiled then looked at Miroku. Slowly, she placed a tender kiss on his lips.

"If either of us die--"

"Stop, Sango. We will live. You can't believe that there's even a chance of us being hurt. Besides, good guys always win, don't they?" Miroku asked. Sango smiled then kissed his lips once more. Miroku kissed her back and watched her leave his apartment. He would worry for both of them.

He knew of Naraku's power. He had almost become a victim that Naraku killed for an extra soul. He knew that Naraku could summon demons from the feudal times and be able to control them. He also knew that the safest place to fight him would be in an area out of the way. A place in ruins, or just a plain forest.

He dialed Akito's number to ask about this. They wouldn't stand a chance in the city. There would be innocent deaths and more souls for his power to grow off of. Akito needed a way to lure him out to nature.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_I am not yours. I am not something for you to hold and use. I am myself, and I will NOT allow you to take claim over me. I will show you that I am not weak. I used to be weak, but I will not be that way anymore. I will be strong. I will show you that you **will** pay for what you have done to me. I will fight back now. Are you ready? I warn you, do not expect a weak girl to fight you. Expect **me**, the Holy Demon._

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Things are starting to get rough. Can anyone else tell or is that just a strange feeling that I'm coming up with randomly? Well, let me know what you thought of this chapter. Oh, I changed the phrase above. This _might _be the last time I change it. I plan to stop at Chapter 35 or after. So... Yeah...

Review Replies:  
**Mama Geisha- **There is a full demon form that he loses control to, just as Inuyasha does. He loses his sense of what is right and wrong and all. That is just his eyes turning red and the more vicious, angry side of him coming out... I guess it's the form that he takes before he turns into the giant dog demon... Make enough sense?  
**NekoYasha101- **No, the story is coming to an end soon, so I can't have her captured again. And who does need real sentences with real words? You're too good for them!  
**LynGreenTea-** I am doing just as you are requesting!  
**Interwoven Emotions-** Why thank you! You character will be coming up in the next chapter! Too bad I won't give it to you until AFTER I come back from camping. I come back on Saturday (I think it's the 24th), so that's the soonest you will be able to read it... Unless you get reviews to me before I leave on Wednesday (the 21st).  
**Black Juju-** You are welcome. And he does have the kind of air about him, huh? He couilda most pull off as a bad guy. Heh. Don't worry, he won't be (couyetgh). But he does seem suspicious. I'm theone who controls him and he still kinda freaks me out. Strange...  
**Abc- **(Anonymous reviewer name) So THAT'S what the first three letters of the alphabet are! I knew I was doing something wrong when I was getting n, x, l for the first three...  
**Youkaimei-** Heh. Don't worry. And I got your review from both chapters. Strange, ne? Thanks for the gifts. Because of those, I will now be able to do a lot of things. The explosives and the voodoo dolls will help me figure out ways to kill those two. Perhaps I'll use other things to give me ideas, too... And beware of the energy drink. Because of that, Chapter 34 (what I'm currently working on) will be starnge, and hopefully, funny.

Next Chapter: _Sorry  
_Reviews Needed:** 690**

**- Lonely Bird **


	32. Sorry

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 16th, 2006  
June 18th, 2006  
_Edited:_ June 24th, 2006

**If I made a sequal, would anyone read it? Let me know, please.**

**_InterwovenEmotions_: Her name will be Ophielia... I had another stupid name for her, but yours is much better... Reminds me of a flower, though.**

**Iknow that I had no intentions of updating until Saturday. Well, we're staying here for an extra day. So, that means that I have time, and because I have time, I will be nice and update. Alright?**

**_Bold and Italic_** font are male voices. _Italic font_ are female voices. You'll see what I'm talking about towards the end of the chapter.

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Thirty-Two: _Sorry_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**_Twelve Days Until The Rebellion..._**

Kagome was on her bed, eyeing the bow and arrow. She didn't want to sit around and do nothing. She didn't want to wait _twelve more days_ until she could make those bastards pay for what they had done to her. She would no longer be the passive and submissive Kagome. She was done with that.

She was going to fight back. She had decided on that much.

Kagome rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. When that didn't offer her any entertainment, she looked down at the glowing pink jewel that hung from her neck. It was beautiful. She didn't want to protect it, though. She didn't want to have to deal with it. She, honestly, wanted it to disappear so she could live a normal life.

If she wished for something that was so blatantly selfish, it wouldn't work. You had to wish for something that would benefit someone else. What was there to wish for? Could she wish that Sesshoumaru lived a happy life? Could she wish that Miroku's wind tunnel vanish? She sighed and shook her head. That wouldn't work, either. She had selfish motives behind her good-hearted wishes.

Kagome groaned then turned and faced her wall. She was so _bored_ and _tired_ of waiting for the chance! They could attack him now. They were _ready_ to attack him now! Why weren't they going to do it? It was like throwing away thousands of dollars simply becuase it wasn't given to you on your birthday. Kagome groaned once more and rolled off her bed. She didn't wince. She just stared at the ceiling.

She was bored beyond belief. She looked down at the pink jewel that rested on her collarbone. After a few more moments, she jumped up and began to pace around her room. Not doing anything was making her go insane. She looked at her sword and her bow and arrows. She gave them a long, hard glare then smiled. She was going to do it. She let out a deep laugh and picked up the sword.

A pink energy began to flow from her hand and into the sword, causing it to glow pink. Her miko powers were working. She was fully able to channel them into her weapons. With one more grin, she set the sword down and began to change clothes.

- - -

Sesshoumaru sat on his bed, staring at his two swords; Tokijin and Tensaiga. He had managed to learn all the skills in two days. Mastering those skills so he could use them at any time with little concentration was another thing. That would be the hard part.

Sesshoumaru groaned and fell backwards onto his bed. His entire body was tired. He had no idea that using swords with powers could drain a demon's energy so fast. He assumed that he would not need sleep tonight since he slept last night. No, he needed it badly. He could feel the exhaustion fighting for control of his body.

What was it fighting with? It wasn't like there was anything inside of Sesshoumaru that was protesting sleep. Okay, so there was _one_ thing, but that shouldn't have put up such a fight.

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and slowly peeled off his clothing. He hated the smell of sweat. He would have to clean his room as soon as he got the chance. He pulled the blanket up towards his chest and attempted to sleep. Okay, now there were _two_ parts of his body that were refusing to sleep.

His brain wouldn't calm down, damn it!

Sesshoumaru growled, trying to threaten his brain into submission. It didn't work. He sat up, the blanket resting around his bare hips. Something was wrong. He could feel it. He didn't get it, though. What could possibly be wrong at- he looked at the clock -two in the fucking morning!

He was beyond frustrated. He was plain pissed off.

Sesshoumaru slowly pulled himself from bed and pulled on his pants. He was about to do the same with his shirt, but he didn't. He smelled enough of sweat as it was. He stood up strait and his back cracked.

Sesshoumaru began to prowl around the halls, trying to relieve himself of this feeling. He hated feeling that something was wrong. Thinking that Rin might once again be ill, he peeked into her room. He let a microscopic smile appear as he watched her sleeping form. He whispered a few words of endearment to her then continued to prowl around the house.

- - -  
**_Eleven Days Until The Rebellion..._**

"Miroku?" Sango asked in a soft voice. She wore nothing except for her butterfly pajamas. Miroku's eyes slowly opened and he looked at Sango. The pervert in his mind woke up faster than the rest of him, and he gave her a grin.

"Come to ask for a favor?" Miroku asked. Luckily for him, Sango didn't pick up the implications he was making. If she had, he would have woken up much quicker. Sango nodded and gently slipped towards the side of his bed. She had stayed the night with him, since she wasn't comfortable being alone at her house.

"I wanted to know if I could... umm... Share a bed with you." She whispered gently. Miroku smiled and took a note of the blush that crept upon her face. He could see it, even through the dark. Miroku slowly moved over, making room for Sango. A smile cept on her face as she got under the covers.

Miroku hugged her close, enjoying the feeling of being near her. He loved her so dearly, and he silently prayed that she would feel the same way for him. He stroked her hair and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

"I'm scared." Sango admitted to him. He knew that it was hard for her to take down her tough-girl facade and let people know she was afraid. It was like him trying to forever stop being a pervert.

"It's alright, Sango... Nothign will happen to us." Miroku said. Sango let out a sob, sending a jolt of guilt through Miroku.

"He hurt people in my family just for power, Miroku. I hate him. I had a nightmare of me killing him, but there was blood everywhere... I hate the feeling of blood and it was just haunting my dreams." Sango admitted. Miroku hugged her closer in attempt to soothe her.

"It will be fine, Sango. If you are scared, then you are not required to fight. If you want to harm him for what he did to your family, then you may fight. Do whatever you feel comforable with, regardless of what it does for others." Miroku said. Sango looked at him, tears filling her brown eyes.

Sango pressed her lips against Miroku's in attempt to convey her emotions to him. Her mask of being tough was lost, and she had so many things she wished to tell him while it was gone. So many things to tell him, but no words were needed.

That night, she let out a scream of pain as her virginity was taken from her. Unlike Kagome, she was willing to do it. She silently thanked Kagome for helping her realize how important such a thing was. After the pain from losing such a thing subsided, she and Miroku clashed their bodies against each other.

- - -

Kagome walked through the streets, her breath visible. It was cold, she was pissed, and no one knew where she was going. She was thankful for that. She stalked through the city, heading towards the outskirts. Her arrows were in her quiver that rested on her hip. Her bow was in her hand. Her sword was sheathed and on her other hip.

Tonight, he would pay for everything he had done to her. In fact, he _and_ Naraku would pay for what they had done to her.

They had violated her. They had taken her innocence and ignorance and trashed it. She was forced to grow up sooner than she needed to. She was forced into never living up her childhood. Because of those two, she was forced to do almost everything that she didn't want to do.

Kagome touched the pink jewel around her neck. She knew it was stupid to bring it, but she had to. She couldn't leave it at her house under the bed in case someone else knew where she had kept it. Besides, she had a spell on it. With the spell, they would not be able to sense the jewel's immense powers. They would just see it as an ordinary pink orb.

Kagome was the only one who could see it glowing.

Kagome stopped as she got to the address that Akito said they were staying at. She briefly thought of knocking, but quickly decided against it. If they weren't going to be kind to her because she wouldn't roll over and play dead, she would respond in kind.

Kagome opened the door and pulled out an arrow. She wasn't quite sure of her abilities yet. She knew archery, briefly, from what Souta taught her. But that was nothing. She only knew how to shoot from a few distances, and it required more concentration than she was able to give.

She would have to switch weapons sometime through the fight. She knew that much.

Kagome walked through the blackness. Because _she_ could see the jewel glow_ she_ could see a bit of where she was going. She jumped as she ran into something. The light flicked on automatically and an alarm went off. She looked at what she had run into. A statue. She smiled at her expectation of it being Naraku or Andrew.

Kagome heard a thudding coming from another direction. She turned her head and saw Naraku coming from the stairs. He stopped when he saw her and he smiled. It wasn't a warm smile. It was a cold-hearted smile that told her he craved spilling her blood. Fear filled her being as she pried her attention away from him.

Andrew came down another set of stairs and stared at Kagome. Kagome fought her body. Her body was going to tense up, but she didn't want it to. She wouldn't let Andrew have the frozen effect on her anymore. She was going to _prove_ to him that he shouldn't have messed with her.

Andrew approached her and Kagome stood strait. She placed her left foot in front of her right, like Souta had taught her. She placed the arrow in it's spot and pulled it and the string back. She held the string and the tail of the arrow against her cheek as she steadied herself. Andrew was moving, and it was making it hard to concentrate on hitting him.

Kagome slowly began to push power into her arrow. It began to glow, first white, then pink. Once Kagome believed she had a clear shot, she let the arrow go. The pink light surrounded it as it headed strait for Andrew. She was going to finish him off for what he had done. After him, she would work on Naraku.

Andrew moved, the pink light of her powers barely touching him. He let out a grunt and Kagome looked at his arm. The light itself had burnt a part of his shirt off and had burned his bicep badly. She smiled with triumph and placed her quiver and bow down. She was unable to use them right now, since most of this would be close-ranged.

Kagome pulled out her sword and briefly admired the silver-blue blade. She watched as Andrew's anger became more and more evident. She ran at him, her sword positioned near her left hip. When she was close enough, she swung the blade at Andrew. He ducked. He punched her.

Kagome felt her lungs let out everything they had held and her heart skip a few beats. While she attempted to regain her breath, she struggled to figure out where she was hit. She figured it to be somewhere on her stomach, since that was the part that hurt most. But not for long. She stood around long enough to give Andrew a clear shot to her.

Andrew had tripped her and her back fell against the hard flooring. She winced as the ground hit somewhere familiar.

_Crack. That's what she heard when he bashed her head against the bed frame for the ninth time. Kagome had just enough strength to look over at Kimi. There was blood. There was blood coming from her mouth, from her ears, and tears coming from her eyes. Craaack. Kagome's head slammed against the bed post once more and her mind went black._

Kagome knew her body had frozen. She hated herself for it. Here she was, trying to prove that she _was_ strong. That she _could_ take care of herself. But what the fuck did her body do? It froze. She strugged to control it once more as Andrew kicked the sword away from her hand.

Damn. The plan she had been trying to work on needed the sword. Naraku said something, which distracted Andrew. Kagome shot up as quickly as her stiff body would allow her. She knelt down, while running, and grasped her blade once again.

"You think you're a big girl, huh?" Naraku asked. Kagome almost looked behind her, but she recognized the trap. Distract her while Andrew moved in closer for a hit. Kagome pushed her powers into the sword. It glowed pink in no time, and she held it near her left hip.

"Why didn't you use a gun?" Andrew asked as he got closer. Conversation was another distractor, but she didn't care. She could pay attention to the conversation and to killing him at the same time, right?

"Demons like you two can dodge guns easily. There would be no challenge for you two to move out of the way, and you could even get the guns and use them on us." Kagome said. After she had spoken, she instantly regretted it. She would have hit herself, but it didn't need to be done.

The sword fell from Kagome's hands as Andrew punched her with all his demon strength. Kagome had never known that you could really go flying from a punch. She thought it was just an effect that movies created to make it more dramatic. Now she knew different.

Kagome caught a few seconds in air, which scared her. She was going to hit the ground, and it was going to hurt. She wasn't able to feel the ground, and that caused her to tense up even more. Kagome's body went against the hard floors and bounced a few times. It _bounced_? Kagome didn't know your body would _bounce_ after hitting the floor.

Apparently, there were a lot of things she didn't know. Too bad she didn't know these things _earlier_.

Kagome felt herself sliding backwards, away from Andrew and away from her sword. Her body hit somthing behind her. By that time, her vision had blurred. She stared at a trail of red she left. Blood; more specifically, her blood. Kagome tried to fight the darkness and get up to fight Andrew once more. It didn't work. Her body went limp and her mind gave into the rest.

Kagome knew that people always said 'don't go into the light'. She couldn't help it. There was darkness all around her and she wanted nothing more than to run from it. There was light, and she ran to it. She embraced it. When she was in the light, there were voices around her. Not people, just voices.

_"Did he really kill her?"_

_**"She shouldn't be here yet! She's too early!"**_

_"How are we going to send her back?"_

_**"I'm on it!"**_

- - -

The night was restless for more than one person. Ophielia groaned as she began to drive to another crime scene. This just annoyed her. Why did people have to commit crimes in the dead of night? Especially the nights that people had decided to put her on call. She would get them for it. If they didn't promote her, she would aim for revenge.

She drove to the outskirts of town, her cerulean blue eyes scanning the area. She didn't see any obvious trouble-makers. Then again, the people who caused real problems were always discreet and looking normal. But there was no one on the streets to the human eye.

To Ophielia's trained demon senses, there were millions of people on the street. Each one of them had a unique scent to them. Each scent was a suspect for who committed this stupid crime. She rubbed her eyes sleepily and stepped out of the black car. Her black hair was short, with red tips. Just another thing her demon heritage gave her.

She turned around and watched the fire truck, ambulance, and other people come. It was now four in the morning. Surely they were tired too. Then again, they would most likely be used to the night shifts. She, on the other hand, was _not_ used to them. She had worked twelve hours earlier in the day- technically, yesterday -and only a few hours of sleep.

"What was the call?" A fireman asked. Ophielia turned to him and tried to force a smile. It didn't work. The smile was stubborn.

"Someone called saying that they heard crashing sounds coming from here. From the smell of it, there was a fight. I can't be too sure, yet." She replied. The fireman nodded and began to head towards the doors. She watched as he opened it, making sure that there was nothing harmful on the other side. After the reassurance, Ophielia walked into the abandon warehouse.

It was a large floor on the bottom. Two stair sets as far away from the door as possible, facing east and west. Facing each other. She looked to her right and saw a statue. She didn't care who it was of. She looked a few feet ahead of it and noticed that there was a bow and arrows set down. Someone knew this was coming and knew it would be a one-on-one battle that arrows couldn't help.

In the center of the room, towards the stairs, a blue-silver sword rested. There was an emblem on it that told her a miko was meant to control it. She glanced at the bow and arrows. The same emblem was on those. A miko had come here for something. Why? Was she the bad guy or the victim? Ophielia couldn't imagine a miko using her powers for harm. They rarely did.

"How long has it been since the call?" Someone from the ambulance team asked. She groaned.

"Gee. I'm here at _four in the fucking morning_ to answer a call. I think they called while I was on duty and I just _now_ got around to answering the call. Use your brain!" She snapped. She had to admit, she wasn't one of the most pleasant people to be around.

"Look. She's holding a slip of paper." One of the officers said. Ophielia watched as he picked it up. He read it over then handed it to her.

"_Sorry_? What is she sorry for?" The officer instantly asked. Ophielia's nose twitched as she tried to figure things out.

"She came here alone against two demons and another human. I think she just did the classic _Look-What-I-Can-Do_ stunt..." Ophielia replied. She watched as an officer knelt down. He sighed then walked away.

"Olia, you can use her for the investigation." He said.

"Thanks..." Ophielia replied to her nickname and knelt down next to the body. She appeared to be no older than eighteen. No doubt she was still in high school. She had black hair, soul-less brown eyes, and was about 5'6 or so. Blood came from her throat.

"Why are you using her in the investigation _Olia_," This guy was trying too hard to hit on her. Tonight would be a _long_ night with the stupid horny young partner she was granted. "Doesn't the ambulance have to look at her and help her and all?" The dimwit asked. _God_, Ophielia moaned,_ the academy will graduate ANYONE these days!_

"The fact that she has zero pulse, no body heat, and her eyes have glazed over don't tell you that she might be beyond the point of helping, huh 'tard!" She snapped. The stupid officer she was working with instantly backed down and began attempting an intellegent conversation with the paramedics.

"Hey, Donny... Will you put her in a body bag and have her taken to Station 9's morgue? I want to get a closer look at her after I get some coffee and breakfast." She said. The medic nodded then began to do as she asked. Just as she was walking to her car, hoping to ditch the retard of an officer, he followed, bouncing around her like a puppy.

Yes, tonight was going to be a _long_ night.

- - -

Sesshoumaru woke from his sleep for the ninteenth time that night. It was four in the morning, and something kept waking up. He looked around, but he couldn't see Rin anywhere. No one was in his room other than him and Kagome's pets. Quickly, he wondered how Buyo and Kimbo came to be in there.

_Oh yes, they were brought here after the accident. It has been quite a while since I was home. By the look of Buyo, I think Inuyasha has been taking care of them._

Sesshoumaru smiled and reached down to stroke the cat's head. It meowed then went off the bed to find another place to sleep. Apparently, it wasn't high on the _Oh-Pet-Me_ priority.

Sesshoumaru rested against the bed once more, but his eyes wouldn't close. He couldn't calm his mind down. Something was wrong. It was the same feeling that he had when he was flying in. The feeling that something was going wrong. Images from the previous nightmare flashed through his head. Kagome had taken on Naraku and Andrew alone.

In his nightmares- he had it six times so far -Kagome was punched by the bastard, Andrew. She would go flying back and her body would bounce a few times. Then she would run into a wall and make a dent in it. Her eyes would close and, after a while, open. Then her eyes became soul-less.

Sesshoumaru wished that his nightmares weren't so life-like. It was making it hard for him to do anything. He looked at his nightstand at the address that Andrew and Naraku were going to be at. Acting on a whim, he got up, dressed himself, and left the house with Kimbo on his leash.

Kimbo knew something was wrong, too. He kept trying to run there. When Sesshoumaru got halfway there, the sun began to rise. He looked down at the tired dog and decided that he would have to go later. It bothered him, though. He felt a desire- a need -to go and check the place out.

He reluctantly turned around and walked the exhausted dog home. Perhaps he would look at it later... Perhaps...

- - -

_"So, did you get his attention?"_ The female asked.

_**"Yes, but the stupid dog..."** _A male voice said.

_"We have to get someone to notice. Much longer and she'll be stuck."_ A different female voice replied.

_**"There's nothing more for us to do other than wait... When she wakes up, we'll know that we lost the battle."**_ The male voice replied.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_I am not yours. I am not something for you to hold and use. I am myself, and I will NOT allow you to take claim over me. I will show you that I am not weak. I used to be weak, but I will not be that way anymore. I will be strong. I will show you that you **will** pay for what you have done to me. I will fight back now. Are you ready? I warn you, do not expect a weak girl to fight you. Expect **me**, the Holy Demon._

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Review Replies:  
**I Support Violence-Welcome The HAVOC- **I agree with your pen name. Heh. Well, since you asked, I will tell you. Sesshoumaru told her that he did not wish for her to be hurt. He said that he cared about her too fucking much to stand by and let her risk her life... Not as dirty as what you were thinking, huh?  
**NekoYasha101-** _Everyone_ who knows I am going camping has had to ask me if it was Sunday or Saturday. I don't understand why it's so hard to remember...  
**Secret-Punk-Rocker-** Really? Phew. I thought I was the only one who felt it and got all pissy and angry for nothing as a result... Oh, sorry if that was TMI. I hae a bad habit of telling some people more than they need to know.  
**Youkaimei-** Yes, I am thinking of creating a sequal. I forgot what I was going to have it on, though... Crap... I'll have to dig through my shitty memory in a moment. And the gifts are working wonders. Even if voodoo dolls don't work, I'm able to examine how far things fly when something explodes. That is useful information that you'll see me using soon...  
**Pickle-dono-** If the blood washed away from our porch, we would have been able to save a lot of money when we moved out of our house. We had to get it repaved because people were _really_ grossed out by it and wouldn't pay what we were asking them to pay...  
**kibayoukai- **12 hours! How can you read for 12 hours strait? Then again, I have serious A.D.D. problems and it's hard for me to be able to pay attention for 12 seconds.  
**WinterhartZahneelCalina- **How can you be thinking of the prologue, the story, _and_ the sequal at once! I'm lucky if I can think of the story itselflong enough to finish it. Man. You must have serious ADD problems (which would be why you're making all three at once), or you have great attention span (if you can work on them all at once).  
**Blue Dart-** Don't worry about your review sounding a little cheap. I actually thought it was cute. And I will go into more depth of Kagome's friends' histories, if I can fit it into the story. I'm working on it, but very slowly. And, if it makes you feel any better, you don't sonud like a creepy 20-y.o. You sound like I do. We're the same age, ya know... Oh, thanks for the glomp. It's much appreciated.  
**KAGSESSKYO- **I'm going to take a _random_ guess and assume you watch Fruits Basket. Is there another Kyo in another anime or are you another F.B fan? Sorry, that's _totally_off topic. As for your question. No lemons and possibly no kissing in this story. I'm going to make a sequal (I have yet to figure out what it'll be about), and those things will definitely be in there. As for if they'll hook up... I could tell you, but I'd have to strap duct tape to your mouth for eternity. Why kill you?  
**XbangX-** It does help to know that people _outside_ of my family know about it. And I'm sorry tha tyou had to go through that too. It tears me apart to think about it happening to me, even worse to my sister, even worse to other people...

If I made a sequal, would anyone read it? Let me know, please.

**_Holy fuck!_** There are a lot of people I replied to! I can't believe how many of you there are!

Next Chapter: _Second Chances  
_Reviews Needed:** 740**

**- Lonely Bird **


	33. Second Chances

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 18th, 2006  
June 19th, 2006

**This story is coming to an end and the tension is murdering me (not literally). So are the reviewers for not updating right away. I'm sorry! I have a bad habit of putting off updating longer than I should! But, no worries, I'm writing a lot and updating a lot since we're getting closer to the end of the story.**

**Okay, during the mysterious talking (those are the voices that Kagome hears), _bold _****will be the man talking, and **_non-bold_ **will be the woman talking.**

**On June 19th, I was writing this. I had about a seventh of it done (going off of my word count), and I wasn't getting anywhere too far. Then I had a wonderful day with my friend, cousin, and horse. I finished it within an hour and it's not too shabby! Well, I hope it's not too bad...**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Thirty-Three: _Second Chances_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**_Eleven Days Until The Rebellion..._**

He got, roughly, two hours of sleep after he had taken Kimbo home. Sesshoumaru groaned and looked at his ringing cell phone. Who on Earth would call him at six in the morning? Who did he even know was awake at six in the morning? He reached over towards his night stand and looked at the number. It was some government building, he knew that much.

"Hello?" He answered in a less-than-thrilled voice.

_"This is officer Ophielia Chan. Are you an aquaintance of Kagome Higurashi?"_ The voice on the other line asked. Sesshoumaru's first reaction was nothing along the lines of panic. In fact, he began wondering what Kagome had done to get the officers to call him, rather than her mother.

It wasn't like Kagome was always doing stupid stunts, but she would be the only one who would get in trouble and have someone call him at six in the fucking morning.

"Yes, it is. What can I help you with, officer?" Sesshoumaru tried desperately to sound nice. As the officer spoke to him, heno longer sonuded nice. He sounded desperate.

Things were like some horror movie gone wrong. He should have known better, just like he should have known better when Kagome had been kidnapped... He silently cursed himself and tried to focus on the words the officer spoke.

- - -

_"Soon?"_

_**"Yes, soon."**_

_"What happens then? What do you do with people who come early?"_

_**"Nothing. They wait until it's time. It would cause all kinds of havoc if we left someone in earlier than we should."**_

_"I heard that you knew her."_

**_"Yes, I did."_**

_"How?"_

**_"She was my child."_**

Warmth filled Kagome. She didn't know where she was. All shecould see was light. It filled her entire body and her heart felt warm. It felt warm like it did whenever Sesshoumaru would kind and loving things to her. Only, it wasn't just her heart that felt warm. It was her entire being.

- - -

This was, without question, one of the hardest things about being a detective officer. Some special breed of police officers who took enough detective training for them to be in that department do.

_Great_, Ophielia thought, _I'm a mix between two parts of the justice system. How much more fucked up can this get?_ She asked herself. She watched as her lust-struck, dumbass partner came up with a cup of coffee. _Let me guess... He brought me Starbucks because he things I'm just the same as all those other suger-craving pigs in the world._

"Hey, Olia, I brought you some Starbucks." The officer said.

_Ophelia- 2; Dumbass- 0_

He was trying too hard by using her nickname constantly. Ophielia silently wondered if he even remembered her real name or if he thought that 'Olia' was more errotic to say. Stupid trainee. She hated this part of the job, too. But it wasn't hard. Not like other things.

As the ringing stopped and a voice spoke on the other line, she motioned for her dumb puppy to be quiet. He agreed, just like a puppy does. _He truly is useless_. Ophielia thought briefly.

"Hello. Is this the Higurashi residence?"

_"Yes, this is. May I ask who is calling?"_ A deep-sounding male voice replied. The voice sent unwanted shivers down her spine, which made the trainee think that he was some kind of stud. He started doing something stupid as Ophielia tried to focus on work once more.

"This is Officer Ophielia Chan. I found someone by the name of Kagome Higurashi earlier this morning..." She paused as she heard the breathing on the other line go dead. Did he hang up on her? Just as she was about to hang up in response, she heard a hitch in the breathing. No, he was just caught off guard, it seemed.

_"What's wrong with her? I couldn't find her when I woke up this morning, and I'm worried. Please tell me she's okay." _The voice begged. She felt horrible for what she had to say. But what was there to do? They would find out eventually and she was only the messenger.

_Don't shoot the messenger, Mr. Higurashi._

"We found Kagome around three or four this morning. A report was filed that someone was hurt. When we got there, Ms. Higurashi had already passed away. It seems that she had enough time to write 'sorry' on a piece of paper, but it's in her blood..." Okay, maybe she overstepped the line there.

The line got quiet as she looked at the number that was in the wallet of 'Kagome Higurashi'. She was going to call it and see who it could be. Perhaps it would lead to a suspect, or just another shocked family member.

The line clicked off, and Ophielia didn't blame them. If she knew someone in her immediate family had died, she wouldn't really be up for talking to any officer either. Especially one like her. She glanced over at the dumb trainee then down at her Starbucks coffee. She discreetly grabbed it and trashed it.

She began to dial another number and figured out why it appeared familiar. This was the number of the Taisho family, one of the largest businesses in America. She herself had been trained in being a detective from there. Her heart softened as she thought of how she would explain this to the family that she knew herself.

Selfishly, she hoped that they were enemies so she would not have to take another heart-breaking reaction.

- - -

"Inuyasha! Wake up you insolent dog!" Sesshoumaru snapped. Inuyasha's eyes opened then he jumped at the sight of his brother. What in the world was he doing in his room? Inuaysha's thoughts were pushed aside when he was able to read the panic on Sesshoumaru's face. Even when Kagome was in danger before, Sesshoumaru's mask never slipped too far from him.

Now, there was no trace of such a thing.

"What is it?" Inuyasha asked sleepily. He sat up and tried to focus on the bright yellow eyes that his brother possessed. Perhaps it was just being tired, but Inuyasha was pretty sure he was seeing tears in his brother's eyes. Maybe, if his nose was smelling right, he had already been crying.

No. Sesshoumaru _never_ cried.

"Kagome... She's..." Sesshoumaru couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence. Inuaysha just stared at him. He knew that anything regarding Kagome would be enough to slip the mask from Sesshoumaru's face. However, he didn't realize that Kagome was so important that she could rip it away entirely.

When Sesshoumaru still couldn't manage to speak after a few minutes, Inuyasha sat up and pulled some boxers on. He stared at his brother as he paced back and forth. Inuyasha knew that his brother hid his emotions better than christmas presents. You wouldn't be able to tell that he was nervous from scent. He was that discreet on his feelings.

But Inuyasha could smell and almost see the panic, worry, depression, and anger radiating off of his brother. As much as he didn't care deeply for his brother, he was worried. Sesshoumaru didn't get startled easily. He had said Kagome's name, which indicated that she was the reason for his state of mind.

Kagome didn't do a bitchy thing, did she? No, Kagome wasn't that kind of a girl. She wouldn't do anything stupid unless she was provoked. Provoked... That word stuck in Inuyasha's head well.

"What happened?" Inuyasha asked firmly. Sesshoumaru stopped pacing and stared at his younger brother. He had tears in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.

"Kagome... She's... She's dead." Sesshoumaru managed to spit out. Inuyasha's heart stopped. Within moments, both of them were barging in their fathers' room and waking him up.

"What is the meaning of this?" He asked harshly.

"You didn't give body guards to watch Kagome last night!" Inuyasha snapped. Akito didn't pay attention. His son who didn't show emotion was crying like a pregnant woman. That was a bad sign.

"Tell me what happened. Now." He snapped.

"Kagome... She died... Andrew and Naraku... They got to her..." Inuyasha managed to spit out. Akito looked at his distraut, full demon son and shook his head.

"Sesshoumaru, have you really let her get to you so deep that your common sense is gone!" Akito finally snapped. Both brothers stared at him in bewilderment. He seemed to care for Kagome before, hadn't he? Why was he insulting her by saying such things? Why was he dragging her down and taking his son down for loving her?

"You have my second fang. You have the Tensaiga. If you go to her body now, you will be able to revive her. If you have waited too long, then her mind, body, and soul will have had enough time to pass through the gates of the afterlife and she cannot be brought back." Akito said. Sesshoumaru looked at Inuyasha.

"Brother, you and I will head towards the morgue." Sesshoumaru said.

"Can I grab something on the way out?"

"Inuyasha, she has nine hours of death that can pass. After those nine hours, she cannot be revived. Three hours for each part of her to pass through the gates. You must hurry to her now." Akito said. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru looked at each other and smiled.

"Inuyasha, never mention this to anyone." Sesshoumaru said. He knelt down and motioned for Inuyasha to get on his back, as a piggy-back ride. He hadn't done this since they were brothers. That was before he had locked up his emotions tightly.

"Why are you bringing me? You don't like me." Inuyasha said as he slowly mounted his brother. It felt wrong in so many ways, but it reminded him of days when the could go catch frogs by the pond and do nothing more than be brothers. The Sesshoumaru he was related to then was the Sesshoumaru that he could never hate. It was the emotionless one that drove him crazy.

"You're my brother... Not to mention, you are Kagome's friend. She will care for you just as much as anyone else. I wish for her to be in a good mood when revived." Sesshoumaru said. Inuyasha smiled and Sesshoumaru stood up. Within a flash, the two brothers were gone, leaving their father alone.

The girl was good for them, Akito told himself. The two hadn't gotten along since Inuyasha's mother died. Sesshoumaru locked himself up and they stopped being the loving brothers they had once been. The girl, even though she didn't intend to do anything extraodinary, had managed to revive a dead relationship.

She held the power of a demon... Yet, she had miko powers that made her holier than others... He understood something more about her.

- - -

_**"Can't you slow down the process any more?"**_

_"I can't. Her soul and mind have already crossed the gates. If her body finishes crossing, there will be no chance..."_

_**"Where are they? Can you tell?"**_

_"Close... I'm sure they'll be here in time."_

_**"I don't want her to suffer the same fate as I."**_

_"You were a victim of the same people?"_

_**"Yes... Unfortunately, she had brought the jewel with us on a shopping trip. I don't remember much of my mortal life now, but she had taken the Shikon No Tama with her."**_

_"SHE is the protector!"_

_**"Yes... She brought it with us and I was in a rush to get her out of there before someone noticed the power radiating from it. She wanted a toy that I wished to give her. I couldn't, however, because we needed to leave before someone harmed her. Someone else came and ran into us... I saw the look in his eye. It was deliberate."**_

Kagome hadn't been able to feel her body for a long time. It didn't matter now. She was in a place that felt so absolutely wonderful. Her mind and soul were already fused with the place. She welcomed the warmth and happiness that it brought. Slowly, but surely, her memories became more and more hazy.

It was hard, she noticed. It was hard to get someone out of her head. In fact, it was hard to get a lot of people out of her head. But she knew that they were the reason she wasn't able to enter the place of warmth fully. She couldn't remember their names, but she didn't quite care. There was such warmth radiating from this place that she wanted to enter it quicker. Even if it meant forgetting people in the process.

It was utopia, she was sure of it.

She saw a burst of light, as if a curtain had been removed from her previous vision of light.

_"It's too late. I'm so sorry..."_

**_"This is not good. She is here earlier than I want her to be and earlier than she is scheduled to be. Things were not supposed to be as such. It will throw balance off if she does not go back!"_**

_"How can we stop her?"_

**_"We can do nothing... We can do nothing but sit here and pray that our world remains as it is."_**

Kagome gladly entered the warmth. There was alarmed chatter all around her. She couldn't see anyone, but she didn't care. She didn't have eyes. She felt like she was floating and that everything in the world would be fine. She felt so amazingly good. She felt warm like Sesshoumaru could make her heart feel. But, this warmth was all over her body.

She didn't want to leave it. Never.

Her sight landed on the curtain that had kept her from most of the light. The curtain that retained light seemed to close more and more. However, as it began to close, a strange feeling filled her.

Suddenly, her mind, body, and would were jerked from their spot. She was being taken away from the warmth that the place brought her. The warmth and happiness that made her so willing to forget were going to be gone. She tried desperately to stay, and to listen to the voices that she heard earlier. They weren't the same.

_"You're lucky that it worked, Sesshoumaru. It's been just over nine hours. She should have been gone forever."_ A commanding voice said. Kagome let out a small wimper as she opened her eyes. They were adjusted to the light, after all the light they had seen.

Kagome stared at the faces before her. Silver hair, silver hair, black hair with red tips. Slowly, her memories caught up with her. Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, and some lady in a police uniform. Kagome sat up and looked at them. Her face paled when she realized that she was in a place full of dead people.

She looked at her skin, realizing how pale it was. She began to feel cold instantly and the officer wrapped a warm blanket around her.

"What could have caused her to take more than nine hours? I was only aware that it took three hours for each piece to be stripped of the Earth, no matter what happened in the life." Sesshomaru said. Kagome looked down at the table and smiled. She remembered everything. She even remembered her father's voice speaking to the voice of Kimi.

"You guys." She managed to whisper.

"What?" Inuyasha said. They all looked at her, apparently surprised that she was able to speak so quickly.

"I had memories. As they were being taken away from me, I felt a warmth inside of me. It felt so absolutely wonderful, and I wanted nothing more than to get closer to the warmth. Then, I got to memories of you guys, Sango, Miroku, Souta, mother... I landed on those memories and I couldn't...

"I wanted to keep them, because they felt dear to me. I couldn't remember why, but I had a feeling of pride with those particular memories. I held onto them for a while before I decided that the warmth I found was much better... I hesitated." Kagome admitted. Sesshoumaru looked at her and let out a real smile.

Without thinking of Kagome freezing up, Sesshoumaru thrust himself forward and hugged her. She had hesitated on giving up memories of her friends, and that is what saved her. He would have to encourage her to be as hesitant on things as she wished to be in the future.

Kagome looked at an officer with pale skin, black hair with red tips, and cerulean blue eyes. She was a demon, Kagome could tell. The woman answered Kagome's question before Kagome finished thinking it out.

"I'm officer Ophielia. I was called for your murder... And... Because I know these two friends of yours," She looked at Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha, "I will do whatever you ask. I was told that you intended to take out your killers yourselves. I will be sure to hold back the police as long as I can. I've got your back on this." She said. Kagome smiled and rested her head against Sesshoumaru, who hadn't stopped hugging her.

_"Thank you for giving me a second chance."_ Kagome whispered to him. He smiled and closed his eyes. Inuyasha watched the two and slowly diverted his attention towards the officer. He then made himself busy by speaking with her and helping her figure a few things out that she hadn't realized earlier.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_I am not yours. I am not something for you to hold and use. I am myself, and I will NOT allow you to take claim over me. I will show you that I am not weak. I used to be weak, but I will not be that way anymore. I will be strong. I will show you that you **will** pay for what you have done to me. I will fight back now. Are you ready? I warn you, do not expect a weak girl to fight you. Expect **me**, the Holy Demon._

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Review Replies:  
**Shake Dog Shake-** Thank you for the wonderful review! And, just because a faithful reviewer (that would be you) is willing to read it, I will go ahead and post a sequal. Although, I have to admit, it'd be nicer if more people were able to read it than just you (no offense).  
**Born Under Saturn-** I can't wait to find out what happens next, too! I made _no_ plans on what would happen. I'm just kinda going with it.  
**acrazychild4life-** Awww! Thank you for the wonderful words!  
**black dragon of destruction- **Unfortunately, the person who did that to me is a lawyer. I don't think I have the same chances that a snowball has in hell... But thanks for hoping the same thing.

I feel like I got hardly any reviews. Usually the reviews are all full of love and support, and, apparently, I confused the shit out of you people. Well, hope this straitens things out... If you're still confused, then go ahead and tell me what you were/are confused about. I'll send you a private message explaining things...

Next Chapter: _Holy Demon  
_Reviews Needed:** 760**

**- Lonely Bird **


	34. Holy Demon

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. Shestopped talking in eigth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 21st, 2006  
June 25th, 2006  
June 26th, 2006

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Thirty-Four: _Holy Demon_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**_Ten Days Until The Rebellion..._**

Inuyasha called Kikyou. He hadn't seen her since she had attempted to seduce him. When he attempted to speak with her not long ago, she hadn't been there. She had been gone, and it worried him. Sure, he couldn't expect her to be home all the time, but still...

Something about her absense screamed at him. He didn't know what it was screaming, but he knew that something about her being gone was terribly, terribly wrong. It bothered him more to not know what it was. He let a small smile out as the phone began to let out virtual ringing sounds.

Now he had a vague idea of how Kagome felt. He didn't know what was gonig on with Kikyou. The irritation and fear of it overwhelmed him. He could only imagine how Kagome must have felt when she was clueless about her own past for an entire year. Almost 400 days of being clueless about your past or who others were.

The ringing suddenly stopped and his phone cut dead. Inuyasha looked at it and attemped calling Kikyou again. This time, the phone didn't even start ringing. A monotone voice came on, telling him that the number was no longer in service. If he needed help, he should hang up and dial his operator.

Inuyasha growled and slammed the phone down. He got up and looked at the remote. Instinct told him to turn the television on. He knew that there was no reason, but he did it anyway.

He watched in horror as a floater was pulled out of a river almost a hundred miles away. The floater didn't scare him. The bloated body didn't scare him. The soul-less eyes didn't scare him.

That was his Kikyou.

- - -

"Was she really going to spill it to him?" Andrew asked. Naraku lit a cigarette. He didn't know why he was smoking. He knew it killed. Then again, why did he care? He was bound to die someday. Why did bringing the date of death closer matter?

"Yes."

"Would he have listened?" Andrew asked. Naraku thought he was just a bit too inquisitive for his liking.

"He loved her. Perhaps he still does." Naraku replied. He took another drag of the tasteless cigarette. Perhaps the better ones were better...

"How would the jewel have gone into her possession, though?" Andrew asked.

"She is the second protector. We killed Kagome. Once one priestess dies, the jewel is given to the other somehow. Kikyou didn't have the jewel though. Don't you find that odd?" Naraku asked.

"Supposedly, it takes nine hours for someone to pass through the gates of death. It has been over nine hours. It has been a day or so since we have killed Kagome. The jewel should have gone to Kikyou." Andrew said.

"Supposed Kagome didn't have the jewel. What if, during life, she passed it to someone else who had the potential to protect it? Maybe we hit the wrong target..." Naraku murmured.

"She had it. I could sense that she held the power that one gets when protecting it." Andrew hissed.

"So, we just turned Kikyou into a floating body 150 miles away for no reason?" Naraku asked.

"It makes us more dangerous." Anderw suggested. Naraku laughed and took another drag of the cigarette. Andrew let out a small chuckle then stood up.

"Now, we just have to take care of the people who know too much. Kagome's puppy, the half-breed, the wanna-be-demon-slayer, and the man my father cursed." Naraku said gleefully. Andrew nodded and stalked off.

- - -  
**_Nine Days Until The Rebellion..._**

"I'm so glad that you're alive, Kagome!" Sango squeeled after hearing ofKagome's dramatic near-death-experience. Kagome coughed as Sango threw herself at Kagome in an extremely tight hug. Kagome had never known how tight Sango could grasp someone until she attempted to pull away. Sango refused to let go, causing Kagoem to mentally groan.

"Sango, I need you to let go." Kagome managed to gasp.

"Why?" Sango asked. Kagome knew that Sango was grateful for her still being alive, but wasn't she overdoing it by continuing the bear hug?

"I need... air!" Kagome struggled to get more into her crushed lungs. Sango backed up and apologized. Kagome didn't really hear since she was intaking all the air her lungs would allow her to. Kagome watched as her friend's face fell into deep thought. She was worried about what would happen, Kagome knew that much.

"Sango?" Kagome questioned softly. Sango looked up as Kagome sat down on her bed. Sango slowly made herself comfortable next to Kagome.

"Hmm?" Sango's voice was distant. Even if she answered Kagome, she wasn't there. She was a million miles away with her own mind.

"You're worried about Miroku, aren't you?" Kagome asked. Sango nodded and curled up on Kagome's bed. She tucked her legs near her belly and let a few tears fill her eyes.

"Talk to me, Sango." Kagome pleaded. She slipped off the bed adn knelt down next to Sango. Her friend was now crying, and it killed Kagome to know she couldn't do much of anything to stop the tears.

"Two days ago... Miroku and I..." Sango's face flushed with embarassment. Kagome instantly understood and forced a smile on her face. Even if she didn't feel like smiling inside, she wasn't going to bring Sango into more tears. She was upset enough as it was.

"I see... I'm happy for you, Sango. You got to do something like that with the man you love." Kagome said in a sweet voice. Even though she sounded loving and happy, she wasn't. On the inside, she was dying. She wanted desperately to have that kind of relationship with someone. As much as she was angry and jealous, she knew that she couldn't take it out on Sango.

"That's not the problem. I love Miroku very much and we want to be together forever... I'm just so scared of dying and not being able to be with him." Sango cried. Kagome reached a hand out and touched Sango's hand. She understood completely how Sango felt. Theo nly difference was that Kagome had developed a strong mask that wouldn't show her emotions, no matter how intense.

"If you're worried about dying, you shouldn't be. Sesshoumaru has the Tensaiga, and that sword can bring people back to life... It brought me to life." Kagome said. Sango's eyes grew wide and she shot up into a sitting position.

"You mean that he might actually use it on me?" She asked hopefully. Did she really expect Sesshoumaru to be so heartless? Then again, he put on a good heartless facade during school a year ago.

"He will, I'm sure of it. I'm even sure that he'll bring Inuyasha back to life if Inuyasha dies. He's not as cold as people think." Kagome tried to reassure Sango. Sango wiped her tears away and lunged forward to hug Kagome. Kagome fell on her back with Sango hugging her tightly.

Sango sure could hug tight... Kagome couldn't breathe again!

"Kagome... Can I tell you something?" Sango asked timidly. Kagome smiled and nodded her head.

"Ask away." She said in her most cheerful voice. What reason did she have to not be cheerful? Sesshoumaru loved her, he brought her to life, Souta didn't hate her for doing that stupid stunt...

"I've always admired you." Sango blurted. Kagome blinked as her mind went completely blank. She tilted her head for an added effect of confusion.

"You're so strong. I knew that, when you weren't talking, you had experienced something really traumatic. Well... I knew that, but you always forced a smile at school. I could tell the smiles were forced, but you were trying to make other people happy, even if you couldn't be...

"And to have been raped so many times and not hurt yourself or kill yourself. I've heard of people who kill themselves after the first time. But you didn't. For as long as I've known you, you've toughed out some of the hardest things in life. When you got in the accident and nearly became a vegetable for a year, I didn't do too well.

"You're the reason I have for being strong. I was afraid that, if you died, I would realize that there are some things that can't be overcome. But you didn't die. That gave me a lot of hope that I could hang onto life and all... I just felt that you need to know how much I admire you..." Sango finished. Kagome smiled then hugged Sango. This time, they were wise enuogh to not break the hug.

"You know my screen name for the messenger? That has something to do with how I can survive." Kagome whispered. Sango released Kagome and attempted to remember what her screen name was. It had been too long since they had used instant messenger, that was for sure.

"Holy Demon?" Sango finally asked.

"Yeah... No one knows this, not even my brother. I guess you could say it's a curse that one gains when protecting the jewel. Since only humans can protect it, something extra had to be given to them so they could protect it against demons... Miko powers aren't it, surprisingly enough." Kagome said with a smile. Sango blinked.

"Explain." Sango pleaded.

"When someone is given the duty to protect the Shikon No Tama, they must have miko powers- unless the jewel was willingly given to someone else to protect. Well, other than having miko powers, I have something inside of me. I guess it's kind of like Inuyasha's full demon form. It doesn't come out unless I 'break the chains' that hold it back." Kagome attempted to explain.

"I don't get it." Sango simply stated.

"Inuyasha loses control to his demon side when he gets angry or is in a near-death situation. Just about all half demons are like that. I have something inside me, almost like the demon side of Inuyasha. Only, I can choose to let it out. It's strong, too. I have only let it out once and it was strong enough to save me... Of course, I didn't realize that was what saved me at the time." Kagome said.

"Can I see it?" Sango asked softly. Kagome hesitated then stood up and backed up a small distance from Sango.

Sango watched in a mix of fascination and horror as her best friend revealed something new to her. Kagome's eyes rolled in the back of her head, but soon came back and were a deep blue. The outlines of them were a crimson, just like blood. Kagome opened her mouth to breathe, revealing fangs that resembled a demon's.

Kagome's skin color slowly turned from a cream color to a light shade of purple. Kagome's ears morphed into ears like Sesshoumaru's, and the jewel around her neck vanished. The jewel- or an image of it -appeared on Kagome's forehead. It reminded Sango of Sesshoumaru's crescent moon.

Kagome's black hair turned into a deep blue and two stripes appeared on her neck. Sango knew that they must have traveled all around her body. She coudl see some coming out of Kagome's sleeves and stopping on the back of her hands. Then there were more that showed themselves when they wrapped around Kagome's ankles.

They were crimson too. Just like blood, Sango thought wryly.

- - -  
**_Eight Days Until The Rebellion_**

"How long has he been out of it?" Miroku asked. He looked at a dazed Inuyasha. Inuyasha's golden eyes had become soul-less. If they didn't see his chest rising and falling with each breath, the would have assumed he was dead.

"Two days." Sesshoumaru replied. He knew what was bothering his brother. He knew the extremity of the pain his brother was in. Still. They had just over a week to plan the attack on Naraku, Andrew, and whatever demons might be in on the deal, too. Now was not the time to be spacing out.

"What did it?" Miroku asked.

"Kikyou's body turned up about 150 miles away from here. She was a floater. He loved her, and he wanted to be with her... He also wished to speak with her so they could straiten out what was going on." Akito said. Miroku jumped and spun around to face Inuyasha's father. Where in the hell had he come from?

"We need to get him awake." Akito added. Sesshoumaru grunted. Stating the obvious was a way of saying you didn't know what else to do or you knew nothing else. It was never a good sign.

"Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru knelt down next to his younger brother as his father left. Sesshoumaru called Inuyasha's name once again, only through the demon tongue. This time, Inuyasha's name sounded different.

"Inuyasha, Kikyou was dead. I understand the difficulty to cope with that. I have visited the morgue and used the Tensaiga on her. She is in a coma and suffering from the freezing waters. She is alive, but you must avenge her. Naraku will come for her again and try to kill her if you don't snap out of it, little brother." Sesshoumaru lectured in demon.

Inuyasha's eyes returned to normal as he looked at his brother.

"She's alive?" He asked in demon.

"Yes, I revived her. As much as I have no desire to say this, you are strong. Your efforts will help us fight the bastards who harmed Kagome and Kikyou. If I didn't do it, then you would have just spaced out and not helped." Sesshoumaru said. Inuyasha smiled and lunged forward to hug his older brother.

Miroku watched in semi horror as Inuyasha hugged his brother. He was about to start cursing profanities and asking what the fuck was going on, but Sesshoumaru pushed Inuyasha away. He said something else in demon then left.

"What happened, Inuyasha?" Miroku asked cautiously. He wans't sure if he wanted to hear it if it caused Inuyasha to hug his brother.

"Kikyou died. Naraku got to her, I'm sure of it... Sesshoumaru brought her back." Inuyasha said. Miroku stared at him in shock, blinked a couple times, then felt his forehead.

"Are you sure this isn't a creepy hallucenation?" He asked. Inuyasha smacked Miroku's hand from his forehead.

"Positive. I want to see her... Will you come with me?" Inuyasha asked. Miroku nodded and Inuyasha started pulling a jacket on.

Winter weather came on everyone suddenly. It was supposed to have been there a month ago, but it was just now getting freezing... It had it's advantages and disadvantages. The sooner it got colder, the easier it would be to fight against Naraku and Andrew since noone had allergies. But becasue it got colder, the water had just about frozen Kikyou.

- - -

"Why are you giving me a floater case?" Ophielia asked impatiently. Floaters were some of the hardest things to solve. Generally, they had no idenification on them. Even worse, you couldn't identify them by running diagnostics. Their body was bloated from water. The water ruined a lot of tests that could have been run.

"Because you're working on the Higurashi murder, are you not?" The detective asked. Ophielia looked at her coffee, debating on whether or not to take a drink of it.

"I am, but I do not see how a floater ties into it." She replied. Her patience was deflating. Seeing the fly land in her coffee and slowly drown in it didn't help either.

"Both women were brought back to life." Her boss said. Ophielia shot up out of her chair and looked at him.

"_What_!" She asked. She grabbed the files that he had given her and made a motion for him to go away. She had to start on working so she could distract herself from the drowning fly in her coffee.

_Lust-stuck puppy! There's a fly in my coffee! Get me more!_

Ophielia grinned at her joke. Perhaps she would write that down and laugh at it again another day. She opened files and began working, doing research and making a mess of her already-filthy desk. When the lust-stuck partner came, she buried herself deeper in work. She would do _anything _as long as it meant that he wouldn't have to bother her. She didn't mind doing all the work, _honest_! Just keep _him_ away from _her_.

A few hours later, Ophielia grinned. She called the number of Sesshoumaru Taisho, her friend. He wouldn't mind answering questions and going on the record for them. No, he wouldn't mind at all. Ophielia knew him, and he knew her. They were mutual friends. His father training her to become what she was the source of the friendship.

_"Hello?"_ He sounded frustrated.

"Hi, Sesshoumaru... This is Ophielia and I need to ask you some questions for work." She began. She didn't even want to attempt the formal approach to this.

_"Do I have to go there or not?" _He grunted, too. What was he doing?

"Come here, please. Ask to come to my office and I can answer a few things... Bring Tensaiga." She added. Before he could ask her how she knew of the sword, she hung up the phone.

There was only one healing sword in the world, and Akito Taisho had forged it from his tooth himself. He gave the reviving sword to his stronger son in hopes that he would soften up. He gave the stronger sword to his weaker son in hopes he would toughen up. Between Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha, there was no doubt that Sesshoumaru was stronger.

- - -  
**_Seven Days Until The Rebellion..._**

Ophielia smirked as she created her own messenger account. She hadn't originally wanted to, but it was the best way to findo ut what would be going on before the attack occurred. Sesshoumaru made it sound like it was going to be something extraordinary.

They were going to kill someone by the name of Naraku, son of Onigumo. He had a record that the ocean basin couldn't hold. He managed to piss everyone off yet, somehow, stay out of prison. Sesshoumaru hinted at the idea that he was going to die. When Ophielia asked why, he smirked and left.

She didn't know what would happen, but she was welcome to find out. Sesshoumaru said that they were going to have an internet conversation the next day to get all the plans together. That was as much as she knew, and it bothered her. It bothered anyone who's career was built on knowing everything.

- - -

"Kikyou? How are you feeling?" Inuyasha asked cautiously. Kikyou looked up at him with blue lips and exhausted eyes. The moment she saw him, she dropped her head against the pillow and shut her eyes. She was trying to block him out, sleep, anything. She didn't want to face him.

But he was persistant. He always had been.

"Kikyou..." He called again. Kikyou reasoned that she would listen for a while, just as long as he didn't yell at her. She knew he would, though. She had done a horrible thing and she was aware of it. Just because she had knowledge of doing it didn't mean she did it willingly. Tears began to fill her eyes at the thoughts that plagued her mind.

"What is it, Inu--" She paused and took a gentle breath of air. Her lungs were weak still. "Inu-Inuyasha." She managed to stutter. Inuyasha pulled up a chair next to her bed, indicating he would be there for a while.

"I wanted to talk to you." He said. Kikyou wanted to roll her eyes or say that it was obvious. But she couldn't. Something was keeping her from talking right now.

"What you did... When you seduced me and slept with Naraku... I wanted to know why you did it. You know that I love you... Why would you hurt me like that? It doesn't match who you are." Inuyasha said. Kikyou didn't fail to notice that he used love in present tense. Did he still care for her after what she had done?

"I..." The words left her again and she began to scramble around them. Her lungs tightened up on her once more, thowing her into a violent coughing fit. Inuyasha stood up quickly and helped her sit up. She let a small smile appear on her face and coughed up a few traces of water. She would be coughing up water for a while, she was sure of it.

"I didn't intend to do it... I thought you loved, Kagome... So, a man came up to me and offered... He offered me your love if only I could distract you from... Kagome..." Kikyou said weakly. Inuyasha rubbed small circles on her back in attempt to help her breath easier. To his surprise, it helped. She took a deep breath.

"He asked me to seduce you. I did it in hopes that you wouldn't care for her anymore. I did it in hopes that you would love me like you used to. But you started acting strange, like a sex-crazed person. I didn't know what to do, and I turned to the man who told me to do it..." She paused and took another deep breath. Breathing was one of the things she had taken for granted.

"He said that, if I wanted you to stop wanting sex, I had to sleep with him. I was hesitant and I didn't want to do it. Then I heard his voice in my mind and I... I lost control of my body... He did something to my mind and I listened to him for a long time. Then he told me to kill you and get you and your brother to leave Kagome alone..." Another large breath.

"I couldn't do it. Even with him controlling me, I couldn't bear the thought of you dying by my hands. I broke free from his control and I avoided talking to anyone as much as I could. I was sure that you would hate me for what I had done. I had seduced you and caused you to act like a bitch to Kagome..." Kikyou said. She took a deep breath then used shaky hands to stack her pillows behind her so she could sit up without help.

"The man... What was his name?" Inuyasha asked. His voice was hesitant and angry at the same time. Kikyou had, in all their years together, never heard him speak that way.

"I can't remember." She said sadly.

"Naraku? Andrew?" He questioned. Something inside of Kikyou's mind clicked. Like a light bulb going on after a few hours of darkness.Was that why they had light bulb signs to show ideas?

"Naraku. He had black hair. He always spoke of wanting Kagome to be separated from everyone else... I think he wanted something from her." Kikyou said.

"The Shikon No Tama." Inuyasha said.

"I remember hearing of it. While I was dead... I was told that I was the woman who would protect it if it's current protector died. I didn't even know that it existed until then. I thought it was a myth." Kikyou said. Inuyasha smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Kikyou... I still love you, you know. When you started acting more like a girl rather than the tomboy I knew, I thought you wouldn't want to hang out with me. That's when I started chasing Kagome... And... I want to be with you still, if you're the same inside." Inuyasha said. _Damn, that was corny_. Inuyasha's mind screeched at him.

"Sure... But, Inuyasha?" Kikyou asked in her best innocent voice possible.

"Hmm?" He looked at her like she would reject him.

"Our first date... Can it be the race track? I miss watching NASCAR with you." Kikyou said. Inuyasha's eyes brightened then he hugged her shivering body tightly. He took off his jacket and placed it on her.

"Of course, Kikyou... I won't be able to see you for a week. We have to take care of the guys that hurt you, Kagome... Everyone." He said. Kikyou nodded her head then pulled the blanket and jacket closer to her freezing body.

"When I come back in a week, I'll bring you clothes appropriate for the winter." Inuyasha said. She nodded and watched him leave in satifaction.

He didn't hate her. He truly didn't. He loved her still for who she was, not for who she felt she had to be. The make-up, the skirts, the low-cut shirts... She thought he would want a girl who looked like a mature woman. She was afraid that he wouldn't want a tomboy. So, she changed...

His drifting away was because he didn't want the change... Everything made sense to her now.

**O o O o O o O o O oO**

_I am not yours. I am not something for you to hold and use. I am myself, and I will NOT allow you to take claim over me. I will show you that I am not weak. I used to be weak, but I will not be that way anymore. I will be strong. I will show you that you **will** pay for what you have done to me. I will fight back now. Are you ready? I warn you, do not expect a weak girl to fight you. Expect **me**, the Holy Demon._

**_O o O o O o O o O o O_**

Review Replies:  
**Youkaimei-** Thank you for the wonderful gifts! Especially for the soda and energy drink! As for Ophielia having a soft spot for the lust-struck, dumbass partner... Sounds good, but she's not gonna date him. And, just so you know, I'm not spelling your username wrong. I just recently found out that underscore symbols don't show on chapters.  
**Blue Dart-** Kagome knows how to put on spells that will hide the power. From experience, when someone wears a necklace, very few people notice it. So, she had a spell to hide the power and the necklace looked like an ordinary necklace. There as nothing outstanding about it. Just proves that Naraku and Andrew aren't too bright, huh?  
**DawnMiko-** I just came up with it to fit the story line. Does it sound intellegent or possible? I don't know, I think it's just a so-so excuse... Sorry for the babbling. Summer sucks because I have nothing to do!

Next Chapter:_ Tying Up Loose Ends  
_Reviews Needed:** 780**

**- Lonely Bird **


	35. Tying Up Loose Ends

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. Shestopped talking in eigth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 26th, 2006  
June 27th, 2006  
June 28th, 2006

**_Poisoned_ is Sesshoumaru. _HolyDemon_ is Kagome. _HumanPuppy_ is Inuyasha. _SpiderBack_ is Sango. ****_DamnHand_ is Miroku. _TouchAndDie_ is Souta.**

**(6-27-06) Took a nasty spill on my horse today... My cousin did too. We were walking through a river and her horse tripped. She almost fell off but managed to get off gracefully. Her and the horse were fine. Then my horse was running (cantoring) and I ran into a tree branch (I swear it came from nowhere!). My head snapped backwards from it (stupid tree) and my back and neck began hurting horribly... It's been a few hours and they still hurt. Feels like something is just a little out of place and like I can _almost_** **put it back in place, but not quite.**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Thirty-Five: _Tying Up Loose Ends_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**_Seven Days Until The Rebellion..._**

This was it. This was the last time they were going to talk over the internet and figure out what to do. They spent the first week learning their abilities. Now they had to plan out things that were going to go on. They had to get things together.

Kagome could feel the fear welling up inside of her as she signed onto her messenger. This was the last time she would do this before the fight. After that, no one was going to go on the internet. Internet information was easy to trace, even using public computers. They didn't want to risk it.

Besides, they couldn't really go in public for fear that someone would be kidnapped.

Kagome clicked on names and then searched for the button for a conference. She hadn't been on the internet since before the accident. The concept blew her mind away. Over a year she had been out of reach to anyone but her own mind. She couldn't remember the year, though. She just remembered being kidnapped and bleeding.

She silently wondered what she had felt during the days that she was without memory. She pushed the thought aside as the window popped up for the conference.

**Poisoned has joined the conference.**

**DamnHand has joined the conference.**

**SpiderBack has joined the conference.**

**HumanPuppy has joined the conference.**

**TouchAndDie has joined the conference.**

**KillTheTrainee has joined the conference.**

**HolyDemon:**_ Who is KillTheTrainee?_

**Poisoned:**_ The officer that informed me of your death... She will help us on the attack._

**HolyDemon:**_ Okay then... Well, how is everyone doing?_

**KillTheTrainee: **_Better if I didn't have a retarded trainee trying to seduce me with Starbucks and nicknames._

**SpiderBack:**_ Is that where the username came from?_

**KillTheTrainee:**_ Yeah... Nothing else came to mind... Soo... How is everyone doing?  
_

**Poisoned:**_ Considering what is coming up and the stress it brings, good._

**SpiderBack:**_ Stressed._

**DamnHand:**_ I am doing well... I think the source of my problems is Sango's worries._

**SpiderBack:**_ What? How am **I** causing your problems!_

**HumanPuppy:**_ Better... Much better._

**HolyDemon:**_ Why are you doing better?_

**DamnHand: **_Because I worry about your worries._

**HumanPuppy: **_I spoke to Kikyou... We're going to start going out after the fight and all..._

**Poisoned:**_ How are you doing, Kagome?_

**HolyDemon:**_ As good as I can be doing, I suppose._

**SpiderBack:**_ Okay, guys. We need to get plans together fast because I have to take Kilala to the vet and make sure she's as healthy as possible for this._

**Poisoned:**_ Alright... The first thing we have to do is lure him away from the city and towards a place where other people cannot be harmed by him._

**HolyDemon:**_ I can do that part._

**HumanPuppy:**_ How?_

**HolyDemon:**_ They think I'm dead. I'll contact them today that I have the jewel and I'm willing to give it to them if they let me live..._

**DamnHand:**_ That sounds good._

**TouchandDie:**_ We just need a way for them not to expect the rest of us to be there..._

**HumanPuppy:**_ Yeah... I spoke to Kikyou and they are very determined to get usaway from Kagome._

**SpiderBack:**_ It makes it that much easier to take the jewel and go._

**Poisoned:**_ So, does anyone have an idea of how we can set up them expecting us not to be there?_

**TouchandDie:**_ I think I do._

_- - -_

Ophielia smiled as she closed the chat window. She had underestimated the teenagers. She didn't even expect Sesshoumaru to think of something this smart. She signed out of the messenger and began to mess around with uninstalling the program. Technically, she wasn't supposed to download the program to start with. But, she had... For work purposes.

She turned to face the printer as two copies of the conversation came out. Of course, one was all bogus and she intended to leave that on the printer. She turned and put the other copy in her lockable filing cabnet.

Someone was bound to be going through her office to see what she had. After all, she was working on a case that targeted Andrew and Naraku. There was little doubt that they would send someone to investigate what she already knew and get rid of any decent evidence.

She would leave out obvious evidence, too. Then she would hide the evidence that was real in her filing cabinet. Once they saw that her naturally messy desk had everything in it, they would realize that she rarely put things away. They would pay attention to that stuff only, thus leaving real things alone.

Ophielia wondered if they truly were that predcitable. Then again, she had just spoken with the people who could tell what would happen next the best.

She searched the office for the lust-struck dumbass. He must have gone home, she thought proudly. As she realized that it was well past ten o'clock at night, she knew that she was one of the only people in the building.

_What a bummer... I guess, no matter how annoying, it's nice to have a dog follow me around all the time..._ She thought briefly. Her cell phone rang, just as she knew it would. After all, it was a part of the real plan. The fake plan said that they wouldn't attempt to contact each other just in case something was traceable.

_"Officer?"_ The voice on the other line asked. It was Souta, and she knew it. Of course, they weren't going to say names just in case.

"What is it? What's going on? We weren't supposed to talk to each other." She hissed. It had been a few hours since they all stopped talking, but she was just finishing up. Creating fake evidence takes up a long time. No, creating fake evidence is easy. Creating fake-but-possibly-real evidence takes up a lot of time.

_"It's Kagome... I think she's going to... She... She's starting to have problems. She... Sesshoumaru yelled at her and she yelled back. Then, when she was in her room, I heard her saying that she didn't want any of us safe. I heard her saying that she wanted to..." _Souta took a deep breath and gulped. Ophielia mentally applauded his talent and encouraged him to go to Hollywood or something like that.

_"She said that she was going to give the jewel to them so they would kill all of us. She said that all the years of not talking and us not caring or helping... She said she was going to get back at us for all of them."_ Souta said. Ophielia gasped. This was a shock to her.

"Take her to a public place tomorrow. Try to talk to here there. It'll be hard for her to react harshly if she's in a public place. Perhaps it can solve your problems, if you talk to her about it... I'm coming over to spend the night and make sure your family isn't harmed." Ophielia offered. Souta made a sound that confirmed her words then hung up.

Perhaps this wasn't going to work...

Ophielia looked around the dark, creepy, empty office. She had to admit, she was a bit scared. She grabbed her coat and left for Souta's house.

- - -

"Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha asked. Sesshoumaru stopped practicing and turned to look at his younger brother. It was ten at night and Inuyasha was coming to speak with him? Inuyasha may have been part demon, but he got tired just as often as humans. Why wasn't he asleep yet?

"What is it, little brother?" Sesshoumaru asked. Inuyasha walked towards the empty bleachers that surrounded the sparring arena. His brother held Tokijin in his hand with the Tensaiga lying down on a table with a powerless sword. He was going to be here all night, Inuyasha was sure of it.

"I wanted to thank you for reviving Kikyou..." That wasn't it at all. He was beating around the subject and both of them knew it.

_I won't push you from your comfort zone... Not unless I must..._ Sesshoumaru thought. He preferred that Inuyasha get to the point, but he wouldn't push him. It would do no good.

"I know that you didn't have to revive her... And I know you'll say that I would have moped around because of her death. Honestly, I wouldn't have. After knowing what happened to Kagome, I would have fought for her. It would just affect me for a while before I realized I needed to protect Kagome..."

He was really beating around the bush. There was no point in him babbling like this. Then again, everyone seemed to be afraid that they would die. Death made you do strange things.

Sesshoumaru raised his sword and practiced a few techniques as Inuyasha bumbled around for words. After a while, Inuyasha came down and got the Tetsaiga from where it had been put away. He held it up as it transformed into a large fang. His facial expression told Sesshoumaru one thing.

_Sparring time._

Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru began using a corraboration of techniques, each trying to get to the other. Blood was nothing. They would both be healed by the time the big fight came up.

"What I was really trying to say..." Inuyasha broke off and dodged a close attack from Sesshoumaru. He took a deep breath and then charged at Sesshoumaru.

_Wreckless as always, little brother..._

"If I died in this fight--"

"Which you won't." Sesshoumaru cut him off. Everyone seemed confident that they would die.

_What is it with a human being concerned with death? Even Inuyasha should be able to get over this fear, due to his demon blood._ Sesshoumaru was just getting annoyed with everyone being so scared.

"Yeah, but **_if_** I died... I wanted to know if..." He broke off once more as he got a good hit at Sesshoumaru. The Tetsaiga cut a few inches deep into Sesshoumaru's stomach. It was a light wound, and it could have gone deeper if Inuyasha had not been so distracted. Sesshoumaru looked up at Inuyasha as his wound patched itself up within a few minutes.

The two brothers charged at each other once more. It felt like they would be unable to speak unless it were during a sparring match.

"If I died, I wanted to know if you would revive me." Inuyasha said. Sesshoumaru tried desparately to get his body to keep moving, but it stopped on it's own. His mind even had to stop thinking for a moment and ponder Inuyasha's stupid question. Confusion ran across Sesshoumaru's face from the unexpected and pointless question.

Inuyasha picked up on that and immediately began to explain. "We always fight and say that we hate each other! Then when we spar, we actually try killing each other and give each other death threats! I want to know if that's all real or if you'll revive me!" Inuyasha snapped defensively. Sesshoumaru couldn't control himself anymore.

He knelt down and began laughing. He had soon started laughing so hard he had to lean on his sword. After the initial stupidity of the question passed, he looked up at his younger brother. He was confused. Did he really not know? Was Sesshoumaru that good at hiding what he felt inside him?

"Even with death threats, anger, hatred... Relationships are built on blocks. Ours are just the type that look like they won't hold. They do, though..." His brother blinked in confusion.

_Time to try for a simpler approach..._

"Inuyasha. If there was a demon at school, even a human or hanyou, that was seriously harming you. I would kill them or make them wish that I had done so." Sesshoumaru said. Inuyasha lowered his sword in shock. Sesshoumaru was... protective? Over him?

"Why? You always seem to hate me and you fight so hard against me. The way you push me away contradicts that." Inuyasha said. Sesshoumaru moved in for another hit, which Inuyasha barely managed to avoid. That's why you don't speak when you fight. Your guard falls.

"I fight hard and I act harsh to help you. You were always so trusting and weak as a child. When we would go out and catch frogs, and play with the horses together... Those times meant a lot to me. I knew that if I kept doing that, you wouldn't be able to prove yourself." Both the brothers had stopped sparring and lowered their swords.

"Being a half demon means that people will expect more of you. You can't act as human, because then you are weak and picked on. I wanted you to fit in with demons like me. I sparred against you as tough as I could so you would know how to fight for yourself rather than run from everything. I act rude to you so you'll be used to the way demons will treat you and you will learn that you don't need other people to help you stand up." Sesshoumaru said. Inuyasha stared off into space before coming back down to Earth.

"You were... trying to help me and protect me?" Inuyasha asked. Sesshoumaru nodded and raised his sword.

"But I can't do that if you don't fight, Inuyasha. Show me what you got." Sesshoumaru said. He let a taunting smirk slip onto his face as Inuyasha lunged forward.

Beyond the hate, the brotherly bond was there. It was stronger than anyone else would ever be able to realize. Insults were endearments upon one another. Fights were moments of bonding. Times of feigning hate were times of toughening up and learning to stand on your own. It was a way to make him strong and independant.

It made Inuyasha more than a hanyou...

- - -

"Miroku?" Sango curled up against his body. It wasn't cold. She wasn't cold. But she was scared and wanted to be close to him. Miroku hugged her close to his body. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and Sango realized that she was cold. Why hadn't she realized it? Compared to the warmth Miroku's chest was radiating, she was _freezing_!

"What is it?" Miroku didn't want her to start on the scared-of-death crap. He understood that she was scared. She was putting it all out of proportion, though.

"You love me, right?" Sango asked. Quite honestly, Miroku was surprised that she even felt the need to ask such a question.

"Of course I do, Sango." He replied. Sango smiled and kissed his nose.

"And you'll never leave me?" She asked. Miroku wondered about the obvious questions but decided not to ask about them. Something was bothering her and she would tell him in due time.

"Never." He replied with a gentle kiss on her lips. Sango took a deep breath and relaxed. Once she exhaled, Miroku felt her body calm down. He hadn't realized how tense she was. Whatever had been bothering her seemed to be gone, and she hugged herself closer to him.

"I love you very much, Miroku..." Sango whispered. Miroku looked down at her and smiled.

"And I love you, my dear Sango." He replied in a soft tone. Sango smiled and they slowly moved in for another kiss. Sango couldn't feel worried about anything with him kissing her this tenderly. She felt like she was the only woman that he would ever see.

She hadn't realized that, when books say that people melt in a kiss, it is possible. She and Miroku broke the kiss for air, then leaned forward and kissed once more. Slowly, they began to undress each other.

It didn't hurt that time. When Miroku entered her, there was hardly any pain. Or was there pain that Sango wasn't paying attention to? She was only focused on showing Miroku how much she loved him. Sex could convey those feelings, couldn't it? It could, she knew that for a fact. When he broke through her barrier before, she had felt all the love he held for her break through at the same time.

And, with both of them in the same apartment that had no heater, they warmed up the room together and showed their love for one another. Sango fell asleep next to Miroku, his strong arms around her.

_I love you Sango, and I will never let anything happen to you. I want to take all your burdens from you, if you let me._

- - -

She was scared. There was no doubt about that. She wasn't scared of death. No, she had no fears of death after what had happened before. After discovering the absolutely warm feelings that the afterlife held, she had no fear of death. That wasn't the thing that bothered her now.

It was the idea of leaving everything behind.

What scared her more than leaving all her friends here and forgetting about them... It was facing Andrew and Naraku. She wanted to take them out on her own. But, with the last attempt as proof, she wasn't strong enough. All she wanted to do was take them out and have them know that she got to them.

But she couldn't.

Kagome sat on her bed, reflecting on the thoughts of her life. Her father had died. She didn't realize that it was because of the jewel that they were in such a hurry to get out. She didn't realize that the jewel was the reason that she didn't get the stupid toy and that she was angry at her father when he died. Thankfully, she heard his voice speaking when she was dead.

At least her father didn't seem to hold a grudge against her.

Then she moved to America. She was raped. One of the only things she had to offer a man- God knows her heart wasn't good enough -was taken. Her virginity was stripped away from her against her will. Her friend ended up dying. Not just her friend, but her best friend.

Kagome wondered how long she would feel guilty for this. How long would she feel responsible for Kimi's death? She hated the guilt. She couldn't stand the guilt that suffocated her when she thought about it. She wanted desperately to let it go and to get over it. It wasn't her fault, she wanted to be reassured of that. It was Andrew's fault for slamming her head against the back board of the bed.

Still, no matter how many times she tried to reassure herself that it wasn't her fault, she felt the guilt. It tackled her hard. There was no getting away, it seemed like. It seemed like it had her in it's grasp and there was no way of breaking out.

Her father's death, too. She blamed herself for that. Unlike Kimi's death, she knew that there was no squirming out of the guilt it brought. She had brought the jewel to her like a young, naive little girl. Look what it did. It caused someone to intentionally crash into her just so she would be dead and the jewel would be unprotected.

The doorbell rang, and Kagome sauntered over to get it. She didn't expect anyone other than Officer Chan. She was going to come over and help them in tips of pulling off a very good bluff. Because Naraku and Andrew had no way of knowing what they were doing in the house, they would assume that Souta's assumtions were true.

Kagome opened the door and allowed Ophielia to enter the room. She showed her the couch and told her how to unfold the bed from it. They didn't have much better than that, unfortunately.

"Souta should be down in a minute. I have to grab the phone then get him so we can talk about how to act." She said. Ophielia nodded her head and Kagome began to walk upstairs, dragging her feet.

She was tired and desired nothing more than to forget the things that burdened her. But that would be unfair. It would be really unfair for her to forget the hard times and just live with the easy times. Besides, tough things make you stronger, right? Gradually increasing your beer intake raises your alcohol tolerance. The more drugs you take, the more immune you are to them.

She just had to tell herself that the pain was the same way. She just had to keep telling herself and keep forcing herself to believe that things would get better. She knew that they should get better. Whether or not they woudl was up to the Gods and fate to decide. She couldn't change things, no matter how much she craved to.

**O o O o O o O o O oO**

_I am not yours. I am not something for you to hold and use. I am myself, and I will NOT allow you to take claim over me. I will show you that I am not weak. I used to be weak, but I will not be that way anymore. I will be strong. I will show you that you **will** pay for what you have done to me. I will fight back now. Are you ready? I warn you, do not expect a weak girl to fight you. Expect **me**, the Holy Demon._

**_O o O o O o O o O o O_**

Review Replies:  
**DawnMiko-** That's EXACTLY what my summer will be like too! There are periods of time where I'll have to do something else, but that's kinda in the end of July.  
**Youkaimei-** It's fine. If you can't think of anything, give me Monster or Amp energy drinks. Those keep me going for hours on end. Oooh... Dr. Pepper sounds nice. DON'T BASH YOURSELF WITH YOUR COMPUTER! I'm not going to stop working on this. Yes, there will be a sequal... I just keep forgetting what I want it to be about! Damn it!

Next Chapter:_ The Fight  
_Reviews Needed:** 800**

**- Lonely Bird**


	36. The Fight

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. Shestopped talking in eigth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 28th, 2006

**Warning! The plot will get kinda complex from this point on! I didn't think it was complex until I tried explaining it to a few people... They were so confused that I had to give up. I hope it makes more sense once I type it out.**

**Duuuude! I'm so sorry, you guys! I just realized that a lot of people were probably under the impression that this was the fight against Naraku and Andrew. Sorry, no. This is a different fight (you'll see).  
**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Thirty-Six: _The Fight_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**_Two Days Until The Rebellion..._**

"Things are going horrible, Ophielia. I tried to talk to Kagome about it, and she just... She started acting really malicious. I don't think there's anything we can do to make her see how we see." Souta said. Ophielia took a gulp of her slurpee as she listened to Souta.

"Things can change. As an officer, I automatically believe they won't but... She seemed to care about you so much before, it's hard not to imagine it." Ophielia said comfortingly. Souta shook his head and looked around the mall. They were in the food court, right next to the main entrance. They needed to be aware of what was going on around them.

"I'm scared... She sounded... She almost didn't sound like herself. I've never heard her speak like that. Her voice was deep, like a demon was possessing her. But I didn't sense anything with my powers." Souta said. He dropped his head in his hands and shook his head. Things were going all wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Do you know how long she has desired to kill you guys?" Opielia asked curiously. Souta shook his head.

"I'd guess for a while. She made it sound like she hated us as long as she hadn't been able to speak. What was it; three or four years that she wasn't speaking? She makes us sound like such horrible people. I don't see how she does it." Souta said.

"You said she was raped?"

"Yes..."

"Well, although this is rare, it's a possibility... Women who are raped can sometimes develop diseases... I've heard of, but never seen, women who become bipolar after being raped. There are also women who have created different realities. It's like they live in their dreams." Ophielia shook her head.

"Like I said, I've never known a woman who changed like that after a rape. Perhaps her lack of speaking just made it harder for you guys to notice?" She suggested.

"Maybe... I'm still hoping that I'm hallucenating all this. Quite honestly, I'm hoping that I'm drugged, or dreaming." Souta said. Slowly he picked his head up from his hands and looked towards the door. He was expecting company and they weren't there yet.

"Well, now that you've said you wish you were dreaming, you know you aren't. I don't think I've ever heard someone say that they wished they were dreaming in a dream... You know what I mean." She said. Souta nodded and stood up as the doors opened and the guests he was awaiting came in.

Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha came in. Sesshoumaru looked emotionless- big surprise there. Inuyasha just looked plain pissed. This was his Friday evening and they had to come here for a stupid-ass meeting! He would rather be in the hospital taking care of Kikyou. Hell, he would rather face Kagome's wrath than have to have a formal meeting with friends.

It was all kinds of uncomfortable-ness to speak with your friends and have to be serious.

Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha sat down, Sesshoumaru next to Souta and Inuyasha next to Ophielia. They weren't talking to each other, just as one would have guessed. Silence filled the area between them, even though the rest of the mall was radiating nothing but noise.

"Why are we here?" Inuyasha was the first to break their small bubble of silence.

"I heard Kagome say something, and I'm worried for **our** safety." Souta said. Sesshoumaru managed to raise an eyebrow and Inuyasha calmed down. Something that worried Souta meant that it was serious.

"What's up?" He asked cautiously.

"I overheard Kagome talking on the phone to Naraku- the guy she says is behind all these attacks on her. She told him that she wanted to give him the Shikon No Tama. She was quiet for a moment before saying there was only one thing that she wanted in return. She wanted me, you two, Sango, and Miroku to be killed." Souta said. Tears began to form in his eyes. His sister loved him, didn't she?

"Why would she want us dead?" Inuyasha asked. His voice quivered with the shock of hearing this. Sweet-Kagome wanted to kill them?

"I don't know if I heard it right, but I think it's because she believes we ignored her. She thinks that when she wasn't speaking that we ignored her and didn't care. She seemed so adamant in her beliefs that we were all just assholes to her." Souta finished.

"She can sure play a convincing game, can she not?" Sesshoumaru asked. Inuyasha snorted.

"Yeah. She'd be unbeatable in poker because she would be so fucking convincing." He hissed.

"I'm afraid I cannot see how she can be this way. She always seems the opposite around me... She even said she loved me." Sesshoumaru's voice was beginning to break down. Had it really all been a lie? Had he gotten so close to her that he had missed the littlest of things?

"Kagome managed to keep quiet about the rape for several years. Don't you think she's getting good at this?" Souta asked. Sesshoumaru bit his lip and looked down.

He had gotten so close to Kagome. He had gotten close enough to her that he didn't need to work on keeping his mask on. Hell, around her, he didn't even bother putting it on. She had managed to squirm into his heart and make him believe something. And... It turned out to be wrong.

Sango and Kagome came suddenly, startling everyone but Ophielia. Being a cop will teach someone to never show surprise or to never be surprised. Sango and Miroku sat down next to each other, leaving one seat open for Kagome. That was the seat Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, and Souta dreaded having filled. Soon, Sango and Miroku would dread it too.

- - -

"You're serious?" Sango asked. Her voice quivered as tears began to fill her eyes. Her best friend wanted to kill her? No, not her best friend. Apparently they were sworn enemies in Kagome's eyes. Sango hadn't see this coming. She hadn't seen it coming at all.

"Are you sure this is what you heard?" Miroku asked. Souta nodded his head gravely and stared at the napkin beneath his cup. It was hard for him to accept, still. He was the first to know about it and he had almost an entire week to cope. But no, he wasn't able to cope with it still. He knew that, even after a few hours of talking about it, Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha weren't likely to have started coping with it either.

"I am... I even started to bring it up to her... She yelled at me... She sounded so malicious and said that it was none of my fucking-goddamn business. She sounded like she really was going to kill me if she had anything sharp on her." Souta said. He dropped his head in his hands and shuddered at the thought.

Sango and Miroku both turned to Ophielia. She was the expert on psycology. She would know what was going on with Kagome, wouldn't she? Weren't cops supposed to know how the human mind almost always worked? Their eyes were filled with hope that she would say something to help them. Perhaps she would say that Souta was joking or that something was messing with Souta's head. There was no way it could be Kagome doing this.

_If it's too hard to believe, then you're not trying hard enough to believe it._

"I'm afraid that he's right. I spent the last few nights over there and watched them carefully... She seemed very hostile. She would speak to her mother and grandfather... But nothing else. When she did speak to Souta, I could smell the hatred that was radiating from her voice. She also seemed to want to kill him. I'm sure that she was desiring a sharp object to do it with." Ophielia said.

Sango couldn't take it. She started crying and muttering words things like _'No, no. She can't... She said... No...'_ over and over again. Miroku was too stunned to even comfort her.

Kagome... She always seemed to sweet. And when they found out what happened, Miroku pitied her. Perhaps it was the pity she hated? No, Kagome didn't seem like the type of person to be set on making people not feel sorry for her. It was like she hated empathy... Did she expect apathy?

"Can it all be in her mind? Perhaps she is misinterpreting things or someone is controlling her mind?" Miroku asked. Souta and Ophielia both shook their heads.

"I have powers. I would have sensed it if she wasn't herself and was being controlled." Souta said.

"And there are very, very few chances that she has misinterpreteded things or is pretending. My guess..." She paused to make sure Miroku was still listening. Sango was crying hystarically still, but Ophielia was sure that she was listening too. "My guess is that something happened when she was raped."

"I've heard of this, although never been around someone who had it happen. In extreme rare situations, women who are raped change mind sets completely. They become bipolar, develop multiple personalities... But it happens so rarely that the chance of it happening to Kagome is slim." Ophielia said.

"How else do we know what's going on in her head?" Inuyasha asked.

_She must have gotten hit against that bed frame one too many times..._ Sesshoumaru thought bitterly. How dare she do that to him. He was hurt, but more-so enraged, at the fact that she had gained his trust so much and then wanted to kill him.

"The only way to know what she's thinking is to talk to her. That's why we're here. I figured it'd be safe to do it in a mall. With the malicious look she gets in her eyes, I believe it to be safer. If we were somewhere else, there is no doubt in my mind she would attempt hurting someone. The mall is a public place and she won't want to get caught. Killers never want to get caught." Ophielia explained.

"Fucking bipolar tangerine whore." Inuyasha hissed. Everyone, except for Ophielia, recognized part of the expression from Kagome's diary. After all, what else were they to do when she was in the dark about her past for a year?

"Thinking of it now... She never mentioned malice or hate... And, except for Inuyasha, dislike towards any of us in her diary that she wrote up." Miroku pointed out.

"She's a good actor." Sesshoumaru said. His voice was so cold, distant, and angry that everyone at the table shivered. Even Ophielia.

"Kagome's coming. We're going to walk around the mall while we do this. The food court is thinning out and we want to surround ourselves with people." Ophielia said. They all stood up and walked towards Kagome, who had just emerged from the doors. She looked cheerful, but no one was quite sure how she really felt.

After all, she was seeming nice this entire time and had turned out to have a vendetta against them.

"Hello, Kagome." Sesshoumaru said. Kagome didn't fail to notice that his voice was cold. He was mad, but she didn't know why. No one knew her secret. Only she knew, and now Naraku knew. After all, she would give him the jewel as long as he killed these people. They had neglected her in her time of high need.

She would show them that she didn't need them anymore. She didn't want anything they had to offer. They abandon her, and she wasn't a forgiving person. Well... Sometimes she was a forgiving person, but that was against her will. She hated forgiving people and wanted them to have to pay for anything and everything they had done.

It was because of them that she had gone through so much pain. If only they had showed a little bit of interest and care towards her, she would have healed much faster. But no. They just watched her suffer. For all she knew, they laughed at her when she wasn't able to do anything about it.

"Hi." Kagome's response was just as cold as Sesshoumaru's

_Fight fire with fire._

"Why did you guys want to bring me to the mall? You know I hate shopping." Kagome hissed. Did they really forget who she was? Or were they just rubbing salt into the wound? They conveniently forgot, didn't they? Kagome glared hard at each and every one of them.

"We want to talk to you." Souta said while they began walking. Kagome tried her best to keep from lashing out at him or doing something else harmful. They were in a public place and she had to control herself... Or try to.

"Then start talking. I have a life, you know. Or did you think it revolved around you?" She glared at Souta so hard that he had to look away from her. If he wasn't in such denial, he would be afraid for his life and running away. Or begging for mercy. Most likely the former, since he had a higher chance of living.

"Kagome. Do you hate us and want to kill us?" Inuyasha asked. Kagome looked at him and tried to feign innocence. It was a bad attempt, though. What she really thought was clear across her face.

"Of course not." Kagome said. She sounded convincing. If you hadn't heard everything that the group had, then you would be sure that she didn't hate them. But the group was more curious. The things that she was accusing them of- not caring for her in her time of need -they weren't exactly one hundred percent innocent of it. They all ignored her to some extent.

"You're lying, Kagome. Tell us the truth." Sesshoumaru said. Kagome looked at him and silently cursed his demon nose.

"I'm not lying." Kagome said. She forced tears to well up into her eyes. She didn't want to cry, but if that's what it took for them to get it, she would have to do it. "What the hell makes you think that I would hate you guys? You're everything to me!" Kagome wailed. A few people walking by stopped and looked at her when she added to the already-noisy mall.

"The fact that I heard you speaking with Naraku. You told him that you wanted to give the jewel to him just as long as he killed us! Then you told him it was because we were never there for you. Tell us the fucking truth, Kagome!" Souta yelled. People began to stop walking and watch the scene. The amount of watchers slowly began to increase as Kagome prepared her next sentence.

"You did. All of you guys abandon me. **_I was fucking raped_**, and all you guys did was _watch_ from the sidelines. And when I reminded you that I couldn't talk from a traumatic experience, none of you asked what happened!" Kagome shouted. There was now a four-person-thick ring around the group. Kagome against everyone else with Ophielia watching to make sure nothing got out of hand.

"Kagome! You lied to me! How could you!" Sango asked as tears began to form in her eyes.

_When in Rome..._

"Fine! You want to know what I think of you guys! You really want to know! Here it is! **I hate you! I hate all of you for _never_ being there for me! I HATE YOU FOR NEVER CARING WHEN I NEEDED IT THE MOST BUT CARING WHEN I DIDN'T WANT IT! I HATE YOU FOR ABANDONING ME LIKE I WAS A DOG'S CARCASS!**" Kagome screamed at the top of her lungs.

_Do as the Romans do..._

Ophielia moved a bit so her hand was resting on her gun holster. She didn't want Kagome hurting anyone. Kagome's tears spilled over and rolled down her cheeks. With a long string of insults and profanities, she ran through the crowd and towards home.

- - -

"Sir?" Andrew came rushing in, a smile on his face. Naraku looked at him as he took a drag of a cigarette. Okay, the things were more addictive than he had given them credit for. He didn't care. It wasn't like craving these things bothered him.

"Good news." Andrew reported. Naraku raised his eyebrows and put the cigarette out in his ash tray.

"Go on, then." He hissed impatiently. God, Andrew could have been one of the dumbest people on the planet sometimes. Other times, he could have been the next Albert Einstein... Without the failing-math, and philosophical-shit part.

"Kagome's words. They're true. We had a few demons, but mostly humans, watching them in the mall. They weren't seen. But Kagome said that she hated them and wished they would die. They split up and she was saying that she would never see them again, not even at their coming funerals." Andrew said. Naraku smiled.

"I have to give it to her. I didn't think Kagome could do it. I thought that, perhaps, she would hold a soft spot for one of them. It seems that she really does feel nothing but hate towards them." Naraku said with a smile.

"Alright, tell her that we'll meet her at the Forest Shrine for her to hand the jewel over to us." Naraku said. He waved Andrew off and then looked down at the papers on his desk. Why did he have papers there again? Oh yeah, alibis for everyone's death... And they were all so good, but he couldn't use a few of them.

**O o O o O o O o O oO**

_You want to control me? Fuck off. I won't let you control me. I won't let anyone control me. I'm tired of having to listen to you and do what you want me to do. You think that I'm just an innocent little girl? Well, I'll show you otherwise. You'll regret the day you ever challenged me. And, soon, I'll make sure you can't even remember the day you challenged me.  
_

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Updated the phrase above. Now I know for a fact that this is the last time. The next chapter is more than likely going to be the last. There is a slim-to-none chance that there will be one after that.

Review Replies:  
**RaspberrySorbet-** Heh. Yes, it was a branch, not a twig. Geez. That happened two days ago and I can still feel it. You fell off a horse? A tall horse? Wow. There have been a few times when I was thrown off (literally), and one time when I fell off.  
**monikgrl-** I don't know... How do I do what?  
**HalfBlackWolfDemon- **I believe I put this in one of the beginning chapters, but I can't be too sure and I'm too lazy to look it up. Sango's username is SpiderBack because there was a fire in her house (not the one she lives in now). The fire left a strange spider-shaped scar on her back and no one can figure out why.  
**733n4g3 d1r7b4g- **I have two questions for you. The first one is why did you start reading from the 12th chapter? The second one was do you even know your penname? Becuase I look at that and my head hurts from the mumble and jumble of letters. Do you have that memorized or what?  
**Mennie-** Oh my gosh! You've got me smiling so much, I can't see! (That happens when I smile too much, don't know why). I'm glad that you like my story. It pleases me to no end to hear that you enjoy it.

Next Chapter:_ Darker Than You  
_Reviews Needed:** 820**

**- Lonely Bird**


	37. Darker Than You

Summary: _Kagome moved from Japan to America when she was in seventh grade. She stopped talking in eighth grade, and no one knows why. Now, in eleventh grade, Kagome will undergo a series of events that will dramatically change her...Kagome's POV._

Rated M. Why? Because my mind has many bad things in it and I don't know what I might use...

Dates Written:  
June 28st, 2006

**Last chapter right here. Well, most likely this is the last chapter. I'm still teetering on the idea of having another chapter... Nah, I think I'll have this chapter be the last one. If you want to know more, you'll just have to tell me that you want a sequal!**

**Funny. I was listening to music while typing this chapter (well, singing to the music in my head while writing this chapter. Usually I just zone the music out). And, because of that, I kept making typos and writing sentences that were a mix of lyrics and what I wanted to write... It made no sense.**

**WARNING: This chapter is a fair candidate to be shorter than the other chapters. I'm not gonna worry about making it really long, because, honestly, all I care about right now is finally finishing this story. I've spent forever on it!**

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

**The Games We Play  
**Entry Thirty-Seven: _Darker Than You_

**X x X x X x X x X x X x X**

_**The Day The Rebellion Would Have Been, If There Hadn't Been A Fight...**_

Kagome stepped into the fresh air and started up her car. She had to drive to the local park, then she had to hike to the Forest Shrine she would meet Naraku and Andrew at. It was a Sunday, so not many people would be out. Most people, given a Sunday, would be home and resting from whatever they did with their kid the day before.

Kagome was scared, to say the least. Around her neck was a slightly glowing pink orb. She fingered it and looked down. She was worried that it was too obvious. Would it be?

This wasn't the real Shikon No Tama.

The real one was in her glove compartment. What? Where else was she gonna put it? She couldn't leave it at home, because she needed to get to it if that was the case. She didn't have any friends to give it to...

Of course, if they found out it was in her glove compartment, they would easily get there before she would. But that wasn't the point. Kagome knew they wouldn't have the chance to do it. She gripped the steering wheel tighter as she anticipted what was to come.

- - -

"Ophielia, are you still whining and moaning over the lost evidence you left on your desk?" Ophielia's boss asked her. Her head had been in her hands for the past three hours. That was no big deal, because often times people would just sit like that and think about whatever case they were working on.

The things that caused her boss to think that? She didn't start work for another hour. Her desk was clean. She had a bow and arrows and a sword by her desk. She had lost it. Even more alarming- she wasn't irritated that the lust-struck, dumbass puppy was staring at her like she was the most amazing thing since sliced bread.

"No." She replied dully. Her partner looked at her. Suddenly, the phone range. The lust-struck, dumbass puppy jumped up and _yelped_. The boss flinched a bit from surprise. Ophielia? She nearly tackled the phone in her hurry to answer it. After an _'uh-huh'_, she hung up. She picked up the strange weapons by her desk and handed them to the dumbass puppy.

"Okay, here are the rules, puppy." She said sternly. He didn't seem to mind the nickname. He was probably too dense to realize it was intended to be an insult. "We're leaving. You speak, and I throw you into traffic. When we're hiking, if you speak, I will shoot you in your testicles and ass before I kill you." She hissed. His face paled as he nodded.

"And if you try to help me, then may God have mercy on you, because I sure as fucking hell won't. You won't speak, get in the way, or do anything that I don't tell you to do. You do what I ask and nothing more." She said. Puppy nodded and then they left, Ophielia saying a quick good-bye to her boss.

He watched then then looked around her desk. What had just happened?

- - -

"Okay. I'm about to call Sango and Miroku. Ophielia got the message, but she has to bring some dumbass puppy with her. I think that's the trainee that's been making her go insane." Inuyasha said. Sesshoumaru nodded and revved up the car's engine. Within moments, they were speading off at over 200 miles an hour. Traffic? What traffic? No one else had car that could stay airborne.

A few moments later, Inuyasha hung up the phone and bucked his seatbelt. His brother scared him. Sure, what was there to hit in the air? Nothing, really. But his brother drove in a manner than made him think they would crash into something hard and painful.

"You don't have to go so fast, Sesshoumaru. We can afford to get there after..." Inuyasha pleaded. He gripped the sides of the car with a death grip, his claws digging into the expensive leather upholstery. If Sesshoumaru wasn't in sucha hurry, he would scold Inuyasha for ruining the car's interior.

"And, what do you suppose would happen if we were late and they knew that all this was a hoax and that Kagome was going to fight them? They would have time to kill her and get help before we got there. We need to be there before she is there." Sesshoumaru said. Inuyasha nodded.

"Do you know how Sango managed to start crying?" Inuyasha asked randomly. Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow and resisted the urge to look at his brother.

"Women cry more than men." He stated.

"No... I mean she knew that the fight was set up and fake. How do you think she started crying?" Inuyasha asked.

"The same was Kagome did." Sesshoumaru replied smartly. Inuyasha growled.

"How did Kagome do it, then? And don't you fucking tell me the same way Sango did!" Inuyasha snapped. Sesshoumaru let out a short laugh.

"Humans can't create scents as easily as we can. We know what fear smells like, so we can put out the smell of fear. They don't realize that fear has a smell, so they can't put the smell out. Ophielia told me that she spoke with each of them and told them to imagine something that made them convey the emotion.

"For example. Sango wanted to cry. I'm sure she thought of the saddest thing she knew while she was speaking her rehearsed lines. Kagome did the same thing. Miroku thought of the day he found out that his father was dead, he said that helped him act shocked. And Souta? He had time to ponder it, so he didn't need much of a scent." Sesshoumaru said.

"That really works?" Inuyasha asked.

"If you didn't wonder why Sango sounded _and_ smelled upset, then it worked. If Sango sounded upset but smelled perfectly normal, then you would have noticed something was off. It worked if you were unaware of the tactic." Sesshomaru said. Inuyasha nodded his head.

- - -

"Hey, Miroku?" Sango softly as Miroku packed up camp. They wanted to be sure that they would be there for Kagome in time, so they camped a mile or two away from the Forest Shrine and would hike there. Then they could also feign innocence if they accidentally got caught.

"What is it, Sango?" Miroku asked with a grunt. He silently cursed the tent and the people who made it manage to fit in the bag. It always fit in the bag when you bought it. But, after you used it, it was nearly impossible to get it back in that same fucking bag. He was writing to the president about this.

"Remember when you would jokingly ask if I would bear you child?" Sango asked. Miroku smiled and nodded. That was when he started liking her. He felt really silly once and did that... And the way she blushed when he said that was so cute, that he made a habit of asking her at least once a day.

"Yes, I remember that." He said with a calm smile.

"Well... When this is over..." Sango paused and commanded the butterflies in her stomach to chill and the voices in her head to shut up. It took a while, but soon the butterflies and voices listened. "When this is over and we graduate and all... I'd be glad to do that for you." She said. Miroku smiled then leaned forward and kissed her nose. Sango giggled.

"My dear Sango... Why not get a head start since school will be over in a month or so? No one will notice and then we can have our family all the sooner." He said. Sango would have thought he was joking if she hadn't seen the loving and tender look in his eyes. She rarely saw it, but it was coming out more and more these days.

"Alright." She said with a grin.

"Now, here's what you can carry." Miroku said. Sango looked at the gallon-holding camel pack then at Miroku, who was tying the tent to a much larger bag.

"It's not fair to make you carry all that weight on your own." Sango whined. Miroku looked at her then to the side at Kilala.

"Sango, you have to carry a boomerang and a few other weapons. I think the weight evens out there." He said. Sango got quiet then she looked at her weapons, which Kilala had in her moth. She smiled and got onto her demon cat, stroking her fur. Kilala was so smart.

"Time to go." She said. Miroku got on and Kilala took off into the air.

- - -

"Ah! Kagome! How wonderful it is to see you!" Naraku said. Kagome glared hard at him and he instantly shut up. She had a glare that could freak Ray Charles out.

"Cut through the shit, Naraku. All I want is for you to kill them and take this fucking jewel off my hands. Use it however you want _after_ you kill them." She said. Naraku smiled and took a step towards the shrine. Kagome followed keeping her anger and hard glare on her face.

She was a good actor, she had to tell herself that. She had herself convinced that she was doing this just to kill her friends. Of course, she knew that she wouldn't harm them, but she was almost fully believing herself.

Kagome and Naraku entered the old-fashioned shrine building. As soon as they were in, Kagome spotted Andrew.

"If you don't mind, I would like using the outdoor alter to give it to you. This place reminds me of dead people." She said. Andrew laughed and the three of them walked to the back of the shrine. Kagome set the fake jewel down on the alter, where it had been thousands upon thousands of years ago.

"I, Kagome Higurashi..." She paused for a moment, sounding as if she was trying to remember the words. There were actual words you had to speak if you wanted to give the jewel to someone else. While she paused, a blur went running by and took the jewel with it. Andrew and Naraku both looked up in shock.

And wouldn't you know who was standing there?

Sesshoumaru smiled as he put the fake jewel around his neck. He had to make them think it was real or they would search for the real one.

"What the fuck?" Andrew was the first one to speak. Naraku just watched and prepared to absorb any information that was let out. He would not talk, because it would only show that he was weak and clueless. He hated being weak and clueless.

Before Sesshoumaru answered, a giant boomerang began aiming directly for Andrew's head. He jumped backwards from it, barely dodging it. While he was on his ass, Kagome ran towards the trees. Naraku started to grab her arm and stop her, but Kilala stepped up. The fire cat growled like it was thirsty for blood, and Naraku found it rather hard to move.

Kagome made it to the trees and found Ophielia. She had the camera set up and the trainee behind her, sitting down like a dog. Kagome smiled as she took the weapons from the trainee's grasp. She tied the sword on one side of her hip and clipped her quiver to the other side of her hip. She quickly pulld an armguard on under her jacket and a finger guard over her fingers.

Kagome aimed her arrow at Andrew. That was her target. He was the one who had defiled her. She held the arrow for a moment and her miko powers rushed into it. After a split second, she let it go. Andrew managed to move just in time and glared at her. Where were the others? She didn't know, she didn't have time to pay attention.

Sesshoumaru rushed towards Naraku with demon speed. Naraku picked up on things easily and moved out of the way of the enraged blur. Sesshoumaru stopped shortly and slammed the Tokijin into the ground. Blue sparks came from the sword but soon vanished. His attack was going underground.

Naraku felt a trembling at his feet and he moved out of the way. Just in time, too. Blue lightning rose from the very spot he had been standing in. More lighting surrounded the initial spot, but he didn't care. He wasn't hit.

"You put on a convincing show. Enlighten me on how you do it." Naraku said. Sesshoumaru knew the tactic was just going to distract him. He found out when he sparred with Inuyasha. Conversation weakened your guard enough for them to notice, but not enough for you to notice.

"Will you tell me why you care?" Sesshoumaru shot back. Short questions would keep his guard up. Naraku smiled once he realized that his tactic had been discovered.

"You're good. But not good enough." He said. He lunged forward and aimed his claws for Sesshoumaru's head. While Sesshoumaru blocked his head, Naraku brought his other hand across Sesshoumaru's stomach. He put poison into him, to weaken his body. As he backed up, Sesshoumaru smirked.

"I have poison. It doesn't work." Sesshoumaru said. His wound patched up withing moments. Sesshoumaru sheathed Tokijin and summoned his whip. "With the poison you have given me, I'll be able to create something potent enough to kill you." Sesshoumaru said with a smirk.

Sango watched the fight and looked at Inuyasha. She gave Kilala a signal, and the demon can ran after Kagome. Once she was close enough, Kagome jumped onto Kilala's back, leaving Andrew wide open for attack.

"Wind Scar!" Inuyasha yelled pointlessly. He raised the Tetsaiga and brought it down. Four yellow lines of raw power began racing towards Andrew. But damn him being a demon. Andrew raised both his arms to cover his head, creating an X. When Inuyasha's attack hit him, nothing happened. Andrew stood up and laughed.

"I have to give it to you, Kagome. You sure can pick the stubborn ones... Stupid, too. Inuyasha, you're a half demon. You can't beat me." He said. Kagome winked at Inuyasha and he turned to face Andrew.

"Want to remind me of my inferiority?" He asked angrily. He tried once again for the wind scar, but Andrew managed to negate the attack once again. While Andrew's attention was on Inuyasha, Kagome stalked around behind him to get a clear shot at her back.

"Inuyasha!" Sango yelled from a few yards away. She wasn't speaking to Inuyasha, though. She was indirectly speaking to Kagome. "Inuyasha, there should be a mark on his back. If you can hit it, then you'll be able to destroy his ability to block!" Sango said. Inuaysha nodded.

Kagome raised her arrow and charged her energy. She hit Andrew dead on the back, where the mark was. It glowed black, like a tainted jewel shard. Andrew hissed in pain then turned around to face Kagome. His eyes were blood red and his fangs were growing. He was giving into his darker demon form.

"You'll regret the day you crossed me, child. I'm stronger than you." He roared in demon. Naraku paused to see the commotion, and Sesshoumaru even looked too. Something about Kagome's scent was changing.

"So? I'm darker than you." Kagome spoke harshly in demon tongue. This staretd Andrew and Naraku. She dropped her bow and arrows and slowly changed forms. Kagome gave into her dark side willingly. She could control herself, she knew that. She just got stronger.

"What the hell?" Naraku stepped forward to examine the situation. While he was out of it, Sesshoumaru slammed the back of his sword against his back. It was the spot that glowed black. The spot that allowed them extra powers. Naraku hissed and turned to face Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru tried desperately to fight Naraku while making sure Kagome was okay. Soon, it was too much. He had to fight Kagome. After he told himself that Kagome would be fine several times, he was able to focus on Naraku.

_Kill the bastard before he kills Kagome _was Sesshoumaru's thought and incentive.

Kagome felt her body changing, and she enjoyed it. She was going to use her powers to take him out. Andrew lunged forward before the change was complete. She couldn't move, her body was immobile until she was done. Thankfully, a giant boomerang hit him in the back of the head. He looked at Sango and the bow hit him as it returned to the thrower.

Kagome finally was able to move. She lunged forward, fighting with all she had. Quite honestly, Andrew was no match for her. She was darker and stronger.

Sesshoumaru got Inuyasha to start sending prayers to rest Naraku's and Andrew's spirits. Sango watched and helped in any way possible. And Miroku? He was setting up the seals and barriers that would keep the two of them from reincarnating.

Sesshoumaru finally managed to get a clean cut on Naraku. Literally. His poison claws cut into Naraku's neck, taking it clean off. He didn't care or flinch. This man tried to kill _his_ Kagome. There were penalties for that. He turned to see Kagome sitting down, but changing back into her human self.

"What took you so long?" She asked. Sesshoumaru smiled as he looked at Andrew's body behind her.

"I was worried about you. It distracted me." He said. He sat down by her and watched Miroku set up for the complex ritual.

- - -

"You're absolutely sure that they won't come back to life or something creepy like that?" Inuyasha asked warily as he stared at the finished spell. They had to make sure that the incense didn't stop burning, or else the ritual would fail and the two could come back to life or be reincarnated. Some scary shit like that.

"Positive." Miroku said. He leaned against the wall and watched the alter that was three feet in front of him. Sango had her head on his chest and her eyes were closed. A smile was on her face as she realized that she didn't die. No one did. They didn't even have to worry about it.

Inuyasha hesitated before he spoke what he was really aching to ask. "Would you mind if I--"

"If you love her, then go." Sesshoumaru said. Inuyasha looked at him. His mind quickly ran over what his brother had said about caring for him. His brother had his back and his best interests in mind. It still made him happy. Inuaysha nodded then raced off towards the hospital. Towards his Kikyou.

"So, you two, are you ever going to get married?" Sango asked, purposely being rude. Kagome's face reddened and Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow in curiousity.

_They really balance each other out. She shows almost every emotion, and he shows hardly any..._ Miroku mused.

"Sango..." Kagome whined. Sango smiled then looked up at Miroku.

"I think we'll get married." She said happily. Miroku looked down at her and copied her smile.

"And have lots of kids." He added. Sango got a sly grin on her face just before he kissed her. Kagome looked at Sesshoumaru. A part of her longed for something romantic, but she couldn't deal with it. She would have to do things one step at a time. She no longer had to run so fast that she ended up tripping.

Sesshoumaru looked down at Kagome. He knew she wasn't ready. He knew it would be a long time before she was ready. But, soon, she would be ready and he would be with her at the time. He had never known the feeling of love before... Wanting so badly to make someone happy, even if it means that you'll have to go against your own dreams.

"I think... You're tooemotional to marry." Kagome said. She turned her head away from Sesshoumaru and stuck her nose in the air. He started laughing. Not just a chuckle or two, but actually _laughing_. Kagome looked at him with a triumphant smile. Sango and Miroku were too far into making out to notice the scene.

"Oh yeah? I'm not marrying you because you never tell me what's on your mind!" Sesshouarmu retorted. Kagome giggled, then stopped. Did she really express herself that much? After she reviewed her nature and actions, she began laughing. She leaned on Sesshoumaru and brought his hand up to kiss. Sure, it was kinda weird for_girl_ to kiss a _guy's_ hand, but she didn't care.

She was happier than a retard in a room of colorful bouncy balls.

"Okay, _Mr. Emotional_, that's it! I want a divorce!" She said. Sesshoumaru looked at her ring finger and chuckled.

"I knew that you wanted one because you never wore the ring long enough to get a ring tan." He said. Kagome blinked.

"Ring tan?"

"When you wear your ring for so long that your skin around it is tan but the skin under the ring is a blinding white." He said. Kagome smiled and hugged him.

"Just because we're divorced doesn't mean I can't date you, right?" Sesshoumaru asked. Kagome looked up at him and gave him a bright smile.

"Right. So, ex-unreal-husband-of-mine, would you like to date?" She asked.

"Of course." He said. He leaned down and kissed Kagome's cheek. Silently, Kagome thanked him. If he had kissed her lips, she would have thought that he was a pervert in it for her body... Or her body would have frozen up.

"Kagome... How did you managed to pull off the act so well?" Sesshoumaru suddenly asked. He had been wondering about it since Naraku brought it up.

"I spent years upon years of hiding what happened to me and my feelings... Besides... Acting like something you're not to protect who you are... It's just something we do to protect ourselves... It's just one of the games we play..." Kagome said wistfully.

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

_You want to control me? Fuck off. I won't let you control me. I won't let anyone control me. I'm tired of having to listen to you and do what you want me to do. You think that I'm just an innocent little girl? Well, I'll show you otherwise. You'll regret the day you ever challenged me. And, soon, I'll make sure you can't even remember the day you challenged me._

**O o O o O o O o O o O**

Duuuuude! It feels so weird not to have the 'Next Chapter' and 'Reviews Required' thing right here! So, do you guys want to know more? Well, if you do, then beg me for a sequal!

I'm joking. You don't have to beg. Just tell me that you're interested in one. I'll work on getting it out, but I'm not quite sure when it'll come out. I want to work on some other stories before I start on it... If you add me to your Author Alerts, though, you won't have to keep Private Messaging me to ask when I think I'll have it ready for ya'll.'

I liked the ending... What about you?

**- Lonely Bird**


	38. AN: Sequal

Hello, readers!

I hate leaving author's notes, but since the story is over, I feel no remorse over writing one... Although, it does say that the story is a chapter longer than it is... Nevermind that.

I am not sure how many of you are already aware of the sequal. For those of you who don't know about it yet, this note is for you. I have posted the sequal now, and you are more than welcome to read it. It is called **_The Hearts We Break._**

If you wish to read it, then look above these words. There should be blue, underlined text (a link, to be exact), that says "The Lonely Bird". If you click on that, it will take you to my profile. Once you have gone to my profile, scroll down and search for the story titled "The Hearts We Break". Click on it, and you now have the sequel on your screen.

Thank you all for reading **_The Games We Play_**. I loved hearing your reviews (and if you didn't review, then you frustrate me). I look forward to reading reviews for the sequel.

**- Lonely Bird**


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